Attracted to my missionary

[mcgee]

long story short:

I have a partner who isn't a member of the church.

We always fight over it & what we want for our children.

No we are not married and I am a convert.

I prayed to heavenly father SO MUCH.

Thoughts of leaving him.

That night I dreamt I left my partner & was happy.

Whilst I wasn't sure if it were just me or the Holy spirit answering my prayers.

Today the missionaries came over again,

the elder kind of looks at me like he likes me.

I'm attracted to him.

But would never ever say anything oh my gosh.

Especially when he's on his serving mission.

His focus should be else where.

Or could I say something? I don't know where I stand or what's appropriate

for missionaries etc. (so much to still learn!)

But the mutual attraction seems definitely there.

I FEEL HORRIBLE.

I know my options are to:

A) follow the gospel and marry my partner as i live with him.

or B) move out, be with my kids and see where life takes me.

I know only I can make the decision of what to do.

But I guess all I can do right now is pray.

Not sure if I want any advice? But it's good to just get it off my chest.

Please no judgement.

[mikbone]

Do not tell him that you are attracted to him. Missonaries are young men that have dedicated this 2 years of their life to God. Missionaries are human and are tempted just like everyone else. If something romantic were to occur, it would disgrace the missionary and could lead to events that would cause him to be sent home early. This would have devestating effects, and follow him throughout the rest of his life. And if nothing were to happen after your declaration of physical attraction, it would still make your relationship very awkward. The missionaries are always sent out in pairs and are never to be out of each others sight. One reason for this rule is to prevent any romantic events.

When missionaries teach the gospel to investigators ready to learn the gospel, sometimes the spirit can be felt very strongly. And sometimes the spirit can feel like love. One of God's greatest attributes is love. But this love is a brotherly love not a romantic love. It can be confusing.

You will have to work out your relationship with your partner. One good option would be to discuss these issues with your Bishop. He can give you some good council and can much better understand your situation than a bunch of faceless people thousands of miles away on a keyboard.

Edited April 16, 2013 by mikbone

[EarlJibbs]

I know my options are to:

A) follow the gospel and marry my partner as i live with him.

or B) move out, be with my kids and see where life takes me.

I know only I can make the decision of what to do.

But I guess all I can do right now is pray.

Not sure if I want any advice? But it's good to just get it off my chest.

Please no judgement.

My opinion: Stick with your two options. Stay with your husband or move out. But leave the missionary out of it in any of the two options. Also my opinion, if the missionary is involved romantically, it ends in tragedy for someone. Good luck.

[pam]

It's not unusual for women or girls to develop a crush on their missionary. It's also nice that you recognize that his thoughts and his energy need to be focused on his work and not on a relationship.

I wouldn't say anything to him as Earl has said. I think you need to focus on what would make your own relationship work. Good luck to you.

[mcgee]

Thank you for respectful replies. I know that he looks at me like he likes me but when he notices that I notice he looks away because I know he should be doing Gods work.

Would the bishop help me? My partner would never talk to a bishop.

I'm glad to know its not uncommon though. Y'all are such nice gentlemen haha!

Thanks for explaining a bit more and basically giving me a mini kick up the toosh to realize the outcome for him if I said anything. Like I said I'm very new to lds still and it's hard to adjust to this new life with rules and not knowing how people are and what I can and can't say. It's pretty overhelming.

I feel like my trials with my partner are very much so the devil trying to do anything in his power to stop me from this but I felt that Holy Ghost so strongly and not even the trials with my partner will keep me from the true church of Jesus Christ. Weather I'm with him or not.

I guess, I just need to do what I have to do. And pray about it.

Maybe it's just a spiritual connection I feel to the missionary but I've never experienced that before so I'm confusing it with something it's not. Considering he is literally the first mormon I've ever met (and I've sill only met 3!) and the fact that he has basically helped me so much and improved/changed my life.

That's probably what it is. But thank you so much for not being rude. Gosh I'm silly. What was I thinking. This really put things back in to perspective and I need to focus on learning as much as I can and focus on keep reading the scriptures, asking and growing. Poor missionary guy. I feel bad now.

Glad this forum exist!

[mcgee]

In saying that why is it that lds missionaries are apparently considered more eligible to date for young girls in the church? Is it the same for the ones who don't serve a mission? (Because you can choose right? If you go or not?) I assume though that most of the young men do go.

[Leah]

long story short:

I have a partner who isn't a member of the church.

We always fight over it & what we want for our children.

No we are not married and I am a convert.

I prayed to heavenly father SO MUCH.

Thoughts of leaving him.

That night I dreamt I left my partner & was happy.

Whilst I wasn't sure if it were just me or the Holy spirit answering my prayers.

Today the missionaries came over again,

the elder kind of looks at me like he likes me.

I'm attracted to him.

But would never ever say anything oh my gosh.

Especially when he's on his serving mission.

His focus should be else where.

Or could I say something? I don't know where I stand or what's appropriate

for missionaries etc. (so much to still learn!)

But the mutual attraction seems definitely there.

I FEEL HORRIBLE.

I know my options are to:

A) follow the gospel and marry my partner as i live with him.

or B) move out, be with my kids and see where life takes me.

I know only I can make the decision of what to do.

But I guess all I can do right now is pray.

Not sure if I want any advice? But it's good to just get it off my chest.

Please no judgement.

You're imagining things because you are unhappy with your current relationship. The elder is not interested in you romantically. He is on his mission and THAT is where his focus is (and should be).

