Getting Discouraged

[nc31410]

Ok so here is my deal. I'm a convert and have been a member for about two years now. It was good for the first month I was very determined to change and make things right. After seeing my husband really not like going to church, I stopped going, hoping he'd ask or suggest we go back to church. It wasn't that way.

It wasn't until the missionaries came to my house and encouraged me to go back to church I did. It was great, I loved it. I set goals for myself like being able to go to the temple for my very first time. I did that, soon after I got my calling in Young Women! And I just kept going to church every sunday! Then I got my patriarichal blessing, and it was something truely amazing. My husband has been very supportive of all the things that I have accomplished so far! And I'm very greatful!

But now our ward has split up due to the rapid growth, and i'm no longer a young women teacher. Our church starts in the afternoon, and I see no problem with my husband ot join us in church now that it doesn't conflict with his tough work schedual. I'm nervous to talk to him about it. I invite him to church and he just doesn't want to come! I want him to asist church for the right reasons. Not because I "make" him. My next BIG goal is to get married in the temple, and get sealed to my family. But It seems like he is holding me back from accomplishing those goals. And I'm at that point where if I can't do that then I'll just stay in the same place until he decides to come around! And at this point I don't know what to do! Any feedback would be great and very much appreciated!! THANKS

[BenRaines]

Keep doing the things you know you should do, attend church, serve, read scriptures, prayer, etc. Take the children with you if you have children. Invite him, ask him if he would join the family at church, etc. He will either begin to join you or resist. You can only control what you do.

Good luck.

Ben Raines

[a-train]

What made you join the Church? Was it not because of the serious nature of the purpose of life and your desire to make good eternal decisions? Did you not feel the Spirit of the LORD and have desires to come unto Christ? Is He not calling you today to read the scriptures and pray so that He can speak with you?

What will we do when we arrive at the judgment bar? Will we be standing there in bright garments next to family and friends whom we were instrumental in bringing to the gospel? Will we be hoping to run and hide and wishing we had done what is right? Will we be mad at ourselves for losing our focus on what is important and being so shortsighted? Will we be standing next to the missionaries and friends who taught us the gospel?

These are all questions we can answer today. It is our choice. We all have our agency.

The path to inactivity, apostasy, and sin is simple: forget about eternity and focus on the present. Stop preparing for that great and terrible day and just quit reading, praying, going to meetings, and paying tithing. Allow the worldly pursuits that call on us here to take place of our heavenly pursuits. Above all, procrastinate. Let each Sunday be just one more before you go back. Let each night be just one more before you read the scriptures or say your prayers. In this manner, one day at a time, we become and remain inactive. Once we are fully inactive, our testimony is sure to be tried, for it will have little to stand on. And that is only the start of trouble.

God bless you and lift you up. Satan surely desires you. Run to Christ and take hold of Victory in Him. Do not procrastinate but choose ye this day.

-a-train

[Guest queriesqueries]

Hi nc,

When I reactivated in the church, my husband had no interest in reactivating with me. I said it was fine, but still felt sad without him there, and would be discouraged sitting in sacrament meeting alone, or in relief society during lessons about the temple and such. It helped that the members in our particular ward were so, so great, and I did keep asking and inviting him to come and meet them. When he finally did, instead of the rejection and judgmental attitudes he expected, he found love and approval... so when our bishop invited us to take the temple prep classes, we did and went through the temple a year after our inactive civil marriage.

Of course my story really might not have worked except for the fact that when he proposed, even though we were both inactive, I did ask what his intentions were with regard to the church and the temple, and he indicated that he would want to take me to the temple someday. At the time, that was good enough for me - although I'd probably have still married him even if he had expressed no interest.

The other thing I learned from this experience was what kind of member of the church I want to be: the kind who loves and supports my brothers and sisters in the ward no matter what their circumstances, just like those who were there when I needed their love and support.

Good luck nc... if the gospel makes you happy, I hope you stick with it, and be happy. I know there are other people in your situation, hopefully you know some and can be there for each other.

