Inactive Husband

[Jia]

Yes, this is kinda like my other thread here, but I wanted some ideas on how to help get my husband active again. I want to go, but I want to go as a family, and he just won't go. It's not even that he doesn't want to, he just won't go. He says he feels out of place (and I know the feeling) and he says he feels like he doesn't belong. I think a big part of it had to do with a Bishop we had long ago that he didn't like, but he's now been released and the ward has been split.

My husband has friends who are the furthest thing from LDS, and they are influencing. Everytime I've tried to get him active in the past, he's resisted because he feels that I'm forcing him to do too much or give up too much all at once. But I don't know how to do anything without it seeming out of nature, or pushy. Anyone go through this before? What did you do? Any ideas?

I just wish he still had LDS friends in the area.

[Guest Yediyd]

I went through this, not in an LDS church...but when I married my husband he was "called to preach" After he got the ring on my finger he would not even read the Bible with me, much less go to church. My mistake was in trying to force him to be the man I thought I married. The more I pushed, the more he resisted, My advice...YOU do the right thing and pray for him. BE the example, don't try to push him or you will push him away.

Speaking from expeariance.

[belisimo35]

Dear Sister,

You be the example and go, my ex- husband not a member, but when I was home, I would go and he would attend the activities and support me, O he didnt like the people at church etc..but I would always say this is for myself and future grandchildren my investment for them. You will be fine, his heart will be softened...if I waited for my whole family to come to church, it would be , till kingdom come..eh!! more stress.

Just be loving and an example he will see you happy and follow. My ex now taking discussions...hm when the time is right..they will follow..pray about it and follow your heart, you know him well, he is a good man, and their will always be opposition in all things from worldly influence...BUT you, you know that desire in your heart wil take you places, when you serve Heavenly Father, you are serving your family.

It is the taste of bitter sweet love, Your doing fine.

Sister

[the Ogre]

You know what, just go. He might change his mind, but try not to fight about it.

[Aang1]

I have a brother that's slowly going inactive, mainly because My Dad is pushing him

so much about it, that He's doing more spiritual things than the rest of us, and He

doesn't even enjoy it!

My advice would be to give him some space, let him know his bounderies, if

He goes into bad habits, kindly tell him that they aren't good for him, and

when there are things like pancake breakfasts and stuff, he might go to those.

Then he might realize that this new ward isn't the same as he went to, people

aren't looking down on him, and he might come back.

[Annabelli]

Family Home Evening is a good activity. I wouldn't push a Scripture Study on your husband, just a family night once a week.

[Jia]

Thanks everyone. I've been doing what you said. I went last week to Church and even had the RS Pres over for a few hours. I've been watching more movies like RM, Singles Ward and The Work and the Glory and have even turned my online blog into a more LDS friendly one. I've also been reading more LDS books when he's around, and talking more about it. I've noticed that he's cursing less around me now that I think he knows I care more. He recently quit his horrible job (the worst influence ever) and I'm hoping that because he hasn't had to worry about work this week, he'll feel good enough to go tomorrow.

[Kevin]

I home taught a family for about 4 years where both the husband and wife were inactive. I invited them to go to church a couple of times and the wife decided to accept and began attending with their two daughters. A couple years later the husband started going and became very faithful. He and I were talking about a few months ago and we got onto the topic of what helped him come back. He said that it was his wife and the complete lack of her saying anything to him about coming to church. She asked him to come initially and when he refused she let him do what he wanted.

At first, he was glad to be able to have the house to himself or to go golfing but after a while he noticed his wife and kids being happy and enjoying church. He, at times began to feel a little guilty because he knew that was where he was supposed to be. Eventually he just started coming again. Perhaps this would be a good approach with you and your husband. Let him know once that you know that's where he is supposed to be and then don't mention it again.

[Guest Yediyd]

I home taught a family for about 4 years where both the husband and wife were inactive. I invited them to go to church a couple of times and the wife decided to accept and began attending with their two daughters. A couple years later the husband started going and became very faithful. He and I were talking about a few months ago and we got onto the topic of what helped him come back. He said that it was his wife and the complete lack of her saying anything to him about coming to church. She asked him to come initially and when he refused she let him do what he wanted.

