Working mom

[Jennarator]

Okay, so I work full time. Always have. I have five kids ages 12, 11 9, 9 and almost one.

I have always HAD to work full time.

My husband now works full time, however he doesn't make much money. If I quit to stay at home we would rely on the church and the government and still be really hard up to make the bills. The church advices a mom to stay at home if at all possible. (Keep in my my husband pays child support and that takes a bunch of our money, too.)

My question is. What is recommended? Be a freeloader on the government, something I try really hard not to be. Or stay with my children.

I am very torn, but I just really want to spend more time at home. My husband wants a cleaner home, but we work all the time. I guess I just need some friendly advice. Freeload and still barely make it, or payfor everything work full time and (because we have to pay for everything) still barely make ends meet but not rely on government.

[Bini]

My opinion: You need help, when you need help.

Yes, there are people that abuse government assistance but there are people that genuinely need it. I don't feel comfortable judging who is and is not in this category because as an outsider, you never know the full scope of someone's situation. From what you've shared, it sounds like you could use some assistance, and to what degree that is, I believe only you and your husband know.

I love being a stay at home parent but I'm itching a bit to get back out there in the work field. We only have one child and my husband is not financially burdened with paying child support. I think our situation might be different if we had five kids and paid child support to other children from a previous relationship. Anyway, I suppose I don't always appreciate the luxury of being home - all day. If I were in your shoes, I would likely choose to be at home with my kiddos, and look into some home-based work opportunities.

[Wingnut]

Whatever you choose, you'll likely feel some guilt about it. Either you won't be contributing to the family bank accounts, or you won't be with your kids as much as you'd like to be. Either way, keep this in mind, from the Family Proclamation:

Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

(source)

[Jennarator]

Thanks Bini. I am leaning that way, but the husband doesn't agree. We don't fight over it, because I have got used to working, I always have had to. My previous marriage I was the ONLY one working. So I had to. My kids were still in day care because my ex could take care of them (Drugs and such) so my kids only know day care and now that they are older they are latch key kids.

Side note when i say 5 kids that is all of them including the ones we only have part time, but we support all of them because his ex doesn't, and doesn't want to work.

[Jennarator]

Yes wingnut, we have discussed my guilt. I know if I don't work I will feel bad especilly that my husband would be supporting kids that really aren't his and I feel very obligated to take financial care of them. I always have in the past, I feel I always should.

Edited February 20, 2013 by Jennarator

[pam]

Having been a mother (most of the time as a single mother) as well that had to work full time almost the entire time my kids were growing up, it was done out of necessity. While the church encourages mothers to stay at home with their children, they also understand that it can't always happen. But the church also teaches us the need to be self sufficient.

It's a tough decision.

[idahommie]

If your husband wants a cleaner home then he should pitch in more to help clean. If your income is substantially more than the Husbands, have you two considered HIM being the stay at home parent?

I'm a stay at home Dad. My salary was almost triple my brides when we married. She truly wanted to stay in her career(Air Force Officer), and have kids. After our second child was born it was clear that I had the knack and the patience to raise the kids, she did not.

I believe the Church resources and Government resources should be used as last resorts. Wanting to stay home with your children is natural, but only feasible is you can afford it, WITHOUT needing others to subsidize your wants.

[pam]

If your husband wants a cleaner home then he should pitch in more to help clean.

What makes you think he doesn't pitch in quite a bit? I happen to know her husband personally and he is an awesome guy and does everything he can for his family.

[Jennarator]

He actually does pitch in A LOT! And the house isn't too bad, but just not where we want it. We just don't have time.

[pam]

He actually does pitch in A LOT! And the house isn't too bad, but just not where we want it. We just don't have time.

It's called having 5 kids and both working full time. :)

[idahommie]

I'm sorry that I don't know the OP personally, I was just reading what she wrote, and she did not write that her husband cleans the house quite a bit did she? Seems as though I have offended you? I never said that here husband was NOT a nice guy, NOR did I say that he does not care for his family.

However, I did say, and will stand by that statement, and it is not meant to be offensive in any way, that the Church resources should NOT be used just so that you can stay home with your kids. The Lord expects us to be self reliant if we have the means.

Jennarator, I hope that you work out the best arrangement for YOU and YOUR family.

[pam]

I'm sorry that I don't know the OP personally, I was just reading what she wrote, and she did not write that her husband cleans the house quite a bit did she? Seems as though I have offended you? I never said that here husband was NOT a nice guy, NOR did I say that he does not care for his family.

However, I did say, and will stand by that statement, and it is not meant to be offensive in any way, that the Church resources should NOT be used just so that you can stay home with your kids. The Lord expects us to be self reliant if we have the means.

Jennarator, I hope that you work out the best arrangement for YOU and YOUR family.

No but you stated he should help out more which insinuates that he doesn't help out much.

[Jennarator]

Most people I know (LDS) don't even consider the idea of the mom working. It doesn't cross their minds when they are hard up. They stay at home and the dad works and whatever he doesn't make the government and the church step in.....

[pam]

Most people I know (LDS) don't even consider the idea of the mom working. It doesn't cross their minds when they are hard up. They stay at home and the dad works and whatever he doesn't make the government and the church step in.....

And again it's taking what leaders have said too literally. Like I said earlier, the church encourages mothers to stay home but they also know that is not always a reality of life.

[Jennarator]

Just for the record, my husband cleans, cooks, changes diapers and fixes things around the house. (I'll take any opportunity to sing his praises, even when un asked for.)

[rameumptom]

Jenn, work on finding a job you can do from home: either via the Internet, or in the home (daycare, etc). It may be that you can be at home for your kids, and still have a job that pays sufficient for what you need.

Given you are probably paying for daycare for some of your kids, a job at home that pays a little less may still allow you to have about the same overall income.

[rameumptom]

Also, Jenn. Perhaps thinking long term might help. Could some retraining help your husband get a better paying job?

If he were to go back to school for 1-2 years, would that help him in the long term to make more, which would help ease the need for you to work outside the home? Or would it just mean he would be paying more child support?

[Jennarator]

My mother in law watched the baby. I have looked for at home jobs. I can't find anything that isn't a scam.

I will keep looking.

[idahommie]

Just for the record, my husband cleans, cooks, changes diapers and fixes things around the house. (I'll take any opportunity to sing his praises, even when un asked for.)

Sounds like you have a keeper!

[Jennarator]

My husband is also working on him MBA. :)

[Jennarator]

Even with an MBA there might not be a lot of jobs. Some of our money goes to child support, that makes it harder. (Don't get me wrong, we are happy to support those kids, it's just difficult.) It would be way cheaper if they lived with us.

[pam]

I'd like to follow the counsel of the church and stay home. But alas, I'm single and my kids are grown. Hardly gives me the reason needed. :)

[Bini]

Jenn, do you play an instrument? For example, if you played the piano and had one at home, you could do private lessons throughout the week for multiple students and for several hours. I would do it but we don't have a piano at our house. Anyway, music lessons vary in price, so I imagine that some research would be required to know how much to charge in order to attract clients or students. This is an idea, at least, and your kiddos can be around during lessons.

[Jennarator]

I kick myself for not following through in learning.

[Bini]

Maybe there's another skill that you could use to generate some extra cash flow. I have a friend that just started doing custom cakes back in 2011. The initial setup was an expense but after that she's been able to make a decent profit from it. She has NO culinary experience, except, for what she's picked up from various books and trial-n-error experiments. She has always loved graphic design, so she channels that passion into the decoration of the cake, and charges $50 for the average custom cake. She made a Facebook page, posted a phone number on there, and literally takes orders over the phone and gets to work.