cutelilchikin

Ray- I'll write you personally to expand on the stuff I said. I don't want to tell the whole world this stuff. Maybe you'll understand me more after you hear some of my experiences. If not, we'll agree to disagree. I'm not trying to debate with you. I simply want to understand your thinking and everyone else on this site as far as that goes. Prison Chaplain- Thank you for understanding exactly what I was trying to say. Sometimes it's so hard to get out the exact words you want to use cuz emotion gets in the way. You're a doll!! chiKin

Actually, Desire, anything you get used to doing in your life is a habbit. An addiction is something that controls you. I get the cutting part. But it's not an addiction if you do it simply because you're bored. People who are addicted to things think they CANNOT live without it. They actually have physical symptoms of withdrawal. I'm not saying that what you went through isn't bad. It's hard to break habbits. Everybody has THOSE!!! Even if they don't want to admit it. I'm 21 years old and I grew up with two parents and the majority of relatives who are addicted to alcohol and drugs. Addiction isn't impossible to overcome if you want to. But a lot of addicts don't seem to realize how much of their life it really controls. Sexual addicts don't become addicts because their wives/husbands aren't putting out. They start experimenting and they like it. One thing leads to another, and then another until it's full blown addiction and nothing the wife/husband does can help. Porn, just like hollywood, gives people a false sense of what a sexual relationship is supposed to be about. A lot of porns involve situations that most partners are NOT willing to try and the viewer gets frustrated because they've gotten a taste for it. I'll explain the process of addiction for drugs and try and put into into perspective with sexual addiction because the process is the same. Let's say you've got a person who decides they want to try perscription painkillers. They do and they find it enjoyable. So they keep taking it. One day though, the same dose they started taking in the beginning, isn't enough to give them their "high" so they take more. This is called drug-intolerance. Pretty soon, the person taking the drugs is taking the harder drugs, trying to acheive that original high. And when they can't get it, they take more and more. Pretty soon, they're taking so much, they have to go to dozens of doctors to get the perscriptions or they're on the street trying to buy it. In their progress to buy these drugs, they are doing illegal things that they never would have thought they would do before they started taking drugs. Now I'll put it in the sexual addiction one. Sexual addiction can start with looking at a Victoria's Secret catalog. It's like that first dose of painkillers. It gives you that little "high". When I say "high" I mean that little feeling the person gets. (not necessarily high like when you take drugs). If the person likes the catalog, they'll keep looking at it. Then one day, it's just not enough skin showing so they go pick up a Playboy magazine. (sorry if I'm generalizing by saying it only happens with men, because I know it doesn't. but there aren't a lot of popular brands of women's porn which I can just spout off the top of my head). Then one day, the one issue a month of Playboy isn't enough so they start looking for other places to find it. Now they're looking at sex videos on the internet and going into sex joints and strip clubs or wherever they can find that "high". And all the while they're doing this, their spouse is in the dark. They probably have a healthy sex life but for an addict, they want MORE. it's always the wanting of more that leads to addiction. The addict in their worst will probably start getting picked up by the police for doing illegal things. It's not like the addicts decided they were going to become addicted to something. I think it's something in their genetics or how they were raised and self-control has a lot to do with it. Just because you drink alcohol, doesn't make you an alcoholic. Just like, just because you look at pornography doesn't not make you a sex addict. It's the people that can't control their intake of whatever it is. I know first hand how hard it is to deal with people close to you being addicts. I wish everyone who ever has to deal with this the strength enough to do it. Addiction isn't just hard on the person who has the addiction, it's hard on every person they are close to.

