People Swearing

[Guest Username-Removed]

I work in customer service, and even though Im in Utah, people call in and sometimes they swear. Now, I can handle people that swear when they are not mad, but when they are angry and swear at the same time, I have a hard time with it.

When people swear a lot around me, I also swear, and I dont want to do that. Does anybody have any suggestions for me? I've tried "sir, if you wouldnt mind not swearing, I'd appreciate that" and they just get more upset.

Any ideas?

[FrankJL]

Learn to deal with it, I know that sounds kind of harsh, but you can't change most people. I becomes more hassle then its worth. Especially where you can't control it, like in short calls with customers.

After spending 8 years active duty army, there is nothing that people can say that really offends me. I've heard probably every obscene, disgusting, and weird thing you can probably think of, and then some.

[Guest Username-Removed]

Learn to deal with it, I know that sounds kind of harsh, but you can't change most people. I becomes more hassle then its worth. Especially where you can't control it, like in short calls with customers.

After spending 8 years active duty army, there is nothing that people can say that really offends me. I've heard probably every obscene, disgusting, and weird thing you can probably think of, and then some.

Any ideas on how to "learn to deal with it?"

[FrankJL]

Just don't let it bother you so much, I'm not really sure how to explain it more eloquently. Its just a mental toughness you have to develop.

Most of the time you would spend vainly trying to get people to change their ways, could be put to far more productive uses, especially in a work environment. If it is a coworker that is harassing you, I'm sure your workplace has official policies that you could use to resolve you situation.

[Guest Username-Removed]

Just don't let it bother you so much, I'm not really sure how to explain it more eloquently. Its just a mental toughness you have to develop.

Most of the time you would spend vainly trying to get people to change their ways, could be put to far more productive uses, especially in a work environment. If it is a coworker that is harassing you, I'm sure your workplace has official policies that you could use to resolve you situation.

Its not at all that Im trying to change them, I dont like the hate I hear. Just so you know, Im a motorhead and I've worked a lot with engine builders of all types. People swearing in a jovial manor doesnt offend me in the least. But when they use the "F" word, and tell me to ... off, and try to get personal with it, it feels threatening to me. Maybe I just need to realize they are on the other end of the phone and electrons and photons cant hurt me LOL.

I have no idea why people get bent out of shape on something like this. Its like their world has come to an end. One time someone called and did that over the phone, used the "F" word, "S" word, called me several names, and questioned by parentage, then asked me what country I was in. I replyed, "Im in the state of Utah, and according to your customer records, you are about 18 blocks from me" ..."So, I guess that puts you in 5th ward doesn't it?"

[Aphrodite]

You have to ignore it. Yeah its not nice, but this is the real world, people swear. My husband works on building sites and the language they use makes you almost cringe. Every other word is an F, they talk hideously about what they do to women, etc etc. My husband hates it, but he has had to get used to it. If he didnt, he'd be out of a job! They make fun of him as it is knowing he's a christian (they dont know he's a member otherwise he would literally be risking physical harm-one of his work mates had the elders knock on his door and he told the whole site what he wanted to do to those F-ing Mormons, and he would). Swearing is the least of his problems!!!! To avoid swearing you'd have to never watch films, t.v or go out. On the phone, ignore it. In person, I might say (as I have done at work), I am not going to have this discussion until you stop swearing at me. Usually they do, sometimes it makes it worse as you say. So now I just say, I will not discuss this with you while you are behaving this way/shouting whatever. That works better as people who are swearing are usually shouting lol.

[StrawberryFields]

I really hate swearing.

I personally think it shows a lack of intelligence and self composure.

[JcDean78]

I can deal with any of it as long as it is NOT God's name in vain. The rest of the words I do not think are swear words but rather just vulgar and rude so they just do not bother me. Lord's name in vain is like fingers on a chalk board to me.