At first, he was glad to be able to have the house to himself or to go golfing but after a while he noticed his wife and kids being happy and enjoying church. He, at times began to feel a little guilty because he knew that was where he was supposed to be. Eventually he just started coming again. Perhaps this would be a good approach with you and your husband. Let him know once that you know that's where he is supposed to be and then don't mention it again.

I wish I had had enough fortitude to have taken that approach, It may have saved my marriage.

I went with the nagging and belittling...not a good idea, I learned the hard way.

[Dr T]

Sorry to hear that Yed.

[Guest Yediyd]

Sorry to hear that Yed.

I had to learn life's lesson the hard way...Now I can be a better wife to the next "lucky" man!!! (wink!!)

[Dr T]

Have you learned? (is the question)

[Guest Yediyd]

Have you learned? (is the question)

Indeed I have, Yes sir!!!

[Dr T]

I'll store that in the back of my mind. :)

[Kevin]

<div class='quotemain'> I home taught a family for about 4 years where both the husband and wife were inactive. I invited them to go to church a couple of times and the wife decided to accept and began attending with their two daughters. A couple years later the husband started going and became very faithful. He and I were talking about a few months ago and we got onto the topic of what helped him come back. He said that it was his wife and the complete lack of her saying anything to him about coming to church. She asked him to come initially and when he refused she let him do what he wanted.

At first, he was glad to be able to have the house to himself or to go golfing but after a while he noticed his wife and kids being happy and enjoying church. He, at times began to feel a little guilty because he knew that was where he was supposed to be. Eventually he just started coming again. Perhaps this would be a good approach with you and your husband. Let him know once that you know that's where he is supposed to be and then don't mention it again.

I wish I had had enough fortitude to have taken that approach, It may have saved my marriage.

I went with the nagging and belittling...not a good idea, I learned the hard way.

It might have made a difference but your Ex is still accountable for his own actions.

[Guest Yediyd]

I know that and I have matured since then. I like to believe I will not make that mistake again...

[prisonchaplain]

<div class='quotemain'> Sorry to hear that Yed.

I had to learn life's lesson the hard way...Now I can be a better wife to the next "lucky" man!!! (wink!!)

Yed, I pray that you find a loving, God-fearing, wealthy man, who believes that his highest calling is to honor and pamper you and bless you and bring much deserved healing to you.

[Guest Yediyd]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'> Sorry to hear that Yed.

I had to learn life's lesson the hard way...Now I can be a better wife to the next "lucky" man!!! (wink!!)

Yed, I pray that you find a loving, God-fearing, wealthy man, who believes that his highest calling is to honor and pamper you and bless you and bring much deserved healing to you. If he is a G-d fearing man...it will not matter how much money he has...he will be wealthy.

[tbauro]

Yes, this is kinda like my other thread here, but I wanted some ideas on how to help get my husband active again. I want to go, but I want to go as a family, and he just won't go. It's not even that he doesn't want to, he just won't go. He says he feels out of place (and I know the feeling) and he says he feels like he doesn't belong. I think a big part of it had to do with a Bishop we had long ago that he didn't like, but he's now been released and the ward has been split.

My husband has friends who are the furthest thing from LDS, and they are influencing. Everytime I've tried to get him active in the past, he's resisted because he feels that I'm forcing him to do too much or give up too much all at once. But I don't know how to do anything without it seeming out of nature, or pushy. Anyone go through this before? What did you do? Any ideas?

I just wish he still had LDS friends in the area.

My advice to u is that dont "give up". I was baptised to this church in 2000 and my husband who was a member never attend church. It so hard for me to go to church by myself because i was new to the church at that time.

my husband had a problem with smoke and alcohol and that why he didint attend church. I asked him to quit smoke and alcohol, but refused.

I prayed hard for my husband to be active again, I fast, pay tithing and did everything that is required by lds member. I did that for 3yrs. I never push my husband but through prayer, fasting and faithful to him that change him completed. He is now a bishop.

Never give up and good luck

[Guest WhoShotJS]

bump