Sequoia

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  1. Sequoia

    College shirts but for LDS Business School

    Someday I'm hoping to take a class from him. I heard great things about them. Maybe I'll catch him at Education Week or something in the meantime! Jolee - I have seen the shirts there in the bookstore. Since the building is new, I don't know if they have a system where you could order over the phone. Usually students run the store, so you might need to leave your number to have a manager call you back. Sometimes they give away shirts at orientation, too, so make sure she attends! I'm excited for your daughter!
  2. Sequoia

    Friend - No longer

    Thanks for your support and ideas. I saw her again today. I only see her maybe once a month or so, since she moved. But I was thinking that instead of just walking by her and avoiding her, (remember she darts away if she sees me), I should at least recognize her by saying hi and being friendly. I did run into her husband a few times. The first time after not seeing them for a while, I was so happy to see him. He talked to me and the conversation was genuine. But the next two times, he avoided me like her, then scampered out of the stores. So, she must have said something. It's an odd situation for me. I'm not sure if I should just let things continue as they are, or if I should at least go up and say hi. Thanks again for your help.
  3. Sequoia

    Friend - No longer

    So I had a friend for about 7 years. Then she started a website that turned into a blog. We are no longer friends for many reasons, however, I feel really bad for her. 1) One day when we had arranged for me to go visit her, she informed me that she decided she preferred internet friends to face-to-face friends, since she could look so much better. She told me she sounds smarter and can stop and think before she says anything offensive...she does have a problem with offending people verbally. 2) After this meeting/visit with her, everything started to slide. She put everything before all of her real friends for her internet life. I actually read on her site and the site of her hometown where she referred to me (not using my name) in a negative way. Her story wasn't true, but fit the blog and site postings, so she just made something up to get pity and belong. 3) She has offended many people in her ward to where she decided the town had a problem and recently moved. 4) The last time I spoke to her, she talked about how embarrassing it is if people in her ward knew of her "real" life. She openly admits that she personifies her life and that of her husband's and kids' as something near perfection. In actuality, her oldest has little or nothing to do with her. She is considered "shallow." 5) Part of her problem offending people is that she believes in order to judge right from wrong, we need to judge people. This was a new concept for her when I last spoke to her a few years ago. She is so selfish and conceited now. She portrays herself even online as above everyone and their menial problems. She brags about money (who knows if she really has it?)The last time I saw her she ran from me, since she wasn't put together properly. I see her around and never approach her now. I don't know what to say, except I haven't spoken to her in a few years, and I think she has really lost it. I know she isn't truly happy, although she'd never admit it. She has lost all of her friends, including her oldest and her fellow ward members. In the new town she moved to I think it is just a matter of time before she offends everyone again or before they see that she is faking her life. Anyway, I thought I'd share this, because somehow I feel like I let her down in that I couldn't pull her from understanding that judging is wrong, and lying is wrong. And real friends are worth a lifetime of happiness.
  4. Sequoia

    I dont know how to feel about this

    I can't help but wonder if his mental disability might have been passed down to her. I know this is a stretch, and ignore it if I'm totally off, but sometimes issues of cleanliness go with mental disabilities. I think you know that all four of my kids are on the Autism spectrum. It isn't that they don't bathe, but it isn't the same priority for them as most people. It was something I had to remind them of (as though they were toddlers) into their teens. If they get behind in schoolwork or something, they still will omit bathing if I don't watch them. I also know that it is fairly common for some regular kids to behave this way around 12 yo, before they care for the opposite sex. So, I took it that my kids were just slow in this area. Progress has been made here, but I'm just wondering if it's possible that your father and daughter may have Asperger's or some other mental illness that makes them so unresponsive and difficult. It can be very difficult to see others' perspectives if they do. I could be off, but I do see a similarity somewhat. What I did with the clothes shopping, when my kids refused to go shopping, was just buy clothes/shoes without them and place it in their room. I don't know if that will help, but without saying a word, they'd wear them. If I bought a complete outfit (dress, stockings, shoes, headband, earrings) they'd wear it all together and look nice....well, the girls did. :)
  5. Sequoia

    My daughter was prompted to ..

