Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Ok so here's the rundown. I was exposed to pornography at the age of 12. I looked at it like 3 times a week until I was about 16 and masturbated as well...when I finally started feeling guilty and told my parents. They said I didn't need to go to my bishop, since my dad was a priesthood holder he could help me through it. I'm now 21. I stayed away from it for awhile, but recently I was a bit depressed and turned back to pornography. Now I know this is a horrible thing to do...especially because I really wish to find my eternal companion...but do I need to confess to the bishop? I don't like the bishop of my singles ward, we don't get along very well, so I feel like I couldn't go to him even if I wanted to. I haven't looked at it in about a week..but feel an urge to look at it sometimes. I've been praying for repentance and reading my scriptures and trying to serve in my callings at church to make up for my sin. So what should I do? Do I need to confess that I resorted back to pornography? Or is it enough for me to just forsake that sin completely, and keep praying for help. Could I just come clean to my dad and get him to help me through this process of getting away from it? Every time I look at it I think of my nieces, and how I would hate for them to be in that kind of video. I'm motivated now to stay off it, because I don't think the Lord will help me find an eternal companion if I'm not worthy of one. I'm not in a place in my life where it would be good for me to meet a girl. Just need some input on this matter. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 well bishop aside, methinks you should get a hobby or something. something forfilling, which also can help with depression. I myself paint miniatures, write, read all sorts- I recommend something where you can see a result upon completion (like painting) I know what both those things are like (depression and watching pornography) and like to think I am... better at dealing with my feelings these days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I've gotten into getting in shape and working out on top of studying. I barely have time to check facebook so that solves that problem for now. But the urge is sometimes there. So confess, or not to confess, and to who? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Although it wouldn't hurt to talk to your dad again since he helped you through this in the past, the bishop wears the mantle of being your common judge in israel and as such is in position to help you. He should also be aware simply for the sake of being able to pray for you and ensure that your current calling(s) are appropriate for you. Confession is an important step in the repentance process and you might find it brings you and your bishop closer together. Good on you for realizing this is a serious matter and not blowing it off. It takes a great deal of courage to come forward and forsake sins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I've gotten into getting in shape and working out on top of studying. I barely have time to check facebook so that solves that problem for now. But the urge is sometimes there.So confess, or not to confess, and to who?since I am not LDS that is not my area of knowledge.but working out doesn't do anything for the mind, the mind still wandersit is good to keep in shape, but the mind is important too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 The working out part includes music and stuff to keep me focused. I read a lot of books as well. Spirit, I'll have to think on it I guess. I really don't feel comfortable going to the bishop I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 The working out part includes music and stuff to keep me focused. I read a lot of books as well.Spirit, I'll have to think on it I guess. I really don't feel comfortable going to the bishop I have.oh well that is a good start Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Matt, I've been there. Well, except for the not-liking-my-bishop part. You know what? My eternal companion turned up anyways. We got married, and I kept it secret and tried to control it on my own for as long as I could . . . and she found out anyways. Every day I wish I had faced the thing head-on when I was still single, and been open about the situation with Just_A_Girl before our wedding day. You will not be able to get this under control by keeping it private and praying it away. I promise you that. You've spent nine years trying to make it happen--how's that been working for you?You need a bishop, and you need to be involved in the Church's addiction recovery program. Now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 since I am not LDS that is not my area of knowledge.but working out doesn't do anything for the mind, the mind still wandersit is good to keep in shape, but the mind is important too.As an exercise physiologist I feel obligated to mention that exercise is actually the most effective proven non-drug intervention for depression and that it prevents brain atrophy which is thought to help avoid dementia and balance loss with advanced age.That being side other pursuits for the mind are a good idea as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 As an exercise physiologist I feel obligated to mention that exercise is actually the most effective proven non-drug intervention for depression and that it prevents brain atrophy which is thought to help avoid dementia and balance loss with advanced age.That being side other pursuits for the mind are a good idea as well.well it hurts my legs and makes me more miserable:lol: now sure I wish I was a muscle bound beautiful statue like specimin... not that I care to impress anyone... more so I can punch things and they break lolso my persuit of mentail exersize have always steered me just fine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I just