Inter-Faith Marriages

[paulp1002]

Thank you for that post M. You seem to hit the nail right on. You know when this first started, she said that she prayed with an open heart and that the Spirit asked her to choose; a Temple sealing or a marriage with me. She choose me. However talking with her sister, mother and the Bishop she was easily swayed as you put it. (sorry I did not mention that earlier, but there has been a lot happening and after time, you seem to remember these little things.) That was how this all started. She has strayed from her beliefs before, and like you said she needs me to push her back. That didn't make sense to me. Conversations regarding religion with her is very difficult, because she tends to "talk the talk" regarding her beliefs, but many of her actions seem to prove otherwise.

[zookeeper]

Hi Paul. I'm so sad for your situation. I've read through the thread and I'd like to share my opinion. (Hopefully I've understood you correctly!) It seems as though you both changed after the marriage. She became more devout and you became less. I don't believe this gives either of you reason to end the marriage.

I don't think the bishop was trying to damage the marriage. Any good LDS leader would say don't settle on anything less than a temple sealing. Your wife did just that. As she is more passionate about the temple now, she may do a lot of fasting praying and improving her own spirituality, in hopes of someday you desiring to go to the temple. But for her to push you away seems to be denying her own initial decision. (the temple or you)

I would think the only way to have peace in the marriage is for both of you to stand by the decision you made at the courthouse. You were an LDS member, and she had an LDS spouse without a temple sealing. Obviously you can't control her. But you can stand by your own decision.

[desert_fox]

Paul, the only answer I can give is to pray, pray, pray, and pray some more. God has all of the answers we seek...it's up to us whether we are attentive enough to hear what we are being told and whether we have the faith and courage to do His will.

Also, thankyou for posting this topic, it has been a good read. I have a catholic-but-interested-in-the-lds-church girlfriend of three months, so this hits close to home.

I wish you all the best of luck, no matter what happens.

[lestertheemt]

Paul,

I'm not sure that I can add any further then what has already been said. I did however however want you to know that I "some what" understand. My sister was raised LDS and her husband is of a different faith. It is however, his family (not catholic) that is extremely close minded towards the LDS faith.

All I can add is communicate, communicate and communicate. Pray together and pray often.

[winterstar]

paulp1002, from what you've said this is what I've noticed.

At first your wife seemed open to letting you explore your Catholic roots, then she seemed to change her mind after talking with others. She's seems easily swayed. She doesn't seem to be disciplined enough to be committed to her own LDS faith without your support. She may have, without realizing it, expected that you would be her support in keeping herself involved in her family faith. She's been inactive before and doesn't seem to have a firm desire to be involved in the LDS church on her own. You came along and she saw you as someone who could help her be more disciplined and committed. Now if you decide to follow your Catholic roots, where does that leave her? She's lost without your support. You have told her that you do support her, but it's not the same to her since she needs you in a more forceful way.

If an interfaith marriage is going to work, each marriage partner has to be independently committed to their own faith. If your wife really wanted to be active in her LDS faith, she must be disciplined on her own. She must want to be an active LDS because that's her desire. You shouldn't be the one to give her that push, she must push herself. Once she's more confident in her ability to be active than she might be more open to understanding why you need to be committed to your Catholic faith.

You need to ask her what she really wants with her religion and marriage. She's got to understand that you can't make her be an active saint, she has to want that and make it happen. Start with that and see what she tells you. Good luck Paul.

M.

I just wanted to add, that it doesn't matter if the wife thought she'd be able to lean on her husband's testimony and vice versa. That's marriage -- that's family. That's how it works. Everyone is more then likely going to have weak times.

And she may have thought that looking at your Catholic roots would remind you of why you chose to not be Catholic, and chose to be LDS. That was a choice, and it's a hard choice to keep. The reason why that is perhaps not a good idea, and why she changed her mind is---what has been the result? Did it do as she probably suspected?