    Something like this happened to me in high school. Senior year. I was upset and a friend told me not to overact. She said, I should go talk to the guy who spread the rumor and let him know how it was hurtful. She told me to say things, so he'd know never to do to it again. I did. He said absolutely nothing back to me, but listened. Then she reminded me not to do anything else, but be normal and act like nothing was going on around the school. She said, my character would stand on it's own, consider the source, and also that I'd know who my real friends are. Also, that this stuff happens all the time at the school and remember what it feels like when it isn't my turn. THAT WAS A BIG LESSON FOR ME! I never really did anything about this stuff before...just listened to it throughout the days. I remember just going through school and "acting" like nothing was going on, when I knew it was. It was hard, but sure enough...several weeks (an eternity in high school) went by, and then it was someone elses turn, and I remember being especially nice to that person when it started....and the next person....and the next person. And I remembering saying back to the rumor-spreaders...."Riiiight.... Like I believe that...consider the source."
  6. Sequoia

    Newly inactive family.

    You're not alone on this. We have lived in many wards where there was only one member in the family, often a new convert, with people that are anti-LDS or least not supportive of their life. Sometimes they are feeling judged by the new member.So first, I'm wondering if you HAVE to live at home. Maybe someone at church your age is wanting to leave home too and you can room with them. Or maybe someone at church would be willing to rent out a room for some extra money. If there are no options about leaving, there are so many things you can do to foster the spirit in your home. First, clean your bedroom from top to bottom. Wash the windows and let the light in. Get rid of any clutter. Hang up some LDS pictures, photos of you at the temple or church building or activities, or things that represent your goals in life. Move the furniture around. Also, buy a plant or some flowers. Make your home a place to retreat to when needed. Invite your mom to come in as she feels a need. Buy some church music or some sweet instrumental music to play. Have uplifting magazines, poems, and books to read nearby. When contention starts, retreat to your room and defer the ugliness that you don't want invading your spirit. Another way to invite the spirit into your life is to serve others. Really do this. I have a husband who is so good at serving others. Always sees a need that I overlook with people. It's not just our ward or neighbors or family, but often it's someone at a store waiting in line or an acquaintance at work. I am not like this. I actively have to seek out opportunities to serve. I have to plan them. I have kids who naturally think of themselves, since they have trouble connecting with people (They are high functioning autistic- goes with the territory). So one method to help them get outside of themselves is to have them serve with me. It's hard, and I struggle to find opportunities, but they are there. Often when I do this, they are unwilling to help, but afterwards the spirit has touched them, and they are grateful they could help. Me too, by the way. Feeds my very soul. Maybe this could be something your mother and you can do together.
  7. Sequoia

    recomend a new forum group

    Oh...thought of a few more categories Second jobs - ideas Work you can do from home or on the go Work you can do when you have handicapped/needy children (meaning crisis can occur/may need to drop work and go)
  8. Sequoia

    recomend a new forum group

    We could have a forum on finances, which would include ways to make money, unique job ideas, job opportunities (there are jobs you can do at a distance), stories about how people are getting out of debt, tax tips, financial advice from c.p.a. and certified financial planners preferably, ideas for paying for college, ideas for flex time jobs, ideas for kids jobs, keeping up hope when you are in a financial crisis, cutting corners, tithing testimonies/stories, etc... I can go on. These are all financial issues I'm trying to figure out this week! Unless I missed it, I don't see anywhere on the forum that is directed to helping us through the economic crisis many of us are experiencing.
  9. Sequoia

