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I am needing some reassurance from all my fellow members. I feel alone, afraid and worthless. I feel like God has abandoned me.  I have been dealing with a masturbation addiction for a long time, and I've been cleaning it up with the help of my awesome bishop. I just got my pat. blessing, and now I'm working on getting my mel. priesthood so I can go on a service mission (since I've had health problems and won't be able to serve a full time mission). I usually meet with the bishop once a week. However, the last few weeks since getting my pat. blessing I've been slipping up. My bishop told me I can get the priesthood after a week of being clean. So far, nothing has come of that since I've been struggling. I am depressed, sad, and lonely. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this pit! How do I do it! I feel so worthless! I am sick of life! I am afraid God has abandoned me! How can I know He is loving me? How do I get over this? I need to be able to stay clean during my mission as well! I need help! I am sick of slipping up! I am so frustrated! I need to know how to use the freaking Atonement but I don't know how!!!!! I pray for help, but what does God give me? Nothing! I've been praying for years for help! Still, I'm stuck in this hole! I want Him to fish me out, but He doesn't seem to care. 

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Words of Wisdom:  Do your best and God will do the rest.

So, you need to be actively doing something to overcome challenges and then ask God for help with the rest.

Here's my suggestion: 

1.) Stop focusing on yourself and, instead, forget yourself and focus on somebody else.  That means, spend most of your time in the service of your fellowman.  Who should you serve?  You can ask your bishop or the ward missionaries for ideas, or you can just go to to see what people need in your community.

2.) Start a sports program.  Being engaged in sports or an exercise program drains your energy so that you won't have to release energy through undesirable pursuits.  When you feel the desire to do undesirable things, start doing pushups, run 3 miles, etc. to drain that energy.

3.)  I'm assuming you're not leaving your home ward to do the service mission?  If so, then you could get a dog.  Having somebody that is in your care 24/7 can help you focus outside of yourself to concentrate on doing everything you can possibly do to keep a dog healthy and happy.  And he can run with you if you need to redirect energy into exercise.

Atonement starts with you forgiving yourself and humbly, diligently, and patiently working your way to Christ - one baby step at a time.

Edited by anatess2
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When you got rid of your bad habit (or at least are trying to get rid of it), have you filled that hole with something good instead?   If you have not, then of course the bad will try to  retake the empty spot.  

I second Anatess's opinion on getting out and involved what other people.  Exercising your body will help reduce the bad habits.  Seeing and interacting goodly real women in the community will help combat fakeness of porn.  Connecting with others will elevate loneliness, particularly in person.  Placing others first will ease the "why me" syndrome.  All of these will help with depression.  

Also, get involved with God.  Get a journal out and write about what you are studying in scripture and how you see God impacting your life.  Literally write it down.


God will help you- He wants nothing more.  He's holding out His hand right there, a centimeter in front of your nose.  You just need to take it.  

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Hey MM,

Have you tried, following @Jane_Doe 's thread off approaching the issue as if it were a bad habit?

How have you successfully overcome bad habits in the past? What works for you? What triggers the behaviour?

For example, does the behaviour occur when you are tired? So maybe, be kinder to yourself so you don't get exhausted?

This probably sounds weird but in times of severe stress, I split myself into 2 parts: Sunday the worker and Sunday the manager. I give the manager, the job of organizing and motivating the worker. I tell the manager to observe the worker and to do so as unemotionally as possible. I picture myself reaching up into my brain and turning off my emotions so that the worker can perform as efficiently as possible, this removes the angst from the situation. The manager is in charge of changing the environment so that the worker can perform.

So what can the manager do to change the environment so that the behaviour does not reoccur? When does the behaviour occur? Bedtime? So pictures of the Savior on the walls?

Try to analyze the situation and disrupt the triggers that initiate the behaviour. Tell the manager to be kind and caring of the worker and provide some treats for the worker, so that the worker feels loved.

Sometimes, I picture the poor tired worker reaching up to heaven to hold the hand of the Savior. Be kind to the poor downtrodden worker and give him rewards for good behaviour. Try not to rebuke the worker for past wrongs, you are under new management now.

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