[countrygirl66]

Ok so here is my deal. I'm a convert and have been a member for about two years now. It was good for the first month I was very determined to change and make things right. After seeing my husband really not like going to church, I stopped going, hoping he'd ask or suggest we go back to church. It wasn't that way.

It wasn't until the missionaries came to my house and encouraged me to go back to church I did. It was great, I loved it. I set goals for myself like being able to go to the temple for my very first time. I did that, soon after I got my calling in Young Women! And I just kept going to church every sunday! Then I got my patriarichal blessing, and it was something truely amazing. My husband has been very supportive of all the things that I have accomplished so far! And I'm very greatful!

But now our ward has split up due to the rapid growth, and i'm no longer a young women teacher. Our church starts in the afternoon, and I see no problem with my husband ot join us in church now that it doesn't conflict with his tough work schedual. I'm nervous to talk to him about it. I invite him to church and he just doesn't want to come! I want him to asist church for the right reasons. Not because I "make" him. My next BIG goal is to get married in the temple, and get sealed to my family. But It seems like he is holding me back from accomplishing those goals. And I'm at that point where if I can't do that then I'll just stay in the same place until he decides to come around! And at this point I don't know what to do! Any feedback would be great and very much appreciated!! THANKS

Just a thought, but would he have family prayer with you every day? Family prayer can invite the lord into the hearts of your family and touch each of them in a different way. Take care.:)

[nc31410]

So after thinking about it, and praying about it in my head, I decided to bare my testimony for the first time on the first sunday of next month. I asked my hubbs if he'd come along. He said Yes! SO i'm nervous and excited at the same time. I think (as we have talked before) he has lost faith, I don't think he has felt the spirit strong enough to give him motivation to actually want to come back into church! Does anyone have any suggestions, idk if there is something that i could express to make sure he knws where i'm coming from and that i'm sincere? Anyways your comments are always appreciated!!!

[mannisue]

nc,

It's wonderful that your hubby is going to attend F & T meeting with you! I am so very happy for you.:)

The very best thing for you to do, I believe, is when you bear your testimony, relax and let the Spirit guide you. Keep a prayer in your heart over the next couple of weeks that you will be able to express what he needs to hear, and that the Spirit will touch him. Trust the Lord, and He won't fail you--He got you to this point, yeah?

Luv to you, sister,

mannisue

[Guest SisterofJared]

What made you join the Church? Was it not because of the serious nature of the purpose of life and your desire to make good eternal decisions? Did you not feel the Spirit of the LORD and have desires to come unto Christ? Is He not calling you today to read the scriptures and pray so that He can speak with you?

What will we do when we arrive at the judgment bar? Will we be standing there in bright garments next to family and friends whom we were instrumental in bringing to the gospel? Will we be hoping to run and hide and wishing we had done what is right? Will we be mad at ourselves for losing our focus on what is important and being so shortsighted? Will we be standing next to the missionaries and friends who taught us the gospel?

These are all questions we can answer today. It is our choice. We all have our agency.

The path to inactivity, apostasy, and sin is simple: forget about eternity and focus on the present. Stop preparing for that great and terrible day and just quit reading, praying, going to meetings, and paying tithing. Allow the worldly pursuits that call on us here to take place of our heavenly pursuits. Above all, procrastinate. Let each Sunday be just one more before you go back. Let each night be just one more before you read the scriptures or say your prayers. In this manner, one day at a time, we become and remain inactive. Once we are fully inactive, our testimony is sure to be tried, for it will have little to stand on. And that is only the start of trouble.

God bless you and lift you up. Satan surely desires you. Run to Christ and take hold of Victory in Him. Do not procrastinate but choose ye this day.

-a-train

Thank you, a-train.

You may not know it, but this post was for me. I have been struggling in my ward. I don't feel like it is a ward family after 3 years, I have been told by others that many people feel it, that my bishop is aware of it and disturbed by it. But because of it, I have allowed myself to miss many meetings the past year. I have found myself less active than at any time in my life. I needed to read your words just now.

