Musings on Christ-like service

[Backroads]

I'm just full of musings today.

Had lunch with my mom today. She is tearing her hair out over my aunt (her younger sister). I have no memories of my aunt being any shade of normal and no, I do not feel sad about saying this. My aunt has several mental problems, is a severe hypochondriac, abuses prescription drugs, and my family can't help but feel that a lot of her issues are "played up" for attention. It seems my aunt must always have drama. 2 of her three children want nothing to do with her, and she's been through three husbands who now hate her in every sense of the word.

Because my mom is geographically close and one of the most giving and generous people I know, my mom is usually the one who helps her.

The past few weeks have been terrible with my aunt asking for things, and my mom feels she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She has been saying "no" more often (and my mother has never sacrificed our family's needs to help out), but my mom is also feeling guilt for her feelings of resentment toward her sister and for saying no.

She asked me if she's not being Christ-like by saying no.

What do you think Christ would do in this situation?

[Vort]

I'm just full of musings today.

Had lunch with my mom today. She is tearing her hair out over my aunt (her younger sister). I have no memories of my aunt being any shade of normal and no, I do not feel sad about saying this. My aunt has several mental problems, is a severe hypochondriac, abuses prescription drugs, and my family can't help but feel that a lot of her issues are "played up" for attention. It seems my aunt must always have drama. 2 of her three children want nothing to do with her, and she's been through three husbands who now hate her in every sense of the word.

Because my mom is geographically close and one of the most giving and generous people I know, my mom is usually the one who helps her.

The past few weeks have been terrible with my aunt asking for things, and my mom feels she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She has been saying "no" more often (and my mother has never sacrificed our family's needs to help out), but my mom is also feeling guilt for her feelings of resentment toward her sister and for saying no.

She asked me if she's not being Christ-like by saying no.

What do you think Christ would do in this situation?

Christ would seek to help the person and do whatever was best for her, which would never involve inappropriate giving.

If you haven't read The Giving Tree, please go check it out from your local library and do so. It's a brilliant and very easy-to-read illustration of toxic "giving". Christ would never "give" in such a manner.

[annewandering]

Christ could heal her but your mom cant. Enabling bad behavior is not good. Not for 'normal' people and certainly not for mentally ill people. How are they ever to conquer their illness, if possible, if they are rewarded for bad behaviour?

That said your mom has been very caring from what you have written. 'No' doesnt translate to 'I dont care about you." It may seem like it to the one who was told no but ask any mom if no hurts their kids.

[Backroads]

Thanks to both of you, and a special thanks to Vort for his avatar. Yay.

I think my mom is finally beginning to see herself as someone in danger of being too much of a people-pleaser. I think it's good for her.

[LinuxGal]

Christ could heal her but your mom cant. Enabling bad behavior is not good. Not for 'normal' people and certainly not for mentally ill people. How are they ever to conquer their illness, if possible, if they are rewarded for bad behaviour?

Mental illness has a physical underlying cause. When Jesus "cast out demons" during his ministry, he was really correcting the imbalances of neurotransmitters and such. But there has always been a stigma associated with that infirmity. Like the man born with blindness, some people attributed mental illness with the afflicted person's sin, or the sin of their parents, and there is the unspoken expectation that the person needs to reform their behavior in order to be cured, which is what you appear to be saying in your post. But the cure is medical. Even people with bad behavior can be cured. There's no moral hazard involved. In fact, the medical cure might change their bad behavior to good.

[Sali]

Being a mental health professional myself, it troubles me to hear mental illness described as attention seeking behavior. People who are mentally ill cannot help their behavior. They need help. Everything in their life is dramatic for them beyond their control and that is why it creates a lot of drama. Saying that, looking after someone with mental illness can be more than what the average person can cope with, so your mom does not need to feel that she can fulfil every one of your aunt's needs. That is impossible and she will end up unwell herself. Is your aunt getting any professional help?

[Backroads]

She has a few doctors and medicatations, but she abuses them.

[Backroads]

Being a mental health professional myself, it troubles me to hear mental illness described as attention seeking behavior. People who are mentally ill cannot help their behavior. They need help. Everything in their life is dramatic for them beyond their control and that is why it creates a lot of drama.

What makes me say this is that she seems "worse" until she is given a firm no. Then she admits she probably doesn't need the item/service, and speaks much more clearly at this time.

Perhaps you could shed light onto that?

[Sali]

Ok maybe I should have explained a bit better. Yes mentally ill people can 'attention seek' but they don't attention seek in the same way "normal"* people do. It comes from a different place. For example, my son has extreme ADHD. I have had people say that he chooses his behavior, which he does, but what they don't realise is that he chooses his behavior from a different place than most of us do. We choose our behavior mostly aware of the consequences of our choices. He is not able to do that. He is not able to see consequences so his choices come from a limited understanding. See the difference? So where your aunt may be showing attention seeking behavior, it comes from a different place. She may be so full of anxiety that she can't help herself.

It sounds like your aunt has a need for someone to take care of her. Her illness is probably so overwhelming for her that she doesn't cope. Unfortunately carers of mentally ill people can't cope either. It's such a difficult situation. I really feel for your mom. Is there anyone who can share the load with her?

[Backroads]

My aunt is married, but he is twice her age and really isn't up to taking care of her. She lives in an assisted living facility, but not one that really caters to the mentally ill.

[NeuroTypical]

When Jesus "cast out demons" during his ministry, he was really correcting the imbalances of neurotransmitters and such.

Yeah, that's one speculation, but no, you can't definitively say what was happening.

there is the unspoken expectation that the person needs to reform their behavior in order to be cured, which is what you appear to be saying in your post. But the cure is medical. Even people with bad behavior can be cured. There's no moral hazard involved. In fact, the medical cure might change their bad behavior to good.

Again, maybe, maybe not. You seem pretty sure you know exactly what's up with this person, having only read a brief paragraph or two from a secondhand source.

However, I agree with your overall point - mental illness is mental illness, and it would be nice if the human race would grow the heck up and stop treating it like what it is not.

Our church is trying hard to help people grow up. Take a look:

Myths about Mental Illness By Elder Alexander B. Morrison Of the Seventy