Families Comprised Of Members And Non-members

[CourtneyP]

I know I can't be the only person who is a member and is married to a non-member. Can anyone out there give me some suggestions of how to bring the gospel and spirit into your home without making your spouse feel like he or she is being compromised? What are some subtle ways to handle that sort of situation?

[Dr. Mom]

I know I can't be the only person who is a member and is married to a non-member. Can anyone out there give me some suggestions of how to bring the gospel and spirit into your home without making your spouse feel like he or she is being compromised? What are some subtle ways to handle that sort of situation?

Courtney-

Perhaps the best thing you can possibly do is be an example. It's the best thing because it is who you are, you don't have to convince anyone that you have the Spirit with you. I know it sounds overly simple but it's the truth. My family get togethers consist of members and non members. For a long time we thought we'd have to walk on eggshells during certain topics. We were so wrong. We have found being open, upfront and tenderly honest is the best way to go. We haven't converted any of our non member family members, but we have a new mutual respect for each other. Hope this helps!

[fish4kitty]

My wife and kids and I are the only members on my side of the family. They all know we are LDS and it has come with some problems. We found that still attending family functions and letting them know that we can't be there til we are done at church which is usually 2 hours longer than there church has helped. We did not go to them before because we thought it would tick them off. Just the opposite happened. They said they would wait til we got there. Being open and honest has help us.

f4k

[NeuroTypical]

Here's what Peter has to say about it:

For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

In other words, love and support your husband, and let your faith shine through you in all you do.

LM

[MorningStar]

Service, compassion, kind words, and good music. :)

[AKinPA]

Service, compassion, kind words, and good music. :)

This is so true. And I don't know if you have kids or whatever, but encourage your spouse to get involved in the social aspect of the ward. My husband started playing raquetball with some of the guys a couple years ago. Then last February or March he went a few times to help out with the Webelos and was soon asked to be the Assistant Webelos leader. In April or so, he said one night, "I'm going to go to church with you in the morning, okay? So get me up."

And my jaw dropped because we'd been married 11.5 years at that point and never once had he EVER offered to go willingly (he went as a favor to me a handful of times, though, and he went to older son's baptism). But all I said was, "Oh, that'll be so much fun!" or something along those lines.

His baptism is tomorrow. I have a testimony that just loving the church and making the most of it is a great start. Being a good friend and wife to your husband is a good start. Loving him for who he is and where he is at is crucial. Remember he's still the smart, independent man you married. Treat him like you would a priesthood holder and he may very well grow into that role. Chris said to me the other day, "I hope after my confirmation I'll have that light that some of the other men have." and I said without hesitation, "Honey, you've had that light for a while now. You don't have to be a member to have access to the Holy Ghost. Confirmation is just a key step into hearing His voice a little louder, a little more surely."

It was HARD sometimes being a part-member family. Temple readiness lessons and eternal marriage lessons were so discouraging. I used to dread them. But that was the only time I'd allow myself to feel that. The rest of the time I just carried on loving the guy and letting God know that if Chris needed a nag, that God would need to recruit someone else for that role. I let myself skip church on Mother's Day because I was just better off at home that day then sitting there in Sacrament meeting without him beside me.

But MOST of the time, it wasn't awful at all. Most of the time he knew I respected him for where he was at and he respected me for where I was at and we just worked things out one event at a time. We did modified family home evenings. I kept lessons VERY short. Kept the emphasis on FAMILY by doing games or crafts or activities that brought Dad and sons together. (and brownies. Brownies are a testimony builder

And that is all I have to say about that.

[hope03]

Hello, this is my first post here in these forums. I have been seeking some help with this exact problem. And it is a problem. So much so that I have left the church in order to preserve my marriage. It weighs on my heart though. But there is no way I would be able to be a part of the church and stay married happily.

I feel as though I walked away from the flock...into the darkness...and into our doom.

By the way, we were converts. And frankly, there were many, many things we were not told before we joined the Church. It might have prevented us from joining the Church and therefore being held accountable to higher standards we were not going to be able to uphold.

The way my husband sees it, some of the doctrines are man-made and misguided. I see them as being true, but alas, too hard for us, lowly and unworthy, to be able to live.

It is sad, sad, sad for us. Why are some more worthy than others? Why do some find it so easy and others so hard? Why were we born with certain natures? I mean we are all spirit children of God, aren't we? Why didn't we come out the same? Why do some of us have weak characters and others strong?

In any case, we have been through the roller-coaster of conversion. We made it to the temple and were sealed. He fell away and I stayed. He came back, wavering...and then we learned that many things we were doing render us impure and unholy. That was it. He gave up trying.

I know I am not supposed to leave him nor do I wish to do so. But he does not want me to follow the doctrines of the church.

Is there any hope?