Hemisphere

Thanks for your advice, and you will agree that each of us will decide for ourselves how to spend our time.  In my particular case, defending the church (apologetics) is a hobby, like chess, photography, etc.  My hobby has taken me to corresponding with the administration of the Smithsonian regarding their letter about the Book of Mormon, historical research in the so-called "man on the moon" statement of Joseph Smith, gaining a better understanding of the creation process, spending time on understanding the doctrines as found in the Bible and other scriptures, one of the very first apologists responding to the DNA argument against the Book of Mormon, gaining a better understanding of the Book of Mormon history and geography, etc etc.
Now you may consider a waste of time, but I do not.  It is time well spent relative to various other forms of entertainment.
So, you go down your path, and I shall continue to follow my path.  Best of regards to you.
BTW, I do spend time "dispensing charity amongst the needy."  Those who are being poisoned and influenced by the enemies of the church are very needy in an eternal sense of the word.  When I see the needy lying  on the side of the road, I do not pass them in silence, but give them the words of encouagement.  Should missionaries stay silent, should the church leaders be silent in General Conference, should the bishop be silent when he sees a member deep in sin and only show "actions"?
I understand what you are saying, and I can agree with you.  But it all depends on the situation, does it not?

Dear Ulder or anyone else in a similar Position, 
Unlike most I can be quite emphatic to your plight. The church is not an easy environment. As a convert I learned that in a 60 mph vs solid concrete wall - way. The church is a wonderful place if : You are married, with kids ( cream on top), Say yes and amen to anything that comes out of Salt Lake and managed from the start to butter up. I am not saying this as an accusation but it is a fact. As a convert I neither was born into the church nor was I in time to be on a mission. On top I happen to have the misfortune to do as I say and say as I do with the proper portion of directness and a massive lack of conceitedness. Anyhow, I don´t think you are doing wrong because you have a free agency. If you need to discover life outside the church, I do think it might be a healthy experience if you keep carrying the Lord in your heart. The experiences will actually help you to become something the Lord wants you to be, a happy person with a charitable heart towards to needy. And one can not love his neighbor without loving himself. As for the socials skills, I get you as well. Surrounding yourself with church people all day long talking about the same thing over and over will turn you into major retard. A nice one,albeit but still a retard. I know at this point writing this people will be outraged. But one can not carry the Lords good message towards the people when once is too busy committing social incest. So yes, in that regard you obtain skills and can at your leisure chose to be learn about people and if you have the courage even invite them to the gospel. 
As for dating in the church, I have never met a group of people handicapping themselves so severely like the people of this church. People objectify and exalt Return Missionaries and a fair number indeed, can be actually pigs, looking for their trophy wife that is expected to turn into a baby factory.  The whole concept is a fallacy that you are deemed worthy as a companion only AFTER you went on a mission. Never mind that there is worthy fulltime missionaries at home being good members and subjects unto the Lord, which fall through the cracks. You also will never receive love or understanding if you haven´t gone because it is expected. It turned from a conviction of faith into a rite of passage where one might even get a new car as a reward from the family ( exaggerating here a bit ). Fact is, yes it is easier to date outside because you play rules that are universally known. In the church you play with rules not revealed to you and you draw the short end in any case no matter how hard you try, you may never be enough to project status or the potential to become the the future bishop of your ward if you lack sufficient vitamin c ( connection). 
I myself as a convert went from very fun lifestyle to the even paced lifestyle I desperately needed. However, I am convinced that converts bring qualities and experiences to the church that are sorely needed but there are places where you are a member second class, at least what some "church nobility" inborn - pioneer super mormons would have you believe. The Lords does not care for status or sanctimonious airs, he cares about that you are happy and loved. And you are loved. I would like for you to remember that. Dating in the church is a soul crushing experience if you happen to be an outsider and in some instances one ought rather pet a rabid shark than step out on to field where you get measured by what you aren´t and not by what you are. 
For any critics out there, I would like to remind you that I have a covenant with the Lord and not its people. I also happen to contribute whatever I can give to the Lords cause and received a tremendous blessing in form of my wife. All that mess I had to wade through makes me appreciate her sharing her life with me on a daily basis. We distinct between cultural mormons and faithful mormons. We are the latter kind because the former kind is too busy being something else. 
Some people tend to forget that there is also the bible and not just the book of mormon. But it tends to still hold good classics. This is my recommendation of what kind of woman you might want to look for, while it is also acknowledging praise to our sisters. 
Proverbs 31: 10 - 31 
I can invite you only to exercise your good judgement and agency and let the Lord guide your hands. You should disregard judgement that aims to stifle you in your quest for happiness while taking heed to good advise. First and foremost you are a child of god and again: You are loved! No matter what everyone else thinks of you. 
I will end this lengthy post in the hope that I may have consoled you a bit and encourage you to make your own mark and find your own place in the world around you. Fortune passes everywhere if you but grasp it. My dear brother, from the bottom of the heart, I pray that the Lord will give you what you need but not what you want. There is a difference in that. 
My wife and I give our love to you and wish you to be well. 
 

