Marriage Struggle

[Elphaba]

It has been a month since Shelly made her post and I hope she has found peace in her life. I pray that Shelly will one day be able to tell us how she is doing.

I agree with Annabelli, though I'm worried about her. In these situations I tend to think if she were all right she would have written and told us so.

I will hope for the best, and like Annabelli, hope we hear from her soon.

Elphaba

[pam]

My heart really is touched with your situation.

Here's the deal: Many people get to the point where they start dreaming of being alone, but they don't quite realize that it has it very own set of problems. Having to deal with all the daily problems and challenges of living is no picnic, especially for a single Mom; you can get awfully lonely, isolated, even fearful when it's ALL on your shoulders, alone, with nobody to share it with.

Consider financial challenges -- what will that be like for you? Will you have to get a job? What are you prepared to do? Will you need training or education? How will you manage that? (There are many resources for women that you should check into) --

Consider raising your kids alone -- and you have to be very careful not to make your oldest or your boy your "surrogate" partner -- that's a trap many single moms fall into.

The thing is, if you leave him, you will simply be trading one set of problems fo another -- So the question really is, which set do you think you could more reasonably, comfortably, live with?

For more help making the decision and checking out the resources you'll need, check with your local women's resource center, and/or Parents Without Partners ---

Good luck to you --

~Gaia

I'm curious what you mean by the trap that some single moms fall into in using their oldest or "boy" as surrogate partners. I'm not talking in the sexual way of course but curious as to what you mean.

[pushka]

I suppose it can be easy to fall into the trap of relying on your eldest child to support you too much, rather than allowing them to continue being kids...I know that my kids have seen too much negativity since their father and I separated, and Becki and Dan have had to grow up in some areas more quickly than they normally would have had to. Becki feels afraid whenever I am alone, that I might commit suicide or something...

[Gaia]

<div class='quotemain'>

My heart really is touched with your situation.

Here's the deal: Many people get to the point where they start dreaming of being alone, but they don't quite realize that it has it very own set of problems. Having to deal with all the daily problems and challenges of living is no picnic, especially for a single Mom; you can get awfully lonely, isolated, even fearful when it's ALL on your shoulders, alone, with nobody to share it with.

Consider financial challenges -- what will that be like for you? Will you have to get a job? What are you prepared to do? Will you need training or education? How will you manage that? (There are many resources for women that you should check into) --

Consider raising your kids alone -- and you have to be very careful not to make your oldest or your boy your "surrogate" partner -- that's a trap many single moms fall into.

The thing is, if you leave him, you will simply be trading one set of problems fo another -- So the question really is, which set do you think you could more reasonably, comfortably, live with?

For more help making the decision and checking out the resources you'll need, check with your local women's resource center, and/or Parents Without Partners ---

Good luck to you --

~Gaia

I'm curious what you mean by the trap that some single moms fall into in using their oldest or "boy" as surrogate partners. I'm not talking in the sexual way of course but curious as to what you mean.

GAIA:

Hi Pam ---

What i meant was, It becomes a little too easy to rely (especially on the oldest boy, but sometimes on a girl) for the emotional support that one is missing, with no adult partner.....

It can begin very innocenly, sharing your thoughts and feelings, and pretty soon, you've made the child your "surrogate" partner, emotionally. They begin feeling like they have to "cheer up mom" or "make mom feel better" or "be the man of the house" -- unfortunately, some boys are even encouraged to feel this way -- and it is ultimately NOT healthy for them.

Kids need to be kids, not surrogate adult partners or caretakers for their parents.

I hope that helped explain -- Let me know.

Blessings --

~Gaia

[Guest WhoShotJS]

bump