How Serious is this?...

[circusboy01]

I have been to therapy before, when I was much younger I went for anger management problems, but the therapy only pushed the anger deeper inside, It didn't get rid of it. I didn't even complete the therapy either, we had to move, and that was the end of it. That's why I don't trust professionals very much, they didn't help me at all. And I don't want to burden my Bishop with this stuff either.

Dev. Your Bishop will not feel burdened. He will be very glad to talk to you. Did you know that when a Priesthood holder is set apart as a Bishop he is given the power of discernment

that means he usually knows what to do in any situation. Please talk to him Brother Ray

Edited November 2, 2012 by circusboy01

[mnn727]

Did you know that when a Priesthood holder is set apart as a Bishop he is given the power of discernment

that means he usually knows what to do in any situation.

That is predicated on the person living so that he can hear the Spirit, and actually listening to the Spirit. Bishops don't automatically know everything when they are set apart, they are just men like any other.

Nevertheless, talking to your Bishop is good advice, he can usually point you towards some good resources.

[Star_]

Hey DevtheWind!

You have some great replies already here.

I just wanted to let you know I understand you. When I was a teenager I cut myself a few times. I know what it is like to want to hurt yourself.

Please get help for yourself. I know it can be really hard to get help. I encourage you to pray to God :) God loves you. Ask him for courage and strength to get the help you need.

You can talk to your Bishop. Don't worry one bit about burdening him. Your Bishop is called of God to help ward members and that includes you :) You need someone to help you find professional help, the sooner the better.

Edited November 3, 2012 by Star_

[jayanna]

Hi, DevtheWind, there are a couple of things I would like to share with you.

First is that a Bishop is not burdened when you go to him seeking help. He is burdened when people hide what is wrong, he is burdened when he is trying to help someone and they (out of pride or fear, maybe?) deny that anything is wrong. Let him do what he is for. Let him fulfill his purpose his role has for your welfare. He will care about you, he is a shepherd.

Second, there is something that took me way too long to figure out. I wish someone had told me sooner, but I didn't learn this for quite some time, years, until I spoke with my Bishop. IT is that things that are done to you by someone else against your will, or even in your ignorance, may seem to make your temporal self (your body) dirty, but they can never, ever make you, your spirit which is housed in your body, dirty. Your spirit is the most important part, it needs to grow and learn, and no matter what happens in this world, no matter who does whatever to you, they can't touch it. They never could. The physical dirty that you may feel is temporary. Even if you have scars (which I have some so I can understand this) when the time is right they will be taken away when your body is made new, and that beautiful fully grown spirit will be placed in that perfect unstained body.

Now there are things that can stain that Spirit you. Only you and the Godhead can have any effect on your Spirit. There are things you can do to damage your Spirit, but you have to do them, they can't be done to you by someone else. It is when you use your agency to go against the Lord, and those can be washed away as well, and you don't have to wait for resurrection for that. You just have to repent and let the atonement take that damage away. It is temporary also, but you must endure to the end.

When I look at myself, and I want to you think about this when you look at yourself...there are two parts of me. There is my Spirit me (which needs to endure to the end and learn and grow here on Earth), and there is my physical me (which is created to house my Spirit) I think of my physical me as a tank...and I am hiding inside of it. Someone else might come along a try to do their worst, but no matter what they will not be able to get to my Spirit. There is nothing they can do to touch it. As long as I love the Lord and do my best, it is shiny and new...so ha ha ha on them, for as they are trying to hurt me, they are really damaging their own most important part. While mine is prestine.

Quit messing up your tank, you might need it to be strong again for something else later, like carrying someone who needs your help. Wash your Spirit clean through the atonement.

You are not alone. You are cared for. Your Heavenly Father has made priesthood holders available to you for a reason. You are not meant to carry this burden alone. Let them fulfill the calling they have been given. You know, the Bishop probably has some resources and knows someone who is very good at helping people with difficult thoughts to share.

When you get through this terrible time you are having right now, and are doing better...when someone else is trying to find the courage to reach out you will know just what to say and just what to do to save them from falling further away. You have a great potential to do good, and to be great. You can still be what you were created to be, no one on this Earth can keep you from it if you so choose to follow the path the Lord has set before you.

[circusboy01]

That is predicated on the person living so that he can hear the Spirit, and actually listening to the Spirit. Bishops don't automatically know everything when they are set apart, they are just men like any other.

Nevertheless, talking to your Bishop is good advice, he can usually point you towards some good resources.

I guess I did word that wrong. I should have said he is given the keys to the power of discernment. We all know keys don't work if you are not living so that you can hear the spirit.

But it's a safe bet that most Bishops are. Brother Ray

[DevtheWind]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses. I wish I had responded to all of your wonderful comments but I was occupied at the moment, so I'll respond to as much as I can without using quotes...

LiterateParakeet, I wanted to thank you for sharing what you said, it helped a lot, and you vocalized much of what I thought and felt with great detail, so again, thank you.

Heber13, I found much of what you said helpful, especially the part where you said, “I want you to know you are loved by a Heavenly Father for who you are.” Because a part of my Patriarchal Blessing says, “So know that your Heavenly Father loves you...” and it brought me to tears. And I also wish my best to your daughter.

