Jessiejay Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 My husband and i have been together for only 4 months now. Ever sense we got back from our honeymoon all we do is fight. Like bad fight. First he had a new job and worked 10 hour days and I worked full time also but he always neglected me and put me down about my job. He made me feel like I'm not good enough for him. Then he quite his job and hasn't had a job for a month now but hasnt tried just watched tv and plays ps3 for like 6-8 hours a day. Its crazy to me. I just got a promotion with my job and am making great money and he hasn't said he's happy proud any thing. When we are aroumd people he doesn't act like I'm even around doesn't show me any love or anything in pictures he won't smile with me hug me nothing. Im a new convert to the church and sense we've been married he never goes to church with me I'm alone and he's been smoking and doing stuff he beverages has done before. I feel like I married a stranger. I try to look good all the time for him I work out, make dinner every night try to be a loving wife, everything but i feel like nothing is good enough. The only time he wants to touch me is when he wants to be intimate. I'm writing this because lately I've been so unhappy I just think I want a divorce. I think loves not enough. I really need advice from anyone. Thank you so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 It helps if there is love on both sides. Why did he quit his job? Did you marry in the temple? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 Talk to your bishop and maybe even a counselor. Sounds like my ex, he wanted to marry me so he was nice when we dated. Sounds like he moight be depressed. you might, too. Get some help and see where that leads. It takes time. Pray about it, then if you must, and you have tried everything, then think about divorce. Don't have kids with him. That would complicate things if you do end up divorced. I know some people say that fixes things and pulls you together, not on this site do they say that, but people in my life said it, don't listen to it. You need to take care of you. You are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessiejay Posted November 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 He quit his job because he would gift with his boss and didn't like the way he was being treated. We didn't get married in the temple because I've only been a member for 6 months. I've talked to my bishop but my husband won't talk to him with me. Im such a happy person and when I try to be happy and think it will rub off on him he just gets more upset and argumentative. I'm now getting to the point where I'm upset and I hate being upset all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted November 7, 2011 Report Share Posted November 7, 2011 He quit his job because he would gift with his boss and didn't like the way he was being treated. We didn't get married in the temple because I've only been a member for 6 months. I've talked to my bishop but my husband won't talk to him with me. Im such a happy person and when I try to be happy and think it will rub off on him he just gets more upset and argumentative. I'm now getting to the point where I'm upset and I hate being upset all the time.I cant say as I blame you for being unhappy. Sounds like he is too but not saying why. I bet it just makes him mad to see you happy when he is not. (you deserve to be happy so that is something he should deal with) What did the bishop suggest? Did he have any ideas that might help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drr456 Posted November 8, 2011 Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 Marriage IS hard. Heavenly Father made it that way so we'd come to him. Divorce is easy and it's hard not to argue when you're both unhappy. That's all the work of the adversary! He's good at his job! Do you go to church together? Work on getting your temple recommend and your patriarchal blessing. Jobs are hard to find now. Do you pray together? Start with grace. If he doesn't start you start. You need to bring Heavenly Father into your lives! I'm very serious about that. Is he active in the church? Don't give up baby girl. Marriage is suppose to be for a long time. THAT's why we have to depend on Heavenly Father beause it is so hard! We're living in Satan's world and it's easy to get caught up in it! It's SO easy and you don't even know it's happening. But let me just tell you anything that is negative i.e., fighting, smoking, lazyness, ANYTHING that fosters "bad" is Satans handy work. ANYTHING that is good i.e., smiling, praying, loving all that is good is the Lords work. So, read your scripture, pray and get lives back on track but you have to have Heavenly Father at the head of your house. I promise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted November 8, 2011 Report Share Posted November 8, 2011 (edited) Love is enough, but: 1) Love != infatuation. Infatuation is not enough, it will carry for a season but loses momentum and leaves you flat. 2) Love is selflessness, sacrifice, service, and concern for the other. 3) The above love (#2) is required by both parties for it to be enough. One spouse alone cannot carry a relationship on their shoulders. Edited November 8, 2011 by Dravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlygirl Posted November 9, 2011 Report Share Posted November 9, 2011 How long did you guys date before you got married? Me and my husband got in bad fights after we were married HOWEVER I dated him for two years before marriage and knew him for seven years before that so I knew it was more a learning curve then that we were not compatable. If you only dated a few months before then perhaps you did marry someone different from who you knew before? If you are having problems my best advice of what not to do is have kids. Trust me, I have worked in family law and girls have a tendency to think having a baby will bring their spouse closer to them, it doesn't, and makes things worse because now you are bringing another little life into your problem. The lawyer I worked for always said to me girls should wait at least 2 years to see how things go before having kids. I really believe in this (even though it is deviant from church teachings). To be honest if that was me since it is fresh I would cut ties and find someone better. Im not big on divorce but if you are young and no kids its better to start an eternal partnership with someone that is right for you, yes there are going to be hiccups but if you guys are already in that situation I dont know if I would be willing to work through that. Im not you though, it depends on how much you care about him and are willing to take his burden on as your own. You guys should be excited about marriage right now and setting new goals for your life together. Sitting around watching TV and playing Xbox does not sound like he shares the same enthusiasm and zest for the new relationship as you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VickieE Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) Why he is doing all that kind of thing. i think maybe he is interested in any other women or maybe there is any problem with him that he don't want to share with you. so talk to him on all that matter maybe you dig something out. Edited November 12, 2011 by VickieE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 Man, I've seen this so may times and am once actually guilty of it. Some men want to be married for the ceremony. Then after that they are lost. And as for men. many times they think they are marrying their mothers (I say that in all seriousness). Quite honestly, I would look into an annulment. Depending on the state you are married in, it can be done within the first year or 18 months. But also understand that the first year of marriage is a time of HUGE adjustments. Some are more graceful at it than others. This is why we would all suggest you two first seek counseling. But if you are willing to stick it out, have patience because it will take years for him to work it out, if he changes at all. You deserve happiness and a spouse who will put 100% effort into you and the family. If he's not willing and wants to stay in his adolescent stage, then so be it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiJolly Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 According to "His Needs Her Needs" by Dr. Harley, men's 5 basic emotional needs are 1.) Sexual Fulfillment 2.) Recreational Companionship 3.) Physical Attractiveness 4.) Domestic Support and 5.) Admiration women's needs are: 1.) Affection 2.) Conversation 3.) Honesty and Openness 4.) Financial Support 5.) Family Commitment Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChooseTheSun Posted November 12, 2011 Report Share Posted November 12, 2011 I met my husband in July (neighbor). Started dating in October. Pregnant in January. Married in May. Not a timeline I'd recommend, and it hasn't always been pretty. But for us, it worked (our oldest is 15!) I truly believe Heavenly Father brought us together. Short relationships are not always red flags. Usually, but not always! Having said that, if my husbank drank, or played video games instead of working, or blamed other for his own failures, and didn't get his act together very quickly, then I'd be on a fast boat to China. What a bummer! You're new in the Church -- me too! Maybe fast and pray and fellowship extra. The Holy Spirit knows the steps you should take. Keep faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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