hate it because my parents understood but I could tell they were sad the last time..I don't want them to be disappointed in me again. Could I go to the bishop of my old ward? He's a good family friend and has helped me with other things in the past. Maybe I'll do what I saw earlier...and write a letter explaining it so I don't have to explain it in my own words...and give a copy to my parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 There is a specific structure to the church which the Lord's anointed prophets and apostles recommend we stick with. I feel for you not getting along with your bishop. I really disliked my bishop when I was a teenager and needed to come clean about my own issues. I totally understand not wanting to let down your parents either. One perk of going the bishop is that they don't have to know. But if this goes unresolved, they will be sad to learn about it the eternities. I fully support JAG's position to talk to the bishop and get addiction recovery help ASAP. I wish you well and will be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I would start with your bishop. If you are more comfortable with your family ward bishop, go for it--but be advised he may refer you on to the bishop of the ward where your records are.The important thing is to get talking about it with someone. Addiction, like a cockroach, goes scurrying away the more light you can throw on it. It thrives in isolation and secrecy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I like that about the roach (addiction) scurrying away. I wrote a letter giving my story with pornography...so I can hand it to my bishop and not explain it all, because I don't know if I could explain it all in words...it's embarrassing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I like that about the roach (addiction) scurrying away.I wrote a letter giving my story with pornography...so I can hand it to my bishop and not explain it all, because I don't know if I could explain it all in words...it's embarrassing.Hi Matt. It's nice to meet you. I appreciate your story...and you plight. Listen to Just_A_Guy. He knows what he is talking about. Going at this thing head on....that is wisdom. And it's love. Love for yourself, and love for those whom you may love some day.Remember that Satan will do anything to keep you from Christ. And he usually does it with lots of lies about how God will be disappointed in you or by seducing you with fear about how embarrassed you'll be or how unsympathetic your bishop feels. Be strong enough to see through the seduction and deception of those messages. They are traps!! Instead of allowing yourself to be fooled, gather your courage and your faith and your trust in God the Father and in his Son Jesus, even if you don't understand all things about them yet. Trust that they understand and they are filled with mercy, grace, and wisdom. Trust that they know Satan's game and they will untangle you from it. Trust that they love you in such immeasurable ways. And trust that your sins can't disqualify you from that.Yes, you will feel some discomfort but it will be temporary. In fact, you'll probably say what Just_A_Guy did. "Why did I wait?"Go. Go to you bishop. Not the old one. The one you have now. Don't try so hard to dodge the discomfort. That's all porn is anyway....a big giant dodge! Go and find your sweet refreshment. It's there waiting for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt1992 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Do you think it's silly to write it in a letter so I don't have to explain everything when meeting? Just have the bishop read the letter while I sit there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritDragon Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Do you think it's silly to write it in a letter so I don't have to explain everything when meeting? Just have the bishop read the letter while I sit there.Whatever it takes to confess and forsake; chances are you'll still end up needing to verbalize something, but if it easier to get the dialogue rolling in writing for you I don't think that is silly. It simply takes a lot of courage to admit to our weaknesses and getting in the bishops office proves your strength of character... even if your confession is written. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Do you think it's silly to write it in a letter so I don't have to explain everything when meeting? Just have the bishop read the letter while I sit there.Nope, I've done that before. One thing to keep in mind though is that even if you have an exhaustive letter that he may still feel the need to talk to you about its content. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Do you think it's silly to write it in a letter so I don't have to explain everything when meeting? Just have the bishop read the letter while I sit there.I love the letter! It's a beautiful way to begin living in truth again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lds2 Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) I just wanted to say that for men to grow up in this world without a pornography problem at some point I think is the exception rather than the rule. It's true, you need to confess with the bishop that has the "mantle", but you can often choose who to counsel with before or after that and those people could be others such as your parents, a professional LDS counselor, another leader, or the missionaries called to this work. Many bishops are still going to want you to "check in" occasionally for support and accountability.I have friends who were 12 step missionaries and said this work was some of the most rewarding of their lives as they developed so many wonderful friendships. I have known some young men that worked through the 12 step book with their bishop or parents. Your father does have stewardship for your family (particularly until you create your own) but is