Struggling with masturbation during deployment

[beachpaws]

My spouse is currently deployed, this is the first deployment. I have been struggling with the law of chastity regarding masturbation. Does anyone have any tips for overcoming masturbation? Perhaps you have been there yourself and certain things helped you? Or, maybe you know someone who has overcome it. Or, maybe you just have some good advice. Thanks.

Edited July 26, 2013 by beachpaws

[Guest]

Do something else.

[Backroads]

What is your trigger?

[Praetorian_Brow]

Do something else.

Too glib.

Obviously this is a concern for this person, enough to actually face public embarrassment and potential condemnation from religious zealots.

Try working out more, going for a run and think about the triggers, as previously mentioned. Is it out of boredom? Emotional coping? Lust? Frustration?

I can understand the eternal boredom and the terror if you are in a combat role.

[Guest]

Too glib.

Obviously this is a concern for this person, enough to actually face public embarrassment and potential condemnation from religious zealots.

Try working out more, going for a run and think about the triggers, as previously mentioned. Is it out of boredom? Emotional coping? Lust? Frustration?

I can understand the eternal boredom and the terror if you are in a combat role.

In other words. . . do something else.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Obviously this person would have realized that by now. Its as if this "advice" from you is spoken from someone who has limited experience in this department.

[james12]

I would suggest the book, LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program: A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing I think it starts out on the right path explaining how a person turns to God and how to stay focused on Him. Don't leave meditation out of the picture either, calm and ponderous thought brings one closer to God. In general we do not pay enough attention to it.

[Quin]

Deployed in a place with housing? Get a dog. Having something to snuggle with at night, that knocks you down happy to see you when you walk in the door, that means you're never -ever- really alone.

Deployed somewhere pet shop impossible?

- Be around others. A lot. The smoke pit, the range, the whatever.

- Find your still zone. Don't know your rate/MOS but it's that place before/during the exhale on a long distance target. No matter how wired you are, everything just -stills-. Ditto right before jumping, or whatever. Super useful to just smack that in place at will in other parts of your life.

- Run run run (just don't break yourself)

- Senory me bestest... Loud music, explosions (EOD guys rock, make friends if you like things that go boom), swimming, hold your breath, rough housing, menthol lip balm... Anything that sets your nerves jangling. Ahhhh. Serotonin & Dopamine.

- Sleep

Ahem.

Also... Ibuprofen & water. Hey. It cures everything else, right?

Q

[pam]

Also... Ibuprofen & water. Hey. It cures everything else, right?

Q

I thought it was Windex that cured and fixed everything? :)

[Quin]

I thought it was Windex that cured and fixed everything? :)

ROFL...Kimono... From the Greek word for Winter. And what do we wear in winter? Robes!

Not sure about other services, but the US Military at least has a windex-like relationship with Ibuprofen & water. Sick? iH2o. Broken leg? iH2o. Cancer? iH2o. Unthinkable that ANYTHING can't be cured with "Are you drinking enough water??? Taken your ibuprofen??? Well then you should be good to go!"

Q

[pam]

Awesome. So you knew from where I was getting my idea from. I was afraid it might just fly over heads. :)

[beachpaws]

Deployed in a place with housing? Get a dog. Having something to snuggle with at night, that knocks you down happy to see you when you walk in the door, that means you're never -ever- really alone.

Deployed somewhere pet shop impossible?

- Be around others. A lot. The smoke pit, the range, the whatever.

- Find your still zone. Don't know your rate/MOS but it's that place before/during the exhale on a long distance target. No matter how wired you are, everything just -stills-. Ditto right before jumping, or whatever. Super useful to just smack that in place at will in other parts of your life.

- Run run run (just don't break yourself)

- Senory me bestest... Loud music, explosions (EOD guys rock, make friends if you like things that go boom), swimming, hold your breath, rough housing, menthol lip balm... Anything that sets your nerves jangling. Ahhhh. Serotonin & Dopamine.

- Sleep

Ahem.

Also... Ibuprofen & water. Hey. It cures everything else, right?