Hugs,

Sister of Jared

[nc31410]

Thank you, a-train.

You may not know it, but this post was for me. I have been struggling in my ward. I don't feel like it is a ward family after 3 years, I have been told by others that many people feel it, that my bishop is aware of it and disturbed by it. But because of it, I have allowed myself to miss many meetings the past year. I have found myself less active than at any time in my life. I needed to read your words just now.

Hugs,

Sister of Jared

Funny how these things work eh?

I wish you the best!:)

[Guest SisterofJared]

They do have a way of working out, don't they?

a-train responded to you, and the Lord prompted me to go into a forum I seldom visit.

I think the advice was good for both of us! LOL. And I will pray for your husband to be touched by the spirit when you testify to him and others at testimony meeting!

Sister of Jared

[nc31410]

They do have a way of working out, don't they?

a-train responded to you, and the Lord prompted me to go into a forum I seldom visit.

I think the advice was good for both of us! LOL. And I will pray for your husband to be touched by the spirit when you testify to him and others at testimony meeting!

Sister of Jared

Thank you so much! I'll def. let you know how it goes!!

[ZionWoman]

SOJ, my ward feels the same and it saddens me too.

nc, I'll be praying for you. Stay strong. Good luck.

[jadams_4040]

Ok so here is my deal. I'm a convert and have been a member for about two years now. It was good for the first month I was very determined to change and make things right. After seeing my husband really not like going to church, I stopped going, hoping he'd ask or suggest we go back to church. It wasn't that way.

It wasn't until the missionaries came to my house and encouraged me to go back to church I did. It was great, I loved it. I set goals for myself like being able to go to the temple for my very first time. I did that, soon after I got my calling in Young Women! And I just kept going to church every sunday! Then I got my patriarichal blessing, and it was something truely amazing. My husband has been very supportive of all the things that I have accomplished so far! And I'm very greatful!

But now our ward has split up due to the rapid growth, and i'm no longer a young women teacher. Our church starts in the afternoon, and I see no problem with my husband ot join us in church now that it doesn't conflict with his tough work schedual. I'm nervous to talk to him about it. I invite him to church and he just doesn't want to come! I want him to asist church for the right reasons. Not because I "make" him. My next BIG goal is to get married in the temple, and get sealed to my family. But It seems like he is holding me back from accomplishing those goals. And I'm at that point where if I can't do that then I'll just stay in the same place until he decides to come around! And at this point I don't know what to do! Any feedback would be great and very much appreciated!! THANKS

We have sevearl women{mothers} in our ward whom are very devoute and active members whom always fullfill there callings and such. And there husbands {two of them} really belittle these women and the kids, but they just keep on doing what is right; The blessings are very obvious.in these womens coutenance, its too bad the husbands cannot see the spirit in the family, or maybe they do? maybe the beer and such is more important? but the important thing is that these women continue to do what is right for there family with or without the father husband. we should never consider divorce or anything as such unless there is something very,very wrong. because excample will always get his attention, maybe not sooner, but at the least ,later. maybe much later, but if yu continue to do what the spirit guides yu to do, maybe it will takes many years of very trying times, but the lord will bless your family in the long run. Of course yu cannot comprehend this now, but it will be so. {It "will"}.

[AKinPA]

Back when my husband was not a member someone once said, "Treat him like a priesthood holder and he's much more likely to become one." Other things that became more important once he did begin to express some interest were making sure that he was part of the social life of the church--I don't know if that's important to all men, but it was important to my husband. Over time, little things touched his heart, but give it time. And do keep inviting him. He does need to know that you want him there.

