Guest Posted January 2, 2013 Report Posted January 2, 2013 Life is not black and white like that. It just ain't that simple.I stuck around with my ex for far too many years. I thought I knew him when I married him. I didn't. After X amount of time had past, I decided to get out and start anew. Best decision I ever made! Now, happily remarried and with a beautiful daughter, I'm glad (more than glad) I walked.A little difference is that you married the guy not knowing him. Quigley married the guy after living with him for 9 years. My logical brain tells me there's gotta be a good reason for that decision...
Guest Posted January 2, 2013 Report Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Trust me Anetess I think I learned my lesson with men .. So the next guy better be lds and have great personality. I'm not going to just settle . I would rather be alone then being unhappy !I wasn't LDS when my husband married me. There are 4 couples from my ward who are temple sealed and are divorced - one is a seminary teacher who is the son of a stake president, the other is his sister who was the Primary President married to the YM President, the other was an EQP married to the RS President, the other is a bishop. All 4 couples have great personality and there are a total of 16 children in those 4 marriages.Being LDS with a great personality doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be better. It matters more on how much charity is in the marriage - the willingness to dig in and preserve it. Of course, abusive relationships are a whole entire ball of wax. Somebody has this in their signature - The grass is greener in the side that you water.And here's one of my favorite movie quotes:Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a witch and I tell you when you are a pain in the bum. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-bum thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.Yeah. That's my husband and me right there. Fighting a lot. Not as much as our first 10 years of marriage, though. We got better at it. Because after 10 years of trying to change each other, we finally just threw our hands up in the air and decided, I'm hopeless, he's hopeless, we can be hopeless together and just enjoy each other's hopelessness. LOL. But then, I love that hopeless man to bits. Edited January 2, 2013 by anatess
Windseeker Posted January 2, 2013 Report Posted January 2, 2013 Ooooh... red flag.I wasn't LDS when my husband married me. There are 4 couples from my ward who are temple sealed and are divorced - one is a seminary teacher who is the son of a stake president, the other is his sister who was the Primary President married to the YM President, the other was an EQP married to the RS President, the other is a bishop. All 4 couples have great personality and there are a total of 16 children in those 4 marriages.Being LDS with a great personality doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be better.Were they all templed sealed before or after divorce? Are they all divorced now or are they remarried?
Guest Posted January 2, 2013 Report Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Were they all templed sealed before or after divorce? Are they all divorced now or are they remarried?They were all temple sealed with all the children BIC before they got divorced. Only one that I know of got his temple sealing cancelled and got sealed to his current wife who was not sealed to anyone before that. He didn't need to get a cancellation but I think his ex-wife wanted one but I don't know if she got remarried - she probably did that's why she got the cancellation. AFIK, all the others are still sealed to their exes. One is remarried to another guy in our ward - they both have temple recommends but are not sealed to each other. Her husband remarried to a non-LDS. She got baptized not too long after they got married. Dunno if they got sealed. The other 2 couples did not remarry, although the ex-wife of the bishop is dating someone who is not LDS. By the way, the bishop guy was a bishop of another ward before he moved to ours - so he was not "our" bishop.Yeah, lots of broken hearts all around. They shook my testimony hard, that's for sure. And I'm sure lots of people in the ward had their testimony shaken as well. Edited January 2, 2013 by anatess
Qgirly Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Posted January 2, 2013 I don't think there is anyone that hasn't done something and thought they wish they knew years ago what they knew now. That's life though and we have to just learn and move on and do the best we can.Yea i know and ive been doing alot of praying about it too
Qgirly Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) It seems contradictory to me, that he wants a baby, but all he cares about is money. Babies are not exactly cheap. At least mine aren't.Is he planning to sell the baby for money? If not, it's hard to argue that all he cares about is money. Yep all he cares about is money greed is such an evil thing he even told me himself that money is number 1 thing to him. Edited January 3, 2013 by skippy740
Qgirly Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Posted January 2, 2013 There must have been a good reason you married the guy instead of walked out on him after 9 years of knowing him...We have a house together so it's not that easy to just walk out and leave him with the mortgage so im pretty much just stuck. It was a good reason back than but not after he yells and scream at me for every lil things and it's just getting worse and worse. One day he will leave me no choice but to pick up and leave. This man will never going to change. I love to be able to just stay married since i do not believe in giving up on a marriage but it looks like i don't have a choice. His temper is horrible .
