Daughter questioning her faith

[Jenamarie]

Ok so this is going to be hard, I am going through this stage myself, I am a little embarrassed and ashamed to actually bring it up.

I am having so much trouble and I go through changing opinions all the time, one minute I believe it completely and then I get doubts, it keeps changing all the time and I really want to know the truth like others say they have, I was born into the church so it's pretty much tradition, and my goal is to get married in the temple, but sometimes I just don't know why. This is really hard for me and I say my prayers every morning and night and I try to do my own scripture study every morning, although that hasn't happened the last 2 weeks. I really really really want to know without a doubt of those things, but I just change my thoughts on it so often, I really need some help. I know I could probably talk to my family, but I feel so ashamed that I don't want to bring it up with them, also the fact that I live on the other side of the country by myself compared to them.

Please help me. You all seem to have really good advice.

I have been where you are!!

Things I did:

A Topical Guide scripture study, where I read all of the scriptures regarding a particular topic (polygamy, eternal marriage, etc.) and recorded my thoughts on each of the scriptures I was directed to in a Scripture Journal. After reading all of the scriptures on that topic I wrote a brief synopsis of what I felt the scriptures had said, and my thoughts on them. I also write down scriptures I found elsewhere on accident, that perhaps weren't directly about that topic, but did relate to it and enlightened my view a bit more on the subject.

Bought a copy of Preach My Gospel to see what Investigators to the church were being taught, since that's what I basically was. :)

Started reading the Old Testament, particularly the Prophets so I could see what Prophets of old were like. Reading about Moses really helped me to see Joseph Smith in a new light. Also, discovering that the Passover was an *ordiance*, and an ordinance that you had to meet certain requirements to participate in (!) helped me understand the sacred nature of the Temple. I'd always wondered why it wasn't open to all, but learned that the Lord has always reserved some ordinances as being only for those who are truely willing to Sacrifice to draw nearer to him.

Read Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage. A heavy read, but there's no better source to get a comprehensive look of the LDS view of Jesus Christ and who He was. It's one of the things that seperates us the most from traditional Christianity, and understanding the Church's understand of Him helped. And it also strengthened my faith in the Savior. :)

[Jenamarie]

I'll also share with you that I know the feeling of shame and darkness that can come from a loss of Testimony. My family has been members of the church since Nauvoo. I graduated from Seminary. I was Sealed in the Temple to my husband. Being Mormon was a HUGE part of my identity, and losing my faith was like losing a large chunk of myself. It was a dark and lonely place for me for a while.

But I wouldn't go back and chance it if I could. I *NEEDED* that experience. It has been a huge blessing. I hope that will be the case for you as well. :)

[Liesl]

I can understand your feelings of doubt as well as being ashamed. Trust me it's nothing unusual, many members have gone through and are still going through what you are, so please don't be ashamed. I often feel the same and I was born in the church and am married with children.... not an ideal time, but it happens and so I need to deal with it.

So, this is going to be the blind leading the blind here. Think back to the times you have felt that wonderful feeling of the Spirit, what were you doing, and where were you in life?... Sometimes we need to remember. Then I would suggest you fast and pray sincerely about it, keeping in mind you may need to do this a few times. When Heavenly Father knows the time is right because of your growth through your searching, He will reveal and confirm what you need to know.

Don't give up, that's the key. Remember he has said "Knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Ask and ye shall receive". I'd like to add one more.... Believe Him, not just in Him.

Thinking of you

[Guest tomk]

Ok so this is going to be hard, I am going through this stage myself, I am a little embarrassed and ashamed to actually bring it up.

I am having so much trouble and I go through changing opinions all the time, one minute I believe it completely and then I get doubts, it keeps changing all the time and I really want to know the truth like others say they have, I was born into the church so it's pretty much tradition, and my goal is to get married in the temple, but sometimes I just don't know why. This is really hard for me and I say my prayers every morning and night and I try to do my own scripture study every morning, although that hasn't happened the last 2 weeks. I really really really want to know without a doubt of those things, but I just change my thoughts on it so often, I really need some help. I know I could probably talk to my family, but I feel so ashamed that I don't want to bring it up with them, also the fact that I live on the other side of the country by myself compared to them.

Please help me. You all seem to have really good advice.

The reason you are struggling with these things is that our desire for obedience FLOWS FROM our relationship with God.

You cannot obey Him if you don't love Him and don't trust Him.

This cannot be mustered by gritting our teeth and flexing our spiritual muscles. Obedience is a GIFT from God.

My advice is to forget about scripture study and prayer for a few weeks, and focus on getting to know God and get honest with God for a while.

Does that makes sense?

