Soul_Searcher

I'm in the same predicament. How do I know what a Prophet says is true given there's been so much they have taught that is now considered rubbish or has been retracted. I basically pick the things I feel ok about and follow them. The things I feel not ok about, I don't. Are we not blessed with the spirit of discernment? As for Joseph Smith...the fact that he lied about much of his polygamy life says to me he was still an imperfect man and this had a lot to do with it.

If this is in the wrong place please move it, mods. I wasn't sure. I have been doing the challenge and seem to have been reading a lot. I'm desperately trying to read with an open mind but I just can't help but have lots of questions as I read. I have said before I feel I don't know much about the gospel so this is me trying to understand. I hope this is ok. These are my questions so far, on 1Nephi. 1) Who writes the intro to the Book of Nephi? I thought it was JS but at the end it says, I, Nephi wrote this record. 2) Why does Nephi give fairly detailed accounts of what his Father has said/seen/done? Surely Lehi would have done this himself in the Book of Lehi, that was lost by JS. Also, I would have thought Lehi would have recorded his own revelation to leave Jerusalem. Any insights? (I tried to think of a repetition in other parts of the Book of Mormon from Son and Father, but can't think of any. In which case what DID Lehi write about in his book?) 3) I'm mega confused about the plates. How many, what was written on what? One verse gave me the impression Nephi didn't record any of his life until about 10 years after they left Jerusalem. If anyone could give me the most BASIC explanation possible, literally a 'for dummies' version as I am really confused by this. 4) Why are there 2 Books of Nephi? They seem to flow one in to the next. Any reason? Did Nephi do this or did Joseph when he translated? 5) Who/What is Israel? 6) In the Isaiah portion the Lord promises certain blessings 20:20-21, like having lots of children etc. Its obvious not everyone will get these blessings even though they are righteous so why does the Lord promise this when it blatantly cant happen for everyone? 7) Why does the Lord feel the need to 'burn' people? 'The wicked will be destroyed even by fire'. If he loves all his children why would he want them to die hideously? I have always been taught he loves us ALL regardless. I'm finding it hard to see him as a 'Father' as no Father would want to see their child burn to death. I am struggling with this. 8) And finally....I am always told to be humble, humble myself...God seems to demand constant worship and adoration. It seems slightly hypocritical!! Any insights on this? Thanks in advance. I know there are some great scriptorians/historians on this site so I hope I can get some answers.

Today we had a great presentation from our ex-Bishop who is a Family History expert, he does it for a living. I really enjoyed it, it gave me encouragement which is what it was supposed to do. However, at the very end of the presentation he said that anything we do in this life is utterly FUTILE unless we do family history. He even quoted a scripture to confirm it, D&C 128:15 This upset me a lot. It seems very extreme. Its almost like, you can be the best person you can be and do everything else, but miss out family history and you're doomed. It seems there's so many things you have to do in the church to be 'saved'. Most people tell me 'do the best you can'. Well, what if my best isn't enough? It sounds more likely than not in most people's cases in that case. Will I have wasted my life? I feel overwhelmed with the level of expectation placed on me as an individual.

Haha thats funny moby! Ur right though-there are more important issues to be focusing on how people intrepret the WOW anyhow. In my opinion anyway. I know people who are drinking and have recommends. I also know people who are child abusers and still go to the temple. There's more important things to be worried about than what someone is drinking.

Thank you all for your comments. Since I wrote the post things have changed, Im gonna read, gonna try. I'm gonna TRY and not worry about the 'little things' (although they dont seem that way to me), and focus on the good. I hope this works. I've realised that I dont particularly enjoy living the gospel. I know thats not normal for most members. I hope that changes. I want it to change. If it doesn't, Im not sure what my future in the church holds. You have all given excellent advice. Ill be reading these posts a few times to gee me along :) x x

I'm inclined to agree with anatess. If people want to get picky, the WOW doesn't even mention ALCOHOL but 'strong drink'. That could be open to interpretation, too. I could interpret that to mean no spirits, but beers and lagers are fine. We as members tend to focus on what we SHOULDNT be doin rather than what we SHOULD (Bizarre, really) Im really into health living. I have ALWAYS wondered how grossly overweight people can get away with saying they live the word of wisdom just because they dont smoke and drink. That is a SMALL part of it. The WOW is a LIFESTYLE not abstinence from substances. Its scientifically proven as well as in the WOW what we need to be eating. 50% of your plate should be vegetables/salad, a quarter (preferable wholegrain) carbs, and a quarter protein. Bad fats (cakes, biscuits, all hydrogenated and sat fats) should be eaten SPARINGLY. That to me means maybe once or twice a week depending on what it is. Obviously I am not judging overweight people for their take on the WOW. It is up to them how they interpret it. Its just weird how all we focus on is alcohol, tobacco and tea and coffee when there's so much more in it.