SquidMom, thanks so much for your comments, especially the one about writing poetry, cause I tried it, and it worked very, very well. It was such a great way of expressing my pains that I went through. I'd rather not post it but If you ever wanted to read it just PM me.

BadWolf, thanks for the medical definition of why self harm causes a sense of relief, while I sort of knew part of it (I'm taking Psychology and we were covering this) I didn't know all of it. But I am confused at what Sensory Seeking is and I was just curious if you could provide more clarification.

Jayanna, I wanted to especially thank you for sharing what you did, cause it really helped me refocus and stop what I was thinking about (cutting). And I thank you for the spirit-body analogy, that helped a lot too.

...Just to let you all know, I have been doing better and have not cut myself for perhaps three or four days now, and my parents took away my knife yesterday. Though the craving to cut myself grows, I think I will be able to hold myself down for now. In the meantime, I will see about getting emotional help on this matter, but I highly doubt it will be anytime soon. My parents don't like talking about this at all, my mother just talked to me about it and said it was for weak and attention-deprived people, which wasn't that helpful, and they want me to go to them for everything, and they yell at me when I want to talk to the bishop or a therapist, but I'll definitely try on getting other help...

Edited November 5, 2012 by DevtheWind

[Guest SquidMom]

Dev- Having trouble w my account, so couldn't PM you. I wrote these when I was 16, if you care to read them. (That was a long time ago!)

A PRAYER

The light, Dear God, where is the light

That shone down from above?

The heat, Oh Lord, where is the heat

That warmed and stirred my blood?

Passion and poetry once blessed my soul,

Once kept me on m toes-

Faith and hope once led me on

And chased away my woes.

Darkeness, Dear God, why such darkness?

Closing in so tight...

Cold, Oh Lord, such dreadful cold-

The Devil has no right!

The life and love I knew so well

For the moment disappeared-

Despair has fallen overhead

When his ugly head was reared.

The light, Dear God! The light, it's heat-

I need them to survive!

Darkness, Oh Lord, and deathly chill-

I pray, remove them from my sight.

Faith, Dear God, help me have faith

That all will be as wel.

Love, Oh Lord, help me to love

And save me from my Hell!

And...

Lord, take this demon from my side

So I'll no longer have to hide

From the years of deep regret,

My checkered past let me forget.

Remind me not of what I am,

I'll fool myself, if only I can.

Love me, Lord, despite my faults

And shun me not for wayward thoughts.

You made me human, understand

It's hard to live this life of man.

There is no way to love my past,

Or make this moment's glory last.

Today I choose who I shall be-

I'll regret that too, just wait and see.

But tomorrow comes, and once again,

A chance to know just who I am.

What shall I be? I wonder now.

I've got all day, but tomorrow I bow

To the nature set deep within.

Musn't fool myself-

There's no way to win.

Nature makes us what we are,

And we can't control it, not by far.

I'm only human, flesh and blood-

Change myself? I wish I could!

I'm sick of hiding my eyes from you,

But lately it's all I seem to do.

Please, look at me, as though a friend,

And please don't let this be the end.

My demons fast are closing in.....

I, or them, who will win?

Sorry, all, but I'm computer stupid. Couldn't figure out how apply this in a condensed format.

Edited November 6, 2012 by SquidMom

[Guest SquidMom]

Dev- would love to see what you wrote. Will PM you when I get my account staightened out.:)

[funshyne328]

Also, your bishop is a GREAT counselor! He will help you :)

[MorningStar]

I don't know if it's a sin, but I have a dear relative who suffers from this and the reason she does it is because she doesn't want to hurt someone else. When she was little, she scratched a sibling and got in trouble for it, so she started scratching herself when she got frustrated, which she got spanked for. So she started hurting herself in areas no one would see it. The family would laugh about the odd thing she used to do when she was little, having no idea that it never ended. It only got worse after the birth of her babies, due to sleep deprivation. Her husband didn't understand it and would give her the silent treatment for days. "Why can't you just stop doing it?"

She finally told the family and let us know she needed help. She started counseling too.

These are some traits she has: She has high expectations of herself, she's a perfectionist, high strung, etc. I think when things don't go according to plan, she is about ready to explode. A friend of mine has a similar personality and it took three or four children for her to realize she had to lower her expectations a lot, because that's typically where anger comes from.

No one would ever guess this because she always looks put together, is really funny, seems like the perfect mom, etc. You just never know what people are going through. Prayers for you and I hope you will be able to find a great counselor to help you through this!

[skippy740]

Also, your bishop is a GREAT counselor! He will help you :)

Uh... no.

Bishops are our judges in Israel to help us with our spiritual standing.

Bishops are not:

- trained addiction counselors,

- psychologists,

- psychiatrists,

- marriage therapists,

- financial advisors

- babysitters,

- spies on your kids

or anything else.

Bishops can help refer you to good resources in the church, ward or community, but they are not 'superman'.

[katumus5]

Being someone who has struggle with self abuse, ask yourself this question :

Do you feel it would be wrong, or a serious sin, to grab an innocent child and punch them, pull their hair, slam their head against a wall, and cut them?

Im so sorry your going through this. Anything I can do?