It would be inappropriate for you to pursue a missionary while he is on his mission. Whether you are involved with someone else or not. But you are involved with someone else, even have children with him, so it would be inappropriate for you to pursue a relationship with ANYONE at this time.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, do something about it. Either fix the relationship or get out. (and then take some time to work on getting your life in order before rushing into another relationship. Simply swiching the man in your life is not a solution). If you wish to join the church, you will need to do something regardless, as you are violating the Law of Chastity, and will not be able to be baptized while living under those circumstances.

But. please, spare the elder and say nothing to him. If you feel you must talk to someone about it, go to the Bishop.

[Windseeker]

In saying that why is it that lds missionaries are apparently considered more eligible to date for young girls in the church? Is it the same for the ones who don't serve a mission? (Because you can choose right? If you go or not?) I assume though that most of the young men do go.

It's pretty simple, serving a mission shows a high commitment to serving the Lord and living the gospel.

[Wordnerd]

I agree with the other posters you need to respect the missionary's calling by keeping your thoughts to yourself. I think you should consider that it's also possible that you are more attracted to the ideal the missionary represents, rather than the missionary himself. You are currently living in a situation where you are breaking the law of chastity, and because you have children you are not free to do as you please with no regard to others. This isn't the time to dream of a new "better" relationship, this is the time to focus on repenting and correcting your situation so that your life is in harmony with the gospel, and as you are a mother the first consideration should be what your children need and deserve.

You don't tell us much about your partner other than that you guys fight about the Church. If he is a good man and a good father, and the only area of contention is raising the children in the Church, then I think you ought to start working on the relationship, improving communication, getting counselling and yes getting married (once you have settled the issues you are having), because children deserve their fathers, and good men deserve to be a big part of their child's life. Of course I don't recommend this unreservedly, if there is abuse or addiction, then you you need to seek help and your decisions will not be so easy. Any relationship will require lots of effort and patience and sacrifice to make it work. Marriage requires both spouses putting the good of the marriage ahead of their wants and needs, and when you are a parent, the kids also come before you as well.

[Irishcolleen]

Have you considered that you may not really be attracted to the missionary, but rather to what you think he represents and to what you are missing? The missionaries are serving, they are attentive ( a needed part of their work is to connect with people), they appear to be clean-cut, ideal marriage material. From what I've learned, a returned missionary is considered a great catch. In short you may attracted to the image of an ideal LDS man, which your partner is not.

You might feel guilty about being a convert who is in a relationship without the benefit of marriage. I believe the LDS might consider this to be sinful? If your partner is unwilling to commit to marriage you might want to move on.

I see I basically wrote what the person above me said.... But that poster is right!

[pam]

Thank you everyone for keeping this respectful without the attacks. I appreciate it.

[mcgee]

Have you considered that you may not really be attracted to the missionary, but rather to what you think he represents and to what you are missing? The missionaries are serving, they are attentive ( a needed part of their work is to connect with people), they appear to be clean-cut, ideal marriage material. From what I've learned, a returned missionary is considered a great catch. In short you may attracted to the image of an ideal LDS man, which your partner is not.

You might feel guilty about being a convert who is in a relationship without the benefit of marriage. I believe the LDS might consider this to be sinful? If your partner is unwilling to commit to marriage you might want to move on.

I see I basically wrote what the person above me said.... But that poster is right!

I think you are spot on. - I've made some progress with my partner since posting.

Hopefully it continues this way. We are trying to wrap our heads around getting counselling and he is CONSIDERING marriage but we will need to talk about it more. I do feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY living with him, it's just not right! He tries to sleep with me still and I just can't do it anymore. Ever since I felt the holy spirit. I think the change in that too is also putting a strain on us.

I really had to sit down and REALLY think about this.

& maybe I did post off impulse. I do think it's because I am lacking that "ideal LDS man" - i mean, it would be easier wouldn't it... to grow into these beliefs with someone who felt the same, same morals and beliefs, wanted the same as I do for my children. But that's just unrealistic. I'm far from what a nice LDS man would consider ideal. I still have so much to learn and so much to change. Pursuing any LDS man would probably just be me running away and taking the easy way out. I do need to talk to my partner and sort this out.

Thank you so much

[EarlJibbs]

I think you are spot on. - I've made some progress with my partner since posting.

Hopefully it continues this way. We are trying to wrap our heads around getting counselling and he is CONSIDERING marriage but we will need to talk about it more. I do feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY living with him, it's just not right! He tries to sleep with me still and I just can't do it anymore. Ever since I felt the holy spirit. I think the change in that too is also putting a strain on us.

I really had to sit down and REALLY think about this.

& maybe I did post off impulse. I do think it's because I am lacking that "ideal LDS man" - i mean, it would be easier wouldn't it... to grow into these beliefs with someone who felt the same, same morals and beliefs, wanted the same as I do for my children. But that's just unrealistic. I'm far from what a nice LDS man would consider ideal. I still have so much to learn and so much to change. Pursuing any LDS man would probably just be me running away and taking the easy way out. I do need to talk to my partner and sort this out.

Thank you so much

mcgee, I am glad to hear that you are trying to work things out. I say this sincerely, please do not place LDS men so high on a pedistal. Beleive me, being an LDS man myself, we try and succeed and try and fail like everyone else does at being good. The "ideal LDS" man you speak of is something that even LDS men most likely arent. Please do not let your example of the missionary taint what your partner is or can become. See your partner with vision. That missionary had to start somewhere, and although you have not grown up in the church, see yourselfs as you can be.

Best of luck.