Teaching About Friendships

[StrawberryFields]

In deciding whether to start this topic or not the thought came to my mind about something I heard a long time ago.

All I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarden by Robert Fulghum

i learned.. share everything.

play fair.

Dont hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

clean up your own mess.

Dont take things that arent yours.

say your sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life-learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.

Take a nap every after noon.

when you go out in the world,

watch out for traffic,

hold hands, and stick together.

be aware of wonder.

ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS

What is friendship? Friendship is an in-depth relationship. Friendship is comfortable and relaxed. Friendship requires meeting the needs of both friends.

Building a friendship from casual friends. Building friendships takes time. Friendships require self-disclosure so any friendship has risks, Talking and listening builds friendships. Friendships require equality and loyalty from friends.

Maintenance of friendships is crucial. Friendships can not be neglected. One-on-one contact is a prerequisite of friendships. Friends must be flexible. Conflict must be resolved for friendships to continue.

Friendships do end. Friendships may not last. Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. Some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship.

Setting Limits in Friendships Friendships as well as all other relationships must have limits. You set limits with your friends because you care for them and your relationship with them, not because you don't.

Manipulation: If you think you are being manipulated, either by a friend, mate/lover, or relative, take this short test to check it out.

Conversation: Being able to carry on a comfortable conversation with a social acquaintance is a matter of practice and following certain procedures in communicating. It also works for best friends, too.

Toxic Friends and Toxic Friendships Not all friendships are good for you. How to recognize toxic friends.

Best Friends: How to Grow a Friend

A "twelve-step" program How to grow a friend in 12 steps. The best time to grow a friend is before you need one!

http://www.cyberparent.com/friendship/

[the_jason]

Perhaps I need to go back to kindergarten.

[StrawberryFields]

Perhaps I need to go back to kindergarten.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE WITH?

[the_jason]

Flushing.

[StrawberryFields]

Flushing.

[Dr T]

LOL. I like most of Fulghum's stuff. Thank you for the reminder.

[the_jason]

I like most of Fulghum's stuff.

Who?

[StrawberryFields]

He wrote the book.

http://www.robertfulghum.com/

[Palerider]

I ahve heard that book was awesome.........I told a guy I work with and his wife in regards to the way their 2yr old son was acting not to worry.....when he turns 17-18 he will act the same way again..... ...

[Gwen]

ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS

What is friendship? Friendship is an in-depth relationship. Friendship is comfortable and relaxed. Friendship requires meeting the needs of both friends.

Building a friendship from casual friends. Building friendships takes time. Friendships require self-disclosure so any friendship has risks, Talking and listening builds friendships. Friendships require equality and loyalty from friends.

Maintenance of friendships is crucial. Friendships can not be neglected. One-on-one contact is a prerequisite of friendships. Friends must be flexible. Conflict must be resolved for friendships to continue.

Friendships do end. Friendships may not last. Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. Some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship.

Setting Limits in Friendships Friendships as well as all other relationships must have limits. You set limits with your friends because you care for them and your relationship with them, not because you don't.

Manipulation: If you think you are being manipulated, either by a friend, mate/lover, or relative, take this short test to check it out.

Conversation: Being able to carry on a comfortable conversation with a social acquaintance is a matter of practice and following certain procedures in communicating. It also works for best friends, too.

Toxic Friends and Toxic Friendships Not all friendships are good for you. How to recognize toxic friends.

ok, so i'm not sure that i'd say i disagree with some of the above, but i would say it quite differently, it feels like there is something missing from it. lol did that surprise you SF? so excluding toxic friends and the manipulation side, those are kinda no brainers.

all friendships will end........by this i mean they will change. they will change in nature, in function, in intamacy, they will grow (closer or further) but are always fluid.

there are three kinds of healthy friends (that i can think of right now lol).....those that you are their friend, they are your friend, and you are eachothers friend (which sometimes has the greatest fluidity of all).

you are their friend = you meet a need for them, you are there for them, you care, you like being there for them but your emotional investment with them is not as great as their investment into you. ever had someone say "you are my best friend" and you are thinking "what?!" that would be this kind of friendship.

they are your friend = turn the previous around, you invest into them more than they invest into you

these aren't bad friendships. the one that isn't as emotionaly invested does care, and they don't feel put upon or used by the more emotionaly invested friend. i personaly think there is a very vital need these kinds of friendships supply, they fill a role in our lives and we need them. and we need to experiance both ends of them.

the fewer and further between friendships are that when both ppl invest, when a friendship is created that the fluidity matters not, you adjust, you deal, you grow and change, it never really "ends" (not to say they can't but very hard to push it to that point) just changes. sometimes those changes take you very far apart and it just kinda fades. do you have one of those friends that you talk to maybe once a year, but everytime it's like you saw eachother yesterday? those friends you look back on things you did or conversations you've had and just smile? those are the true friendships, for me they are very very few and far between, and we need a few of those as much if not more than we need the other kinds of friends.

the hardest part of friendship is dealing with the changes. in equaly invested friendships, there is still a lot of give and take, sometimes you need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, your friend can be that for you, but further down the road you may change places, it's your turn to be the shoulder and the ear. can you trade places? can you give as well as you take? not everyone can be that for everyone, it's not about willingness to be there for your friend, it's more of a matter of can you be what they need at that time. the hardest part of a friendship can be recognising that and when it's time to let them take. not resenting that taking, remembering that their being healthy and happy, that change in the friendship is more important than maintaining the past nature of the friendship, doing it out of love and service........

lol funny i used that word, service. whole new thought comes to mind; but not really. that is "how" you become someone's friend; you serve them. you can serve someone and not be served by them....you become their friend, but they never really become yours. or what they need may not be something you can have the ability to give. you may have many friends that fill many needs, all at different levels of intamacy. sometimes the question isn't how good of friends do i have but how good of a friend am i?

so the question i'm now asking myself... Jesus, he is my friend, he served/serves me. he is there, always that ear and shoulder i need. he will take care of me, he knows me because he serves me, he is my friend.

am i his friend? do i know him? do i serve him? do i listen when he needs me to? if he comes back not looking as i expect will i know him? how long will it take me to recognize him? if i am a true friend to him i will see him imeadiatly, reguardless of if he looks like the pictures i've seen. will he call me his friend?

so just some of my thoughts, not sure if anyone is compleatly confused now. lol