[Guest Username-Removed]

My work says that I can ask them not to swear, but many times it simply makes it worse, we can mute them, but we still hear it, we can just go silent in protest, but then again, we get to hear more and more of it until they just hang up themselves. If we hang up on them we are fired. We are trained to show empathy for the root of the problem. It is difficult to be empathetic when they are spewing hate. Im not as good as ignoring it as I would like. I suppose I could build a brick wall, and let nothing bother me, but then again, I would be building a brick wall against everything else at the same time, including the Holy Ghost. This is a problem for sure.

[Vanilla]

In my office, my policy is that after you have alerted the caller that they are using inappropriate language, it is acceptable to tell them that if they continue to do so you will discontinue the conversation. If the offensive language continues, we tell them that we are going to hang up and let them know that we will be available to help them when they are calm enough to use appropriate langauge. I know that this infuriates some people, but at the same time, I don't feel that anyone in my office should have to tolerate this type of verbal abuse. Same goes for yelling and name calling. One warning is all you get....second strike and you are disconnected.

I am far from being free of this bad habit, I can go for days without swearing but let me stub my toe or drop something and my potty mouth kicks into overdrive! I do however have pretty good control over not using it directly at someone. My dad gave up a 15 year habit of cigarettes and alcohol cold turkey over 40 years ago and says that as hard as that was, eliminating foul words from his vocabulary is still a constant struggle.

I had a Bishop who once told me that people only swear because they can't think of anything more intelligent to say.

[Guest Username-Removed]

Verbal abuse is exactly what it is. If it was just words, the F word or S word in a friendly conversation, Im ok with that. But the rage with swear words is really, as you said, verbal abuse.

I suppose I will have to figure a way to deal with it. I'll probably put up a brick wall and just make myself numb of everything they say. Thats going to be hard for a lot of other people because I feel I have truely solved many issues by using those tools that help me listen to thier needs. That verbal abuse is like someone hammering on my ear. -- Its just photons and electrons -- ... next call.

[Guest mamacat]

dear WordFlood ~

when people swear at you in an emotional and angry way, it is easy to get enveloped in their negative energy. letting this energy invade your own can have debilitating effects over time, affecting your emotional and physical health. you must find ways of deflecting this energy, letting it bounce off you, not absorbing it. one way is to 'detach' yourself from the drama that is happening...to take yourself, mentally and emotionally away from the situation at hand, and not allow yourself to be drawn into the negative emotions of others. you must learn some 'grounding' techniques. here is one description of how to do that ~

...to keep others' energy from invading you is to stop whatever you're doing and name everything you see around you, out loud if possible, for at least five minutes. right now, you might look around you and say, "i see a black lamp, a beige telephone, three magazines, a white vase with a red carnation in it, three pencils, a rown wastebasket, my boss smiling at a client," and so on. continue doing this for three or four minutes, or until you're completely relaxed, calm, and neutral. this exercise trains you to get out of your head and into what's actually in front of you, instead of being emotionally hijacked into your own or someone else's drama.

the benefits of detachment in the face of intense emotional activity can't be overstated. it doesn't cut you off from your heart center; it opens you more. in fact, when you refrain from absorbing the energy around you, you'll remain clear and grounded.

this technique works well even while in the middle of a conversation -- if someone is having a rant, just detach your attention from him while he goes on, and practice this exercise to yourself, silently. it works even after just a few moments. also don't forget to breathe. take deep, conscious breaths as you do this.

the above exercise is from the book Trust Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette. i hope this helps. if you want to discuss this topic further, that would be great. i think the energy surrounding you has a big impact on your mental, emotional and physical health. it's a favorite subject of mine. wishing you lots of peace and kindness....

love, mamacat

[Gwen]

when the ppl get to bad can you transfer them to a supervisor instead of hanging up? say, "you sound very upset about this, i'm not sure i can help this situation, would you like to speak with a supervisor?" or something of that nature.