You may have a hard time with it Pam. Think ureself lucky uve never had the feelings I am having now. Its a frustrating place to be. I get the feeling you are somewhat irked with my questions and my take on things. I hope this is not the case and if I am wrong, I sincerely apologise. But I think it serves to show how members find it hard to relate to people like me without thinking theres something wrong with them or that they are doing something wrong. I dont think we are encouraged to question too much which could explain this attitude. Anyway, point is, if I didnt want to work this out i wouldnt be here. And I wouldnt be doing the 40 day challenge if i wasn't serious. I cant help the questions that come into my head. Thats me! Isn't diversity great? However, if this is not the place for my type of questions Im sure there are other places I can go. Although i wanted a more rounded point of view, rather than that of ex mos who dont have my best interests in mind.

pam, someone asked what parts i struggled with so i laid it out, i wasn't being hateful, these r the problems i have that I am trying to work through. Good advice and analogy hankpac.

James-good talks. Ruthie-Funnily enough I read the title page and testimony of 3 witnesses last night as I am going to do the 40 day challenge. What do I have to lose? Although I cant read it without questioning and doubting certain aspects. I cant help it, I am trying to read with an open mind. I WANT it to be true, I love the BOM, but cant help but questions. I DO NOT KNOW if Jospeh Smith was a Prophet. Angels, revelations, visitations...I hear it, I have all my life. It seems unreal like a fairy story to me. I hear different things such as the plates were taken up by Moroni-then I hear they're in a vault somewhere. How can our religion have all these 'versions'? I don't like going to church. I dont like the lessons we have. I dont like the focus on how sinful we are rather than our GOOD points. I KNOW people are not perfect but I have been to many other organisations with a lot less problems and judgements than I have seen in our church. I also am having trouble accepting certain things are 'sinful' that I have no problem with. E.G Homosexuality, modesty standards, garments, swearing. Even if I WANTED to feel the opposite way to what I feel about these things, I couldn't, it is part of who I am. I feel uncomfortable trying to change the way I feel about things, so that I now feel they are 'sins'. I feel I am an accepting person and believing these things are wrong will just make me feel differently for the worse. I'm not sure how I can reconcile all this with being a faithful church member. All the while, if I'm on an upper, and trying and all that...The thought always creeps in to my mind...this could all be for nothing..what if its not true, I'm wasting my life stressing over it all. I hate seeing people sucking up to leaders to try and get a higher calling-and I hate the fact that it works. If callings are given by revelation, how can this be??? How come 99% of all the authorities in the church are Americans? Does God not think anyone else is good enough??? (Apart from the few token Europeans/chinese). All these things are what stops me embracing the gospel fully. The 'gospel' is probably true. I believe the organisation of the church, and the people in it, can be crooked, its like a business. NOT all I know. But I feel that if people felt the way I did, this would not happen in the church. I KNOW people are not perfect but this still makes it hard from me when one thing is preached, and another thing practiced. It makes me feel uncomfortable. However, I am giving it my final shot. I am going for it. I'm not sure how I can reconcile myself to these issues, or if I even want to, but I'm trying.

I dont know how to post links or pictures!

My sister and friends always used to compare me to Sandra Bullock in She's all that-They said I was clumsy and nerdy as a teenager but now I'm grown I'm still clumsy but beautiful :) None of you here will know this person apart from the Brits but I have had it said to me on several occasions that I look like Kym Marsh from Coronation street. We have a very similar hairstyle, she is prettier than me!

ThanQ Pam!

Pam I cant access that page either!

I just deleted my essay, I mean post by accident. I'll try and condense it. Loudmouth, you are so right. I know all this. I did this at the beginning of the month. I got my spiritual experience. Uchdorf was speaking and it was so powerful. He testified of Pres Monson so strongly that he almost shouted it 'PRES MONSON IS A PROPHET OF GOD, LIKE UNTO MOSES'. I had all the things that you are told happen to me-overwhelming 'warm' feeling from toes that enveloped my body. My heart was racing, and I knew my prayer was answered. I almost couldnt speak afterwards. I managed to whisper, 'wow'. For some reason this hasn't been enough for me. I could do all this again, but I feel the Lord might turn round and say, 'What more do you want?' He'd be right, what more can I have to convince me to embrace and live the gospel? I takes a lot for me to admit this but I dont like to be wrong, maybe it is pride I need to work on. I like to have the last word, and I like to be right. Could this be whats stopping me? Its just HARD. I'm sure you all enjoy living the gospel and its not a struggle like it is for me.

