Forgiveness: Ex and the other woman

[budding]

Greetings Everyone,

(Long entry.)

I've always strived to be forgiving of others and myself. It's my nature and I know I've been blessed with this inner strength. However, of recent, I have been required by The Lord to forgive my ex husband and the other woman.

Here is a brief description of my ex and the affair partner.

The ex husband struggles emotionally and I must approach forgiving him with this understanding. In his struggles to find answers to our "doomed" marriage, he constantly was looking to others for answers. In doing this, he sought out a single woman (and she sought him out) who "gave him all the answers." He believed every word she told him. From this, an emotional affair began.

My struggle to forgive him lies in separating his emotional issues versus his acts of knowingly being unfaithful to our marriage. He uses his emotional weaknesses as his reason to do all these things. I don't buy that. The hurt and betrayal is so deep. His actions have left me stripped to the bone and he is clueless as to the level of pain he has inflicted not only on me, but so many people around him.

* How do I forgive him? At times, I feel the forgiving spirit fill my heart, then the sudden memory of his blatant lies and deceptions crush the sweet feeling of forgiveness.

* (Rhetorical, but I need to voice this) Why must the person who was betrayed, turned on and basically made a fool have to be the one who must forgive two people who destroyed so much?

Now on to the affair partner. I hate her and I don't even know he ... and it's so not me to be so hateful. I also am coming to an understanding that she has big emotional issues and I feel sorry for her. Her actions seem pathetic. All I know is she had a hand in the destruction of a marriage.

The other woman is single, divorced three times and knew she was involved with a married man. She holds a substantial calling and is a temple goer. She claims she had "revelation" about my husband. He believed her. She even had a revelation about ME and that I would be so happy once my husband divorced me. This is so caculating, wrong and misdirected. Both her and my husband believed God brought them together.

Now that I'm single, my chances of running into this woman are great.

* What would you do if you found yourself face to face with the other woman? (The spirit tells me to hold my head high and quietly remove myself from her presence.)

* How do I forgive a person who knowingly did what she did?

So here I am facing the most daunting, yet spiritually refining moment ... and I know forgiving both will be transforming! I have a long road ahead and I pray for The Lord's tender mercies to buoy me up and create in me a new heart.

Thank you for reading. Your constructive and kind hearted thoughts would be so appreciated.

[NeuroTypical]

* (Rhetorical, but I need to voice this) Why must the person who was betrayed, turned on and basically made a fool have to be the one who must forgive two people who destroyed so much?

That's not rhetorical at all - but a very important question that deserves a very good answer!

The answer, is to understand what forgiveness is. It's not about him, it's about you. Forgiveness is not like giving a liar a present. It probably won't do much to bless his life. It is about removing the horrible burden of his sins from your shoulders. It is about getting rid of the negative destructive stuff that will keep you out of the presence of God.

We tend to think of forgiveness in terms of the little tiny hurts we experience. In those situations, forgiveness blesses both parties, and the relationship is preserved, and hooray everyone. But when major, life-changing, relationship altering sins come, forgiveness becomes as important for the injured party, as repentence is for the offending party.

* What would you do if you found yourself face to face with the other woman? (The spirit tells me to hold my head high and quietly remove myself from her presence.)

What the spirit tells you, sounds good to me. Forgiveness doesn't mean you need to be friends with someone.

* How do I forgive a person who knowingly did what she did?

The same way you forgive your ex - by realizing that forgiveness is primarily for your benefit. Edited May 26, 2013 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[applepansy]

Forgiveness isn't about him or her. Its about you. Its only through forgiveness that we are able to heal. Open the door and let Christ heal your heart.

Recently I was struggling with forgiveness and listening the Mercy River's CD "Higher" helped a lot. I'm still listening to it this morning. A couple of their songs are on youtube but the ones that truly helped the most are only on the CD. I've shed a lot of tears while listening to their beautiful music which teaches a gospel principle in each song. I often need the outside "voice" to allow my thoughts and feelings to not get stuck. Maybe it will help you.

A week ago I would have suggested going to her bishop considering her calling and what she's done. Today, I can't suggest that. This past week I've come to realize that I can't nor should I even try to dictate someone else's repentance. I can't change anyone but me. You'll probably get other advice. Only you can decide what will be best to do.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please open your heart and allow the Atonement to work for you.

[mnn727]

Forgiveness of an ex does not mean you have to turn into best friends and invite them over for dinner.

It means you put the past in the past and get on with your life.

[shdwlkr]

As one who has and "ex" that did so many things wrong here is what I discovered

1. if I felt negative about what she did it affected me in a negative way

2. She didn't and doesn't care what I think, feel or care about

3. she thinks it was all my fault the marriage failed, forget she was married several times before me.

4. when I started caring about me and not her or what happened I started to feel better about me

5. I can only change my feelings

6 I can not change how she feels about me never could

7 I can only work to make me a better person

8 No one feeling negative about a relationship failure really understands it is not how the relationship failed that matters, It is what you do after that matters in your life as that is the one you have control over

9 Never look back at what was lost as it most likely was not going to last anyways. If you did nothing major to cause the relationship to fail that is. No I don't mean normal marriage issues. I mean if you didn't cheat, lie, steal, etc. then the fault will be taken care of one day by the one who will settle the books for us all.

10 Just be careful not to jump back into a relationship to soon, look long and hard before you move and always pray that those who did negative to you are taken care of. I know that might seem stupid but there is a reason, we are not to judge only Christ can judge so we are left with praying for those that are in our lives, have been in our lives and yet may come into our lives.

Hope this helps

[Martain]

I wrote a nice response but what others have written is sufficient.

So here I am facing the most daunting, yet spiritually refining moment ... and I know forgiving both will be transforming! I have a long road ahead and I pray for The Lord's tender mercies to buoy me up and create in me a new heart.

I witness that the heart you seek is well worth the seeking. God bless you on this journey. You are on the right path and my prayer is with you.

Sincerely,

Brother M.