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take2

Helping a non member girlfriend...

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Hello, Well I'm investigating the church for the second time as I was excommunicated a few years ago. I say investigating but I'm beyond that...I know its what I want in my life. Since then I have met an amazing non member woman who knows nothing of the church and has a distaste for organized religion. A few days ago when I told her that we had to make some changes in our relationship which included no more intimacy. Being the amazing woman that she is she has not only agreed but offered her support as I make changes in my life. Although she has made it absolutely clear that she has no interest in the church I'm wondering what i can do to make this easier on her. We live together, have had a sexual relationship for 2 years, and are discussing marriage quite soon. I am quite reserved about this and up until a few days ago hadn't even discussed it with her even though in secret it has been on my mind for about the past year. Completely out of no where I found myself in church last Sunday for the first time in 3 years and that night exhibited unknown strength in telling her the changes I wanted in my life...in ours. I guess I felt that it was now or never and that i wanted the church in my life...even if it meant losing her. Having dropped this bomb on her she is taking it amazingly well but i just want to help her as much as possible! She even agreed that stopping all intimacy would improve our relationship and she expressed her desire that she had wanted to stop 6 months before our being married. We had always joked about what the other would do if they were"cut off" but it was always laughed off and never touched on. Unbeknownst to the other...we were actually testing the waters to see what the other thought! Well I've gone on long enough...any advice, comments, suggestions?

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This is my personal advice:

If you two have been living as a married couple for the last two years and love each other - get married! Make that commitment. Some might argue that it's "just a piece of paper" but it's so much more than that. Marriage shows the dedication and devotion between two people. Secondly, just remember that while your girlfriend currently is lenient to your lifestyle changes, you cannot change her. So whatever spiritual journey your are on, is your own. If at some point she is willing to take it with you, learn the gospel, and join the Church - then wonderful.

Hope that helps and congrats on the first step.

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Amen to what Bini said.

And in addition - before saying, "I do", make sure you are very sure that she is the respectful kind of person who will never hate on you for your religion or hate on your religion. Being an active LDS is not just a 1-hour on Sundays thing - it's a lot more involved than that and this would impact her too.

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She even agreed that stopping all intimacy would improve our relationship and she expressed her desire that she had wanted to stop 6 months before our being married.
Huh. Lots and lots of stories come through here, but I don't often hear something like this.

You say she's supportive of you coming back to church, you're both ok with changing the relationship to no sex before marriage, and she's still as interested in getting married as you are? I mean, I can't really tell from just one paragraph from an anonymous source, but she sounds like she might be a keeper. Distaste for organized religion isn't a deal breaker in my mind. You'd hardly be the first part-member family at church, I have several in my ward.

My advice, is continue coming to church. You say you want it back in your life, go for it. You are certainly not the only excommunicated person who would like back in. I suggest you schedule a meeting with your bishop, and tell him everything. Why you're ex'd, your current living arrangements, and the desires of your heart. I'm thinking he'll probably work with you.

Edited by Loudmouth_Mormon

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Hi take 2. I think it's great that you want to come back to church and get rebaptisted!!!!That's super wonderful news. I know that Our Father in Heaven is very happy hearing you say this. You do need to talk with the Bishop. I think you will have to get married or move out and not share a place with your gf before you get rebaptisted. If this is so please don' let it discourage you.

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