It is so good to hear that your grandbabies are safe. Your daughter will keep going until she hits her absolute rock bottom. I just hope that it doesn't hurt you too bad. It's her life, not yours. Nothing you do can help her now. It'll all be up to her. Just worry about loving those beautiful little girls. They need you more now than ever. Most people don't think that kids remember the first 5 years of their life, but they do. I am living experience of that. Those little girls need someone stable in their life that can show them everyday that they are loved and you are PERFECT for that role! I hope all is well with you. I think the only reason I come on this sight is to see how you're doing, Winnie. I've become attatched! Even through all your trouble, you keep your head up and you say stuff that cheers me up. Have a good day! chiKin

little gnome buddies

high on protein

I was standing in the bathroom, doing my hair. My Grandpa had the news on in the front room and yelled for my Grandma to come see what was happening. Of course, my 15 year old curiosity got the better of me and I had to go watch too. I don't remember the first time I saw it. It was a blur. All through school that day, all the teachers had the news on and it kept replaying. It reminded me of when Columbine happened and how everyone became horrifyingly obsessed with watching those scenes over and over again. It's disturbing to a 15 year old mind to find out that attacks can happen on your home land. And then that was all everyone talked about for months. It's sad that it takes something that big for people to start respecting their country, and I think today, a lot of people have forgotten how it felt. For a while, we stood united. It was beautiful. I just hope something like that doesn't happen again.

spiked with Mt. Dew

Ray, I did not base my quest solely on YOU! Get over yourself! You are not the only member of the church who speaks like that. Where in the bible does it say NOT to have more than one earring? And where in the bible does it say that God will put you in Heaven just cuz you wear nice clothes to church? There's a whole lot more to it than that. At one point, I think I believed everything I was taught by the missionaries. But the more I think of it, I find it hard to believe in prophets. I don't know what it is. I think if God really wanted me to do or not do something, He would find a way to tell me. Personal revelation and all that. I have tried praying, I've tried reading my scriptures, but I don't get any answers. I wanted to believe so bad at times that when I couldn't, I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. It just feels like something is missing from the LDS church. And right now, I'm trying my hardest to figure out what kind of person I want to be. I don't need people I don't even know telling me that God loves them more because they don't show their shoulders to people or that they only have one hole in their ear. The last ward I was really active in was AWESOME!! I could come to church and not worry what I looked like. They taught about God and Jesus and love and family. They knew I was trying my best and didn't judge me for my attempts to be unique in a state full of people who act the same. Have you ever been to Utah? The church is a lot different there. I realize that not all of the members are like the ones in Utah. But I'm trying to get my beliefs straight right now and I get kinda angry when people start focusing on other stuff besides our Savior and what He did for us. I am not going to base my converting out of the LDS church on YOUR opinions. IF i do decide that it isn't the church for me, it will be based solely on my ability to believe the teachings. ALL of the teachings. I don't think I can go to a church every week when I feel like the beliefs and teachings are constantly contradicting themselves. I'm not asking for proof, I just want to FEEL it is true. In the 14 years I've been a member, I don't think I've ever had that certainty. And every year that passes, the confusion grows. When I asked you that question, I simply wanted to know why you put appearance up there as one of your major points. That's all I wanted to know. I'm sure you believe in God and Jesus, if you didn't, you probably wouldn't be a member of that church. I wasn't judging you, I was questioning your comments. HUGE difference. I think if you had been through everything I have, you would have a hard time with the church also. If you would like me to expand on that, then write me personally. I'm not gonna share my childhood with the whole world, but I think it would help you understand where I'm coming from. chiKin

Thank you everyone for your replies. I liked a lot of what you had to say and I think it will really help me. I've been reading on a lot of the subjects, and that's helping me too. But I'm not sure it's helping me to stay with the church. I think the best thing for me, at least for a while, is to read books and scriptures and study the beliefs part. I need to seperate myself from the people part of it while I figure out if I really do believe the teachings of the church. I think if I figure that out, it will make it easier for me to make the next move (either going back to church, or choosing a different church). Either way, thanks for your support!

