Truegrits Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I agree, secretsister...you need to get out! If he is near the "edge", you have no idea what he could do. He could decide the answer is to end it all; for him and you. Play it safe...you must know at this point, that you are not going to change him, nor help him...you must keep yourself safe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl66 Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 hi secretsister Hope you are ok. I have been praying for you to find the answers you need. Please take steps to be safe. I am not saying this will happen to you but want to share an experience with you if it is ok. (my little sister was married to a guy that was unusual to say the least. When she decided she had to leave for a while he locked her in the bathroom and nailed the door shut for 4 days. It was his mom that finally found her.) I am not trying to scare you, but say that once he had done that he went on with his regular life. Like there was no problem. In his mind he had solved the problem. He wasn't going to leave or let her leave. If you are ready to take time away just go and you can let him know later. It sounds like he is having a major mental problem that you may need to be safe from. Please take gentle care of yourself. Please care as much for you as you do for him. Ask you leader point blank for help. He has to give it or find it for you. The handbook says that the first responsibility is to keep victims safe. Know I am thinking of you and hoping all is well. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I have my appointment with a counselor tomorrow and I want to see if he comes with me to see the BP tonight.I agree with eveyone else. You should leave. You can leave him a note to remind him of the BP visit. You don't have to stay in the same house for that. If he comes, it might be a good sign. Leaving now is the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 · Hidden Hidden I agree with everyone. . . its time to leave. You aren't going to solve anything if you aren't safe first. (((hugs))) applepansy P.S. Please let us know you're ok. Link to comment
MorningStar Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 SecretSister, you said he was married before. Sounds like his comment indicates that that's how his first wife got him out of the house - by calling the police and with a judge's order. BIG RED FLAG! It's like he is getting you and his first wife mixed up. Not good. I would leave him a note saying you are running errands and that you'll have to meet him at the bishop's office. If he actually shows, the bishop can witness him acting like this and if he doesn't show, you can discuss how you're going to get yourself out of this situation safely. Just in case, treat this like the worst could happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secretsister Posted October 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Here's the update. He called me from work and asked me to have lunch with him and told me he was willing to go meet with our BP. We had lunch together and he acted completely normal. We spent well over an hour in the BP's office last night. It went well, but I know our BP saw the signs of his irrational logic. My husband and I talked for a couple of hours after leaving too. He is behaving like a normal person at this point. It's like he thinks he got help and it pulled him from the brink. I am relieved in the sense that this episode is over. He feels we have made progress and will be able to handle our disagreements better. I hope so, but I have little faith in it since I know he will continue to have the same problems. I meet with my counselor today and will continue to see him for support and guidance. My BP has told me I am welcome at his home any time day or night. I can even bring my dog. I have many friends who would welcome me, so a safe place to go, luckily, is not a problem. Our BP stressed to us that he is not a counselor and adviced us to see one together. He tried very hard to convince my husband that it is a good thing to see a marriage counselor. My husband does like him and respects him, so maybe over time he will be able to convince him. Thank you for your prayers and support. This forum has helped keep me sane through this crisis and probably saved my best friend a lot of whining. Secretsister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 secretsister, I'm happy that things worked out last night. Im still worried about your safety. One talk with the BP isn't going to fix the mental issues your husband obviously has. Please stay safe. Set upi a signal with a friend. such as: if things get bad, tell you husband that so and so is expecting you to come over or call, When you call your friend and they hear you apologizing for not coming over or for not callign on time they will know that something is seriously wrong and call the police. Too many women are hurt or killed by husbands who feel they are losing control. It just happened here in Utah a few months ago. He shot her to death in the church parking lot while her mother and other members watched. She was going to church. He was suppose to hae the kids. Please Please be safe. applepansy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 My BP has told me I am welcome at his home any time day or night. I can even bring my dog. I have many friends who would welcome me, so a safe place to go, luckily, is not a problem.Good to know you have friends that you can actually go to in a difficult and scary situation. Good luck secretsister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Hi,I'm looking for a place to vent and find support. Both my husband and I have been married before. We have been married to each other for 1 1/2 years now. Generally, he is a good man. He is strong in the church, lives the standards, attends the temple, etc. I think that he loves me, although I have begun to question that.This is why: Since we've been married, he has severe moodiness. It's always about something different and always about something very insignificant. For instance, this last time, we were laughing and joking together and a piece of thread was found on his garments. He blew up at me saying the string was filthy and I don't do his laundry properly. I tried to calm him down by explaining that the thread was clean as it too went through the wash and he shouldn't be so upset about it. He said extremely hurtful things to me and barely talked to me for a week. He did try to make up with me the next day, but I told him I was