Breaking Up

[inthearmsofsleep]

My girlfriend and I just broke up. We were together for 3 years, and I loved her very much, but there were many things that started coming between us and things that I couldn't really take anymore. She's a non-member and it always got to me that we would probably never share the same beliefs. Anyway, from your experience, what is the best way to deal with a break-up? I think I'm still in shock, and haven't really felt the sad part of it yet, but I've been reading my scriptures and feel very much comforted.

[Aphrodite]

breaking up is never easy. Do whatever you feel makes you feel better. I always found going out with my friends helped. Go out and have fun. Or read and reflect. Whatever is best for you. I always surrounded myself with friends and they helped me through it.

[pushka]

I did the same as Aphrodite when my long term relationship ended in January, this year.

Fortunately, I had lots of day time classes that I could attend, which could take my mind off thinking about being on my own, and how lonely that made me feel.

I 'grieved' the loss of my relationship very tearfully for about 3 days, and couldn't read books where characters were dating and in love, or watch anything on TV that was like that either.

When I started attending my classes again, and focussing on other areas of my life, I realised that I didn't actually need my former partner in order to be happy.

[BenRaines]

Inthearmsofsleep, how old are you? I ask to offer age based advice. I think it differs depending on your age.

Being boyfriend and girlfriend are one thing and living together for a number of years is another. Living together is sort of like being married. I would imagine that the breakup would be different.

Ben Raines

[inthearmsofsleep]

Inthearmsofsleep, how old are you? I ask to offer age based advice. I think it differs depending on your age.

Being boyfriend and girlfriend are one thing and living together for a number of years is another. Living together is sort of like being married. I would imagine that the breakup would be different.

Ben Raines

To answer your question, I'm 20. The biggest problem right now is that I'm out of a job and not going to college at the moment, so it's harder to find distractions.

[Adomini22]

I was once told that for every year of being in a relationship, it will take 3 months to get over it. So, if you were together for 3 years.....9 months maximum. OF course, ending a relationship hurts. No pain like the opposite sex. But..... I would guess 1 month to get out of your funk, 2 months to start dating again casually, etc. The whole trust issue, will take longer. ( This is my opinion only, of course).

[Guest Yediyd]

Let's see...I was married to my husband for seven years...I have been separated now for eight years....yep, I'm good!!! Who wants to date me?

[susieSA]

Let's see...I was married to my husband for seven years...I have been separated now for eight years....yep, I'm good!!! Who wants to date me?

[CaptainTux]

To answer your question, I'm 20. The biggest problem right now is that I'm out of a job and not going to college at the moment, so it's harder to find distractions.

Okay, I remember 20. Now, when I was 20 we would go eat brontosaurus burgers and cry into our wooly milk shakes. However, all the chemical and emotional reaction are still the same.

Distraction is key. Hang out with your friends,work out, play softball, etc. If you do not have a large group of friends like that, make some. Most park districts have lots of things from flag football leagues, to softball, to indoor rock climbing, to chess. Okay, so we got social. Now we need to get the brain off of her. Pick a topic you think would be fun. Military strategy in historical combat, bad vice presidents, quantum physics, liquid soap...whatever...go to the library and check out a book on the subject and read it. So we got social, mental...now for the body...exercise...work out...get those endorphines running to keep the brain happy. Best anti depressant ever made is made right in your body and a good jog in the sun gets em going.

Now, one word of caution...no romantic comedies, no Cure, no Empire Strikes Back, and no drive bys her house or old hang outs.

[inthearmsofsleep]

Thanks for all the input, though we ended up getting back together

The couple of days of breakup were pretty rough though. It took me a year to get over my first girlfriend, I guess just because I had to see her every day with her new boyfriend.

[susieSA]

Thanks for all the input, though we ended up getting back together

The couple of days of breakup were pretty rough though. It took me a year to get over my first girlfriend, I guess just because I had to see her every day with her new boyfriend.

Awww...

Glad it all worked out for you :)

[Annabelli]

You have been with your partner since you were 17 years old. And you had a former girlfriend for a year when you must have been 16 years old.

You need to take care of your relationship but take a lot of time to seriously get your life together (work, career, foundation).

Find out what your partner wants in life and set some goals.

[inthearmsofsleep]

Guess what? We broke up officially (again.) No, we're not one of those couples that does that all the time, but I guess she just didn't want to be with me anymore. For some reason, it hurts more than it did last time. I'm having trouble finding things to do (still), because I have no friends here to hang out with, no job, and no school. Here's what I have to work with:

Young-Single-Adult Institute class once a week

Church on Sunday

Personal scripture study

A small pool we just bought, it's pretty fun

Online multiplayer games (Counter-Strike: Source, Day of Defeat: Source)

Playing guitar

Making music when I can

and hanging out with my family occasionally.

