Hate, Letting Go

[JcDean78]

I feel as of late that I have allowed a bad situation at work to make me feel an intense dislike of another coworker that borderlines on hate.

Without too much background details, this person does not like me. They have spread lies and distortions about me to other workers to the point last month I was almost fired until I brought everything out on the table and proved this woman to be a fraud and liar. She was severly repremanded but was not fired.

I still have to work with this person. I need advice on how to let go. How can I when she would do it all again and I know at any opportunity to tarnish me she will do so. Even though I was proved beyond a shadow of a doubt to be innocent of the many lies she spread about me, I still have a cloud over me at work where people now "wonder" if there was any truth.

I can not stand that I let it upset me so much and that I feel this way. I want to let go, I do not want this hatefull woman infecting me with her venom. Prayer has been my only weapon against these feelings so far but I felt promted to post here and pray that somebody out there has advice for me on how to deal with this situation.

[FunkyTown]

I know how you feel, but I wouldn't be too concerned about it. I'm guessing you dated this person, who ended up being crazy.

Everyone has a crazy ex.

[Truegrits]

There must to be a reason, a starting point, for her dislike of you. Is it something you think the two of you could talk about, and maybe get beyond? Or has too much been said and done to try to fix things?

I would hate working in an environment of hostility/distrust, and outright lies. I would want to try to fix things, if at all possible.

[NeuroTypical]

Life got infinitely easier for me, when it finally dawned on me that I don't give a wet slap what people think or do. I mean yes, reputations are important and worth defending, but what do you care that someone hates you?

It sounds like a facetious question, but it's serious. Really - why do you care that someone who is wrong/whacked/unhealthy/whatever hates you? Look into yourself - find out why it impacts you like it does. Is it because you think she has a point? Do you fear that you might not be a good person?

That was my solution - coming to a full understanding that despite my limitations and mistakes, despite my ignorance and failings, I am and try to be a good person. If someone believes otherwise, I'm interested to find out why, and if they have valid points then I welcome the feedback as insight into how I must change. But at the end of the day, people who need to vent and gossip and rail on others are welcome to their lives - they're living in their own consequenses. No skin off my back.

LM

[JcDean78]

I never dated her and it really is a long story. The short version is she is a dominating person and I have not submitted to her attempts to control me, I refuse to play her game. Most other people do the same but since I was new, she is even more pissed about it. I basicly ignored her attempts and this was her way to try and get control. She has no authority over us or anyone at all but she wants it.

It all backfired on her big time but I am left with these horrible feelings towards her. I absolutly can not stand to even be in the same room as her or hear her voice. Even now with things solved with my real bosses she still has an attitude with me and so I avoid her as much as possible.

[JcDean78]

Life got infinitely easier for me, when it finally dawned on me that I don't give a wet slap what people think or do. I mean yes, reputations are important and worth defending, but what do you care that someone hates you?

It sounds like a facetious question, but it's serious. Really - why do you care that someone who is wrong/whacked/unhealthy/whatever hates you? Look into yourself - find out why it impacts you like it does. Is it because you think she has a point? Do you fear that you might not be a good person?

That was my solution - coming to a full understanding that despite my limitations and mistakes, despite my ignorance and failings, I am and try to be a good person. If someone believes otherwise, I'm interested to find out why, and if they have valid points then I welcome the feedback as insight into how I must change. But at the end of the day, people who need to vent and gossip and rail on others are welcome to their lives - they're living in their own consequenses. No skin off my back.

LM

It impacts me because I almost lost my job over her. Even now that I am in the clear, I still feel like people "wonder" if she was telling the truth. I can live with somebody not liking me as that is life but there is more to this than that.

[Wingnut]

...I don't give a wet slap...

I've never heard that expression before.

[MichaelPAGuy]

I know how you feel. About 6 years ago a now former co-worker spread this vicious rumor at work concerning a girl I use to have a crush on. I did not pursue any action against my now former co-worker. The only advice I can give you is that time heals all wounds. The person who spread the rumor ended up quitting about 2 years later.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I used to deal with a very unpleasant co-worker. He was arrogant and made very cruel remarks toward me much of the time. Others he worked around did not really like him either because of his character.

I found when I prayed for him he became easier to deal with. I remember one day being at work and the Holy Spirit told me to look at some of the good attributes he had and how the Lord loved him as much as he loved me.

This man eventually found a new job and moved on. He still comes back to visit at work but I don't feel any resentment for him. It is not easy to work with someone you don't particularly care for.

[JcDean78]

You know what, you made a great point. All this time I have been praying about ME and my situation but I do not believe I have prayed for her. You are 110% right, I need to pray for HER!

[skalenfehl]

I may be coming a bit late, but this topic might also help you...

http://www.lds.net/forums/advice-board/12334-how-forgive-but-not-forget.html

[JcDean78]

Well what a day and prayer change can mean. Today the person in question was let go when our workforce got trimmed for non essental positions. Now that she is gone I feel really bad for her. Even though she was hatefull to me, I feel awful for the position she is now in. I am going to continue to pray for her and hope for the best for her.