Helping my 3 year old not feel so frustrated

[jeniannj]

My son is almost 3 years old and I am trying to help him not be so frustrated. He really has a strong inner drive and really wants to be able to accomplish and do things, but obviously because he is young he is limited in what he can do. I really don't think I trained him to be that way, it's just how his personality is that he is quite serious and wants to do serious stuff. Because he can't do things that he wants to be able to do, he is frustrated a lot and he expresses that by throwing things (sometimes at other people) or other ways that are less desirable. I have found that if I try to attack the source of the problem, which seems to be that he wants to feel like he is more important and that he can do things, then he doesn't react negatively and things are much more peaceful with him.

So I am looking for some ideas of what an almost 3 year old can do that's not too easy but hard enough to challenge him, yet not too hard so that he gets frustrated with himself. Or maybe even suggestions of toys that he could play with that would allow him to do something. I have a 7 month old son also so things that involve both of them are always good.

Some things that I have tried so far that have worked well: letting help me put dishes away from the dishwasher, letting him help me cook dinner by stirring whatever is in the pot as I add things or by throwing things into the pot after I cut them up, getting him a little snow shovel that's his size and letting him use it to push the snow around when we shovel the snow, letting him vacuum the floors (and let me tell you, he does it just as well as I do by now), letting him have a little sponge and wipe things up, having him help me pick things up off of the floor, giving him mega lego blocks to play with where he can build things, playing with simple puzzles (very simple ones that don't get him too frustrated), letting him bang around on the piano. Any other ideas?

[Elgama]

i have a 2 year old who is very similar, he loves helping out around about the house.

He loves drawing, painting and toys with wheels lol

-Charley

[akindheart]

My son who is 20 now was exactly like that when he was younger. He seemed to outgrow some of it, but to this very day he has to be in a job where he is busy , can't just sit there. He has a lot of energy and gets involved in all kind of volunteer work, because he loves to be helpful, not so much around the house anymore, but out in public.. He is on his mission right now and his missionary president has told me a few times that he is one of the more diligent missionaries and he just loves to help people.

It sounds like your doing all the right things. As far as your son getting frustrated, and you attacking the source of the problem. just make sure that as he gets older - or even maybe start now if you can - . that you allow him to try to tackle the source of the problem himself and reward him or make a big deal out of it when he does. I'm sure there are teaching toys that can help with that at his stage. We found those helpful when my boys were younger.

As he gets older there are life skill work books for different ages that you can get for him from teaching supply shops that will help him find solutions to lifes problems . I found the more my boys learned about problem solving, the less frustrated they became and the more confident they were.

(Anybody can go into a teaching supply shop by the way, you don't have to be a school teacher)

Also remember that Heavenly will give you answers if you go to him when things get stressful or you' re not to sure what to do.

Edited January 7, 2009 by akindheart

[Hemidakota]

My son is almost 3 years old and I am trying to help him not be so frustrated. He really has a strong inner drive and really wants to be able to accomplish and do things, but obviously because he is young he is limited in what he can do. I really don't think I trained him to be that way; it's just how his personality is that he is quite serious and wants to do serious stuff. Because he can't do things that he wants to be able to do, he is frustrated a lot and he expresses that by throwing things (sometimes at other people) or other ways that are less desirable. I have found that if I try to attack the source of the problem, which seems to be that he wants to feel like he is more important and that he can do things, then he doesn't react negatively and things are much more peaceful with him.

So I am looking for some ideas of what an almost 3 year old can do that's not too easy but hard enough to challenge him, yet not too hard so that he gets frustrated with himself. Or maybe even suggestions of toys that he could play with that would allow him to do something. I have a 7 month old son also so things that involve both of them are always good.

