Not sure what to even put - Want help. Please.

[MichealC]

Removed.

Edited September 22, 2011 by MichealC

[rameumptom]

There's no reason to decide to never get married or never date. Just take your time. Don't rush into things. I know a guy who is very shy that just got engaged at 32 years of age, and had not dated in almost a decade.

The first thing you need to do is get yourself active and spiritually strong again. If you have desires to someday marry in the temple, then you have to be on that road when the right person comes along, or you may miss the chance. Not everyone is designed to be married at 22 years of age, have children (I have step-kids only), or be president of the Church. But there is a place for each of us. We need to determine our own talents, build our strengths, and be prepared to be used where God wishes to use us. The more we develop of ourselves, the more we have to give to a relationship when it comes around.

You may find that you need to find a bigger pond than the small branch you live in, in order to find a good match. Perhaps get to know some nice ladies online at one of the LDS online meeting sites, etc. For example, Dravin and Beefche met here and are now newlyweds. Both are older than you. They had to have patience, develop themselves, and be ready for when the right person came along.

[FunkyTown]

Michael?

Having a girlfriend will not save you. It will not make you better. It will not heal you. A girlfriend will not complete you, nor make you a better person, nor fill the void you feel inside.

That said, there are things you can do to become attractive. The question is: Do you want to be an attractive person, or do you just want people to empathize with where you are right now? If you want a 'That's too bad! I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.', then you have it. I am sorry you're going through a rough time. I hope things improve.

On the other hand, if you want to become attractive, there are behaviors you have to change. It's up to you.

[Guest FixingTheWrongs]

You are 27 and have given up on dateing? I know both men and women in the church nearing 40 who have never been married(or really dated seriously) and still haven't given up. You are still young and have a lot of life ahead of you to just give up this early.

Ram and Funkytown nailed it, you need to alter your perspective and outlook and make yourself attractive both in a spiritual, mental and physical sense. Do something that builds your confidence up be it working out, learning a new skill, overcoming a challenge. Seek guidance from the Lord and don't give up. It may take months or years but I believe there is someone for everyone. It just has to happen in the Lord's time.

[RMGuy]

Michael,

My guess is lots of people have told you that they know how you feel, but I'm not sure anyone ever REALLY knows, apart from maybe our Heavenly Father, and the Saviour.

With that being said, do you mind if I ask you a rhetorical question? Are YOU happy with you?

If the answer is yes...great. Don't let anyone "change" you or even suggest that you should or need to change. If you aren't, then what about you don't you like?

You will get a lot of advice, and that advice might be very different depending on who is giving it. You might get one thing from a member, and something different from a non-member, one thing from a female friend and another from a male. You may even get one piece of advice from 1 bishop in your current ward and a different piece of advice from the bishop in your next ward. Does that make those pieces of advice good, bad, right wrong? What it does is pull you in different directions. Heck at the end of the day my thoughts are pretty much the same thing.....just advice from some anonymous guy on the internet. So take them for what they are worth.

It seems to me though that you need to be happy with who Michael is. We are encourged to be equally yoked in the church. I know couples that are VERY letter of the law obedient, and it works for them. They are wonderful people to be around, and they have grown together very well. I know other couples that are very much "middle road" mormons, and that works very well for them. Great. Some couple that are very highly sexed, and others that are very conservative in their sexual norms and values. Some couples seek after wealth, others prefer to be moderate in the means. Some maintain very close relationships with extended family and involve them, others not so much. For some individuals appearance is important, for others it is not.

The one common thing that I have observed in successful partnerships in and out of the church is that the individual partners in the relationship are happy with themselves. They like who they are. What seems to come through your writing, at least to me, is that right now you aren't very happy with you, and where you are.

-RM

[JudoMinja]

Not everyone gets married in their twenties. I know, in our church especially, a lot of people like to put the pressure on to get married early, but some people just don't marry until they are much older.

Yes, it is lonely to live alone. Yes, being single leaves one craving intimate companionship. But that void will only be as big as you allow it to become. You need to find ways to be emotionally "full" without a girlfriend/wife. Don't let your whole life hang on your dating prospects. Dating does not "make" your life, it should only "complement" it.

It sounds like you give the power of your self-esteem away. From what you've described, you are only happy when you feel that a woman finds you attractive/interesting/worth-your-time. You cling to every little bit of attention you can possibly get, making invisible connections and hoping that it means/will-lead-to something more. Some women have fed off of that and assumed you wanted something physical, and you've been right to turn them down. Other women have been turned off, probably sensing a bit of desperation. You need to regain that power, and build self-esteem in yourself without relying on the opinion of a woman.

What do you like to do? What interests you? What skills can you develop? Etc. etc. Find ways to keep yourself busy doing things that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Look for ways to build and develop your personal character. Look at it this way- You are single! That means all your time is for YOU. You get to do whatever you want, plan your schedule however you want, fill all your time with things YOU enjoy. That's great! Go after those things, and you will start to feel confidence in yourself building. Women will be drawn to that, and you will meet and get to know more women who share your interests as you seek to be active with the things you enjoy.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I agree that losing some weight will help. Dress well and use cologne to help you smell good, take care of personal hygeine (you probably already do that) -- make the package as attractive as possible . Also, use the old butterfly analogy.

If you chase the butterfly, you never catch it. But if you just go about your business and sit peacefully, the butterfly will often land on you. On this note, then. I would stop trying to hard for a while. Devote yourself to service kinds of things where you get to work alongside other people and they can see your good character. Go to social events with a view to helping people who are not having a good time feel comfortable without any expectation they will be interested in a date.

Also, I like Rameumpton's idea about seeing if you can get into a bigger pond.

[MichealC]

I'm in a large single adult ward now. Can't get much larger than that.

Fast-forward a bit, and we get to the place I am now. It was the first real singles' ward I had been in.

Edited September 21, 2011 by MichealC

[Guest mormonmusic]

I'm in a large single adult ward now. Can't get much larger than that. "Fast-forward a bit, and we get to the place I am now. It was the first real singles' ward I had been in."

If you can get into an area of the world where there are 6 large single adult wards within close proximity, your chances go up even further. However, I realize this might not be practical due to jobs, leases, and other things. Just a suggestion. I considered it when I was having trouble getting dates due to my reputation being shot when I was almost exactly your age. A girl waited for me on my mission and then I didn't marry her. She was VERY well-liked by many staunch members. It ruined the whole area for dating for 4 years until I moved to a new locale.

I considered going to BYU so I could meet more people, hence my suggestion.

[Madriglace]

OK ... don't mean to sound harsh but you need to be happy with you before you can be happy with anyone else. These girls cannot make you happy ... only you can be happy. Being needy never works ... needing and wanting are 2 different things.

Get busy, be of service, find a new hobby, fill your callings, do all you can to be the best you you can be and if it is meant to happen it will. But just be happy with you. Learn that there is nothing wrong with being single as long as you do it right. I think when you finally really stop trying and worrying about it things will change.

BTW this is coming from some one who is nearly double your age and still single and quite happy about it. I just wish I had more time to do all the stuff and go all the places I want to.

[Backroads]

After reading your post a few times... is it possible you suffer from depression?

[garryw]

didnt read the whole thing, but skimmed it. Single at 27? FANTASTIC!!! I got married at 35. (and at 22 ). But i've done the single thing in my 30's and I can say the cards are in your favor. For example I went to the single's temple night for 31+. There were 5 guys and 40 women attending she session. So in the LDS church the older you are, the more women compete over you.

My advice is to forget dating (as you have done). Live a good life. Step one in finding a wife is realizing you don't need one. Serious.