How Do I Help My Wife?

[Guest]

Well, it appears my wife is finally seeing the inevitable physical changes due to her thyroid condition.  And she's not feeling good about it.

Picture me trying to do some online shopping to help her find a pair of jeans that will fit.  As I took measurements, she commented,"I think I have a wider waist than you do now."  I told her she was correct -- as casually as I could because I know how women can be sensitive that way.  But apparently I shouldn't have.

I found a pair of jeans that would fit her.  And I asked,"Shall I order them?"  She had this downcast look in her eyes and was on the verge of crying.

I've done nothing but tell her how much I love her and how beautiful she still is.  But this really hurt her.  And as I tried to listen to what was on her mind, she simply said that she couldn't tell me because she didn't know.

I know that body image is a big deal for women.  But I want her to be happy.  It's not like she doesn't take care of herself.  She does.  And we recognized that due to her hard work, much of her body mass is muscle.  But she is still saddened by the lack of the Hollywood ideal.  And, no, she's not a shallow woman.  And, no, she isn't one who is heavily influenced by Hollywood.  She just had a very skinny frame all her life.  And now she knows she doesn't.  And this still hurts her.

Ideas?

[anatess2]

This is her hill to climb.  I suggest continuing with the pragmatic answers - truth kindly spoken.  What you can do is hold her hand and wait her out patiently until she gets on top of that hill.  And if you're going to buy her clothes, buy the most girly ones you can find... "boyfriend jeans" is not for her.  Sparkly, embroidered designer jeans is for her.  Yes, even if she's a tomboy-style usually.  If her weight is fluctuating, dump the jeans and go for jeggings with mix-and-match long girly shirts.

Like this one... ahhh... I love this one:

https://www.amazon.ca/ICONOFLASH-Womens-Sublimation-Legging-Rhinestones/dp/B017HV0YT6/ref=sr_1_4?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1497621006&sr=1-4&nodeID=8604903011&psd=1&keywords=sparkly+jeans

 

And this to go on top over a long reddish-pink undershirt (they sell for $3 at Walmart).

https://www.amazon.ca/Sakkas-1663-Embroidered-Blouse-Ruffles/dp/B01EM873C8/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_2?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1497621312&sr=1-2-fkmr2&nodeID=8604903011&psd=1&keywords=girly+tops+for+jeggings

Okay, okay, I love window shopping for girly girl outfits.  Hah hah.

[my two cents]

Shift this from a weight/size issue and introduce her to 'dressing your truth' (google it).  There are many women (and men) with the 'perfect' figure/physique who look less than great so this info could really help.  It also offers a great sisterhood network which she might also benefit from.

[Jane_Doe]

It sounds like she's mourning the loss of her old physical self due to the thyroid issues.  In which case, this is something she has to work through herself- you can't do it for her.  What you can do is be open when she wants to talk, and keep generally a very loving/caring husband who still spoils her with affection.  That way she knows (or will know) that her thyroid does not tarnish her worth in your eyes or God's.  She's just got to reach that point in her own head.