I have offered my convert husband to seek out a church he'd be more comfortable in accepting, when he has also has concerns about Joseph Smith and the Word of Wisdom. (he is leaning towards his father's "no organized religion" philosphy though.) Even as I said it, I wasn't sure I could follow that. And after talking to others, both LDS and others (evangelical) may have worked out why that was and why that scared me.) It really does boil down to: eternity versus til death.

My husband says I'm the most important thing to him, and he wants forever. It's really hard to believe that sometimes though when his actions/choices are saying for life only. I really do believe that he doesn't realize that is what he is saying.

Best wishes.

Edited February 2, 2009 by winterstar

[blusun7]

paul

YOu going to have to many people telling you what to do.

You have to do what is right?

I went away from the church and i feel sometimes that people look down on me,im coming back and notice that people are people in any church you go to, but you know what im not there to get there approval. Im there to learn and get closer to Christ. Just cause your LDS doesnt mean all people will not judge like normal people but Satan is abound and is ruining your happiness.

Coffee and tea dont make you a bad person but i dont even think that it says that verbatim.

If you read on the health risk you ll see that caffeine is a stimulant, like a drug. Maybe there telling you something you dont know.I know our food is geneticall enhanced i think this is the reason for the word of wisdom.

What did you think those people in the Book of Mormon did when they joined the Gospel.some started to astray but the prophest told them to repent and live righteously.Come unto Christ.Then all was well IM not saying that your a bad person but im saying is that deep down inside you know whats up. the answers are here but who do want answers from is question,precepts of man or God. The bible and The book of mormon will answer your questions. Pray with a sincerety but go to a quite place.You may not get an answer right away but you will get one. Eternal Life is no free gift in my eyes.I have to want it and show that i love the lord and believe in our savior jesus christ and his teachings and know that he atoned for our sins that we might be able to repent.

Amos 3:7

Amos 7:14-15

regarding Joseph Smith

Edited February 4, 2009 by blusun7

[Faded]

Firstly, right off the bat you're in a very difficult situation. Inter-Faith marriages are always a struggle. It is not our teaching to bad-mouth other religions, but just like any other religion, it happens. People are flawed and they don't always do the right things. Unfortunately, you will find examples of this sort of behavior in every religion.

While it is true that your wife would be advised to preserve her marriage to you, can you understand where she is coming from? She thought she was getting marriage to an LDS man, but ended up with a Catholic. The fact that you joined after you met her puts your sincerity when joining the LDS faith in question. The fact that there are so many thing you are now questioning and doubting solidifies that doubt. So when you say you "had a testimony" exactly what do you mean by that?

I realized that if there was proof that Mormonism existed in South America, then I would have to believe, because what Joseph Smith did, would have been a miracle. I went to the Smithsonian Institute and found that they have no archeological proof that it existed; nothing showing the existence of the Nephites or Laminates.

There is no archeological proof that the Book of Mormon is true. Not absolute proof, if that is what you are looking for. There is a lot of archeological evidence that supports it. There are a lot of traditions among native american tribes that fit incredibly well. There are a lot of ruins throughout Central and South America. But you cannot prove or disprove the Book of Mormon archeologically.

There is also no archeological proof that the Bible is true. There is a lot of evidence to support that it describes actual events, but you cannot archeologically prove it. Many characters and events in the Bible have no archeological support at all, but they also cannot be disproven archeologically. If a man insists on independent archeological proof to validate the truthfulness of the Bible, he will be disappointed to learn that there isn't absolute proof.

Why enforce a standard upon the Book of Mormon that the Bible can't live up to? Some things have to be taken on faith and then taken up with God.

The Word of Wisdom was just one of my struggles. If it was commanded by God, please provide me scripture references from the Bible. Also the Pope would never change docutrine without biblical backing. Of course through time, things change and things are modified for the "Now" and as long as their is biblical references I will accept that.

This statement makes sense from the perspective of a non-LDS Christian, but it is nonsensical to a Latter Day Saint. If Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus Christ and later had new scripture revealed to him, why are you asking for for a Biblical reference? Coffee, Tea and Tobacco would have been unknown to Biblical writers anyways.