@Hemisphere
I won't speak for others, but I think that "you" and "I" have fundamental differences in what apologetics means. Because our definitions are different, our opinions about it being necessary continues to differ. 
Under your definition of apologetics, you don't think they are useful. Under my definition, I do. We are both members of the church. So why the gap? Perhaps it is simply because we are talking about different things? 
I agree with you: contention is not good, arguing with others does not bring the spirit, service is wonderful, actions speak louder than words, bashing with enemies can be a waste of time, screaming in the market is unappealing, fanatical ranting is unproductive. We agree on these points.
Where perhaps we differ in our definitions: 
I view 3 parties:  1. Members/Believers/Apologist ------------> 2. Fence sitters/confused/undecided--------------->3. Anti/False & Misleading information 
Going in circles arguing between group 1 & 3 is what I agree with you on, 99% of the time a waste. 
Apologetics for me is about helping Group 2, not Group 3. 
If Group 3 tosses out false information, who is there to correct the false information?
Don't take the "density of German" thing personally, but it proves a point. Do I care what country is more densely populated? Nope, not at all.
I do care that I and others have correct/accurate information. I do care that Group 2 has access to correct/accurate information regarding the Gospel, Savior and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What they decide to do with that information is up to them, but at least they are making well informed educated decisions based on correct information. 
Apologetics to me is not about arguing, screaming, fanatical behavior, it is about simply providing correct information, defending the faith and dispelling lies/misleading information produced by Group 3. I don't have to scream to provide this information. I don't have to be the market crying fanatical that you oppose. 
I think we differ on one point perhaps. It appears your course of action is the remain silent and say nothing. My course of action is to speak up hopefully in a polite, civil manner to for the benefit of Group 2. 

I believe the reason most single sisters are not married is because they haven't met me. 

my apologies.

My personal hope is that the world will end.  Quickly.  I suspect I'll be disappointed.

I salute you sir, and the Godemperor of mankind approves

Dear LeSellers, I am siding with you on this one. 
It has been proven that the scientific community is biased and that statistics have become very unrealiable since they are being paid. And if the Lord intended for us to play with the strands of life for food, he would have given us a pretri dish instead of fork and knife. 
I also can´t agree with Neuro Typical adherance to science as absolute truth ( according to that and most of them, there is no Lord but then it hardly matters to them ) maybe even possibly as a religion. I am a bee keeper and I lost 12 colonies out of 20 this year. In most likely hood, I will have to switch from honey to breeding because I fear for one of the most important creature on earth. 
In a very unscientific manner I decided to take samples of the dead colonies to a science lab and test of neonicotinoids and it was also positive for glyphosate. Call me unscientific but that is not something that my organic farmer utilizes. I would also like to add that the rest of the world does not necessarily agree with american science that is corporate sponsored. And if one overlooks the needs for exceptionalism that other scientific sources favor sustainable proportionate organic farming. 
GMO crops are after all a big business and if it was meant to ease world hunger, it does a poor job because it fails or manages to be moot due to unsavory business practices. Certainly Neuro Typical will back it up with corporate information and frankly, I invite him to do so. I can only say at the end of days, that there will be a price to pay for perpetual ignorance and arrogance with a unhealthy dose of disrespect towards our Lords creation. 

I can appreciate your disagreement as I think it still a matter of taste. I have read both and I find Tolkien simply wanting.
See, Heinlein is in my Eyes someone who excels pointing out human virtue and fallacy. Especially in Starship Troopers ( which is in essence actually a very good political essay ) and the Moon is a Harsh mistress. I don´t think these topics are dated and if they are, they shouldn´t . As for Herbert vs Tolkien. First of there is foolish people but not stupid people in Dune. I like that. The faith of a million world does not hang in the threads by the mercy of insecure glutton that just has the good fortune to have his almost superhuman gardener with him. In Dune, there is clear motifs and people who actually can´t afford to whine. And Herbert did not waste 20 years making up a fictional language. I want to add that I find his ideas of orcish siegework is quite wanting.Or the strategies of Saruman. Granted that the man was a scholar and not a military commander but one has to give him Kudo´s for trying.
And to crown my personal opinion, one did not have to read through 40 pages of meaningless hobbit chronology before the story begins, with Herbert that is. =P  
 
I do have the Ancillary Justice on my Ipad. I just recently finished Bolo! by david weber and the trouble with humans also by him. excellent read. I can also recommend the 1632 series by eric flint =) if one is into alternative histories. 
 
however I will look forward to your recommendation of the ancillary justice. 

I'm on a bit of a Heinlein kick right now. If you like old-school sci-fi done right, he's the man.