I need lots of help/advice!

[Guest lexxic91808]

Hello I am in need of marriage help. I am 19 husbands 24. Married for year and half. We have an 8 month old together. We both come from LDS background. Neither of us made the best decisions in high school, but we recently decided to go back to church and work towards getting married in the temple. We were planning on Feb 2012 to be married in the temple. I don't know what happened but we have hit a rough patch, I am not happy and I don't really care if we get divorced. Husband on the other hand really wants to work it out. I am just not happy sitting at home all day everyday and when he gets home he just wants to sit and relax. It drives me nuts. I know I should be very happy I can be a stay at home mom, but we only have 1 car and I can only go on so many walks to the park. Maybe it is because I am very young and I am not use to sitting at home all the time. I want to go back to work or school or something. I figured I would get use to it the longer I do it, but it is only getting worse. We fight all the time and this has caused us to fall away from the church a little. I want to go back to drinking and smoking because I seemed happier that way. Ive came very close to drinking and smoking but I haven't. Another reason I have fallen away from the church is because I hate when I go I feel like every class is like a quiz and I don't know anything! I am trying to learn and I can't stand when the teachers ask questions and look at me like I am an idiot when I don't know the answer. It makes me have anxiety attacks every time we went to class. Sorry this is a big mess of why my marriage is failing and I just need some advice.

I do have an appointment with the bishop tomorrow because he called me and asked to meet. What should I do?

[pam]

Meet with your Bishop tomorrow and tell him of all your concerns just as you have mentioned here.

[ChooseTheSun]

Your bishop, who knows you and your situation, would have the most insight. I hope things work out for you and your family. Drinking and smoking won't help, but it sounds like you know that already. Keep strong and keep faith.

[skippy740]

So, you're feeling confined to the house, with your 8-month old and you feel embarrassed at church because you don't know all the answers?

Let us also remember that you are 19 and a full-time mommy and your husband is 24 and is able to support the family on his own (although with only one car).

What brings you the most happiness? I would hope that it's being able to stay at home with your baby. Many other young families HAVE to use daycare services. Your baby is at home with you. I hope this brings you some comfort.

Within the church, the #1 calling that you can have... is being a parent. Everything else revolves around that. Sure, you can't study everything and know all the answers. My response to that? BE the right answer! (Being is much harder than knowing.) So, my first bit of advice is this: Count your blessings!

Now, it sounds like you're bored and feeling 'shut in' without anything else constructive to work on or towards. Just know that if you're feeling this way... and you tell the Bishop... he just might get 'inspired' to call you to a calling! (Maybe he already has.) But it sounds like you need a direction to move towards... and he may have some ideas.

Brainstorm on this for a while. Review your patriarchal blessing too. Maybe some inspiration will strike and you can begin some studies at home or something.

[ReynaRosa]

pick up your mat and walk child. to be a true deciple we must carry our own cross. If you're not happy then you're not happy and you are free to make decisions with your life, but be sure to live out the consequences. What ever your choice know that God is for you and not against you, but if you walk in the path of destruction he will leave you at your own fate. He never abandons but his right had is lifted. Pray and talk to your husband about the issues you both are facing, seek Christlike counceling.

[applepansy]

I was a bit older than you when I had my first child but I have been in your situation as far as no car and home all day with a toddler. I did a lot of walking. Thank heaven for strollers and this was back when strollers weren't as nice as they are today.

Counting your blessings is very important. You have much to be thankful for. I know a young girl (about your age) who is a single mom. She just found a job and has to leave her baby with her parents so she can work. Her job requires she work on Sundays.

You obviously have internet access. Is it possible for you to go back to school and take online classes?

I agree with the advice to tell the Bishop everything you've told us here. He is best suited to help you.

Where is your family?

One thing I think is very important when we find ourselves unhappy and dissatisfied: Get out of your head and Help somebody else!!! Service is the best cure for unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It also works really well for depression.

[zuko725]

Wow, I am in such a similar situation as you.