Here are the 12 Steps (with an LDS twist). Follow these, and you will find that love that you seek:

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive/addictive behaviors* -- that our lives had become unmanageable. Admitted that we of ourselves are powerless, nothing without God. (Mosiah 4:5; Alma 26:12)

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Came to believe that God has all power and all wisdom, and that in His strength we can do all things. (Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:12)

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made the decision to reconcile ourselves to the will of God, offer our whole souls as an offering unto Him, and trust Him in all things forever. (2 Nephi 10:24; Omni 1:26; Mosiah 3:19, 2 Nephi 4:34)

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Made a searching and fearless written inventory of our past in order to thoroughly examine ourselves as to our pride and other weaknesses, with the intent of recognizing our own carnal state and our need for Christ's Atonement. (Alma 15:17; Mosiah 4:2; Jacob 4:6-7; Ether 12:27)

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Honestly shared this inventory with God and with another person thus demonstrating the sincerity of our repentance, and our willingness to give away all our sins that we might know Him. (Mosiah 26:29; Alma 22:18)

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Became humble enough to yield our hearts and our lives to Christ for His sanctification and purification, relying wholly upon His merits, acknowledging even our own best efforts as unprofitable. (Helaman 3:35, 2 Nephi 31:19; Mosiah 2:20-21)

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Humbly cried unto the Lord Jesus Christ, in our hearts, for a remission of sins, that through His mercy and His grace we might experience a mighty change of heart, lose all disposition to do evil and thus be encircled about in the arms of safety because of His great and last sacrifice. (Alma 36:18; Alma 38:8; Moroni 10:32; Mosiah 5:2; Alma 34:15-16)

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make restitution to all of them (even those we had harmed in what we might have considered righteous anger) desiring instead to be peacemakers, and to do all that we could to come unto God by being first reconciled to our brothers. (3 Nephi 12:9; 3 Nephi 12:24; 3 Nephi 12:44-45)

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Made restitution directly to those we had harmed, confessing our own wrong doing in each instance, except when to do so would further injure them or others. (Mosiah 27:35; 3 Nephi 12:25; Mosiah 26:30)

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Realizing that the weakness to be tempted and to sin is a part of the mortal experience, we continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it, being willing to repent as often as needed. (2 Nephi 4:18; 2 Nephi 10:20; Mosiah 26:30)

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, seeking the words of Christ through the power of the Holy Ghost, that they might tell us all things that we should do, praying only for a knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. (2 Nephi 32:3; Alma 37:37; Helaman 10:4)

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others still suffering from the effects of compulsive behaviors and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Having experienced a mighty change and having awakened unto God as a result of our sincere repentance demonstrated in taking these steps, we were willing to become instruments in carrying this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Alma 5:7; Mosiah 27:36-37; Moroni 7:3)

[daenvgiell]

Why do you suggest I stop praying and my scripture study? It seems a little odd

[WANDERER]

: ) Thanks for sharing Tom.

[Guest tomk]

Why do you suggest I stop praying and my scripture study? It seems a little odd

Perhaps a little odd to say, but doesn't it accurately reflect what you are already doing? You said you hadn't prayed or studied the scriptures in weeks. Did I get that wrong?

I would not start back up again until you have a clear purpose in mind for wanting to do those things because you want to, not because you know you should. See the difference?

Tell me - why do you want to pray?

Tell me - why do you want to study the scriptures?

Don't tell me the "Sunday School" answers. Reply from your heart.

[Islander]

I hope this time of uncertainty and doubt will pass that you will soon feel in your hear the love and care of your Heavenly Father.

Even when we are not aware, it is when we are weak that enemy seize a corner of our minds and whispers constantly why we should walk away from under the protective shelter of the Savior and His Gospel. Please, remember we wage war with God's sworn enemy constantly and the battle field is our minds. It is thru influence and seduction that satan tries to lead us away from God.

This is a time to reflect on what you do everyday, who your friends are, what kind of activities you are engaged in with them and alone. What kind of thoughts occupy your mind?

If you falter at this point, walk away from the truth just because you are not able to understand it at this time; it would be the equivalent of you stepping off the roof of a ten story building because you have failed to grasp the fine points of physics and the law of gravity.

How you feel and even what you think today hads no bearing on the fact that God is true, that He loves you, that the Gospel is true and that Joseph was the instrument of restoring God's truths in the later days. Your task is to endure to the end, engage in service with the desire to serve your Savior, strive to be faithful and obedient to all the commandments and to serve the Saints here and those across teh veil.

I promise you the Spirit will kindle a fire in your heart like a storm and you will look at this low points in your life like an insightful time in your history that proved to be a pivotal moment for you. It would have given you experience.

[Misshalfway]

Perhaps a little odd to say, but doesn't it accurately reflect what you are already doing? You said you hadn't prayed or studied the scriptures in weeks. Did I get that wrong?

I would not start back up again until you have a clear purpose in mind for wanting to do those things because you want to, not because you know you should. See the difference?

Tell me - why do you want to pray?

Tell me - why do you want to study the scriptures?

Don't tell me the "Sunday School" answers. Reply from your heart.

I am gonna support your questions Tom, but forgive me as I just add that reading and praying are so key. I would do it even if it feels dull and like you are going thru the motions. God can and will remind you of things you read. But he can't do that if you don't stay the course. It is thru these two modes that the windows of heaven open -- that we hear the voice of God. And even if it seems that they aren't opening for you, they will one day after the trial of your faith.

