Tyme

There is nothing you have done that prevents you from partaking of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and being forgiven. Trust me, I've committed serious sins in my past and soon I will be going to the temple. Go back, speak with your bishop, it feels so great to be free of the burden of sin.
All religions have some truths, we have the fullness.

I was able to get sleep and turned away from God almost immediately. It's time for me to find him again. I've been having severe mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. I'm at my breaking point. I can't do it alone anymore. It's either I find God or I off myself. The brain works in magical ways. My brain and hopefully the spirit is turning me to God. I've decided to listen to the audible of the BOM since I don't have the concentration to read a book anymore. I want to be accepted by the Mormons, qualify for the blessings, get the priesthood and enter the Temple again. I'm taking heart in Elder Holland's talk about mental health and the BOM. I hope I can still feel the spirit like I was once able to.

I was able to get sleep and turned away from God almost immediately. It's time for me to find him again. I've been having severe mental health issues and suicidal thoughts. I'm at my breaking point. I can't do it alone anymore. It's either I find God or I off myself. The brain works in magical ways. My brain and hopefully the spirit is turning me to God. I've decided to listen to the audible of the BOM since I don't have the concentration to read a book anymore. I want to be accepted by the Mormons, qualify for the blessings, get the priesthood and enter the Temple again. I'm taking heart in Elder Holland's talk about mental health and the BOM. I hope I can still feel the spirit like I was once able to.

God is good! Just seen that the church posted a video about suicide.
 
For anyone else struggling:
https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/choose-to-stay-new-video-hope-suicide-prevention?cid=HP_FR-21-9-2018_dPTH_fMLIBxLIDyL1-A
 
Elder Orson F. Whitney taught: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 16).

Secret combinations doing their thing. Most people call them the Illuminati. I'm sure they go by some other secret name. They have control of everything including the church. The biggest tell about that is how Ballard gave a talk saying there are no secret combinations. That defies common sense and the BOM. I guess my only hope is that Jesus heads the church and one day will have dominion over all the world. That currently the devil has control of the world. I'm just not sure how a church controlled by the "Illuminati" can be Christ's church. That's what I'm currently struggling with...

I'm just wondering if the church will allow me to regain membership status after resigning. I'm sure I have a pretty thick file with the Church Membership Committee. I want to get back to the Temple and receive revelation. I miss and love those things. After reading Revelations I have a longing desire to be marked as one of God's servant. The problem is that I have weak and wavering faith. It's like one min I love the church and the next I'm thinking about all the problems. In addition, I have trouble with the fact it's ran by man. Then again all churches are led by man. I'm also a Targeted Individual who is going through extreme torture -- sleep deprivation. I've came to the realization it is probably something spiritual. I don't think man is capable of what I have experienced at least I think. Ive always said I would rejoin the church when my daughters inevitable ask me to. It's not to that point, but I feel the time is right. What do you all think? Will they let me back again? I think they will I just don't know what they have in my file...

Tyme, I see no reason why not. Joseph Smith was a great example of forgiving and forgetting; he always welcomed people back to the fold with love and fellowship. 
Question, does this kind of waffling happen in other aspects of your life? Like education and career choice(s)? Or is it strictly regarding the LDS faith? 
I've never waivered regarding my faith, meaning, whether or not it is true - I've had such wonderfully powerful experiences by the Holy Ghost I know it is true; I can't deny it even if I wanted to. However, my life is full of peaks and valleys of obedience/disobedience to my gospel covenants. No major sins per se, but unlike my wife who is rock steady, I to often step off the path and into the midst of darkness, or neglect prayer/study because of the easiness of the way. I'm more stable in staying on the path than ever before in my life and hope to keep up that trajectory thru Christ's strength and grace. 

Hi Thyme,
Sorry you're not getting enough sleep.  I hope you can get on top of that issue, and reflect back and your thoughts from a future full of sufficient rest. I've gone periods of time with 4 hrs of sleep a night - it started to wear on my big time.  I started to wonder if I was safe to drive.  Then I got more rest, and many things got better.
Yes, you can most likely come back to church.   Do right by your daughters!  Try to get sleep!

As I understand things, a return to membership is permitted pretty much on the same basis as initial membership--i.e. one's willingness and capacity to live up to their covenants.
In other words, it is less a matter of timing, and more a matter of obedience to commitments. Are you ready to faithfully keep your covenants? Because, if not, then it may be worse for you to regain membership and take on sacred obligations you aren't yet up to, rather than where you are currently at relieved of that responsibility--the blessings of the covenants notwithstanding.
Thanks, -Wade Englund-.