ruthiechan

I'd go with baptism, because you can't be confirmed until you get baptized. :)

Both of these cases are abuse and both need to be reported. It is okay to report people for suspecting abuse. You do not have to know it for certain.

She's not donating eggs. She's donating blastocysts, which are 5 day old fertilized eggs. So, both her DNA and her husband's have combined already. . .

That is exactly what I was about to recommend.

First, revelations are given *after an inquiry has been made*. It could be that the Prophet Joseph Smith did not directly ask until later. It also says in the begining of the paragraph on pg 138 that Joseph Smith reported the events of the meeting held on April 6, 1830 to organize the Church. It doesn't say *when* he reported those events. Also, he was reporting the *day* the Church became official, and when our Church became official we had our current name. It didn't become official and then went through name changes as far as I know. Thusly, he could have simply used the current and official name when retelling those events. The other wives of Joseph Smith, well, it's not 100% certain that they existed. Emma Smith says that he never had other wives. It was said that he has been sealed to other women, but sealed as what? I am sealed to my father and mother and brothers and sisters and through them other family members. It doesn't mean I'm married to any of them. Remember also, that it was a calling to have more than one wife. Only 4% of the membership had more than one wife, and those men weren't particularly interested in having another wife and having a whole other family to take care of. Pardon the comparison but it was sort of like having two or more mortgage payments. And for many it was their first wives basically saying their husbands "Hey the Lord wants you to do this so do it" that got them to accept the calling. Therefore those second wives, which were generally widows with children, were taken to wife out of duty and a love of God, not because they were in love with them. Joseph Smith was deeply in love with his wife Emma.

Dr. T, it's cool about the running joke. Even though the neighborhood is pretty clean we still have flies all over the place (probably waiting for the few idiots who don't always pick up their dog's poo). I left out a can of fresh cat food today and later saw it was covered in flies and being eaten by them. . . So I brought it back in. Would a cat really still eat it?

Do you have work, school, family or any other committments? You can tell him that while you enjoy his friendship that you are so busy with things that you aren't going to be able to always talk to him, and that often you are logged in via IM but are actually afk. Before you talk to him though, pray about and ask for the Spirit to guide you.

I am missing my cat. He's orange and little and fast, so he should be okay, but he's an indoor cat and has been gone for two nights. I walked around the neighborhood some, but to no avail. I did give out "business" cards to some people I talked to in the neighborhood about it. We may go the shelter to see if we can find him there. This is so disheartening. I am basically staying home, keeping hte screen open hoping he'll come back. I'll also be sleeping on the couch with door open (screen closed and locked) in case he returns in the middle of the night. Sugguestions? Prayers would be good too.

Ditto on that, Kaith knows what's up and Misshalfway too.

I agree with this, however, some things can be real. My mother, when she was young, saw proof that my family was descended from the real Robin Hood, the person that the legend comes from. Unfortunately after her Grandmother died the information became lost. I am sure you can trust the Church Geneology Database.

Thank you Vegasbay. That was an AWESOME post!

It was explained to me that most sins do not directly effect other people, but sexual sin outside of masturbation does, which is why it is so akin to murder, especially nonconsensual sexual sin.

That's how I understood it too.

Agreed, and interesting statistics. I was aware of the first two, but the last one and the increase in child porn was disturbing. I didn't realize how much that's grown. I only mentioned the gals I knew in college involved in porn and masturbation to help Spade know that such things are not gender specific.

Ram, I have known many women in college who are into pornography and masturbation and all that. Amen. I'm sure everything will work out. You are doing the right thing!

How are things going?

It's not hypocrisy. It's not humble either. It's sharing your substance, being generous or kind, giving. That is what I do, and when it's turned down I look for an opportunity to do something else for the person helping me out, even if it's simply making an extra loaf of bread just for them. And insistance to me is when they ask me a third time. So I refuse two times, third time I figure it'll help them feel better for "inconveniencing" me to accept the money.

Because I don't think I said it, you're in my prayers. If I had your real name I'd put it in the temple too! Maybe someone else can do that instead though. *hugs*

You're living with your inlaws? Girl, I feel for ya. I had to do that when I first got married and it was TOUGH and that was with NO KIDS! Then I moved back in with my Mom when my husband and I separated, while my Mom is great the siblings still at home weren't always so great. >.< And that was with one child. You are in my prayers. Hopefully the inlaws will be a blessing and suport you getting a break!