i had to call an insurance company not long ago that was trying to deny a claim. it was very frustraiting, and i wanted to swear at some of the operators. lol i finally realized rather than arguing, getting mad and/or swearing at someone that obviously wasn't going to help me i started moving up the chain of command. one, "i can't...." and i stopped the conversation, "put me on with your supervisor please" after about 5 levels of managment (supposidly who knows who they transfered me to lol) i finaly got someone who could process my claim. lol

i can tollerate swearing if someone is upset, as long as they don't attack me for no reason. i can't stand it in regular conversation or "fun". there is nothing funny about nasty language. i don't even like my toddlers making poopy jokes. sure it's a word you have when potty training but a context of conversation (even a jovial conversation) is appropriate, not out of jest (ie poopy head or such nonsence).

i recall a youth fireside about language. the speaker was a police officer. he talked about how some of the other officers, even lds officers, would swear at ppl giving them a hard time. he had been instructed that there was power in such words and to get ppl to listen sometimes you had to use them. he tried it. it worked, those words had power. but he never felt good about it. one day he asked himself whose power did those words evoke? he stopped swearing imeadiately knowing it wasn't god's power. he'd rather have god's power and the priesthood protecting him, the holy ghost guiding him and keeping him safe, than whatever power this was he called upon for an imeadiate reaction. obviously his words made an impression upon me. lol

[Guest Username-Removed]

dear WordFlood ~

when people swear at you in an emotional and angry way, it is easy to get enveloped in their negative energy. letting this energy invade your own can have debilitating effects over time, affecting your emotional and physical health. you must find ways of deflecting this energy, letting it bounce off you, not absorbing it. one way is to 'detach' yourself from the drama that is happening...to take yourself, mentally and emotionally away from the situation at hand, and not allow yourself to be drawn into the negative emotions of others. you must learn some 'grounding' techniques. here is one description of how to do that ~

...to keep others' energy from invading you is to stop whatever you're doing and name everything you see around you, out loud if possible, for at least five minutes. right now, you might look around you and say, "i see a black lamp, a beige telephone, three magazines, a white vase with a red carnation in it, three pencils, a rown wastebasket, my boss smiling at a client," and so on. continue doing this for three or four minutes, or until you're completely relaxed, calm, and neutral. this exercise trains you to get out of your head and into what's actually in front of you, instead of being emotionally hijacked into your own or someone else's drama.

the benefits of detachment in the face of intense emotional activity can't be overstated. it doesn't cut you off from your heart center; it opens you more. in fact, when you refrain from absorbing the energy around you, you'll remain clear and grounded.

this technique works well even while in the middle of a conversation -- if someone is having a rant, just detach your attention from him while he goes on, and practice this exercise to yourself, silently. it works even after just a few moments. also don't forget to breathe. take deep, conscious breaths as you do this.

the above exercise is from the book Trust Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette. i hope this helps. if you want to discuss this topic further, that would be great. i think the energy surrounding you has a big impact on your mental, emotional and physical health. it's a favorite subject of mine. wishing you lots of peace and kindness....

love, mamacat

Mama,

Thats exactly what I am looking for - a technique. So, Im going to silently name the things I see while I let them rant, rage and do their thing. The idea is that I do this when the language starts, so I can temporarily detach myself from what they are saying. I will give it a shot.

Thanks

[Guest mamacat]

[a-train]

Go buy some Notorious B.I.G. and blast it 24-7, that will get you desensitized...

...wait...

...maybe not.

I work at a skateboard shop. Parents come in trying to look cool and cuss a lot. The best is when they lean over the counter and say stuff real low so their kids don't hear them. It is as if they are saying: 'Hey, my kids don't know it, but I am actually sooooo coool.' I could choose to be offended. But what is the right thing to do here?

The reality is, we live in a society where the vast majority of people constantly use the language mommy told us not too. I live in Kansas City. I hear harsh language all day every day. I am sufficiently desensitized I guess.

