lilered

40: Its a genetic fact: If your parents don't have any children, you won't either.

Dear Pam: I am so, so, sorry that FairChilds question brought back all those bad memories for you. My advise would be to let a sleeping Bob lie. Just to put a positive spin on this just for our Head Moderator, look at all the positive things Bob stands for;. Bob may refer to: A diminutive of Robert Bob (physics), the weight at the end of a pendulum BOB (band), a UK indie pop band "Bob" (song), a song by "Weird Al" Yankovic from Poodle Hat "Bob", a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers from the album One Hot Minute "B.O.B." (song), a song by Outkast B.O.B. (video game) B.o.B, former name of Atlanta rapper Bobby Ray J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, figurehead of the satirical Church of the SubGenius Bob cut, a hairstyle Bob FM, a radio format in Canada and the U.S. Hurricane Bob Microsoft Bob, a software product A slang term for a shilling, a unit of currency Bob (TV series), a television comedy starring Bob Newhart Bob of Alice and Bob, placeholder characters in cryptography and physics problems Bob (comics), disambiguation page [edit] Acronyms BOB (psychedelic), a psychedelic drug Baby on Board Bank of Baroda, in India Band of Brothers (TV miniseries), a television miniseries Bank One Ballpark (now Chase Field) Basketball Owl Band, pep band unit of the Rice University Marching Owl Band Battery operated boyfriend, euphemism for a vibrator The Battle of Britain Battle of bands, a competition between multiple bands Bayerische Oberlandbahn, a private German railway Beast of burden Beijing Olympic Broadcasting Bend Over Boyfriend, slang term for a sexual practice Berlin Operating Base, the CIA station in Berlin during the Cold War Berner Oberland Bahn, a mountain railway in Switzerland Best of Biotech, an international life science business plan competition Best of Breed, an award in dog shows and other settings B.O.B. (Big-O-Blaster), a machine in the video game Banjo-Tooie Blitter object, a graphics construct Bob-omb, a character in the Nintendo Mario video games Body Opponent Bag, a punching bag shaped like a human head and torso BOB, ISO 4217 code for the Bolivian boliviano currency BOB, IATA code for Bora Bora Airport Born on Board, the humans in the Marathon Trilogy computer games Breakout box, an electronics component Bug-out bag, an emergency kit

Dear FunkTown: I can only hope you are kidding. We need pygmies in this world. They have such wonderful talents and uses. Please try to appreciate them more and save yourself the purchase price of cleats. For example. They are fun to dance with and one can sit their drink on their head. Or assign them the task of lower shelve and cupboard duty. Much easier to shop for in Walmarts at the kiddy center. Also, they must be relegated to the back seat of a car to sit in a child restraint leaving the front seats for regular size adults. They are really good and boiling meat and cooking BBQ. And finally they eat a lot of shrimp.

Dear John Doe, please refer to my advise FairChild. I think I covered the drag part very well.

Dear FairChild: Are you sure that you are spelling his name correctly. It appears that you are spelling Bob backwards. Neverthless, I feel your pain. I knew a man once, that didn't have any arms or legs and liked to swim a lot. So we called him "Bob" too. But that's another story. A lot of men can be jerks, so don't just narrow that down to the ones named Bob only. Assuming you want to still be on friendly terms with your friend, I would suggest that you think positive and refer to him when introducing him to others as "Sweet William" from San Fransico. Kill him with kindness. Ask him if wants to go shopping for dresses with you and your friend, or to the beauty shop to get his hair styled. Or would he like to try your make up on. I'm thinking he won't spend want to spend much time with you in the future. Of course, you could change friends. I know some, who for the right price, would be your best friend.

Question: Suppose this guy did just that. How does one check to see if there is such a program installed?

