Feeling Lonely in My Ward

[rlbybee]

Just here to maybe get some support, I guess. It seems the older I get the more lonely I feel in my ward. I'm an older lady with a small family, and for many years, I was content to focus just on my family and didn't worry so much about making friends in the ward. They are older now, and so I'm starting to feel a need to make a friend or two, and it has been difficult to do that. I'm not real shy; I smile a lot, show interest, and make first attempts with ladies in the ward, but they don't seem to respond much back. Most of the ladies are 20 years younger than I am, so I feel real out of place most of the time. Just a difficult time for me to feel like I'm out of touch. I love to serve and make others happy, but even that hasn't helped me relate well to these ladies. Could it be I am just getting old, and "that's the way it is?" I don't know, just wondered if anyone else has feelings like this at times, or maybe I'm losing it... We've been in our present ward for not quite 2 years, and it is a huge ward, too.

[pam]

Is it a pretty new area? I know when I moved into a neighborhood that was all new builds those that were building at the same time formed a really strong bond. But I felt sorry for those that came in and purchased homes when the original owner moved. They hadn't been through it all and I can see how they would feel a little ostracized.

Also you mention it's a large ward. Sometimes that can become a problem as well. I've experienced that as well.

[Guest]

I've felt lonely at church more often than not, I think. The way I've gotten to know ladies in my ward has been by doing things with them. Go to the activities, but pinpoint a couple who you seem to have things in common with, and invite them for lunch or crafting or some other common interest. It takes time.

[Guest Doctrine]

When I first joined the church I sat by myself for the first year then served a mission then came home and sat by myself for 3 more years, now what makes this really sad is I sat 4th row from the front on the left side of the chapel every week and no one sat next to me I had a pew all to my self. now I told my self since I was a convert and had no family in the church, thats what happens, because everyone sat next to there family. then I moved for one year, got married and then came back I thought maby after I left others would take my pew over and call it there own but after I came back I learned that no one sat there for the whole year I was gone, and the sunday I came back with my wife the couple that alway sat behind me told me they missed me and that they saved my pew because they new I would come back and fill it with a wife and children, which I now do. but I tell you this story because even thou no one sat next to me, they sat with me.

[rlbybee]

The ward area is pretty large, and the ward itself is huge, so I know that is a factor that plays in, but it is definitely a younger ward, too, not too many older ladies like myself, so it's hard feeling like I don't belong. It's hard when you are fairly new in the ward, too, and hard to break in. I don't know. I think I'm just venting and wanting to know if there are others that go through this. I so appreciate your comments back to me. Thank you so much...:)

[Irishcolleen]

Older women have a great roll in church. Read Titus 2. They are supposed to teach and encourage the younger women. Maybe you could have a young lady over for a visit. Get to know how you can pray for her and what you can do to encourage her. Then invite others over and do the same thing.

We have some amazing ladies in our church! They started a prayer partner program with the younger ladies. Each older lady picked a younger lady to get to know and to pray for. It helped bring the generations together and the prayer helped so much!

[applepansy]

I felt the way you do before my son got custody of his son and moved home. Now I want to hibernate. LOL

Offer to babysit for younger families. Ask the RS Pres to announce it. There are many times when young mothers need to take a child to the doctor and don't know who to call. There is usually a small group of young mothers who trade, but that doesn't always work out. Things like Ward Temple Night, a couples night out, etc. Or even emergencies. If you would be available make it known. Then ask for a calling that involves you with their children and get to know their children (not just on Sunday)... take an active interest in their lives.

When I was growing up an older lady offered to teach me to knit. (my great aunt was already teaching me) My Mom sent me. I went because it got me out of tending younger siblings and doing housework for an hour or so once a week. That hour or so became very special to me. I will always remember that wonderful sister with love.

Having my grandson has made it easier to get involved with younger families but if your health allows it, you can make the connection. It will just take consistent effort.

One of the keys to a relationship is service can't be a one way street. You have to allow people to help you back. :) That was/is hard for me, but it works.

[Misshalfway]

I think it takes courage to try to make friends with others of whom we may have little in common. But, I would still encourage reaching out. I'm in my 40's and for whatever reason, I've found myself really connecting with ladies that are in their 60's. And I've loved my interchanges with them. I also really connect with women who are older and single. Who would have guessed?

I guess I'm saying don't discount yourself cuz your not "cool and hip". Or maybe don't discount them just cuz they look cool and hip. Maybe they are just people who are better at looking connected. Maybe no one would guess they are lonely too. Or shy too. Or longing for an older maternal friend to share bread recipes with.

Let your light shine, pretty girl! The right people will be attracted to your light.

[Iggy]

Get to know your visiting teachers. When they come to visit you, ask them questions about themselves ~

Get to know your visiting teaching companion ~ ask about her life, now and when she was growing up. Relate a little of your life before to her.

Go to all of the functions. Pot lucks, RS Evening Meetings, Young Women in Excellence, etc. Become a familiar face.

When I married hubby #2 and moved to his state (Arizona)- we ended in a HUGE ward. I was so used to and comfortable in my itty bitty Branch where I knew everyone. I was lonely for three years. Then I got angry & decided to get to know my Home Teachers & Visiting Teachers. For the first three years they never came to our house! For the first three years, we didn't have a clue who were assigned to us.

When I found out who our HT were, I invited them to my house. Caught them at church and invited them to come over on the next Tuesday night. They came, which surprised me. Hubby and I asked them questions about themselves. Their conversion to the Church.

Then I found out who the VT Coordinator was, found her at church and asked who were my VTeachers as well as who was my companion & assigned sisters to visit.

Then I found them both after RS meeting, and invited them both to my house for the following Saturday. Spent that time asking them about their conversion to the church.

I did the same to the RS President and her two councilors. Invited them to my home for lunch. Then I attended every pot luck, picnic, Ward event, RS Enrichment/Evening meeting.

Our house was so far out that it was difficult for the missionaries to come for dinner ~ but there were two widowed sisters who lived in the same area- with their permission I brought dinner for all of us. These two widowed ladies were not related and lived in separate homes. The missionaries actually rolled up their sleeves and washed the dinner dishes after we ate. While the neighbor sat in the kitchen they gave the lessons as they washed, dried and put away the dishes.

You said We ~ I am assuming that means your husband is what makes You a We. So, invite other senior couples to your home for dinner. We have a dining room table that can sit six. So I invite two other couples. Then there is our HT. His companion is one of the YM from a part member family. Have never seen the YM outside of church! Our HT is the 1st Councilor, and he brings his wife with him. She is the YW President. They have two boys. One in primary and one in YM.

For last Christmas Hubbies brother sent us a Tur-Duck-Hen. We have yet to cook and eat it. First of all, we both got sick, 6 weeks worth of sick! It is now time to invite them all. It is way too much just for the two of us. We are going to invite our HT, his wife and two boys and our neighbor (who are also members of the church) and their teen son to dinner. The boys will sit in the living room around a card table.

The great thing about this Hen stuffed into a Duck that is stuffed inside a Turkey is they are all boneless! If I could sit just two more people at my table I would have our missionaries over and feed them too.

Oh, I am still friends with my old VT & the two widows in Arizona. My husband is FB friends with the HT and I write snail mail letters to the single sisters that hubby and I HT!

You are only as lonely as you choose to be. Come a bit later to Church and sit next to someone, rather than wait for someone to sit next to you.