Soul_Searcher

Maybe talk to her and work out a plan of action together on how you can work it out. Ask her what she wants from you that would make your marriage good again (NOT having access to your phone etc, how to have a good solid marriage based on love trust and mutual respect). Tell her the same. Ask her if she even WANTS it to work, it looks like maybe she is looking for an excuse for YOU to leave her so she is in the clear (insulting you etc). If she has no desire to work on it, you will find out from this conversation. Tell her what you'd like to happen and how you want to work on it together. Tell her that you cant go on like this and these changes need to happen. Set a limit to see these changes making a difference. Tell your wife this. i.e if its not working within x weeks/months maybe you should consider separating.

Ah thanks heavenguard. It just makes you question whether it is you as its happened before. I think I am too trusting. My husband is my best friend anyway :)

I know Maureen, me and my other friend have said the same thing, its like being back at SCHOOL. I did confront my friend about it the first time round and she apologized and said Oh Ive got a lot on at the minute thats why I've been 'distant'. I dont think she will get it, and Im reluctant to confront the situation further in case it turns nasty which I could see happening. I know they are not worth my friendship, but its sad when I thought I had a friend for life and told a lot of personal stuff to. The good side is that I have made good friends with this other girl, who is younger than all of us but the most mature. She's kind and loving, and I know she would never do anything like this. I'll stick with her

Bishops are just men. Of course they react different, in what time warp could any Bishop react identically to any given situation? I understand your frustration though. Ive been in a similar situation myself. Thats why it sucks to have to confess in the first place, I dont get it, why it cant just be between you and God I dont know.

When I started at uni I made really good friends with a girl. We had long chats in the car, got on so well, she was lovely I thought I had made a friends for life, we told each other everything about life, had so much in common etc. Well, obviously there is a few of us who hang around together. My friend started getting friendly with this other girl, who I am friends with too. But then they started being a bit nasty to me and another girl-Ignoring us, walking off etc, meeting up and not telling us, declaring their love for each other on facebook (nauseating). Anyway, that eventually settled down and we were all friends again. I text them both occasionally but they never respond. Through facebook I gather my original friend is going on holiday with the new friend and her family. I have never done anything to upset either of them so y they are acting this way. At the original friends wedding she and the new friend gave me these cold looks and when I walked over they would stop talking. Why do girls act like this? Its like the new friend has turned her against me, she is very hard. This is not the first time this has happened to me. Shall I give up texting them? Bearing in mind we wont see each other now till September. I know I should give up but I think they could turn on me and say, well u didnt text etc...if I keep in contact as least I am ok, if you know what I mean. I wonder if it is something in my personality that makes my friends act this way towards me. This is about the 4th time this has happened in my life. :(

Thank you for your insights and explanations. I feel I understand it better now.

It may seem a small thing to you, but it is a struggle and an issue for me. We all have different challenges, and just because one person finds it a 'small' thing, does not make it so for the next. Its a huge issue for the OP, and I find it hard to accept. Well I don't know about continuing revelation you see. If I hadn't been told to disregard some of what previous Prophets have had 'revealed' to them I might take it more seriously. It seems to me if a revelation is not liked or contraversial, it is brushed aside. Surely revelation is revelation no matter when it was received. How do I know that counsel given now, will be told to be ignored in a few years to come? And I know all that about certain revelations given for certain times but some is not time-specific. How can Adam-God theory be ok for 1800 saints and not us, for example? Its either right, and we believe it, or isn't, and Brigham Young was a fraud. I don't expect anyone to reply to this-I have hijacked the thread, I am sorry to the OP, it has just brought to mind a few issues and struggles I'm having with the church. I sat back today and it was like the whole entire doctrinal contents of the church washed over me. The do's and dont's, the punishments, the threats. I felt like, no one actually has half a chance of making it to heaven because of what we are asked to do is almost impossible to live fully. It seems unless you are an uber-mormon doing everything 100% it is not worth living it. (And these types are usually not particularly pleasant people, the mollys etc.they can be judgemental and self righteous). Its not even worth trying to do some, as 'some' wont get you to heaven. The church is so hard to live and I know I can't live it all, 100% ever, because I'm not perfect and I do actually want to enjoy my life, you only get one. So at this point in time I wonder why I am even staying active I know in my heart that its the most correct of any church. But I don't think I can do it so I feel I may as well hold up my hands to God and say as much, and then live my life in peace without having to worry about what I did wrong every second of my life.

