NightSG

Don't assume; bring it up and try to get her to dismiss it. If she changes her mind, one thing you're not going to want is for her to be able to rush the process by having the biggest part of the waiting period already run out. Not sure where you are, but in TX, that situation could quickly turn into "you have a final decree hearing in 7 days" out of the blue rather than the full 60 day waiting period.

At one time, I tried to track her down, but I don't recall her maiden name. (She was still using her ex husband's name as she didn't want to have a different last name from her daughter, so I doubt I even heard her maiden name more than a couple of times.) and her married name was very common. As in, even filtering for every bit of identifying information the search could take, there were still hundreds of matches, and at a quick glance through the photos, plenty that could be her but none that definitely were. At the time, she was living in an apartment with two roommates, and using her parents' address, (which I never had any reason to pay attention to) so I can't even narrow it down with the street or neighborhood. I just can't see me taking a list of several hundred phone numbers and calling each one to say "hi, did we date once and if so, do you want to get married now?" A friend with more resources offered to give it a shot, but changed her mind when I gave her the name.

I may be going out on a limb here, and the OP is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems his stated reason centers on her desire for a sealing and his inability to give her that. Her asking whether she should wait for him to convert appears to have strengthened his belief that she wants to divorce over it, but he may be misinterpreting it; she may have just been asking if she should get her hopes up or settle for understanding that it's not going to happen in this life. OP, let me throw in a personal anecdote here that may be of some value. Something well over a decade ago, a few years before I met my now-ex wife, I dated one of the most stunningly beautiful, sweetest women I have ever met. I really think that toward the end I was close to, if not at the point where I could have proposed and gotten a yes. I'm absolutely certain that had I married her and it didn't work out, the fault would be entirely mine. (Not that she lacked faults, or that I glossed over them through intense infatuation - she certainly had a few, and I was fully aware of them, but to this day, and even with the experience I now have in how irritating little things can become over time, I have no doubt that she would have been an excellent wife...and I still hope that she has found a man who will be an equally wonderful husband.) As you can likely guess, I didn't ask. In fact, I stopped dating her, though we stayed good friends for some time, and ultimately I lost track of her altogether. Now, some of my reason for not asking was typical male fear of commitment. Some was fear that I wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of her then-toddler daughter from a previous, brief marriage. (He was no longer in the picture at all, and to my knowledge has never accepted any role in the child's life, so I would have been the only father figure to her.) Mostly, though, it was that she was so far out of my league that I felt I could never give her what she deserved. I know that what she really wanted was someone who would love and cherish her and her daughter in the way her ex absolutely didn't. I deeply regret that I was the one keeping her firmly in the friendzone while she was saying all the things women normally say to friendzoned guys except for the "you're just a friend" part. (Yep, even "I hope I can find someone like you one of these days," and idiot me walked away from it.) Though after some soul searching I now regret it far more for at least delaying her from having what I was able to give her right then, rather than for costing myself the opportunity to have such a wonderful woman in my life every day. I screwed that up because I couldn't give her what I thought she should have, regardless of whether I could give her what she thought she should have. While it sounds like your wife thinks she should have something you can't give her in this life, I'm hoping she can see that you're already giving her what many women, including many sealed to not-necessarily-all-that-bad husbands, would dearly love to have, and I hope you will see that as well.

You are her family now, and have been for several years. I'm not saying that a few weekends a year with mom and dad aren't a wonderful thing, but if it's causing you any grief, she should be taking that very strongly into consideration. Ideally, those visits should coincide with times when your military service has you less available anyway, for minimal disruption, but either way, you should be her first concern, with your daughter a very close second. What else is wrong with your marriage? If this is really the biggest thing, then you've both got an awfully limited understanding of "for better or for worse." When she brings it up. Even then, not with some sort of misguided eagerness to be rid of this burden you're both apparently seeing your now-interfaith marriage as. Maybe call her bishop (see https://www.mormon.org/worship and use the meetinghouse locator in the blue box; his number should be listed there) before next Sunday and ask if you can both sit down with him for a few minutes while you're there. Heck, be an equal opportunity skeptic and call your unit's chaplain, the local Episcopal, Methodist, DoC and Baptist churches and ask if you could get a brief sit down with their pastors as well; given the reason, I'm sure most will happily work you in. Even the most fire-and-brimstone-all-you-others-are-bound-straight-for-Hell Southern Baptist preacher is virtually certain to tell you the same thing; you're both going to Hell for not being Southern Baptist anyway, so it's better to do it together and cut down on the paperwork. Maybe listen to the Methodists or the Primitive Baptists more. They'll tell you the same as the bishop; don't break up an otherwise good and faithful marriage because of something that doesn't force it to become an abusive or unfaithful marriage. I've met a lot of women who were sealed to RMs, who now would gladly take their chances with a good, caring nonmember. I could be wrong, (it's happened once or twice before) but the simple fact that you've put aside your pride enough to come in here and tell us your story strongly suggests to me that divorce isn't what you really want, and I don't think it's what she really wants deep down, either. If nothing else works, find out who the ward and/or stake single adults rep is, and arrange to have some of the divorced mothers chat with her about her actual prospects for finding a good, available RM willing to settle for not only the ever popular "licked cupcake," but one who has already broken up an otherwise good marriage over something that can be easily fixed in Eternity anyway. (After all, extrapolating from your own words, if the Lord reveals Himself and His plan to you, you will believe and accept the ordinances in death that you cannot in life. If He doesn't then it's all meaningless either way.) Be prepared for the slight possibility that she's already got someone picked out and/or prequalified to be her eternal partner, though, in which case a long talk with the bishop is in order anyway, as such would be very much counter to Church teaching. Let me just be blunt here and ask the important questions in the simplest way: Is she a good wife and a good mother to your child? Do you make every effort to be the best husband and father you can be? Do you love her? Do you believe she loves you? Why, in simple terms, do you believe that she does or does not love you? Do you believe that she believes you love her? Same as above; what have you done to cause her belief either way, and what indications have you received of it? Answer those honestly, and some answers just might come to you on their own. If not, share your answers and we'll work from there.