[nc31410]

Yea my hubby lives the word of wisdom, he isn't an alcoholic, or anything of that sort. Its just that i think he feels like God doesn't love him. or want him. I always tell him he does. And I give him the example of my our little girl. I tell him that if she ever did something wrong to uspet me, I'd still love her the same! Ya know? So thats not necessarily the problem. He just doesn't like to go. He is sorta anti social. But I don't think that you would have to attend church for "socializing" if anything the learning should come first. To become closer to heavenly father, and so we can better ourselves. I LOVE to go to church, not because of the loving people. But because its nutrition for my spirit. And I love it! I want him to be able to feel that as well! And I want him to be proud of me. And maybe just maybe him seeing me baring my testimony will let him feel the spirit. And maybe will encourage him to at least think about coming to church, so he can feel that "warm fuzzy" feeling I get when I go to church!!

Again thank you for all your comments!!!

[jolee65]

Even if hes not as faithful as you think, hes willing to go and hear your testimony that shows alot of love and support good for him and for you for going that extra mile to strenghten your faith and we all need to do that , think about having the missionaries over for dinner thats what we do if we need to fill the house with the Spirit if we seem to be running low , up your game so to speak. good job and may the Spirit be with you on Sunday.

Sorry didnt read your last thread before I replyed your husband should or you could get a book on how the advisary (I hope I spelled that right) works he would find that making you feel unworthy is his specialty, anyone of the church sights would have talks or reading material on this matter, it is best to know how he works and his main goal. He is not the first to have this feeling and most of the time it works, but a sister in my church here in Michigan told me just before I was baptised if he works that hard to keep you down then you must be something special because he (the advisary) know us before we came here.

Edited November 28, 2008 by jolee65

[Hemidakota]

Ok so here is my deal. I'm a convert and have been a member for about two years now. It was good for the first month I was very determined to change and make things right. After seeing my husband really not like going to church, I stopped going, hoping he'd ask or suggest we go back to church. It wasn't that way.

It wasn't until the missionaries came to my house and encouraged me to go back to church I did. It was great, I loved it. I set goals for myself like being able to go to the temple for my very first time. I did that, soon after I got my calling in Young Women! And I just kept going to church every sunday! Then I got my patriarichal blessing, and it was something truely amazing. My husband has been very supportive of all the things that I have accomplished so far! And I'm very greatful!

But now our ward has split up due to the rapid growth, and i'm no longer a young women teacher. Our church starts in the afternoon, and I see no problem with my husband ot join us in church now that it doesn't conflict with his tough work schedual. I'm nervous to talk to him about it. I invite him to church and he just doesn't want to come! I want him to asist church for the right reasons. Not because I "make" him. My next BIG goal is to get married in the temple, and get sealed to my family. But It seems like he is holding me back from accomplishing those goals. And I'm at that point where if I can't do that then I'll just stay in the same place until he decides to come around! And at this point I don't know what to do! Any feedback would be great and very much appreciated!! THANKS

Do it by the Spirit when asking your husband to return to church. It needs to be a softening of heart in order to have come to church. He needs a desire to go and not be coheres. Then it is he who goes and not because of others.

Start with a Sunday of fasting for him and to allow the Spirit to come to him in inviting him back to the path. It may take awhile but be patience. Have faith in yourself that the Spirit of GOD can work miracles for you.

[RickJ]

Hi nc

Bearing your testimony and having him come to support you is great. All it takes is little seeds to be planted for big fields to be harvested. I am a convert to the church and have struggled a lot with staying strong, I have not let my wife know of my struggles as I don't want to burden her with them but I keep going. She is such a rock and nothing ever seems to shake her, or at least it didn't until we lost a baby at the end of last year. That really rocked her testimony and she started to question so very much. Her desire to go to church and other meetings faded and I suddenly found that my rock and anchor in life was not as strong as I thought. Then I found that the roles reversed and for a long time I became the one that got us all off to church each Sunday and made sure that young womens and faith in god was attended.

I guess what I am saying is that it may come as a big surprise one day when you discover that he is standing right next to you, walking with you and supporting you through your life as a member (whether he is a member or not) and then suddenly that temple marriage will happen and the joy that the two of you will feel will be more than you can speak of.

You are part of my prayers and I hope that he continues to develop the testimony that I think he already has and has been developing while watching you do what you know is right.