Yearning To Expand My Little Family

[pushka]

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I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and I want so much to have another baby. But my husband wants to wait a few years. My head knows that we need to wait until we are more finacial stable before we bring another baby here (we just got married and we are both in school and have no insurance yet). But my heart hurts wishing for a little addition. Anyone have any advice/comforting words?

I just wanted you to know I feel your pain. I do not know how old you are. Waiting is tough. My husband wanted that for us and it has caused a lot of grief in our marriage. I am older and waiting made it difficult for me because the older I get the harder it is to have kids. I am now in my early forties and worry I will have an only child. I am heartbroken by that. My husband is fine with it. I do hope you get your desires. The one thing that has helped me is seeking out for support and going to God in prayer. I also started looking into the lds church and that has helped me feel more peaceful as well. Can't explain it but it does.

Sharyl

I think that couples who are thinking of marrying ought to have really deep discussions about what their expectations are regarding having children.

It is too late, once married, for 1 partner to assume that the other will wait until the other is ready to have children, and it is also too late for the other partner to almost demand a child as soon as they are married, just because they feel it is the right thing to do.

Anybody who is unsure that they really want children, or who feel strongly that they don't want children until they have fulfilled other aims, ought to share this with their potential marriage partner long before the marriage is planned, so that the partner can choose whether or not it is going to be right to marry that person.

[Fiannan]

Shanstress70, I was adressing the post from sharyll -- the woman in her early 40s who wants to become pregnant before it's too late (statistically it probably is anyway).

[shanstress70]

Shanstress70, I was adressing the post from sharyll -- the woman in her early 40s who wants to become pregnant before it's too late (statistically it probably is anyway).

Sorry, I thought you were talking about the original poster. :)

[LovingMummy]

My Husband and I are both 32 and my Husband is a full time student and we have 5 children the youngest is 7 weeks and yes it is hard and we have days when things get on top of us. When we have wanted to add to our family we have always prayed together and got our answer that way. I some time think that people forget that all they have to do is ask and they will be answered. Sit down with you husband and talk to him and pray with him and just enjoy the time you have together with him and your daughter and leave it in the lords hands.

[Dee23]

Hi there! My name is Depree and I love children. They are such blessings from the Lord! My friend and I joke saying that we have to have children now are biological clock is ticking! I am only 23 myself and I have two boys Israel (almost 3) and Emmanuel (almost 2). I tell my husband that I desire to have another child so badly... Then I have to take things into consideration My husband has prayed about it and does not feel it's time. Our present family situation it would be very stressful adding another little one to our fold. I just have to listen to the desires of GOD's heart. It's hard sometimes. The time will come when you and your hubby can bring more spirits into the world. Enjoy the little one you have!

[teacherdani]

I completely feel for you and where you are at in life!!! My husband and I also have a beautiful two year old little girl and I am very VERY much wanting to have another baby right now. Unfortunately we are preparing to move across the country, we have to put our house up for sale, and find new jobs. It is a very stressful time in our lives- I know that when I see a little baby that I want to have one SO badly. I try to just enjoy my little girl for now until we are able to afford me getting pregnant. I KNOW that my family is worth the wait, it is much better to wait until we can fully support and not have to struggle to take care of another little one. Especially because I keep having dreams that I have twins. I would love to chat with you sometime, I'm also looking for a friend.

Hugs,

Dani

[Joette]

i had a friend who thought it would be not be a good idea to wait to extend her family-all the logic was in her choice but she decided the best way to find out was to pray about it.

Her husband was a bit more pragmatic & "borrowed" his new niece for a couple of days.

Well the outcome was he was so smitten that he was keen to have another.She hadn't realised how exhausting it would be looking after an infant & a toddler,how much she missed just having the freedom to get & up & go.

The clincher was she received an answer to her prayer & it was go ahead right now.

However she felt that she was going into it with her eyes wide open & a less idealised view of it all.

Bad idea to trick a husband that's just so naughty!

[SMG]

Tricking your husband to get yourself pregnant is despicable and shows a deep disrespect for his agency, if you want my opinion. As for 40 being too late to have a baby, don't count on that. My mother was 40ish when I was born. I was the "addendum" or the "opps!" baby.

[Fiannan]

Tricking your husband to get yourself pregnant is despicable and shows a deep disrespect for his agency, if you want my opinion. As for 40 being too late to have a baby, don't count on that. My mother was 40ish when I was born. I was the "addendum" or the "opps!" baby.

What about the wife's agency to be a mother in Zion? Also, the longer a woman waits into her 40s the greater chances of having a deformed child.

[SMG]

Something as life changing as having a child should not be done using deception. I don't know about anyone else, but if my (theoretical) partner used deception to bring a child into the world, that would pretty much break my trust in that person beyond repair.

In short, the agency of one person does NOT trump the agency of another person.

Just my 2 bits on this subject. I'm not being mean on purpose, just giving my opinion.

*edit: The typo fairy beat me senseless with her wand this morning.*

[Elgama]

Something as life changing as having a child should not be done using deception. I don't know about anyone else, but if my (theoretical) partner used deception to bring a child into the world, that would pretty much break my trust in that person beyond repair.

In short, the agency of one person does NOT trump the agency of another person.

Just my 2 bits on this subject. I'm not being mean on purpose, just giving my opinion.

*edit: The typo fairy beat me senseless with her wand this morning.*

I agree - if I did something like bring a child into the world without my husbands backing he has every right to leave its up there with rape especially in societies that will chase him to support the child - why should he?

-Charley

[RubyJ]

After my husband and I were married, I wanted to start right away. However, my husband was still in school. I worked full-time as a teacher and we realized that we could not afford for me to stay at home so we decided to wait. We knew people who said children are the most imporant thing and waiting was putting money over eternal families but we could not bring a child into this world when we would not be able to pay rent, the bills and be without insurance(there was no way I would put my child into daycare). This spring my husband will be graduating this spring and will be a teacher so we have just decided to start trying next month! Though we are not well off, we are definitely more financially stable than we were at the start of our marriage. Because of our decision to wait, I had the opportunity to get my masters degree paid for by my employer and therefore received a raise and have more in our savings. My masters also opened another opportunity for me to teach a few night classes, something I never dreamed of doing and will be able to continue once we have children. which will also help us financially. Though I was sad when we made the decision to wait, I can see now that we made the right decision. You just never know what lies around the corner.

[Fiannan]

I don't know, I think it is ironic that men were willing to face jail time and have their property taken away for living God's commandment to have multiple wives (which was done with procreation as the central theme -- as is the biological imperative given to all mammal species) yet now people try to find reasons not to have multiple kids. I wonder how many mén who were married to 6 women look down from the highest levels of Heaven at their descendants who might shudder at the thought of haveing 6 kids.