Some things that I have tried so far that have worked well: letting help me put dishes away from the dishwasher, letting him help me cook dinner by stirring whatever is in the pot as I add things or by throwing things into the pot after I cut them up, getting him a little snow shovel that's his size and letting him use it to push the snow around when we shovel the snow, letting him vacuum the floors (and let me tell you, he does it just as well as I do by now), letting him have a little sponge and wipe things up, having him help me pick things up off of the floor, giving him mega Lego blocks to play with where he can build things, playing with simple puzzles (very simple ones that don't get him too frustrated), letting him bang around on the piano. Any other ideas?

Besides letting him help you around the house, may want to find what he loves the most and make it more challenging for him. I have a son who had the same character, wanting to learn everything and apply his himself. At times, his frustration was overwhelming but I keep reminding him, it is ok to fail but not allowing festering. Learn from it and apply himself, again and again.

You will need to there in constantly reminding him that is ok to fail. Through failure, we learn to reshape our thoughts and apply ourselves. By learning this simply and yet, molding his character, he will apply this process as he grows up in the gospel.

In one of his greatest statements, Jesus said, ". . . he that endureth to the end shall be saved." (Matthew 10:22.) Jim Sullivan, one-time heavyweight prizefight title holder, gave this idea a little different twist when he said, "The champion is the one who can stay on his feet and fight for one more round."

The other side of this proposition was demonstrated by Cato, the great Roman patriot who committed suicide on the very eve of his triumph. If he had only hung on to his courage and industry until morning, he would have been victorious. We have a natural human tendency to start a lot of good things that we never finish, and this unfortunate habit costs our world a lot of our success and happiness. An unknown author has commented on this trait under the title of "The Sticker." He says:

Oh, it's easy to be a starter, Lad.

But are you a sticker, too?

'Tis fun, sometimes, to begin a thing,

But harder to see it through.

If you failed sometimes when you did your best,

Don't take it too much to heart;

Just try it again in a different way,

For it depends upon how you start.

And sometimes a failure is best, my boy,

To keep you from being too sure;

Success that is built on defeat, you know,

Will ofttimes longest endure.

'Tis the sticker who wins in the battle of life,

When the quitter is laid on the shelf;

You are never defeated, remember this,

Until you lose faith in yourself.

Oh, it's easy to be a starter, my boy,

But are you a sticker too?

You may think it is fun to begin a task;

But are you game to see it through?

Under the title of "Perseverance" another unknown voice says to us:

Genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes,

Is oft but perseverance in disguise.

Continuous effort, of itself, implies

In spite of countless falls, the power to rise,

'Twixt failure and success the point's so fine

Men sometimes know not when they touch the line.

Just when the pearl was waiting one more plunge,

How many a struggler has thrown up the sponge?

As the tide goes out, it comes clear in;

In business 'tis at turns the wisest win.

And, oh! how true, when shades of doubt dismay,

'Tis often the darkest just before the day.

[mavreenrose]

hi! i don't have any kids but i have worked with the primary and i have younger siblings as well...

i suggest you read 365 tv-free activities you can do with your child by steve&ruth bennett.. i got an old copy from a used books shop and it had several wonderful suggestions such as

1)adopt a tree - make bark rubbings with crayons and paper in the winter, collect and press leaves in the fall, look for flowers and fruits in the spring, and do leaf rubbings in the summer.. on walks, you can have your kid bring a drink of water for the tree, keep a logbook noting tree's characteristics: height, leaf color, flowering time, fragrance.. you may also show your child how to use a tape measure and note the tree's girth on a chart.. you may also take pictures of your child standing next to the adopted tree once or twice a year

2) ambidextry - you can have your child draw or write with his hand that he does not favor..

3)body trace - have your child lie face-up on a large sheet of paper (unprinted newstock is goo) with a crayon or marker. cut out the image and glue it onto a large sheet of posterboard.. set your kid loos with crayons, markers, colored paper, tape, paint and whatever decorating matreials you have on hand.. suggest drawing facial features or clothes..