Warning to Ram and Funky: Don't be trying to shanghi my thread. If you really want to discuss Commie Pinko Scum, then start your own thread so all of the sickos can respond. This site is for those who are suffering because of their daily lives being attacked by the irresponbile actions of unkind nimrods who step on peoples feelings and treat them like slaves. Similiar to the pygmies in South Bornea. Besides we are a non-profit organization. :eek:

Dear Lorn and Bereft. First lets examine each word to determine just how far to go with this cold revenge thing. lorn means " to lose" while bereft means deprived or robbed. So which is it? Did you lose your love or are you deprived and feel like your robbed. If you have lost your love, then I would suggest you turn the water heater down for a few days and wait for your S.O. to back to the bargaining table and cuddle to get warm. However, if you are really deprived as most of us men are, that will take a little different approach. I would suggest you take your S.O.. to Sams Club and visit the jewlery counter, make a couple of off the wall subtle hints that you are thinking of buying her a present that you just know she will like. Make sure you also walk around the other isles, etc. especially around the man things. Then I would take her up front and buy her one of those delicious Sam Hot Dogs and a small drink. Perhaps top the afternoon off with a bag of cotton candy. Then suggest she meet you out in the car, while you pickup her present. Only instead of the jewlery counter, walk over to the candy counter and pickup her favorite treat or candy bar. Make sure she doesn't see it when you return. Then suggest you take an afternoon nap together. Once your fantasy afternoon is complete, then give her present (for added effect, maybe even gift wrap it). Is that cold revenge enough for you.

Dear Ram: I am a big support of removing the beam from ones own eye, before trying to remove it from someone else. The side benefit is that once removed, it allows you to keep an eye out for them. So, I would suggest first, taking a shower to clear the air a bit. Then, please stop smoking for your own health sake. This should remove the cloud that seems to be following you. Once this is done, then I would suggest making a donation at your nearest FAMSS office. In fact, make a list of of all the individuals you believe fall in that catagory and give that to your local FAMS director. Incidentlally FAMS stands for Federation Anti Mormon Scum Sucker, and solicte their help in disposing of the bodies. As for Pale and Ben, my mother would never let me even look at the pictures, let alone read the articles in the type of literature Ben and Pale read (normally in the bathroom). So, what I would do is submit their names to the Jehova Witnesses for monthly literature drop off. This should also stop the voices you have been hearing in your head and finally, put a garabage bag over your head at night when you sleep and this should help you get some rest from stress caused by your Moderator duties.

Dear havejoy: It seems to me that there is a win-win situation here. First, lets assume he is being honest. If so, I suspect he is doing somehting in bed that he doesn't want you to see and he is hiding it behind the Boston Ferns. So first lets eliminate that problem. Take a weed eater to the ferns so they can't be used as a barrier. Then dry the cuttings and smoke them instead of wacky tobbacy. You may have a clear shot then of seeing exactly what he is doing while your in the bathroom. Get a blow up doll and place it on your side of the bed. Ask him to join you for a few drinks prior to coming to bed, then after he goes to sleep, bungy strap him in bed and duct tape his hands around the blow up doll, so he won't injury himself or the blow up doll. Move the bar into the bathroom which will save you steps. That way you won't have so far to crawl into bed and can drink longer. He won't be able to step on your hands either in the process. Walla, everyone wins but the blow up doll:D

I have a question concerning Scouting financing and the church. Does the Scoutmaster and Cubmaster put together an activity plan and then prepare an annual budget accordingly at the beginning of the year similiar to the other organizations of the ward. If so, who do they submit their activity plan and/or budget requirements to the Bishopric or the Scout Committee for approval. Just for the sake of discussion, what if the Scoutmaster has a lot of expensive activities planned, who tells him (Bishopric or Scout Committee) that his plan is too expensive or needs some rework. What I am trying to understand is the relationship between the Scouting Program, The Bishopric, and a good functioning scout committee?

Ram: For heaven sakes, She has obviously developed a taste for toe jam and this usually a sign of poor diet. IF she doesn't stop this insidious sex hangup, her teeth will rot and fall out. So, buy the poor girl a teething ring and start having her eat a carrot three times a day. This should help her sight improve so that she can see the plate of strawberries dipped in chocolate you have prepared for her sitting on the bedstand. Incidentially, this custom originated with the Borneo Cannibal Pygmies prior to their first discovering Coke a Cola. They used to call them footy fingers instead of toes. Once they found out that things are better with Coke, the give chewing toe nails up.