I was just thinking about how important the pengillum (sp?) swings are in finding truth. Moving here and there. Trying on ideas to see if it is right. It is all part of the gaining of a testimony. Beware of doubt. Be believing. Whatever is true will rise thru all the doubt.

[Guest tomk]

I am gonna support your questions Tom, but forgive me as I just add that reading and praying are so key. I would do it even if it feels dull and like you are going thru the motions. God can and will remind you of things you read. But he can't do that if you don't stay the course. It is thru these two modes that the windows of heaven open -- that we hear the voice of God. And even if it seems that they aren't opening for you, they will one day after the trial of your faith.

I was just thinking about how important the pengillum (sp?) swings are in finding truth. Moving here and there. Trying on ideas to see if it is right. It is all part of the gaining of a testimony. Beware of doubt. Be believing. Whatever is true will rise thru all the doubt.

You're right, of course.

Perhaps I need to rethink my advice. Perhaps I was a bit too hasty.

[WANDERER]

If you can't pray then meditate I guess. But I think you would have to pray and ask for spiritual help or seek it in some way...free agency and all. Whether you believe or not. IF you wanted to know for sure...you would ask for help for unbelief. Atheists don't have unbelief they have surety of what they believe...until they believe otherwise.

I don't really have that surety...the difference perhaps between a crisis of faith and none at all is that you still want to believe, not for other people, but yourself... in my current opinion as I work through stuff.

I wasn't quite expecting the response you had to your daughter questioning her faith...I am constantly surprised in these forums.

[daenvgiell]

Perhaps a little odd to say, but doesn't it accurately reflect what you are already doing? You said you hadn't prayed or studied the scriptures in weeks. Did I get that wrong?

I would not start back up again until you have a clear purpose in mind for wanting to do those things because you want to, not because you know you should. See the difference?

Tell me - why do you want to pray?

Tell me - why do you want to study the scriptures?

Don't tell me the "Sunday School" answers. Reply from your heart.

I pray every morning and night, it was the scripture study that I hadn't done for a few weeks.

Why I want to pray - I've just gotten into the habbit, but I think that even if I do doubt it, don't close the door on it, talk to him, try and understand things, I'm not sure what's going on, I seem to just do it, and sometimes I think that's a bad thing because I get very repetitive and I think I stop thinking about what I'm really saying.

Why I want to study scriptures - I want to learn as much as I can about the gospel, I don't really know much about it and I want to know if it is the truth, I don't feel like I've ever had the witness of it's truth.

[Guest tomk]

I pray every morning and night, it was the scripture study that I hadn't done for a few weeks.

Why I want to pray - I've just gotten into the habbit, but I think that even if I do doubt it, don't close the door on it, talk to him, try and understand things, I'm not sure what's going on, I seem to just do it, and sometimes I think that's a bad thing because I get very repetitive and I think I stop thinking about what I'm really saying.

Why I want to study scriptures - I want to learn as much as I can about the gospel, I don't really know much about it and I want to know if it is the truth, I don't feel like I've ever had the witness of it's truth.

Dear sister :)

I want to apologize for suggesting earlier that you should stop reading and praying. I don't think that was wise counsel on my part.

I think what I was trying to help you see is that what makes our prayers and our scripture study EFFECTIVE in our lives is not the DOING of those things out of DUTY -- but out of genuine love and interest.

Prayer and scripture study are tools. Tools that are intended to help us connect with God and receive of His wisdom in our minds and witness His power in our lives.

If prayer and scripture study are not doing that for you -- then the problem lies not with the tools, but with the motivation and desire of the person using the tools.

In none of this do I seek to place blame upon you or condemn you in ANY way. I think you are doing just fine. You are in the Lord's hands and THUS you are safe. :)

If reading good wholesome books helps you as much as it does me, may I recommend the following?

Amazon.com: The Holy Secret: James L. Ferrell: Books

taken from my personal blog:

Not Left Comfortless: Books I've Read

May the Lord continue to be with you.

Love,

Tom

[daenvgiell]

Dear sister :)

Prayer and scripture study are tools. Tools that are intended to help us connect with God and receive of His wisdom in our minds and witness His power in our lives.

If prayer and scripture study are not doing that for you -- then the problem lies not with the tools, but with the motivation and desire of the person using the tools.

In none of this do I seek to place blame upon you or condemn you in ANY way. I think you are doing just fine. You are in the Lord's hands and THUS you are safe. :)

If reading good wholesome books helps you as much as it does me, may I recommend the following?

Amazon.com: The Holy Secret: James L. Ferrell: Books

taken from my personal blog:

Not Left Comfortless: Books I've Read

May the Lord continue to be with you.

Love,

Tom

Ok so what happens if I'm doing it because I want to, but I'm not getting that connection, I just feel like I'm doing ordinary research when I have done scipture study, my scripture study has included me using the Preach My Gospel.

Where would I get the books from? I don't really have any money, I'm am a uni student.

Also just a different problem, the uni I go to is a Christian uni, and sometimes I don't know what to believe, on those cases I have come home and researched them myself.