still hurt by what he said. Instead of apolagizing, he told me to get a job since I don't do anything at home. (Which is not true)When these "episodes" happen, he continues to go to work and church and act completely normal. At home, he stays in his room, refuses to speak to me, locks me out of our room at night, and says that it is all my fault. To him, I am too sensative, defensive and prideful.SecretsisterDo you think your husband is bi-polar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Here's the update. He called me from work and asked me to have lunch with him and told me he was willing to go meet with our BP. We had lunch together and he acted completely normal. We spent well over an hour in the BP's office last night. It went well, but I know our BP saw the signs of his irrational logic. My husband and I talked for a couple of hours after leaving too. He is behaving like a normal person at this point. It's like he thinks he got help and it pulled him from the brink. I am relieved in the sense that this episode is over. He feels we have made progress and will be able to handle our disagreements better. I hope so, but I have little faith in it since I know he will continue to have the same problems.I meet with my counselor today and will continue to see him for support and guidance. My BP has told me I am welcome at his home any time day or night. I can even bring my dog. I have many friends who would welcome me, so a safe place to go, luckily, is not a problem.Our BP stressed to us that he is not a counselor and adviced us to see one together. He tried very hard to convince my husband that it is a good thing to see a marriage counselor. My husband does like him and respects him, so maybe over time he will be able to convince him.Thank you for your prayers and support. This forum has helped keep me sane through this crisis and probably saved my best friend a lot of whining. SecretsisterAt this point, going to a marriage counciling session will not solve what is causing the problem. Coming from experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygirl66 Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 hi I am glad your appointment went well. Please listen to the spirit and follow what it tells you. Be aware of your surroundings and be safe. I hope going to the counciler is great for you. Maybe they can help you with whatever decisions will be right for you at this time. Take gentle care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted October 9, 2008 Report Share Posted October 9, 2008 Some articles concerning this problem that may give aid and information:Easing the Burdens of Mental Illness in Ensign Oct. 2001 by Dawn and Jay Fox ...include, among others, major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety disorders ... with obsessive-compulsive disorder, 9 with bipolar disorder, 25 with agoraphobia (fear of ... interferes with daily life. Mood Disorders Bipolar Disorder: A disorder, also known as manic... Why Is My Wife (Or Husband) Depressed? in Ensign Mar. 1990 by David G. Weight ... suffer from depression or mood swings? Bipolar depression, in which people experience ... spouse experiences extreme mood swings (bipolar depression), medical treatment should be... Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope in Ensign Feb. 1989 by Jan Underwood Pinborough ...Another serious form is manic-depression or bipolar disorder. The person with this illness ... affective disorders (including depression and bipolar- or manic-depression)--4 percent * Anxiety... Hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ in Conference Report, October 1998 by Neal A. Maxwell ...never mind that the world will become more bipolar as between those who are secular and permissive... Hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ in Ensign Nov. 1998 by Neal A. Maxwell ...never mind that the world will become more bipolar as between those who are secular and permissive... Raising a Child with a Disability in Ensign Oct. 2004 by Marleen S. Williams ...deficit disorder, intellectual impairment, bipolar mood disorder, or schizophrenia. The child... The Crucibles of Eternal Identity in BYU Speeches 1999 by Sally H. Barlow - 8 June 1999 ...have wrought havoc in our lives such as bipolar disorder, or from the exercise of someone... News of the Church in Ensign Sept. 1998 ... struggle. I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and multiple personality disorder... Light in Darkness in Ensign June 1998 ... episode of an affective disorder named bipolar, frequently called manic depression. During... Latter-day Saint Voices in Ensign Sept. 2004 ...struggle with seizures, mental retardation, bipolar disorder, and congenital heart disease.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secretsister Posted October 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 Do you think your husband is bi-polar?Yes, that or some other mood disorder. I only know this is not about normal marital disagreements.Today, we went for a walk before he went to work. He was kind, caring, concerned about my opinions, etc. He's a completely different person when he gets "moody." He even gets mean to the dog, which is one sign I see that warns me the blow up is coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secretsister Posted October 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 At this point, going to a marriage counciling session will not solve what is causing the problem. Coming from experience.I understand that. My hope is that a professional counselor could see him and discuss the real issues with him. Perhaps, in time, he would agree that he has a chemical imbalance and seek help for it. Coming from me, he will not hear it.Hemidakota, I can't thank you enough for the articles you just posted. I will read them all. Thank you, thank you!Secretsister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted October 10, 2008 Report Share Posted October 10, 2008 The reason why I personally think he is bi-polar, I have experience it in our own family and church members with the same trends on what your husband currently exhibiting. Ask your Bishop for a LDS psychiatrist. You will find there are bi-polar brothers and sisters can be the nicest, gentle, caring individuals once it is under controlled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jolee65 Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 This sounds like emotional abuse to me. but thats just my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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