When it comes to saving money, this was a big help. http://www.drlaura.com/sah/budget.html When it comes to garments, wear them anyway as a reminder of your goal. If they are physically not comfy then maybe it's the material. And dude, seriously, take a break. FunkyTown is so spot on on that. Find someone who can watch the kids so you can go be with your husband or by yourself. "Dates" can simply be going to the park and reading together or snuggling on a blanket! Or, see if you can get them all to go someone else's house for a while and you can have some alone time. There's a reason why it takes a village to raise children.

RainofGold, I never assume that the other side is giving it their 100% all. Even if she were not it does not excuse poor behavior but knowing the reasoning behind it helps solve the problem. And yes, there are always exceptions to my statement, though I am incorrect anyway. Two way should be three way. God + Husband(God) + Wife(God) = Good Marriage. Take out any portion of the equation and you've got a problem. Liesl, I felt inspired to give you another child's point of view. So here is my five year old daughter's point of view from events past. All things in quotes are Hazel's words. Things in [] are added for clarity. I must also add that she was wondering why I was asking her these things so I told her that someone was having similar marriage troubles and that it may help them to have a child's point of view on it. Then she was more willing to put things into words. How did it feel when Daddy and I were having problems before we separated? "You said I love you but no hugs, no love, no kissing, weren't showing you were loving." How did make you that feel? "Crying and being sad sad sad sad sad sad sad. Because it wasn't the right thing to do, not giving loves, not following the Son of God, and God doesn't like it." How did it feel when we separated, when we stopped living together? "Happy. Because you were going to try to fix it. Because it was the right thing to do so we can change it. I missed him [Daddy]." How do you think it would have felt if Daddy and I never moved back in together? With a big frowny face "Sadness." How did it feel when you saw Daddy and I getting closer together, showing more love? With a big smile "Happy." How do you feel now that we're all living together again? "Happy!" Why did you want us to work it out and live together again? "So we can see him forever, because we love him [Daddy]." I noticed the we in all that so I asked her about it. Did you think that part of why we separated was your fault? She shakes her head no. (This means I did my job on that one.) Did you think that you could help fix it? "No." Pause. "Both of you would."

Right, and note that according to the laws of the land Nephi lawfully had the right to kill Laban because Laban stole their wealth. The only time I would kill someone is in self defense or in defending another. I say this because lawfully that's the only way I could get away with it without getting into too much trouble. Though honestly I dunno if I'd need God to tell me to kill the punk trying to kill me. Outside of that, it would have to be spiritually intense and I'd need some serious reasoning from God if He wanted me to kill for any other reason. If I can argue with Him over tithing, darned straight I'd argue with him over taking a life!

Because more often than not behavior is still not seen as a symptom to a physical problem. He would've had to have seizures in order for the doctors to even think of ordering a cat scan.