So, basically... every day is almost the same. Also, I don't know if this is a "girl thing" or whatever, but why do people (my ex) insist on staying friends after a breakup? It hurts terribly, and yet I can't refuse it because I don't have any friends but her.

[siouxz72]

Hi Sleep!

Sorry to hear you guys broke up again. It's just like the song says...breaking up is hard to do! I remember 20 as well and from the ripe old age of 34, here's my advice. I most heartily concur with Annabelli. You've been in seriously relationships since you were of an age to date. What you need to do most right now is focus on you! What would you like to do with your life? What sort of career would you be interested in pursuing? What sort of schooling will that require? Where would you like to go to school? etc. etc.

YSA is a great place for you to meet new friends that have similar beliefs to you. That's a place where you can develop friendships that will last you a life time! Also, it sounds like your of an age to serve a mission... Is that something that interests you? There's nothing like focusing on service to the Lord to get your mind off things here in the "world"!

Finally...it really is true that time heals all wounds. I had a very tumultuous relationship with a boy when I was in high school and there was no way I ever thought we would be in a position to be friends again...but that's exactly what has happened! It wasn't instantaneous, but it did happen eventually. The first few conversations were, needles to say, awkward..but I really did care about him and what he was doing with his life and so that eventually won out over the awkwardness!

And by all means listen to CaptainTux!! "...no romantic comedies, no Cure, no Empire Strikes Back, and no drive bys her house or old hang outs." This is mandatory! No ifs ands or buts about it!

There you have it...my two cents! Good luck, my friend! :)

[checkerboy]

All ready lots of good advice given. I am getting divorced after 8 years so I kinda know what you are going through. The stuff that is helping me actually has been all of you guys. Coming here and talking to real people cause like you I've got no friends here and for a while I didn't have a job so it was easy to become bitter and mope about. I really got into excersizing and getting back to things I enjoyed when single, like playing my bass and painting and definetly socializing. It is good that here there are people that I can talk to and they listen and empathize. I haven't ventured into the real world of dating yet cause I am not ready but coming here is preparing me for that as well as taking my mind off all the things that I lost. There are still mornings that I don't want to get out of bed but now having a job and a better relationship with Heavenly Father helps me through those days. Hope some of that helps and if you ever see me in the chat room don't hesitate to say hi.

[Alaskagain]

Ok, you are 20 yrs old, don't have a job, and not in school. Is that right?

Do volunteer work. Right now, do it. Make a phone call to a charitable organization and ask how can I help?

It will keep your mind off yourself and your ex girlfriend, and on the needs of others. The more hours you can put in the better.

[Annabelli]

The Red Cross is desperate for volunteers right now.

[inthearmsofsleep]

Thanks, all of you for your kind hearts and caring for a stranger you don't know all too well. Sorry I sounded so down in my last message, but that's how I was feeling at the time. I found a really good job opportunity today and applied online, and friends that I haven't seen in ages have been showing themselves (no doubt as an answer to my prayers) and being there for me. I DO want to serve a mission, with an incredible passion, but I have to go through the repentance process completely before I can do so (I've already met with the bishop 1 year and 4 months ago). Anyway, I found out that you can help transcribe old records from scanned-in documents and enter the data online to help with genealogy work. My uncle has been doing it but I have to get the link from him, cause that sounds like something I'd be crazy about doing with all this extra time. Thanks again, it's so comforting to know that I can post my problems here and get real feedback and real advice from people who care.

[Alaskagain]

I'm glad to hear things are looking up. Good luck with the job application, and you obviously are heading in the right direction.

As far as the transcription - are you talking about the indexing program?

Here's the link! http://www.familysearchindexing.org/en/index.jsp

[siouxz72]

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction, Sleep. There are a lot of ways that you can help while you're going through the repentance process and until you are able to serve a full time mission. Remember that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love you very much and are ready and waiting for you to come back to them completely. :)

I'm so happy that friends are coming out of the woodwork and that you feel comfortable with us her at Talk!

Good luck with the job hunt!!

[inthearmsofsleep]

Alaskagain: Thanks, I didn't get to look at the link much but I think that's right one : )

Guess what? Today I got a calling! It's nothing spectacular, but it's obviously something I need to do. They (or rather.. God) made me a ward activities representative, which is sort of going to "force" me to go to church activities (aside from normal church).

[Guest WhoShotJS]

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