Qgirly Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Posted January 2, 2013 It's said you either marry or give birth to your biggest trial in life and for some of us it's both. Sounds like you already have enough trials at the moment. I would first try going thru some counciling first. I would definately recommend going to school.yeah i know that i am going through some sort of trials right now and i hope that it'll go away sooner than later.
Qgirly Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Posted January 2, 2013 I wasn't LDS when my husband married me. There are 4 couples from my ward who are temple sealed and are divorced - one is a seminary teacher who is the son of a stake president, the other is his sister who was the Primary President married to the YM President, the other was an EQP married to the RS President, the other is a bishop. All 4 couples have great personality and there are a total of 16 children in those 4 marriages.Being LDS with a great personality doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be better. It matters more on how much charity is in the marriage - the willingness to dig in and preserve it. Of course, abusive relationships are a whole entire ball of wax. Somebody has this in their signature - The grass is greener in the side that you water.And here's one of my favorite movie quotes:Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a witch and I tell you when you are a pain in the bum. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-bum thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.Yeah. That's my husband and me right there. Fighting a lot. Not as much as our first 10 years of marriage, though. We got better at it. Because after 10 years of trying to change each other, we finally just threw our hands up in the air and decided, I'm hopeless, he's hopeless, we can be hopeless together and just enjoy each other's hopelessness. LOL. But then, I love that hopeless man to bits.I think if you have some sort of believe in christ things would be a lil better. this guy doesn't believe in anything beside being greedy with his money.
mrmarklin Posted January 3, 2013 Report Posted January 3, 2013 Hey everyone I already know the answer to this question !! I just want to hear it from others I have a husband who is not supportive in anything that I do !! He s not lds and all he cares about is himself and his money !! His only concern is how to save his money!! He wants a baby and I want to go back to school to become an RN though I really do want a baby also and would love a big family !! But how am I going to support myself or the baby if I can't even support myself? The husband temper is bad too and he is immature I m planning on leaving him one day!! I know that I suppose to be done with school already by now but stuff just doesn't go my way !! I made lots of mistake! I have no one to blame but myself ! I was immature!! But right now I ve realize that the only way to get out of the situation that I'm in right now is to get my RN degree so that I can support myself !! And why would I want to have a baby with someone like him? I've already made a mistake by getting married to him !! I should of known better !! It's not that easy to pick up and leave either !! Thanks for reading !Good self analysis. Get your education, then get out.
skippy740 Posted January 3, 2013 Report Posted January 3, 2013 Do you talk TO him the same way you talk ABOUT him in this thread? If so, I might be sensing why he yells a lot. Probably no respect in this marriage... from both sides.
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Report Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) I think if you have some sort of believe in christ things would be a lil better. this guy doesn't believe in anything beside being greedy with his money.People are rarely that one-sided.Those who have spent more than 15 minutes with my husband would think he doesn't care about anything besides Football... I work with a bunch of happy, morally straight, family-oriented Hindis. Some with morals even better than some Christians I know. They don't believe in Christ except that He's this upstanding guy.Yes, belief in Christ would make things better. But, it won't matter one whit to a marriage if the couple don't practice what He teaches. Christ loved us so much he died for us. And while we cast lots over his clothes, stuck thorns on his head, stabbed him on the sides, He asked God to forgive us for we don't know any better.So your husband is greedy with his money. He probably doesn't know any better. Might do good to figure out why he is obsessed with money and help him overcome that problem. It's more than likely a security issue. Money is something he can control. It's the same thing with these anorexic people - their lives are going down the tubes out of their control and the only thing they can control is how much food goes in their mouths. If they can be assured that somebody loves them no matter what, they might not feel the need to obsessively hang on to something that gives them some semblance of control over their lives. Then he would feel at peace and wouldn't yell so much. I have a vicious temper (I should be on medication but I refused the meds due to its unpredictable side-effects) so I'm biased on this one. My husband understands it and faces it head on without flinching. And I will love him forever for it - for loving me with my warts and all. He inspires me to fight my temper problems with everything I got.Of course, I don't know anything about you guys' lives. I just have this nagging feeling - from the things you put in this post - that your problem is not the people in the marriage, that your problem is the couple's misconception of how marriage should be like. But then, I'm just this random person on the internet. Edited January 3, 2013 by anatess
pam Posted January 3, 2013 Report Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) I think this thread has run it's course. She pretty much had her answer right from the start. Closing thread. Edited January 3, 2013 by pam
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