Affair and marriage

[Sally7888]

I have a question... I am a member of the lds faith but have been inactive since I was young. Currently I have a sister who has fallen in love with a married man who is in the middle of a divorce. I believe they have been intimate despite what she says. She is not very active in the church but is a member and so is the guy she's seeing. Anyway she thinks that god will forgive both of them and eventually they can be sealed and married when holy again. I'm not sure if this can happen under the circumstances and I was just wondering if it was even possible. I know her faith is still important to her but is she way off target with this? Thanks for any input.

[estradling75]

Possible? Yes Easy? No... She is sowing heartache

[Connie]

Repentance is always possible to the humble and sincere. Unfortunately, a sin-now-repent-later attitude smacks of pride and insincerity.

[Sally7888]

Do you know anything about the process or things she'd have to go through. I've already tried to warn her but she says she loves him and such.... It's tough.

[estradling75]

If she wishes to be sealed in the temple she (and he) will need to repent.

This will require her (and him) to go to her (his you get the point by now so I will drop it) Bishop and face disciplinary action. We can't tell you exactly what will happen there because it is adjusted to each case.

Most likely she will face disfellowshiping or excommunication. This will last until the Bishop sees signs of true repentance.

Edited April 8, 2013 by estradling75

[Sally7888]

Okay, thank you for your input. If she/he don't know their bishop because they haven't been going to church, do they go to the bishop that is ahead of their ward boundaries? I'm just wondering cause I have no idea. She says and asks a lot of things and I don't know how to answer her because I have not been active myself.

[Sally7888]

Also, with excommunication how does that work? Is she still able to attend church and such she's just not an official member and will have to be baptized again?

[estradling75]

She has got a hard road ahead of her...

To be sealed in the Temple (which you state is her goal) they both need to be active in the church for at least a year. That is a far cry away from what she is doing now and she is headed in the wrong direction.

Do you know if either one has been through the temple before or if he holds the priesthood? Because both those states aggravate the problem (because they should really really know better)

They would both need to go to the bishop whose ward has their membership records (usually defined by a geographic area)

[estradling75]

Also, with excommunication how does that work? Is she still able to attend church and such she's just not an official member and will have to be baptized again?

Correct and she will not be baptized until the Bishop determines she has truly repented

[Sally7888]

I believe she said that he was sealed in the temple to his wife years ago but he has been inactive for a long, long time.

[estradling75]

And she thinks that a man that is willing to break all his temple convents and blessings... Is someone she wants to be sealed to? Why would she think he would be any more faithful to her?

[Sally7888]

Yeah I agree.... But she swears he's different. He tells her she's made him a better person and he wants to be better and more involved in church. I don't know it's a hard position to be in and I don't know what or how to help. She's very stubborn and believes deep down he's a good man.

[estradling75]

Of course he is... If she thought he was evil she wouldn't be around him.

It doesn't change the fact they are going the wrong way to get where she says she wants to go. The sooner she turns it around the easier it will be for her

[Sally7888]

Yeah but I can't tell her that. She said she tried to stop seeing him and being around him but she loves him. I can't tell her she can't be with him. So I don't know...

[Connie]

"Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence." -Elder David A. Bednar

She needs to listen to Elder David A. Bednar's conference talk multiple times. They should have a transcript up in a few days, but here's the link to watch/listen to it: April 2013 General Conference LDS.org

[estradling75]

You can tell her that... It just will not do any good. I am afraid you have front row seats to a train wreck in progress and there is not much you can do.

[Sally7888]

Yeah I know it'll be a long road, sad road ahead of her. But she wants the journey with him. I guess if it works out then they'll be that much stronger. I keep hoping.

[selek]

I believe she said that he was sealed in the temple to his wife years ago but he has been inactive for a long, long time.

So, in other words, he's already promised his first wife the very blessing your sister is seeking- and is stepping out with your sister on the side.

What makes her think he'll be any more virtuous or faithful with her than with his first wife?

This schmuck has already proven that those commitments and covenants mean nothing to him.

She's putting all her money on a broken down horse with a proven record of throwing races.

Does that sound sane or reasonable to you?

[applepansy]

I have a question... I am a member of the lds faith but have been inactive since I was young. Currently I have a sister who has fallen in love with a married man who is in the middle of a divorce. I believe they have been intimate despite what she says. She is not very active in the church but is a member and so is the guy she's seeing. Anyway she thinks that god will forgive both of them and eventually they can be sealed and married when holy again. I'm not sure if this can happen under the circumstances and I was just wondering if it was even possible. I know her faith is still important to her but is she way off target with this? Thanks for any input.

As I read your post the following scripture came to mind:

2 Nephi 28:7-9

7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.

9 Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Regardless of whether they will be able to be sealed or not, or when that will happen, they are creating a very unstable foundation for their relationship. From what you have said, it sounds like their relationship is built off of passion and romance. Passion and romance will not take a relationship very far unless there is commitment, respect, friendship, trust, compassion, and a whole host of other things.

As far as what you can do, maybe you can gently suggest to her some of your concerns. You can also refer her to a relationship evaluation site like the RELATE test. This test uses research to help couples identify their strengths and weaknesses in their relationship. In can be especially important to dating or engaged couples as they can identify how they can change their relationship before entering into marriage.

[scatyb]

Part of any true repentance is restitution. How can she truly repent if she is not willing to give back what she has taken? Just a thought.

[Sally7888]

I agree with what you have said completely. Now I know they have known each other a long time before things started happening with his marriage. Not to defend them or anything but I think a relationship developed between them that was more than romance and passion. I know the circumstances are totally wrong but I believe it was more than that. I will suggest her the site and see if it helps her in her decisions.

[Sally7888]

That was in reference to your comment SoCal_Counselor