Excellent point traveller. LM. Your post is good, if a little cryptic. I might be aware but Im not sure what you are referring to. Enlighten me and I will start it this evening. I have 8 weeks off and I am determined to be happy and solid with my beliefs, whatever they are, by the end of the summer.

not at all palerider. I still want to work this out, Im looking at all options. I do not think I am living a sinful life.

Not really Dr T. I think it boils down to the fact that I dont KNOW. I'm finding it hard to live a religion that I am unsure of. I mean it probably is, but I'm only basing that on my lifetime in the church, and its familiarity which is making me say its 'probably' true. Ive not really experienced other religions, but nor do I want to. I just feel that I need to KNOW to be able to follow a religion. I really need to know if this is the life/path God wants for me, and I dont know if I can ever know. Even with my spiritual experience-Yes God was telling me something, but I almost want to hear it from his mouth or I wont be satisfied. qedd-I dont feel life is long in the sense that Im fed up or anything. I mean its a long time to be unsure of your beliefs. I do believe in God most days. When I'm close to nature or look at the sky, I talk to God and want him to be there and hope he is. But I'll never know until I die. As for the atonement-I was trying to think about this during Sacrament yesterday. This is the key and I've only just realised. I FEEL NOTHING. I cant equate what Chrost did as this amazing thing. I even shocked myself as I was prepared to sit there and feel love and gratitude for the Saviour. But it was empty. I sat there and THOUGHT about it. But I then found myself thinking....and?? I obviously dont have conviction in the atonement. Perhaps Ive been praying for and focusing on the wrong things. I still am unsure if I can know the atonement is what its claimed to be. I honestly dont know how I can feel the way I am supposed to feel about it-grateful, overwhelmed etc. I know I'm rambling a bit Im sort of piecing things together as I write. Sorry.

So many people I have spoken to about my problems with the church just tell me to 'hang in there' 'keep going' or 'endure it'. I dont know if I can do this. I have to see results. I can do this for a job if I know it will only be for a short amount of time. My entire life is NOT a short amount of time to me at this point in existence, it is a loooong time. I cant go on for the rest of my life like this, its doing my head in. I just dont know what more I can do. I have even had a spiritual experience-Pres Uchdorf spoke here in the UK and it had a profound effect on me, I really did feel the spirit. I knew it was telling me that the church was true as I'd asked for it and got it Its still not enough, I have no idea why. The memory is fading. I'm still fed up with much of the culture/teachings of the church. I dont think theres much more I can do. :confused::confused::confused::confused:

No doubt they discuss me anyway. We are a small ward and my problems are common knowledge. The ward is desperate for me to be the Mormon they want so I can be involved in callings and what not.

Dravin is right, we are not exactly a baptizing conveyor belt right now. Thanks for all the suggestions, I hadn't considered some so thats great thanks x btw I cant go on splits as we have Elders.

Would I be allowed to do this? I've been thinking about this for a while. My Dad mentioned to me the other day that the sisters gave the first discussion to them after dinner at their house, for no particular reason. I have realised that I am quite ignorant in my knowledge of the church, its very superficial, and perhaps always has been even though I thought I knew it all. This could be why I'm having problems now. I had thought about it but wasn't sure if I was allowed. I could just ask the Elders of course. One of them is really cool and I'm sure he'd agree, he's fairly open and laid back. The other is a greenie in his 3rd week so it would be good practice for him Has anyone heard of this being done? I think it might help me look at the church in a more ordered way. I feel like Im wading through mounds of information and just have no idea where to start in trying to regain my testimony.

You should move to England. Its poured down today with thunder but still been hot . Happy days

Go for it!

Piers Morgan is a famous contraversial ex-editor of a tabloid newspaper over here. Simon Cowell is a media Mogul who is probably more popular in the US than over here. He certainly knows what he's doing by going to America, knowing Americans would lap up his 'Mr Nasty' attitude. We tend to roll our eyes over here! Yes it is sone over here in answer to your question. John Barrowman presents just about any light-entertainment programme going and has done at least one documentary that I know of. Its a bit of a running joke here at how many programmes he fronts. He has even made cameo appearances in dramas. I happen to like him so I dont care!

Without meaning to offend anyone, and saying this in the most light hearted way possible.... Only in America!!!!!!