I'm glad, but also concerned; be fully aware that sometimes these feelings are the mind's way of putting more bad stuff than you can handle at once aside, to be dealt with over time. If at some point you do feel the need to grieve, don't suppress it thinking it's all in the past. Make sure you always have a friend on speed dial who will understand that as well.

Fortunately, I seem to have inherited granddad's chin-origin graying; I've currently got more gray hairs in my beard than anywhere else, and if it stays on his pattern, my chest will start graying next, and only after that will my head start going significantly gray. Best I can remember, his head started graying around 65, but his leg hair stayed black until his head had gone full gray at around 72.

Well, my nude self-sculpture won't be ready until I figure out a good way to mass-produce body hair in clay, but would it just be posted as photos, or a full 3D VR model?

Well, the only thing I can do about it is not do what got me into that situation.

Yeah, if you want to guarantee nobody will ever again ask you what classes a singles conference should include, suggest some weight management, how-to-apply-makeup-without-a-trowel (or for the men, how to bathe in water instead of body spray) and general interpersonal communications (How can a group with so many people in some kind of sales have so few who can have a conversation that isn't flat out creepy?) classes. Instead, they have "cooking efficiently for one," "being a successful single parent" and "dealing with loneliness." Any effort to address the root causes was grounds for shunning.

What calling doesn't require you to provide your own transportation? When the only way to do anything more with the calling than sit alone in a room talking to myself is to travel 120 miles round trip to the stake center, often 180 miles round trip to the next stake over, and do that 2-4 times a month, walking isn't an option, and gas isn't free. The other singles wouldn't go at all unless I took them, and wouldn't show up for anything I scheduled locally. Stake activities were intentionally scheduled when nobody else would be using the stake center, so nobody was going that way for something else, either. Even combining with the YSAs for an all-ages singles Home Evening had a record attendance of three people. (Four, if you count the second counselor who dropped in to make a few very unhelpful comments on how poor attendance was.) According to the list, (after copious corrections for dead members and those married to nonmembers) we had 24 SAs; all but six were completely inactive and refused to take calls or come to the door for anyone from the Church. Of those six, one was in a long term relationship with a nonmember already, and one was doing the "I've only been divorced for four years, so I'm not ready for singles stuff yet." (And she's still telling the stake rep the same thing, at nine years now.) Of the remaining four, (including myself) with some luck I could get one other to show up for anything we tried to do locally for the first 3-4 months, then they gave up on that. That's exactly what I did for the first year. Sitting in a room alone isn't really fulfilling anything, and since all the other singles had been to the stake "night out at the nursing home" inactivities, they weren't falling for any attempt to get them up there until we finally got a stake SA rep who was single and under 70, and the average stake activity attendance went from 6-7 people all older than my parents to 12-20 ranging from 34 on up. Even then, the locals only went if I either drove them or paid for their gas to carpool. Even then, it wasn't a particularly meaningful singles group in terms of finding other singles, so the new stake rep got us involved in a series of multi-stake efforts; meaning we were often taking responsibility for some portion of activities up to 220 miles round trip for me, and coordinating to carpool even part of that wasn't always possible due to the geographic layout of the stake and the absolute determination of some people to plan on showing up 1-4 hours late so they can dodge the service parts of the activity. So, in order to do anything at all with the calling other than buy some stuffed animals to have no-tea parties with on Monday nights, I had to travel. For most of that time, the bishop was making sure to remind me of every activity in the stake, then the multi-stake area, and that we needed to have someone there even if it was just me. (And I know he was reminding any other singles who didn't yet have his number blocked, just to make sure I wasn't ignoring them.) Thus, after taxes, I had 25% of any given paycheck going to child support, 10% to tithing, and 15-30% to fuel and maintenance on the car and the cheapest available lodging for multi-day activities. (Or the ever popular "we're separately having a Friday night dance, a Saturday afternoon service project, and a Sunday evening potluck/fireside within a 20 mile radius, 110 miles from you, and we want your ward (meaning me, because nothing guaranteed the others would vanish as quickly as giving them something to do) to help decorate for the dance and then coordinate part of the fireside." Then I get to deal with two nights and all the other downtime in an area where I can't get anyone to offer so much as a couch and shower, so I can hang some cardboard letters Friday, paint a house (Really? Is house paint the only thing anyone besides me ever needs?) Saturday and arrange chairs Sunday.)