I meant verse 19, to clarify. Pam, the people I know DO live the commandements, they are devoted to the church as are a lot of members. Yet they have health problems and remain ill. qudd, perhaps you are right, but as it is so specific to body parts it has to be about physical health, does it not?

I think it was Nephi, Ill look it up.

See my previous post terra. I feel those things you said are invalid to me as I did not make covenants of my own free will, as I was not able to make an informed choice about it.

You need to have a more regular balanced diet. Eat 3 meals a day, and dont worrry about the odd chocolate bar here and there. You are going to extremes. If you allow yourself one treat a day, you wont have the urge to binge. Have your fish, veg and rice for dinner with fruit or yoghurt for dessert. But have a biscuit or something in the day. Dont deny yourself, keep it balanced. Eating junk food is not a sin as long as you moderate your intake.

This scripture came up today and bugged me a little bit. The promise of health and strength if you live the word of wisdom. My FIL has numerous health problems so do many people in my ward, and they are not old either. They quite clearly do not have health in their navel or marrow to their bones. Why would the Lord say this when it is an un-keepable promise? People will get ill, it cant be fulfilled, so why would he say it??

How can you over simplify the gospel? Aren't we always told the gospel is simple? It quite clearly isnt. I personally feel that my life should be spent in the service of others not obsessing over whims of a vengeful God (A God that burns people if you dont cough up cash). l havent promised anything anyway. Yes I went to the temple, but seeing as you are not allowed to speak about it or ask questions until you are in there, How are those promises you alledgedly make valid?? Thats like having an arranged marriage without knowing the groom and then getting married-You would have grounds for an annulment if things didnt work out. Its the same with the temple. You have no idea what you're getting into, and you cant get out once you're there. So I dont feel my covenants are valid. Thats the way I see it. Sorry, I'm on one today, I feel whichever way I turn in the church, I'm trapped by some threat or other. 'If you dont do this, then xyz will happen to you'. Its not great. I'm feeling frustrated and angry.

But doesn't Nephi say at one point he is limited in space? Plus they had to cart them around with them so I doubt the whole ' room or a cart' theory. Thats why I asked about the abridgement thing, I thought they were aware of the space, so why abridge it of they kept it down anyway?

I thought it was a question of living a good life and keeping the 10 commandments, plus WOW. Isnt that enough?

Is it Mormon? I came across Alma 35 where it is narrated. In fact, some of the book is in the first person, other times in the third. Why is this? By the time Mormon got hold of it 95% of it was written anyway so it cant have been to save space. Was it to make it easier to read or what?

So you think that for all the good you do, the charity, the love, living the gospel etc, will all be for nothing unless you wear the garment? Is this really the God we believe in? A God who will keep a wonderful person out of heaven because they wanted to be comfortable so forsook the garment? If this is the type of God that exists then I dont want to live with him. I personally think our works are more important than our underwear.

Um..what on earth does being debt have to do with blessing your home? How is this at all relevant?

I think spelling G-d like that is being a bit overzealous, personally.