Dear Beefche: Oh believe me dear there is. Do what I do, when this happens at our house. I put on very romatic music, turn the lights waaaaaay down low. Light the fireplace, and then causually announce I am going to jump in the shower. I leave the bedroom door open and the bathroom door cracked just enough. I take an extra long shower. By this time, my spouse is in very excitable stage, waiting breathlessly for my presence in the family room. Just about the time I believe she is at her most heightened stage, I come out of the bathroom, in full pajamas, and holler out to her "Good nite, Dear", jump into bed and turn out the lights and go to sleep. The suffering that poor girl goes thru is unmentionable, but once in awhile, I just have to show her whose boss. Next time, she isn't so domineering.

Dear FairChild: I don't blame you sweety. They are so hard to dance with having one of those strapped to them. After all, this type are probably only looking for a purse or a nurse anyway, if you get my drift.

Dear FairChild: I would strongly advise you to join AARP. Then, I would volunteer for the Nearest Assisted Living Center and if that doesn't do it, then in your spare time try sitting on one of the front benches in Walmart. And finally if that fails, get a part time job at your nearest "Floppers", which is for older unmarried men. (Floppers is the same as "Hooters" but for the older crowd.)

Dear MorningStar: You poor dear, I can't imagine why you have put up with him this long. You must be a Saint. It is time to put an end to his mischief. I would strongly recommend you keep track of the number of times he does this over the next week. Then, for every time he does this, say to him in your most kind and loving voice. I have asked you to stop this madness, but you insist, therefore I love you with all my heart, but until you stop. I am going to quit ironing your underwear, feeding you chocolate strawberries while lying on the bear rug in front of the fireplace, and no more showering together. And if it doesn't stop after that, then take the next step. Quite washing and waxing his car, mowing the lawn, and refuse to go with him to Home Depot and Lowes. I am sure he will get the message. I know, it shouldn't take this much pain, but it sounds like your just going to have to put your foot down.

Dear Pam: Embrace the moment, Babies are known for their beauty, sometimes wonderful smells, and innocence. After all, both men and women love babies. Either way it boils down to jabber:D

Dear MorningStar Yes. Either way, it would be a hairy expierence for both.

Dear Godless: Obviously, some women don't appreciate aunatural man in his original Darwinin form. Therefore, you may want consider to start dating European Country Women. They enjoy leaving their body haird also. This could lead to some hairy expierences. Think of the excitement if you both had beards and could compare food particles. Think of the money one could save on deodorant alone. or Start dating orangetangs, they would stay by you for peanuts compared to women cost anyway.

Dear mynewlife: Should we hold up the left or the right? Ans. Yes Or does that depend on our situation and the advice we need? Yes How can I get control of the remote control so my husband will stop channel surfing during commercials? First, take the batteries in his remote control and turn them around and reistall. The remote won't work and it will drive him nuts trying to figure out what's wrong. Be sure and hide any new good batteries. Second, buy yourself a remote and control the channel you want to watch. or Third, Wear something real sexy and blow him kisses and give him that come hither look. He won't want to watch T.V.

Sounds to me like your testimony has grown and strengthen more than you once thought. Your absolutly correct about being prepared to answer questions. I read a sign on a church one time that said: Remember wherever you are, you have influence, whether it be for good or evil. Your discussion this morning may not bear fruit right away, but may someday make it easier for someone else to convert this man. Thx. for sharing.

Did I also tell you I read palms. So if you want your palm read, hold it up to your screen after you leave a message. I am doing palm reading this coming week for 1/2 price.

That may be udderly impossible.

I notice the operative word was once. Your mother knew exactly what she was doing. She didn't approve of the girl and her comment was designed to scare her off. What you should have said is: Mom that is wonderful to hear, she has 6 kids by a former marriage and we thought we could move in with you until we get financially sound.

Dear FairChild: That is good. Work is the curse of the idle hands. Have you thought about being a juggler on your local street corner, or perhaps start up your own business (selling hot dogs from a sidewalk stand. I don't know whether or not you are married, but if not, you may want to consider a complete make-over and give your local ward something to talk about. You are only bound by the limits of your imagination. Have you learned how to twitter yet? Adapt a new puppy. Housebreaking will take a lot of your free time. If none of these float your boat, then how about taking exotic dance lessons and practice at night in front of an open window in your home. That is certaintly bound to cause some excitement.