    Advice: Harboring Anger toward Spouse

    Elgama, yes I can combine the two, and I actually have assisted with a private business of helping these kids over the years. Many parents meet my kids and see a similarity with things they are struggling with and have asked for help. Word of mouth spreads. My kids are still dependent on me quite a bit in some areas so even though I have to work I have to be available. This is part of the reason we were hoping for a transfer and move, so I wouldn't have to work so much. It seemed like a perfect season in life for me to go back to school. The worse thing would have been to miss a class. I am going to need to go back to work, but I have to find something flexible (hopefully) and that makes money, of course. :) RachelleDrew, I think this is exactly what happened. I think he didn't realize all I did and chose to help with the kids more and rationalize not putting the money where it was to go. I think then he realized he dug a hole (no money left) and didn't want to fess up. He never had a money issue before and was always supportive of my tracking it, asking me amounts to be spent on purchases he needed to make beforehand, sending me email receipts of expenses. He understood about my plans when times were tough and we seemed like a team, with me the lead. So I was really taken back that he didn't clue me in at all as to what he was/wasn't doing. . Lilered, I'm glad you're playing devil's advocate. My emotions are a little too close to the situation for common sense/practical questions like this. In my strong, hurtful viewpoint, I want him to experience everything I'll be going through to dig us out, but practically speaking, that won't happen most likely. He will take a bigger part at least initially. I do want him to understand what he did, but he works crazy hours to give us the money to pull out of this, so I really don't know if it is realistic of me to want him to see every penny that is accounted for going to the debt that was created. It was very unavoidable, so I'm hurt and angry, but punishing him like I want to by rubbing his nose in it might not be what's right. I have always used Quicken to account for every penny we have had. I think if I get him to help update the Quicken in various ways (maybe he can be in charge of downloading our checking account expenses and adjust the debt amortizers regularly) he can realistically be a part of this in a more positive way. Applepansy, I think I must have been clear somewhere, but we always, always were in agreement until I went to school and worked. He is not a spender at all. He is not a guy who has to have cool things but appreciates a simple life. I've never had problems in the past, and we had good financial discussions. I am a planner/detail person, so I naturally seemed to take this role when we first were married, especially with him going to school and working, while I was home. I never thought we'd be in this mess though, and I am in shock over it. When I think of my schooling be non-existent, I'm hurt. I feel like he was being selfish beyond anything. But through the board, and through church services and prayer and scripture and reading the past few days, I'm beginning to realize that he was overwhelmed and my future schooling was not something he probably thought would be affected. I also KNOW that he didn't realize the importance of tracking money. I mentioned Quicken, but there are many different ways of tracking money, and we talked about it. One we talked about was Home Budget Software for Household, Family & Personal Money Management through our bank. I was surprised when I found out he was using NOTHING to track them. So, I do want to give an update. I am doing better, thanks to EVERYONE who has responded. I don't know why, but I really felt like I wasn't justified to feel so angry and upset. I first needed to hear that I was right to feel that way. I also needed to know it was okay to feel disappointed, depressed, and overwhelmed. Of course, I still am angry, upset, disappointed, depressed, and overwhelmed, but my heart is softening (thanks for helping me with this), and I am personally working on softening it more, so I can think clearly and move forward. Anger is the first thing I'm overcoming. It's coming only in waves now. And my depression is also. I can see his perspective more clearly. And I can't be too angry if he is taking total blame on this. I really feel like whatever I say on this he'll do, but I have to be careful to make him understand all of this and not push it too far (which my emotions are really wanting to do - payback). I am moving forward a little too. I talked to my oldest who is in college. I am having her take out a student loan and work. Not a killer for a college student, but I never thought she'd have to take a loan out. My working prevented her from getting a scholarship, since she didn't know how to apply and has difficulty with directions and forms. She didn't think twice about it, and said she'd get to it tomorrow. I am also reading two new books I bought to help me. One is called, "Odds are You're Going to be Exalted." It talks about grace and works. I need to have grace through all of this. And the other is called "Stumbling on Happiness" and is a very upbeat book written by a Harvard professor/psychologist. This book is even funny. He looks at what people think make them happy vs. what truly does. He talks about planning for future happiness and reminded me that my happiness is really up to me. Like that Lincoln quote, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Thanks again for all of the help. What a HUGE difference in healing time it has been for me. I am thinking that once I make a plan, I will post it and let you see the progress and how I come up with means of making an extra $60K while 3 kids will all be in college soon. Maybe I can inspire others to get out of debt through what I learn, while I can get suggestions at the same time.
  10. Sequoia

    Nursing in the chapel

    When I was in a highly new immigrant ward of several cultures, we (RS presidency) had to let the sisters know of lots of American LDS cultural ways. One was about the nursing lounge. We encouraged them to use it right up to the minute of Sacrament, so the babies would be full. Then for Sunday School and Relief Society time, they could nurse in the back if they wanted. I share this since there is so much more diversity than many know within the church. These same sisters would at first allow their children (even bigger kids) to walk around the chapel (even across the organ pedals once!) Why? Can you imagine? Well, they had never attended Sacrament meetings in a chapel, always met in someone's home, so it was very different and much more serious than what they were used to. We had to help train the kids (sit by the door, when they can't sit any longer stretch legs in foyer and listen, come back in - compliment the kids for progress). Some also wore pants, for the same casualness that comes from meeting in a home or building. Anyway, sometimes it is a cultural thing, but just like wearing a dress in the Sacrament room, I don't think that taking it to the nursing lounge, pumping a bottle beforehand, or nursing them up to the minute it begins are unreasonable expectations. Babies do sometimes pull the blanket down, or suck so people can hear nearby. I'm not sure of the background of this mother, but if anything, tell her you'll watch her stuff so she doesn't need to move it while she nurses and that you'll carry it into Sunday School if she takes awhile. If she has younger kids offer to watch them or have some young women watch them when she leaves. But remember, she might just not know that usually in the US we don't nurse during Sacrament.
  11. Sequoia

