cutelilchikin Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Top 10 Marriage Proposal Rejection Lines I can't marry you because. . . 10. I'm waiting for a missionary (old one, but still works) 9. I just put in my mission papers 8. my salary wont support both of us 7. being single gives my mother something to live for 6. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life 5. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you! 4. I'm waiting until I get to be your age to get married 3. I have 3 more proposals to go to reach 100 2. Is this a test of my faith? 1. Ha! Top 10 ways to get a high councelor to end his talk 10. Look at your watch, shake it, hold it up to your ear 9. Yawn, stretch, curl up on the bench and take a nap 8. Start snoring loudly 7. Say "amen" loudly after every sentence 6. Throw your kids' cheerios up in the air and try to catch them in your mouth. 5. Throw your kids' cheerios at the high councelor 4. Lead your row in a chinese fire-drill 3. Pull the fire alarm and lead the entire congregation in a real fire drill 2. Raise your hand and object 1. Take your hymnbook and start singing the closing song Top 10 reasons to feed the missionaries 10. Good way to get material for your talk next week 9. Good way to use up outdated food storage items 8. Give you someone to watch the kids while you fix dinner 7. Meal is tax deductible 6. Good way to get rid of those week-old leftovers 5. Can you say "free dishwashers?" 4. Good excuse to order pizza 3. Good way to "one-up" the Smiths 2. Better company than the home teachers 1. Who else will eat your cooking? Top 10 signs you are not attending a Mormon church 10. All the men have long hair, all the women have short hair 9. No announcements 8. Meetings all start on time 7. Nobody shakes your hand 6. No jello salad served at the activities 5. No minivans in the parking lot 4. Meeting ends on time 3. No cheerios in the pews 2. Greeter asks, "smoking or non-smoking" 1. Bishop reports 100% home teaching last month Top 10 books Mormons never read 10. Potluck dinners without jello 9. Get your eagle scout before your 14th birthday 8. On time arrival 7. Monthly home teaching 6. Proper rotation of food storage 5. How to hold short meetings 4. You can vote democrat 3. Friendly basketball tournaments 2. Keeping neighborhood secrets 1. Throw away boxes after you move Top 10 excuses for being late to seminary 10. "I had to buy the donuts" 9. "The parking lot was full" 8. "Family scripture reading" 7. "The carpool didn't stop by" 6. "Class doesn't start on time anyways" 5. "I had to put the jello in the refrigerator" 4. "I had to fill out my tithing slip" 3. "I just fell asleep 20 minutes ago" 2. "I had a doctor's appointment" 1. "I met a high counselor outside the church" Top 10 signs your primary teacher has gone off the deep end 10. Instead of putting cut-outs on felt boards, she staples them to the backs of children 9. Assigns kids 2 1/2 hour talks 8. Has children write letters to Barney the Dinosaur at Christmas 7. Nursery snack is a cup of Maxwell House and a bearclaw 6. Teaches show tunes during sharing time 5. She's made a nice little home for herself in the baptismal font 4. the halter top and stiletto heels 3. Has announced her engagement to Wilford Woodruff 2. Claims she doesn't like jello 1. Accuses the bishop of being a powerful robot from the future sent back in time to kill her. Enjoy everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Hey ChiKin, Thanks for sharing those. Some of them made me smile. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiannan Posted August 30, 2006 Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 Hey, I have a really funny Brigham Young joke -- but it's a bit PG 13ish. Is it okay to post it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cutelilchikin Posted September 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Sure, why not? I don't get offended easily. . . Hope it doesn't start a controversy on here tho!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 PG-13 would be fine as long as my mom reads it with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess3dward Posted September 2, 2006 Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter Days Guy Posted September 10, 2006 Report Share Posted September 10, 2006 How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? None, as the light but doesn't need to be changed, it needs to restored! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess3dward Posted September 10, 2006 Report Share Posted September 10, 2006 I heard that joke different. 3.. one to change the light bulb, and 2 for the refreshments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelbaby Posted September 11, 2006 Report Share Posted September 11, 2006 I heard it like this: • How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends... If it is the Relief Society, it takes four: One to fix refreshments, One to bring the tablecloth, One to design a Centrepiece, And one to screw in the light bulb. or If it is the Relief Society, cant tell cause they will sit around and chat If it's the Bishopric, Forget it, they don't do light bulbs; They call a Priesthood Executive Council and delegate it to the Elders. If it is the Elders it takes four. Three that don't show up, and one to change the bulb. If it is the High Priests it takes Four: Two to push the wheel chairs, One to handle the oxygen tank, And one to screw in the light bulb. If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two: But you have to wait until the end of the month. If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one. He holds the light bulb in the socket, and the whole world revolves around him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hairdye Posted September 11, 2006 Report Share Posted September 11, 2006 Some of those are cute! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelbaby Posted September 12, 2006 Report Share Posted September 12, 2006 heard this and thought it was good ... • JARGON by Cliff Martin My son's a CTR...I go to PEC. I work for CES...I study the TG. I read the B of M...I probe the D&C. I search the KJV...I ponder the JST. Today in BYC...we planned for EFY. I stayed a little after...and had a PPI. The YM and YW...are putting on a play. It's one that remember...we did in MIA. Before our oldest son...went to the MTC, He helped the BSA...complete their SME. Soon our oldest daughter...is heading for the Y. Soon our old clothing...is going to the DI. Now, if you've understood...this alphabetic mess, The chances are quite good...that you are LDS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laureltree Posted September 12, 2006 Report Share Posted September 12, 2006 now thats funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outshined Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 My brother sent me:New State SlogansAlabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the S Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes. And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada: Hookers and Poker! New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing Oregon: Spotted Owl. It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee: The Educashun State Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English) Utah: Jesus loves you (but he likes us most)Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? West Virginia: One Big Happy Family. Really! Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese Wyoming: Where Men Are Men. and the sheep are scared! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 Those are funny Outshined Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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