I was in no way accusing you of anything, simply pointing out that we don't really know *everything*. I used to be the person that did all sorts of things without my husband, social groups/clubs, the kiddo, internet. When it came to sex I was very selfish about it and my husband did not respond well to that. I never cheated nor did I view porn. I suppose I treated him like a living dildo (never thought of it that way till now). Instead of listening to him I would get defensive and angry. When he tried to communicate with me it was through frustration and anger which only made me worse. When we had a calm conversation for once I asked him, "okay what can I do to fix the problem?" He couldn't answer me. I suggested counseling, he said no because we couldn't afford one and he didn't want to go to an LDS counselor (he's not Mormon). Then he stopped communicating and made me believe that all his unhappiness was due to his job, and he really did hate his job which made it so believeable. And the problems continued. When he told me he wanted a divorce it was like getting a boot to the head. He had even told me he loved me out of habit. The words were empty. So were mine, because my actions told another story. It took prayer and a willingness to act for me to appropriately change. It still took a year after we separated for my husband to tell me "I Love You." I rarely said it to him during that time so as not to burden him with my words and because action spoke louder than words anyway. Of course, I explained that to him so he would know the why behind it. I didn't want him to start thinking that I was falling out of love with him. I was not financially stable on my own so my daughter and I moved in with my Mom where I got on welfare and through them it was determined that the best thing to do for me was to go back to school and finish getting my AS. It was difficult. Sometimes you really do not know what you have until it's gone or almost gone. One thing I must say however is that my husband and I were determined to stay friends. Or at least friendly. We were friends before and we wanted to stay that way, especially for our daughter. We didn't want to be the bitter divorced couple and make life harder on her. Your husband needs to speak with the Bishop as well, alone. You both need to speak with him together also. I would recommend the same thing when you go to counseling. I would also recommend the two of you saying a prayer together before you go, and ask him to say it. If he doesn't feel comfy with that do it yourself and maybe the next time he'll be willing to do it. Go the Temple together. I don't know if you have temple recommends, if you do, use them, if not, just go. It will help you both recenter and focus. If he won't go, go on your own. Go visit a relative or friend for the weekend, alone. Or for a day, and ask your husband to watch the kids. I remember wanting my parents to get a divorce. But, what I really wanted was for my Dad to be a Dad. It didn't happen, so my parents divorced when I was a senior in high school. You think my grades were bad before, after that divorce they plummeted, even in classes I actually liked. Three years later, my Dad started the road to change and now many years later I can have a conversation with him and not want to ring his neck. In fact there were a couple of times where only he understood how I was feeling. Which was nice, I needed someone to understand. I mention that to you because both choices will have repercussions and stress for you and your kids. Both choices will also take time to recover. I will reiterate the importance of prayer on this. Without divine direction I never would have been able to make the changes I needed to make. You won't either, nor will your husband. It could be that the only change you need to make is proper communication and accepting the changes your husband is making. Your husband needs to pray for guidance as well otherwise he will likely fail in his efforts. If he has a difficult time doing such things on his own, make it a family prayer. It's okay to say in family prayer, and please bless Daddy to have the Spirit with him to help guide into becoming the person he wants to be (or whatever) and please help Mommy, yadda yadda, and help Child 1 yadda yadda. And then thank Heavenly Father for blessings and name those blessings. Of course, prayerfully consider any and all of my suggestions and the suggestions of others. It could be we're all wrong, it could be that we're only half wrong/half right. I don't know, but God does. There is a reason why they call it the Power of Prayer. Because through prayer you can obtain the power you need for any trial.

You presume too much. You do not have all the facts. You can not possibly have all the facts. I do not have all the facts either. No one here does. We do not know the why of things at all. Why did he get into pornography? Why is he flirting? Why is he so engrossed in hobbies and other things? Could it be that mayhaps she stopped paying much attention to him or became very demanding or started "copying" her own mother's actions thereby becoming different (yes, people really do that)? Could it be that she was disinterested in sex, and then he accidentally saw something (sometimes I'll mistype a url and get porn), succumbed to temptation which then became an enduring problem? Was she so busy with her kids she didn't do things for him? Did she stop effectively communicating and become a nag instead or bottle it all up until she blew up at him? Or, could it be, that maybe at some point in their marriage he sustained a head injury and now his brain is not functioning as it should? There are such things as Head Injury induced ADD, temperal lobe issues (controls temper and memory etc), and other mental problems all because of a "mild" concussion or even from the whiplash of a car accident. Here is a true story about how brain function can affect marriage. Brain Scans, ADD, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Brain Trauma, Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatments See what I mean? My comments are made with the idea in mind that Liesl WANTS there to be hope. Just by asking us shows that this is so. Thus, I believe there IS hope. People can change when they choose to. Who's to say he's not truly repentant? We do not know. Even Liesl may not know yet since it does take time to show consistent changed behavior. The counseling that they will be going to should help them figure some things out, including the possibility of a faulty brain. If Liesl were to give up on her marriage because it's easier that way well then she didn't give it her all which she will be held accountable for. If she truly does give it all she can and it still falls apart through his actions then by all means divorce is probably the answer. So if it succeeds it'll be sweet because she'll have done all, and if it fails she will know that she has done all and not be plagued by what-ifs. However, she can not possibly do all she can without Heavenly Father. He will give her ideas and thoughts, words and deeds to do, things that she would not have thought of on her own. We're human, we can not mind read but if we have the Spirit with us we can discern the thoughts and needs of others. Family included. BTW My solution for problems is always through prayer. Search, ponder, pray. That applies to every problem, no matter the difference. The specifics are between the couple and the Lord.