What you quoted your wife as saying speaks a lot of volumes to me. In other words, you were having a physical relationship with her, getting all ur housework done and maybe not much else. Men have a habit of being selfish that way. Whats interesting is that neither of feel you are being emotionally fulfilled. My guess is whats happened is this: You both settled into a pattern. She kept house, you went to work. You got used to the arrangement and maybe stopped helping out round the house as much (My DH did this). Your wife, noticing this, feels like you are not supporting her, and withdraws emotionally just a little bit. You sense this and feel you are hard done by, but maybe not realise why. The situation compounds so much that your wife withdraws from you almost completely. She feels like she has no support and feels angry and frustrated. You then feel the same as she does as she has withdrawn and crave that closeness. So now you are both feeling emotionally abandoned. You fall into arms of co-worker, and she leaves. In other words you BOTH bailed when you wern't getting what you needed. This is just my guess. The advice given here for you to be the best person you can be is the best advice in my opinion. Bring her flowers, do the hoovering, wash-up, put the kids to bed, tell her you love her. Tell her you want this to work so much, and if she does too, then why wont she consider marriage counselling? Even go as far as to say 'honey, I know that I'm to blame for a lot of things. But I need to know how we can work on our marriage, and I cant do that unless you are there. I love you, I want you there, please.' My family has been in similar situations. My advice to my SIL was to be the best she could so she would know she had done everything if the worst happened. Its VERY hard. However, I would set some sort of rules. I would say that you are trying to change and if you are willing, then she has to be too. Set a limit, like 2-6 months to improve things. Hopefully this will help her to come to terms with the situation. If she ignores all of this then you have done everything you can at least. I believe you work this out of you are both on side. If your wife is refusing then she may be angry with you for WHATEVER reason, imagined or otherwise, just or unjust. Regardless of her reasons, you need to get her on side to work it out. If this means all of the above I suggested plus more, do it. You need to assure her you want it to work by your actions as well as words. In fact, actions speak louder.

Firstly, I would say your income is more than ok! Even translated into pounds me and DH would have a super lifestyle if we were earning that kind of money. Secondly, your job is supporting your family so apart from the travel I'm not sure why you are thinking of quitting it. Times are hard, my DH has had to take a drop in wages and has to travel miles and miles without expenses, which drops his wages even lower. I work nights so sometimes it can be almost days before we see each other. Im also a full-time student. I think in this day and age we need to put up with the things that are difficult, sometimes thats just the way it is. Some people have to work on Sunday. Just get on with it. Try and call your family daily and pray for your wife to have strength ans support when she's on her own. Can't the RS help out if need be in whatever way you need?

Some apprehension is natural. I felt I wanted to run away at one point, before we were even engaged. I think its a normal reaction to something life changing, but it doesnt mean that you dont want it, you are just nervous at the changes to come.

Of course not, but thats not the issue here. My husband can walk down the road and look at an attractive woman and think, 'she's attractive' Its if he was thinking 'hmm I'd like a bit of that, maybe I can sneak out later, or damn she's hotter than my wife' is when you have a problem. That thought has never even entered my head once! I personally think that I couldnt have possibly married anyone better than my husband. I feel so so lucky to have him and sometimes marvel at my good fortune. The only time I think of what it would be like to have married someone else is to thank my lucky stars and I shudder at the thought of not finding my DH and marrying someone else instead! blusun7-If you are confused and dont know what to do, TALK TO YOUR FIANCEE. Explain how you are feeling, and be prepared that she may be hurt, upset and not want to continue the relationship. I think you are going to have to make some tough decisions and you are putting it off because it will be hard and people will get hurt. It might suck, but you have to do the right thing.

Why do you want to get married 'very soon'. Whats the rush? We in the church look for a person to fill the marriage, wheras we should fall in love with someone and want marriage with them because we love them so much. It sounds like you are going about it the wrong way. If you are thinking of someone else it could be that you are looking for an excuse to end the relationship. If you are this unsure I would not consider marriage. It would not be fair on your girlfriend. I wonder why you are so desperate to get married though. That feeling alone could cause you to jump into a marriage for all the wrong reasons. Slow down, take your time, and have a heart to heart with your girlfriend.

pansy, I have tried all the materials and styles apart from maternity ones. Elgama said they dont have flaps but wingnut said they do. So Im confused now. Wingnut, yes I tried the drisilk chemise with a gathering in the muddle and didnt like them. DMIL=Dear Mother in law??