Q

Thank you for your helpful input! (I am not the one who is deployed, my spouse is)

[Quin]

Blunt Warning:

Mods... Please feel free to delete if you think this crosses any boundaries. I hope not, but obviously defer to your judgement.

NONE of this may apply, but it's good to know:

.. A heads up, since you're not asking for yourself... MB is often used to short circuit anxiety attacks/PTSD symptoms when meds (and accompanying discharge) is impossible (or undesirable). Even by those who would never use MBin any other context.

Just like a person can redirect the physical craving for (closeness, sensory input, etc.) by substituting a golden retriever to snuggle with when alone in an unaccompanied post, or physical contact via sparring, or adrenaline from running, etc during extended down times in a combat post... Those aren't great initial PTSD stomps. If he/she is dealing with anxiety attacks that aren't bad enough yet to get turfed for... Stomping on them with MB, and then stomping on the MB later with substitutes is reeeeeeally common. (Successfully common). Successful meaning situational. MB in combat deployments, but not at home. Transitioned from stopgap / emergency measure to unnecessary. Open with their local leadership, not having physical or emotional affairs, kept their temple recommends successful.

That piece of info, by the by is anecdotal. I wasn't LDS when I was active duty, so I had all the venting "available" to me that I don't, now, shame free. In talking with my LDS friends who are either in or out with a "How the heck did you not go keeeerazy???" Plus chatting up a friend who is an LDS sex/fam&marriage counselor about this very topic that I found out how much leeway in MB is usually given to deployed soldiers/sailors/marines. Not an open pass, but As the better option between shooting yourself or being discharged (or sexual acting out /affairs/etc).

Meaning... MB is thought of differently when you're neglecting your family than when you're not dead yet & trying not to crack up. At least with those I've spoken to. Of course, there IS the percentage that goes off the deep end no matter what (either full blown sexual addiction or full blown PTSD). It's not a cure all. But, in general/in my experience MOST use sensory & substitution tricks as much as possible, MB occasionally as a stopgap, and out of the situation go back to their former way of life.

As I said... None of this may apply... Because he/she might not be dealing with massive anxiety or minor PTSD. For those that are, most use orgasms to short circuit/jump start their brains into knocking off the suicidal etc. thoughts before they get out of control. By tricking their brains into resetting at "I'm okay"... LDS or not. No one I've ever spoken with IRL (outside of spouses, hence the heads up) view this kick to the brain as a worthiness issue or marriage problem. But a lot of spouses/parents get ice water in their veins when they hear of MB issues in the field. When, really, it's a neurological thing... Because the brain can't calm down... And starts spinning out of control. So instead of sleep, their brain starts kicking into a panic attack.

Hope this made sense.

Q

[MrShorty]

Mod may choose to delete this if they want.

I don't believe that masturbation is automatically an addiction, nor do I believe that sexual thoughts about your spouse automatically separate you from God. Just to affirm that your sexuality is a positive, that you are not a gross disgusting person for feeling sexual desire towards your spouse.

Here's how I see your situation: Before deployment, you and your spouse enjoyed a level of quantity and quality in your sexual relations that you became accustomed to. Deployment has physically separated you, but you are still accustomed to the previous level of sexual activity. Seems perfectly normal and reasonable to me. I also believe that there are so many different struggles keeping a relationship strong while separated like that, that maybe we should try to see if there is a way to use this sexual energy to help strengthen the relationship while you are separated.

My suggestion: Maybe broaden your concept of what "sexual relations" means. How would you feel about skype sex or phone sex or IM sex or ???? Personally, I don't see these things, between husband and wife as "sinful." Privacy concerns are very real (though, perhaps if someone is still listening after you've taken reasonable precautions, that is their problem).

[brycematheson]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post links to my own content on here or not, so if not, I can delete this. But anywho, I wrote up a blog post on "13 Tips to Quit Masturbating" on my Blog, and it's one of the most viewed posts. Give it a look to see if you can't find something to help you out:

13 Tips to Quit Masturbating - LayTreasuresInHeaven.com