I was inactive when I met and married my husband and haven't made good choices in the last couple years. My husband showed a brief interest in the church but no longer wants anything to do with it.

I'm 22 and he's 24 and we've been married for about a year and a half. We have no children but we do have chocolate lab. We also share a car and I got SO tired of sitting at home by myself all day every day.. I know how you feel, I've been there. Luckily Im back in school so that gets me out of the house some.. and I plan on taking summer classes this summer so I don't have to ever again suffer from sitting at home all the time. Is there any way at all you could maybe drive your husband to work and have the car for yourself for a day now and again? Or are there any friends that live nearby or anything? Trust me, I understand where you're coming from and I feel for you.

Also, I am also going through a rough patch with my husband. Since he rejected the church I have felt so resentful of him (which i know isn't fair but I still can't help it) and I feel like our marriage is falling apart. I've also thought about how much easier it would be to go back to my "old life".. because at least then my husband and I were happy.

Here's the thing though, Satan is really upset that you're returning to church and he will do whatever he can to get you to quit going again. I have realized this and therefore remind myself daily that I just need to stay strong and continue to work on my faith and my marriage.. otherwise Satan wins.

Good call on setting an appointment up with the bishop, he will be able to help you and give you council on the problems you are having. I also plan on speaking with my bishop but haven't made the appointment yet..

Good luck and stay strong!

[rameumptom]

It is now too late to be a care free teenybopper anymore. You are a mother. Your baby must be your first priority. Second is to make your husband happy.

That said, you must also make time for yourself, and your husband should provide an outlet for you. It may mean an evening college class or other activity for you, while he watches the baby. And there is always the option of working from the home. There are jobs on the Internet, home daycare, etc., if one only thinks about it.

Your problem is you are bored, which hits all of us. So, find something that you can do while tending your child, or in the evenings when you husband can watch the child for you.

But make sure you also are taking care of your priorities.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I like the idea of:

a) taking online classes, or face to face classes at times your husband is not working.

b) driving hubby to work and then keeping the car. This will structure your day and give you freedom.

c) I would also consider getting a part-time job, even a little one, at times when your husband isn't working. Not so much you never see each other, but enough that you get out of the house and get some spending money to do things with your baby and for whatever financial goals you and your husband have.

d) Regarding Sunday School -- go to Gospel Essentials for a while and get the basics. Tell the teacher in any class before the class starts not to call on you -- that you are there to listen for now. You will tell him when you're ready to participate.

My wife was married to me at 19 years of age, and it was a shock for her. I felt like I'd married a teenager and I was her father. She went through all the regret that she wished she'd gone to school, travelled, and hadn't gotten married so young. But she seems over it now...you're in a position to do well financially if your hubby has a good job. My wife had two cars and a house years before any of her friends. Not that it's a competition, or that material wealth is all that matters, but this is a perq of marrying someone a bit older and when you are younger. One thing that unified us is that we started setting financial goals and achieving them.

Regarding smoking and drinking -- those are not long term, satisfying substitutes for happines. Focus on the other things and that might help....

Also, check out Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice and read about the ingredients of a happy marriage. His advice is better than anything else I've ever read, and his philosophy saved my own marriage.

[dahlia]

I can't speak to needing to drink and smoke, other than to say that is not the way of happiness and you know it. You have the internet - read. There is a lot of literature available free on the net. Go to the library and expand your knowledge. Make a list of a few topics you want to know about and a list of readings and plow through them. The librarian will help you. If nothing else, read about child psychology so you can be a better mother to your baby.

Learn how to cook. Get some easy cook books from the library or recipes from the internet and learn how to be a better cook. Learn about living providently on a budget and be the force in your family for doing so.

We were on VA benefits & food stamps when my son was born. No car, no relatives in town, no nothing other than a place to live and food. You have something that many people would wish for - a lot of time to do what you want. Channel those 'wants' into things that will help you and your family and you will find your time filled up.