    I am at a brick wall

    Hi! I just wanted to tell you that Ancestry.com is very different than the other sites because there are true first hand resources scanned and available. It is much, much more than the free sites. They have wills and probate records, census records (originals), scanned in old newspapers (so fun to read, even the ads!), and many more resources. Primary resources of course are preferable to the free sites, where someone gathered some information with possible documentation that is accurate. Also, they have people available to help you when you are stuck. Also, they even have online classes. About the FH libraries being far away, well, you can order what you need online and they will mail it to the center. I used to have to travel about an hour away, so I'd spend my time ordering what was needed, then go one morning and see if any of my orders had anything of worth. Another thing is local libraries. Some of the small towns have incredible libraries with genealogy sections of old books. I never knew this until I moved to a small town in Texas. Their entire basement was filled with genealogy books from around the country. They also had all of the basic needs and lots of help to teach me. There were local classes on it too. And there were hardly any LDS members in the entire area! Even if you don't sign up for Ancestry.com (which I DO recommend - premium package) or see what you can order and go monthly to your FHE library....even if you don't see if there are some other local resources of help for you.... There IS something else you can do, and that is write up the history of what you do have. I've done this, and it has helped me see things I never realized and sent me in new directions. Family history is different than genealogy. It's the actual history or profile of each individual. What I do is take what notes I have and put them in chronological order. Then I take the documents and photos I have and scan them in the computer. Then I make a timeline and place the photos, documents, and notes on the timeline. Then I write up a story of their life. I love doing this because I travel the world with GoogleEarth and Flickr world and piece photos together of their life. I also Google Image events in their life (ie, Hemp Bale battle of the Civil War), and find paintings and documents and copy/paste these into their biography. I always find out new things and then move forward on that. Hope this helps. If anything, sign up for Ancestry. I think they have a free trial for 30 days.
  12. Sequoia

    Can you help me know how to feed my child?

    Hey Anna, I just want to reiterate what Elgama has said about autism spectrum disorder kids. It could be what is going on here. My kids all are high functioning autistic kids. It's a rough road. You need to learn that if the pediatrician is saying the same thing to you, and no progress is being made, go to a specialist. In this case, a pediatric gastroenterologist. I already can tell there is a problem here, in that constipated kids are not supposed to receive fiber until after they have been cleaned out. Then you give them fiber. Sometimes a cleanout is actually performed at a hospital overnight for these kids. There is a lot to know, but do know that intestinal problems are correlated with brain problems such as autism and ADHD. The lining is the same. There is a lot of research at the Univ of Utah going on about it. Also, make sure he is growing properly, at the right rate. Make the doctor plot it over the past year or so and compare it to normal growth. The good news is he is not in school yet. Being in the bathroom for hours is embarrassing in front of friends. You need to get him regulated completely before kindergarten. I recommend the in hospital cleanout as the quickest way to get him on track, but you have to find a good pediatric gastro. first. He'll also know what to feed him and what order to introduce the foods while phasing out the others.
  13. Sequoia