I think the best we can do is speak as well as possible and others will follow our lead. When one raises the vocabulary stakes in a game of conversation the others tend to make efforts to see that bet and the more observant and wealthy in jargon will attempt to raise.

-a-train

[Guest mamacat]

Go buy some Notorious B.I.G. and blast it 24-7, that will get you desensitized...

...wait...

...maybe not.

I work at a skateboard shop. Parents come in trying to look cool and cuss a lot. The best is when they lean over the counter and say stuff real low so their kids don't hear them. It is as if they are saying: 'Hey, my kids don't know it, but I am actually sooooo coool.' I could choose to be offended. But what is the right thing to do here?

The reality is, we live in a society where the vast majority of people constantly use the language mommy told us not too. I live in Kansas City. I hear harsh language all day every day. I am sufficiently desensitized I guess.

I think the best we can do is speak as well as possible and others will follow our lead. When one raises the vocabulary stakes in a game of conversation the others tend to make efforts to see that bet and the more observant and wealthy in jargon will attempt to raise.

-a-train

well said. i tend to bluff a lot. i just love great words.

[Dr T]

Notorious B.I.G.

"I live out there so don't go there" That is an actual lyric from one of his songs. That is pathetic!

[StrawberryFields]

At my hubbies work they have one guy that seems to go over the top at times with his swearing and he owns the place. B) The subject of his swearing came up on a ride home from an event with one of the VP's and he said that he might need to get out the buck jar. In the past this has proven effective. Everytime this person or any for that matter swears they need to contribute to the jar. I think if someone swears a lot they need this brought to their attention. The money and the having to give to the jar is enough to raise the awareness I guess.

[Dr T]

People do not tend to use foul language around me. On occasion, when it has happed at the clinic, (a nurse that cusses around all other employee's all the time) apologizes to me for it.

[Guest mamacat]

my son has decided to test the mettle of our missionaries lol...he was in a phase for a while, during which he was very disprespectful of me and would use very inappropriate words towards me (i honestly don't know where he learned these words, we do not use them in our house). the elders always attempt to be respectful and non-interfering in family dynamics, but one day my son made a show of this language use (mostly for attention i assume) in addressing me. and as one of the elders was of a quite serious mindframe, i thought that he was going to burst with anger, esp at hearing a child talk to his mother that way, using those words. he sat there fuming, (while i was so utterly embarrassed.....) almost unable to speak.

it was an awkward moment, to say the least. i tried explaining that it was just a phase (and it was, it has passed, and he no longer uses those words). but i don't think they really understood. my babe is quite a handful, and requires almost all of their attention when they visit. the last time they visited we played a game that we found at our LDS bookstore...called Reach for the Stars....the game that builds self-esteem and love. hehe...they had to skip around the room and tell each other how much they love each other. my son had more fun than ever.

i think that loving always overcomes the negativity that can result from the imbalances that are inherent in our materialistic culture. my son loves the missionaries, and says they are superheroes, even when they get mad. :)

he is always precocious though. we had a new missionary who visited, and the first thing my babe said to him was, "Mama always asks the elders for money."

( i do not).

life's a trip...i try to enjoy the journey.

[FrankJL]

If we instituted a cuss jar in every military motor pool, we could generate enough money to wipe out the national debt in a matter of weeks...heh

[StrawberryFields]

If we instituted a cuss jar in every military motor pool, we could generate enough money to wipe out the national debt in a matter of weeks...heh

Doesn't sound so bad. :)

[Blessed]

I don't like the idea of "deal with it" because that sends that signal to the other person that they can speak that way around you and you don't mind. I am very adimant (sp?), firm and polite when someone is cussing around me. I will just say "I would appreciate it if you do not cuss in front of me. I find it rude and offensive." IF the person continues...I simply dismiss myself from the conversation. Period.

But, no, I wouldn't just "deal with it."

[Guest Username-Removed]

So far today I havent had any big raging swearers. But I was ready for them! HAHA! We'll see how the next 5 hours go. Back to work!