4) carrot top - when you make a salad don't throw out the stubby ends of the carrot - the part with the greens.. save those stubs and have ur child place them in a saucer that contain just a little water. keep the saucers near a window and keep the water level consistent and mark the height of the greens on the first day..before long, your child will note a measurable increase in height .. by beginning a new carrot top each day, seven plants will yield seven different heights at the end of the week.. you will need to use carrots that have not had the greens removed initially..you must buy them fresh by the bunch and not in bags..

5)celery leaves - find a robust leafy stalk of a celery. give the stalk two legs by cutting a 4-inch slit starting at the base of the stalk. fill a smal galss with water. have ur child add several drops of blue food coloring. fill another galss and ad several drops of red food coloring. place one of the stalks legs in the blue and the other in the red. the next am your kids will be amazed to find that half of the leaves are streaked with blue while the rest show red. explain that the food coloring traveled up little tubes in the celery stalk and that the tubes caryy water up from the roots for the plant when it's in the gorund.. you can cut the stalk crosswise for your child to see how the color got to the leaves..

hope these suggestions work!:)

[Janice]

My son is almost 3 years... I really don't think I trained him to be that way... throwing things... to feel like he is more important and that he can do things... Any other ideas?

Jen,

Your two year old sounds like he is right smack-dab in the middle of normal! Nothing to be worried about from my POV. And, it sounds like you are handling things exactly as you should. Well done!

Keep doing what you are doing. Validate him by making him a part of your life in every way. This can become tiring to you, to the max. It's OKAY to need a break, and if he throws a fit because mommy needs to get the laundry folded or cook dinner without him, that too is okay. Two year old's throw fits. All of them. We did too :)

I'm not a fan of "toys" that are designed to educate, even in the forms of videos. They are expensive and soon broken or forgotten about. And kids do just fine without them. The plastic shovel and bucket are right up my alley.

Other ideas? Chug it out sister! You will wake up tomorrow and he'll be getting on the bus to go to kindergarten. You will blink and he'll be going on a mission. Sounds to me like you are doing a fine job.

- Janice

(who has three kids of her own, teaches 5th grade, and has a degree in Childhood Development.)

[Gwen]

sounds like my son (just turned 5). i have to remind him to slow down, take a deep breath, think it through, etc. it can be a challenge. sounds like you are doing good. my son loves to vacuum and mop. he helps dad with yard and car work a lot too.

[jolee65]

Ok,..Let me get this straight, he likes to clean thats great,lol how would he act if you gave him a chore list and used that not just listing chores but list by days and he has to do it by the time cartoons or play time have him check his list every morning what the plan for the day, make sure its only things your willing to follow though on.

Home work, colors, numbers, animals, he has alot of drive it seems.

[winterstar]

One thing my son loved when he was 3 (and still loves) was I made a rice box and I got sand toys for it. (my boys are the same age difference). I let them make a big big mess too. Painting, and crafts also come to mind. (A simple one is construction paper and stickers and just let him create.) Also playdoh. (The little one can mash it too.)

[pookie18]

My son is exactly the same way!!! Here are some of his favorite things...

I got a shapes wooden block set with shapes in the lid and you sort them... my 2 1/2 year old will sit and put them all back in. And build towers with them.

I also hide a small object and play hot/cold so he can find it.

He loves hidden pictures in Highlights High Five magazine. Some of them are harder, but I do it with him to help out and he doesnt get frusterated...

I sometimes bring out easy baby toys of my daughters and have him show her how they work... so he feels extra smart since its so easy.

His most favorite thing is water balloons... yep even in the winter. We fill them up together and then he throws them outside. Not the funnest for me, but he LOVES it. My younger baby gets to throw some too.

Sounds like you are doing a great job though! Just know there are MANY moms working hard like you to do a good job and help their kids out. Hang in there!!!

[Guest MacawMan426]

This is a very common problem in children that age, and I wouldn't worry about it.

In Social Psychology I've studied that children that age get angry when they feel restricted, and if you try to do things for them that they think they can do themselves, even if they can't, they will have a fit.