I find it cruel to build false hopes, especially after having to apologize to the casket of a very dear friend for having told her those same lines over and over. "Eventually" is a bit of a problem; I trusted the bishop, and burned through thousands of savings into thousands in debt trying to fulfill the calling I was put into. Ended up spending a few nights in jail because I trusted that paying tithing before fines (because I couldn't afford to keep the car entirely legal, but still had to get to the stake center when nobody else from the ward was going in order to even try to do anything with the calling) would somehow work out for the best. Then lost the job, which pretty well settled that question, since what I make now doesn't even pay the bills, much less the remaining fines or anything toward the other debt. Been there, done that. Can't afford to do it again.

Also, get taller, because women who definitely aren't shallow are still allergic to short guys. Remember to take safety precautions, though, because there will be a ton of women at those. Maybe only three women, but at least a ton. You can try for a profitable sideline offering to Photoshop the cigs and mixed drinks out of the women's profile photos. If you can airbrush on something that's not strapless, and brush off 40-50 pounds and some beard stubble, they'll jump at the offer. No matter how many gallons of Axe body spray you bathe in, it can't cover up the stench of that level of desperation. You're better off looking through mail-order bride catalogs for the "clearance, seconds and possibly already dead" section. Avoid the Pentecostal ones unless you really like snakes, and the SDA ones unless you just want to own a nice honeymoon sheet. AtheistFriendsWithBenefits.com may be more likely to have some good Mormon girls than LDSPlanet. Get lots of cute cats and post them cheap, then the single women will come to you. Oh goody; we've cut rather quickly to the "you're better off dead" advice. Didn't want that to be hanging out forever in the shadows building suspense.

But how much say? As much as he has in hers? More?

Y'know, exposed to the harsh light of reality, that one just doesn't hold water anymore. I've been to the funerals of way too many people who died alone, and had wanted nothing more in life than to have a family of their own.

And, of course, be ready for the same guy to tell women to avoid you when you don't make enough money after ditching your career.

Go to every potluck you can find, and take lots of bacon. Realistically, giving some guy an early heart attack and marrying his widow is pretty much your only chance.

Maybe if you'd at least stop eating Catholic babies in public... OTOH, I'd have to say that out here, the Church pretty much invites that. Whenever there's any sort of interfaith effort, whether it's charitable relief, general outreach or just a get together for general goodwill among local churches, LDS are either conspicuously entirely absent, or off doing their own thing rather than simply stepping up to serve with everyone else. When you see Methodists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Southern Baptists, Primitive Baptists, Independent Baptists, other Independent Baptists, (I dunno - their buildings are like three blocks apart and I've never heard any explanation of what it is they disagree on) Catholics, CoC, DoC, CRC, Episcopals, SDA, and AoG working side by side to get something done, it's not hard to draw some pretty negative conclusions about any church that doesn't join in, especially when you can count the non-participating local churches on two fingers. Heck, back before most of the local Amish got too old to deal with the heat and moved north, even they would show up from time to time. Rabbi Walker would invite himself because there was usually free food.

It's a yes/no answer; they can use the Holy Half Dollar.

Would you rather they insist on waiting for him to answer?

Only some of them sound like that.

Just wait until you get to mid singles; plenty of women built like linebackers, with butch hairdos, moderate facial hair and no fashion sense. Then you can pretend you've got both.

Still something a physician needs to know about when prescribing any sort of long-term medication.

An even wiser man...still forgot to make sure there were no witnesses. Exodus 2:12-14

Talk to her doctor; if she's trying to self-medicate with alcohol on top of antidepressants, it's probably time for a change of meds.

There's always murder. (With the benefit that, unlike a divorce hearing, a man can be presumed innocent until proven guilty in a murder trial.) Considering that one of the few I'm closely familiar with has resulted in the (raised in the Church) wife and four of the five kids effectively apostasizing, (she claims to still believe, but doesn't act in accordance with any Christian beliefs I've ever heard of, much less LDS, and the fifth kid is still living with dad so he my well be faking it until he can leave) I'm not sure that difference is as real or as big as you think. And for that matter, of the ones that have held it together, too many have attributed it to the same things that keep bad marriages together elsewhere; men don't want to lose their kids and women don't want to lose the financial stability. I've never yet heard one say that they're toughing out a hard time because they're sealed to each other. (Plenty will say that after things get better, though.) And if your life is a straight path from A-B, you should become very angry with the Lord; He has deemed you so utterly incompetent at even just living that He doesn't trust you with any sort of challenge at all. (Where's the popcorn smiley? That always gets those too-pampered Mollies either crying or babbling like idiots trying to explain how they're just so faithful that He never does anything really bad to them...or almost as amusingly, trying to claim they know hardship because the nail salon closed early and the heated seats in the Mercedes aren't working right.)