    Does anyone know of LDS Business School

    Hi Jolee! I know this is late from where you posted, but I have been reading some threads and came across this one. My daughter went to BYU-SLC for a semester. At the time, they were building LDSBC, so they were sharing the same building (Fall 2008). Anyway, you are right in that the girls live in the upper 2 floors of the Plaza Hotel. The boys live somewhere else.What I can tell you about the school is that is isn't tremendously hard to get into compared to any of the BYU campuses, and the learning for the most part is not as demanding. BUT that doesn't mean that the programs are weak. The degrees aren't BA/BS degrees, so the general education requirements are not a part of it. My daughter had made many friends who went there. She loved, loved going to school in SLC. She currently is at BYU-Provo. Anyway, they are known to have an outstanding interior design program. A couple of her friends were planning to stage homes to sell faster with poor economy and all. She had some other friends in the medical degree programs and one of her friends earned an Associates and transferred to BYU Provo with her at semester. (My daughter was waiting on transcripts for out of state to get to Provo and they "got lost" in the mail, said her high school ...but she got in the next semester, with her friend). What she loved about going to school in SLC was that she could regularly go to the temple. She loved, loved that. She also loved that she could go to the visitors' center and to the LDS museum. She did genealogy in the Family History library several times a week. She really helped me along! She gained a stronger testimony than ever in actually being able to do these things of her own free will. She also loved the sister missionaries in the writing center that would help edit her papers (This is the BYU part though). And the religion classes were great. Oh, and she also liked that she could easily find a job at Westgate (I think it's called that) Mall. She'd work enough to get some mad money and a discount on whatever clothing she wanted. She really loved that experience and still goes to SLC at least once a month on a bus/TRAX method she has down. The only down side was the homeless, who would try to talk to her. I'm hoping that situation will be fixed. She did live at home, so wasn't there at night. She loved it. I want to add to that they have many, many social events and rooms for the kids to watch tv and hangout. There are also many clubs, and I believe they do require a certain amount of service to be done. The building is very gorgeous, especially at Christmas. Everyone is so nice and helpful, really! Anyway, I hope your daughter takes advantage of everything offered. Have her go to the orientation meetings. It'll help explain how to do everything there and what to look forward to.
  14. Sequoia

    Depression, Negative Thoughts and Drugs

    Just a quick response here, but there are several things studies have shown that increase endorphins, which elevates our moods to be happy. (This isn't meant to replace therapy or anything, but just a checklist to refer to when feeling down). I don't have the research handy, but I'll look any of the research up if you want to see it firsthand. 1) Exercise - natural endorphin releaser 2) Taking a shower and grooming - increases endorphins. 3) Having regular social activities with positive people - natural endorphin releaser 4) Sunshine 5) Sex 6) Not research based, but Pres Uchtdorff told us to find someone with a worse situation and serve them. By helping them fix their problem, he said we'll find our problem will disappear or be easier to manage. . These are findings I have read/heard about most recently. I'm sure there are more. I've been in a frumpy mood the past couple weeks and have been forcing myself, to take showers, do my hair and makeup, and then go outside for some time. I also actively forced myself to go serve some families in my ward. It's hard work. I haven't felt like doing much of anything, since I've been feeling so lost and overwhelmed. But if I can just act on the most basic level to things that do work, I figure I'm going to be okay in the long run, which it looks my current crisis is going to be.....long!
  15. Sequoia

    Feel like running away...

    I'm not sure if this will help, but I thought I'd try some. I remember when my husband was gone all day and into the night working while I was stuck home with little ones and pregnant. It was very hard. Little kids are demanding. They have to be, since their lives truly depend on you. Is there some way you could put your daughter in a Mother's Day Out program and give yourself some time? These programs aren't everywhere, but they are designed so that moms can go to the doctor or china shop or somewhere without kids for an hour or even a day. But usually they aren't too much. If they don't have those in your area, then see if there is another gal at church with a child that is four and switch off. I did this at one point for my own sanity. She'd take my two kids on Wednesday for an hour or so then we'd swap and I'd get hers on Friday, every other week. We really didn't allow things to mess with this schedule. You have to prioritize your me time. Four is a great age because they want to be kept busy and love, love activities and friends. Remember too that parks are free and a great place to sit and talk with other moms while the kids play. One of my kids enjoyed the cemetery with the flowers and the names on the stones. We went there quite a bit. In the winter, you could meet at McDonald's with a playground and just order something small, since money is tight. Having them in a routine that includes outside/running time, is always helpful. As far as your husband goes, I have to say, I'd rather be the mom at home with the kids any day over the stress and pressure of work and financial duties. He's going to forget some of the small stuff. He might not even think it matters much to you since you haven't told him. I wanted flowers, so I started buying them at Costco. My husband commented on how much he liked them on the table, and I said, "Yes, I really miss the times when you found the time to bring them home." He caught on. He did start bringing me some again, even with his crazy work schedule. Also, now we go to Costco together sometimes, and he always stops and says, "Go pick out the ones you like." It's not quite the same as a surprise bunch, but it still means something to me. Holding doors could be the same. Just ask him to hold the door for you, and he most likely will. Then thank him and tell him how you really enjoy those small things he does that shows he cares. I bet he'd catch on. Sometimes what seems obvious to us, isn't to guys. We have to let them in on what we want...also, in the bedroom. I am ill tonight, so I'm hoping this doesn't sound too harsh. I just remember that time so well. It is so difficult. My kids had some behavior issues too, so let me know if your kids have something specific they act out about, and maybe I can share something you might try.