not the right one to stand in the place of Jesus Christ when it comes to serious sin such as sexual sin.I believe when addictions are longer standing such as yours it is important to do more than just stop again (although that is difficult enough). As life has a way of getting even more difficult at times and when that happens we often turn to our "coping" mechanisms. Also with addiction's Satan is not content to let you stay on the outskirts of sin, it always takes more degrading and stronger stuff to give one the same "high" this eventually turns (in the case of sexual sin) to unimaginable (right now) filth and darkness. Even after marriage some are disappointed because they find the "high" often is not as "extreme" as when Satan is the other one involved. I believe that when this addiction "happens" you are never truly alone, there are unseen others there who want you to become as miserable as they are/will be.Older men who I have known or known of (through others affected by their actions) have similar stories to yours up to your point in life but got in deeper and deeper until they cheated on their wives or molested their children. Those wives and children who are betrayed in such a way go through unimaginable pain and some for the rest of their lives and it unfortunately most often destroys souls and what should have been eternal bonds with wives and children. Daughter's often marry abusers because they don't feel worthy of anyone better, son's often turn to alcohol or drugs or become more seriously addicted themselves, etc. and generations are effected by the choices of that one father. Also, such father's often become extremely controlling in other ways with their wives and families when they feel they can't control their own actions in this one.Also, of those I know, those who do not work on it at your age are most often "caught" later in life in the most embarrassing and/or heart rending ways possible, often by a wife or (for those I've known) most often by their most beloved child. Seriously, imagine a four year old child or 12 year old son catching you in the act or unintentionally coming across pop-ups on your phone or computer or finding your "stash" (some becoming addicted themselves) or your daughter finding a dropped letter from your mistress or imagine being caught by police with a prostitute in a car or a child being overheard telling of her sexual abuse to a playground friend.... That has happened all to people I know, most LDS.My best friend's husband had a similar story to yours, but never dealt with it with leaders or with a program; he also "stopped" several times over the years. But eventually life happened and he went back to it again and eventually had a mistress and it was his daughter who "caught" them and since then he has lost everything first his family, through related decisions his job/insurance and then his health. Their whole family has been devastated, the children live in greater poverty, the younger son's who would have gone on missions are still home, his daughter believes she is the one that destroyed her family, the wife has lost almost all selfworth and trust in him and in men in general. Most sad is she might be willing to "take him back" but he refuses to seek "help" believing that because of the severity of the consequences he has "learned his lesson," but she doesn't trust he can do it alone (as according to others in similar circumstances she has talked to or whom eventually overcame their addiction it takes constant and serious spiritual work for the rest of their lives and for them permanent change almost always started with a 12 step program and (because of the severity of their decades long addiction) it is ongoing although not as intensive as at first.) Edited September 10, 2013 by lds2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 that's deep, still couldn't imagine myself with a family though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lds2 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) · Hidden Hidden ... Edited September 9, 2013 by lds2 Link to comment
lds2 Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) I understand that having a family is a hard thing to imagine, I have sons who also would find that difficult. It is also hard to imagine that there is greater suffering in store with undealt with addictions than what one is currently experiencing, but sadly there is. Know there are those who care!!! even complete strangers who would spend almost an entire morning writing something she hopes will help those still struggling. Edited September 9, 2013 by lds2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie123 Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 well bishop aside, methinks you should get a hobby or something.something forfilling, which also can help with depression.I myself paint miniatures, write, read all sorts- I recommend something where you can see a result upon completion(like painting) I know what both those things are like (depression and watching pornography) and like to think I am... better at dealing with my feelings these daysTaking up a martial art might be helpful. Karate and Taekwondo are both good. They exercise your body and mind together, and it foster an attitude of discipline and respect for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 Taking up a martial art might be helpful. Karate and Taekwondo are both good. They exercise your body and mind together, and it foster an attitude of discipline and respect for others.I donno... since you can't make a man's head explode with them... kind of looses it's thrill:lol:besides tossing myself into social situations like that is hard, I haven't been to church in a few weeks because its really draining and difficult to deal with the paranoiaThe missionaries didn't believe me lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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