Meana Posted March 11, 2013 Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 I would suggest a meeting with a child psychologist. The kids don't even have to go. You meet with them and explain your situation and they can go over ways to talk with your children without making you look like the bad guy and maybe give you suggestions on how to deal with this. Can you talk to his family? Whoever is supervising should also be aware of your concerns. Try to be as non confrontational as possible and say something like "I know he drinks and smokes and can you please make sure this is not done around the children. If he has been drinking don't let him drive." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bytor2112 Posted March 11, 2013 Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 Drinking problem? Sadly for your husband and your kids is that in a very short amount of time they will begin to see the same things that you do and then they will resent their Father and that relationship may never heal. Alcoholism is very real and it is a sickness, BUT, it is only a symptom of a deeper problem. Find out what that is and it might save his life and his relationship with his kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 the deeper problem is partly bi-polar, and sco....however you spell it. He's been diognosted with both, but he says that was a wrong diagnosis. So if he won't get help for the problems, then there isn'y much I or anyone else can do. His family thinks he is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalledToServe Posted March 11, 2013 Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 Do you ask your children questions or just try to explain things to them? I find that asking questions is a much more effective way of teaching children than just telling them. First of all, it helps you understand them well, so when you do talk, you know what to say. Secondly, it helps the kids to think about the things they have experienced and come to more correct conclusions. I've had great success focusing on asking sincere questions when trying to deal with difficult situations with my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 Well since I found out about the DUI, he tried to call once, but my phone was dead. He must be in a serious binge of some sort, because he hasn't tried very hard to call. He doesn't even know I know, yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted March 11, 2013 Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) Thanks.....it's good to know I am not being too irrational. My kids think I am. Of course they don't know the reasons....I can't tell them anything bad about my ex, according to the divorce decree. (Not like that stops him)Talk to you lawyer. If your ex husband is not behaving according to the divorce decree - it would be best that he is informed by his lawyer or the courts that there will be intervention and repercussions. Also, it would also be best if your children heard from courts or a decree by the courts requiring that you ex explain that his bad behavior is limiting the time he is allowed to spend with them.If cleared by you lawyer; I would then say to your children that their father would rather do things he shouldn't than spend time with his children - But be sure to clear everything you do and say clearly with you lawyer before you say anything concerning their father.I am also a little confused - if you ex requires supervision when he is with your children - how is it that his is driving? And how is it that he is saying things he should not - there is something not right here - It does not appear that you ex is being properly supervised?The Traveler Edited March 11, 2013 by Traveler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2013 Talk to you lawyer. If your ex husband is not behaving according to the divorce decree - it would be best that he is informed by his lawyer or the courts that there will be intervention and repercussions. Also, it would also be best if your children heard from courts or a decree by the courts requiring that you ex explain that his bad behavior is limiting the time he is allowed to spend with them.If cleared by you lawyer; I would then say to your children that their father would rather do things he shouldn't than spend time with his children - But be sure to clear everything you do and say clearly with you lawyer before you say anything concerning their father.I am also a little confused - if you ex requires supervision when he is with your children - how is it that his is driving? And how is it that he is saying things he should not - there is something not right here - It does not appear that you ex is being properly supervised?The TravelerHis sister was "supervising" in the car and he speaks to them on the phone without supervision. Yeah, might be time to speak w/ a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Update: He emailed me and asked me to let him talk to the kids. My phone was dead so I missed a call. I told him that I needed to speak w/ a lawyer since I found out what happened. I didn't hear anything for several days. Then, Saturday he called, my daughter picked up the phone and he hung up before he said anything. So I called him right back and asked what was up. He said he called by mistake and meant to call his dad. Then I got an email saying that i was being petty and that he really hadn't been drinking, that night. He had hit some ice and that made him slip, he said they never gave him the breathalyzer test, but the courts say he did. And that that night he had witnessed a murder, been hit over the head and seemed out of it due to that. Now I have know him long enough to know a few things. First he probably really believes all of this far fetched stuff. Second he is very parodied and thinks he sees stuff all the time that a rational person would write off. He lies. Then then yesterday I got a crazy voice mail claiming I was behind the arrest because my husband is related to the people that arrested him. My husband has no police relatives. I just don't know what to think anymore. I am truly afraid he is delusional to believe crazy weird things (happens all the time) and that he could get freaked out and paranoid enough to drive to Idaho and take my kids and I will never see them again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Two words: restraining order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Now obviously, to someone who is truly delusional, and who you truly believe to be a danger to your family, a restraining order won't do much good. I don't have any experience with the legalities involved with dysfunctional family situations, so I can't offer much help. But it does sound like something more needs to be done that is already in place. Oh, and would a restraining order prevent him from being allowed to call? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 He hasn't threated, except the time a month or so ago when he said he break the law to get me back.....whatever that means. So I don't know if I can get a restraining order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 I am just in very serious concern at this point. I don't know if I should blow it off as him being parinoid or be concerned of his unstableness. I am also thinking if I do a restraining order he will get so mad it will cause him to get drunk, drive up here and take the kids..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 If he's been arrested for a DUI on the same night that he was driving your children, he is a threat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted March 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 Well it was a few days later that he got the DUI. I just think thee is something very wrong with him to think he saw a murder, get hit on the head, slide in ice and get arrested by someone related to my husband, all in the same night. I really don't believe much of it. I also don't think they would say they gave him the breathalyzer test when the didn't. It's far fetched and if he is telling this stuff to the police and lawyers and such involved in his case, they must think there is something wrong with him. I just don't want him feeding this stuff to my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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