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Preferred toothpaste brands of the general authorities

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President Thomas S. Monson:

“It’s true. Ever since I was a young boy my mother insisted that I use Pepsodent toothpaste. I can almost still hear her loving voice: ‘Oh Tommy, fetch the Pepsodent! Don’t forget to brush!’  It has been 76 years … but I still use it today. In fact, I used it just this morning. A new tube was opened. Fresh peppermint was savored. A smile was brightened.”

President Henry B. Eyring:

“I remember it like it was yesterday. As a young deacon, a righteous Priesthood leader placed his hand firmly on my shoulder and asked, ‘Henry, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?’ I dared not answer. He then slipped a small tube of Colgate into the pocket of my white shirt. This wise leader saw my teeth not as they were, but as they could become. From that day on I have always carried with me … *quiet sobs* … a small tube of Colgate MaxFresh.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

“Arm & Hammer is my brand of choice. Why? I will tell you. One evening while piloting a large aircraft from Berlin to Paris I suddenly realized I had forgotten to place my traditional toothpaste in my toiletry bag. My co-pilot soon came to my aid with a spare tube of Arm & Hammer toothpaste. The arm and hammer brought to my mind images of spiritual strength and fortitude. From that day forward I have never used another brand.”

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That was awesome.  In the body of the article, he captured the spirit of the "disgruntled Mormon" perfectly.


[All articles on this website are satirical in nature and purely for your entertainment.]

Really?  I never would have guessed.

Edited by Guest

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Anyone else made uncomfortable by the mockery of such pieces, even if it's intended as jovial and not mean-spirited?

Yes, I fully realize this is my portrait.


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