I was simply trying to ask a question. I'm not trying to convert to the LDS church. I've been a member for over 10 years and it seems like a lot of the church meetings from young womens and up criticize people who have tattoos and piercings as "bad". they make it seem like they aren't equal to the members who dont' have that. My point was, why would you criticize someone's appearance when the important thing is their faith and belief in God and Jesus. Isn't that what religion is about. Faith and belief? Not in the way you dress. And I believe the churches who are saying, "come as you are" are saying that they wont judge you based on your appearance. they want you to come and have faith in Jesus. I believe I asked Ray the question Desire, and I really wanted to know what his answer was because he is a convert and he is the one who made those comments that brought my question. I lived in Southern Utah from the time I was seven until I was 20. One time I went in for a Birthday interview and I was wearing a tank top. This shirt was not overly revealing. It was just a sleeveless shirt. It showed my SHOULDERS and that's it. But the Bishop spent most of the time I was in his office telling me that I was gonna end up falling off the deep end. And to point out something, I still wear sleeveless shirts, and I have not fallen off the deep end. I am questioning the beliefs of the church which the SCRIPTURES tell me to do. And even if I come to the conclusion that the LDS church is not for me, it will not make me a bad person. Even if I did fall off the deep end, I would not be a bad person. hate the sins, not the sinner. I may make some bad choices, but who are you to judge me and say that I don't have faith and that I'm not an equal person in the eyes of God? What if that "skank" as you put it, has a reason for the way she is. What if she has never been taught about the law of chastity? I never said you could go kill someone. That is breaking the commandments and if you read what i wrote, I said "God doesn't care what you look like, who you are, where you come from, as long as you believe in Him and His Son with all your heart and you're not out there breaking the commandments." My problems I've had with the church isn't what you can and can't do. It's the fact that some members make it seem like if you do some of that stuff, you're going straight to hell. And they focus on that. They judge people by their appearance and by their sins. Their sins are between them and God and the church members have no right making them feel like they don't belong at church because they've made mistakes. When Joseph Smith brought about the church, he did not judge people by their appearance. Or even by the sins they've commited. I don't care how many people a person has slept with, if they're trying to change your ways, who are we to judge if they are good or not? Sinning does not make a person bad, it just means they've made some bad decisions. That is probably going to be the reason I will convert to out of the LDS church. Yes, I still believe what I was taught by the missionaries, but I don't see the point in going to church every week when they focus on stuff that doesn't change a person's faith or their beliefs and will not matter in the big picture.

and hot fudge

I don't think the FLDS are being persecuted. In this room, the Mormons are simply saying they don't want to be put in the same place as the FLDS because they give everyone (as in humankind) a bad name. This is not based on their religion. It's based on all the illegal, disgusting acts they commit each and every day. I don't care if you say the Mormons had polygamy in the 1800's or that on paper, we still practice it. It's a whole lot different than the FLDS. In every single marriage of the Mormon people, not one person has been forced into it. Do you GET THAT Jason? I know you think that we are criticizing polygamy. For one thing, I look at it the same way I do homosexuals. It's none of my business what they do and how they live their life, until they break the law or abuse women and children. I want to be a cop. How am I supposed to overlook all those perverse things? As I said earlier, there are a lot of people who live the polygamist livestyle and they are very content. They aren't out there breaking laws or abusing children and hiding it. They are actually good citizens who work hard for what they have. A lot of the women in the FLDS are very nice, but they have been brainwashed into thinking it's alright for the men to treat them that way. And I never said I was an expert. I've based my opinion on several personal experiences. Don't spout your information and put down mine as not real because it wasn't in the so-called history books. I lived in close proximity to the FLDS people for over 5 years. I saw the hatred in the way they looked at us "sinners"

of delicious chocolate

I didn't just end up in the hospital. I ended up with a 3 day stay in the psyche ward under suicide watch. So I do know what you mean. Somedays I just thought that if I died, maybe someone would care. That maybe my sister would care enough to take care of her kids. I've realized that nothing I do will solve her problems. And the only thing I can do that will ever do anything for my precious nieces is to live my life the best that I can. Show them that even coming from the background we all do, you don't have to choose what their mom did. You've raised your daughter. It's time for her to go out there on her own and make decisions and you can't let it get to you. My Grandma is my hero and she has repeatedly told me that when it hurts too bad and you can't do anything to change it, say, "To hell with it." That's what she's done with my sister. I seriously think that if my Grandparents hadn't have moved to New Mexico when they did, my Grandma would have died. She was making herself sick with all my sisters problems. You just need to seperate yourself from the problem. Make your life the best it can be and maybe someday your daughter will come around, but don't ruin your life for hers. It's your time now!! chiKin

Sure, why not? I don't get offended easily. . . Hope it doesn't start a controversy on here tho!!!