Financial infidelity

[breathe_and_smile]

I am wondering if there is anyone out there who is working on recovering from their spouse betraying them financially? I have been deeply betrayed by my husband, financially and also with porn and strip clubs. I have found support to work through the latter, but I haven't found anyone who understands the financial infidelity. The first time I found out, once all was said and done we had lost our home and about $170,000 (paid by my inheritance). We made some major changes and yet he found a way to do it again, using a credit card I didn't know about, and personal loans. Now we have no inheritance to dig us out of the pit of debt, are a low income family, and are facing years of scraping by (with several children) just to make the payments. I would love to talk with others who have faced/are facing the heartache of financial infidelity and gain some support and insight from each other. Anyone else out there?

[Guest]

I'm sorry you're going through it. I would have a really hard time dealing with that. My MIL has gotten them in deep debt many times over the years, and now they're in retirement age and he can't really fully retire, even though he made a pretty good living when he was working. I always wonder how he's not very resentful about it. So I can imagine your struggle. What kind of outside help and support are you getting to deal with it?

[Just_A_Guy]

You may need to consider bankruptcy to address the credit cards, depending on their balances.

Is he in counseling?

[Jennarator]

My ex was horrible. He wrote checks and foraged my name and just so much more. I tried so hard to forgive and let it go. He's and ex for so many other reasons than that, but I think trust is the biggest thing in a marriage. If he can't be honest with money, the trust is gone. You can't help but to think what else am I being deceived about??? I wish I had some real advice. Well I do, it's lots of prayer. I just wish I could say it would get better, but for me it never did.

[mdfxdb]

Financial hardship only makes whatever is wrong with the relationship worse. Hopefully it's mostly in his name, otherwise declare bankruptcy (may or may not work depending on your situation) and get out.

[MarginOfError]

I'm not saying this is the right thing for you, but if my spouse racked up $170,000 in unnecessary debt and then used my inheritance to pay it off only to turn around and do it again, I'd be talking to two lawyers. Bankruptcy, and divorce.

[MarginOfError]

One thing I will add to my statement is that if he has a habit of accruing debt through gambling, you need to terminate this relationship post-haste. Under those circumstances, it isn't worth trying to save.

[Suzie]

Several children in a situation like this? Losing your own home and in heavy debt paid by your inheritance? And he did it again so he could spend it on porn and strip clubs? This is way more than just financial infidelity. I'm sorry but if it was me, I would be calling my lawyer to file for divorce, not only for my own sake but for the protection, safety and well being of my children.

[breathe_and_smile]

Thank you for the responses. We are both in counselling...individual and as a couple. Part of the $170,000 was mortgage that hadn't been paid...thus the foreclosure. We were able to get some help from church, and family (who we had to pay back with interest) and then a quick sale of the house, using the remaining equity to pay off the rest (and pay back his family). It's been very hard, and through counselling have discovered some pretty big trauma that he is working to now face and overcome from his past. I am just really struggling with a lot of anger lately and I have a hard time letting go of what could have been or should be. My counsellor says I need to stop that or I'll make myself crazy (uh, ya!), to accept what is and try and build from there and find what to be grateful for. It's just way easier said than done. I have prayed and prayed and have not felt that I should leave at this point. He knows he is on major probation and is trying to get help and change. It's just a very slow process to work through and heal all that he has to heal. And I'm not the most patient person. And so I am trying to find healing for myself and not get consumed with the dark feelings. If The Lord wants us to try and rebuild, I need to find a way to let this go.

Oh, and none of it was from gambling. Just really really bad financial decisions and frivolous spending.

Thanks again for the responses.

Edited May 15, 2013 by breathe_and_smile
Mistyped words

[Guest SiegfredS]

Let’s admit the truth. No one’s life is perfect. Everyone runs into problems at one time or another. Money is something everyone needs whether we want to admit it or not. It’s just part of life. Emergencies happen to everyone. The bigger question is what are you going to do about it?Read this site:Financial Advice