The Word of Wisdom is, in my view, among the least of God's commandments. It is still a commandment nonetheless. Ultimately, it's not that much to ask of a person.

It sounds like you started talking yourself out of believing in the LDS faith. These are cases of some rather quaint excuses and they're not very well thought out. It is your choice to accept or reject it, but why pick things appart like this? Are you trying to prove to yourself that the LDS faith is false? Why?

You're struggle has put your wife into a very awkward circumstance. She may feel that you deceived her. She may feel that you are turning your back on what is, in her view, one of the most important foundations of your marriage together. A person marrying a member of another faith knows and accepts what they are getting themselves into. That would not have been true in this circumstance. Once again, your wife thought she married a Latter Day Saint, and then finds out she married a Catholic. So if she leaves the marriage, then you can chalk it up to her feeling deceived about what she was marrying into.

God does not advocate breaking up marriages, so I do hope that neither of you use Him as an excuse for anything.

[talisyn]

Thank you all!! I want nothing more to make this marriage work. I hope and pray that my wife, can see that this marriage could work, even if we have different religious beliefs. This problem is the root to all our problems. She told me that she can not be committed to me 100% unless I am committed to her faith. That doesn't seem right to me, how can anyone have a successfull marriage without commitment? Like I mentioned in one of my original post, as long as we both have God in our lives we will be closer to him as a couple, that should be the only thing that matters. I have never put down her faith at ALL, she knows where I stand and I still go with her to Church and I accept the home teachers and missonaries in my house with an open heart. That won't change. She is hoping that one day I would be a faithful Mormon, and if not she would leave. I just don't think it is fair to have an ultimatum in marriage. I strongly believe that the reason for this ultimatum was because of the advice her Bishop gave her and the negative comments from her family. She was told that she should talk to the Bishop for guidance with inter-faith marriages, because he has the priesthood keys he should be able to give the correct advice. From what I have read in several posts, that was not the case. His advice was negative and it gave her a negative perspective on our marriage.

I hate to ask but what if he did give her the right advice?

[rameumptom]

Here is a wonderful suggestion for all couples given in the February 2009 Ensign, "A Reflection on Gratitude" by Michelle Van Tassell.

She was disappointed and frustrated with her marriage and husband, not seeing in it the things she saw in others' marriages. It wasn't until she learned to just be grateful for her husband, and stop criticizing everything, that she ended up with the marriage she wanted. He wasn't the problem. She was her own problem, by having the wrong perspective.

It begins by focusing on what is right with the relationship. Rate your relationship between 1 and 10. Let's say you decide it is an average 5. Instead of comparing it with a 10, compare it with a 1. Why did you decide on 5 and not 1? What makes it good enough to be a 5? What things make it a 5, and if you focus on those good things, could it raise it up to a 6?

Life is all about perspective. We can view things from God's angle, or from our own narrow perspective.

A story I recently read goes like this:

Long ago, a chinese gentleman's plow horse ran off. His friends came and consoled him, stating how this was such bad news.

He replied, "Bad news, good news, who knows?"

A few days later, the horse returns, leading a herd of mustangs with him. The farmer's friends help him to corral his new herd and congratulate him on such great news.

He replied, "Good news, bad news, who knows?"

The next day, while his 19 year old son is trying to break in some of the new horses, he is kicked and breaks his leg. His friends gather round the farmer to commisserate such bad news.

He replied, "Bad news, good news, who knows?"

A day later, the chinese army comes to town, looking to draft young recruits. Since the farmer's son has a broken leg, they don't take him.

Good news? Bad news? It is all perspective. And we often only see it from a narrow perspective, instead from the long range, as does God.

Marriages work when husband and wife learn gratitude toward each other, and encourage each other to succeed. Marriages fail when selfishness and narrow perspectives cause spouses to judge and critique one another.