Repentant1 Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 My wife and I have been married for 23 years (temple marriage). A couple years ago we hit a rough patch in our marriage that has taken a long time to work through together. But things are better now than ever. Now my wife wants us to renew our marriage vows as a symbol of our recommitment to each other. I have heard that the church discourages civil marriage ceremonies after having been sealed in the temple. I wouldn’t mind doing that, but I think I heard a talk by a General Authority who said that it mocks the sacred temple ceremony. I mentioned that to my wife, but she doesn’t care and insists on us having a recommitment ceremony, whether it’s in weekend in Vegas or by some other recognized, (legal) means. I have been stalling on this, but now she has pretty much given me an ultimatum. She expects us to have a recommitment ceremony this year. So, what should I do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I don't believe they discourage that.....it can be done....I did one once right in the RS room.....had a couple that wanted to do the same thing you are talking about..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Keep in mind....its up to your Bishop..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 something to consider.... my husband and i try to go and do sealings every yr around our anniversary. kinda a way of remembering and recommitting. i know we are doing it for someone else but we get to listen to the words and hold hands over the alter (we were married in the temple closest to us so it's often in the same room we were married). how close do you live (and how often do you get to go) to the temple you were sealed in? is there a special temple she's always wanted to visit? plan a special trip (she mentioned vegas, surely this could be just as accetable) for just the two of you, like a second honeymoon, where you visit several temples; do sealings, just sit in the celestial room afterwards and partake of the spirit. you could go and spend all day at one of the temples (hubby and i did this on our honeymoon, it was neat), start in the baptistry together, do some confirmations, initiatories, meet up in the endowment room, finish with sealings and then just sitting in the celestial room holding hands and being together. i can't imagine a better recommitment than going through the motions of it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sensibility Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 What exactly does she want? A public declaration? A personal affirmation that you're still committed to her? Does she want to throw a party?My husband's family aren't members, so they, of course, weren't able to attend our sealing. We're planning to have a ring ceremony for them, so we're facing the same issue; I think it'd be disrespectful to have a 'remarriage' ceremony, as if we were implying that the temple were insufficient, but we can't just stand there and swap rings.I like the Church of England text for 'Thanksgiving for Marriage'; this is the ceremony they use for recommitment ceremonies. There's no exchange of vows, it just recalls the vows that have already been made and affirms that the couple are still committed to them. I think this is a good balance, and if we ever get around to a ring ceremony, I plan to follow that basic pattern. You can find the text here , as an example of how they did it.Personally, if my husband and I felt like doing a renewal (we're only two months married, so we're not quite there yet ), I think we'd probably take a special trip to the temple to do sealings, to help us remember our own covenants.I've also heard that we renew all covenants when we take the sacrament, as our promise to keep God's commandments includes a promise to keep our covenants. So in that sense, we all renew our marriage commitment every week. Probably not quite the sort of ceremony she's thinking of, though. Also, as you're still married, a recommittment ceremony will have zero legal effect, no matter where it's done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I agree Gwen, go to the temple and do some sealings. This is a symbol of same process for temple wedding. Good luck. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Repentant1 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Thankfully, we're still married. Good suggestions. And frankly, I have already thought of those. Maybe I should have mentioned, that unfortunately, we have slipped into inactivity lately and don't hold current temple recommends. Even if we held recommends, I don't think going through the temple for others, while still very meaningful, is personal enough for us at this time. Ultimately I want us to return to the temple and do everything mentioned, but that's going to take some time. My wife won't go back to church right now because of some things that have happened, but we're working on those aspects. Hopefully her heart will soften in time. She doesn't necessarily want a public decloration, a private ceremony would be fine. Just a formal ceremony where we exchange (renew) our voes again. We purchase new wedding rings last year. We talked about a ring ceremony, but that hasn't happened. She insists on some kind of formal ceremony to recommit and renew what we promised each other so many years ago. I'm fine with that, but I don't want to do something that I've heard mocks our original covenants and sealing in the temple. I haven't approached our bishop, because of I don't think he'll be receptive. And the only thing I have really thought of (short term) is a quick Vegas style wedding. You know, fun and festive at the same time and keeping things light. Thanks for your comments and suggestions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elgama Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 How about buying new rings and having a ring exchanging, somewhere meaningful to both of you ? we are hoping to do it for our next wedding anniversary. -Charley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faded Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 (edited) Thankfully, we're still married.Good suggestions. And frankly, I have already thought of those. Maybe I should have mentioned, that unfortunately, we have slipped into inactivity lately and don't hold current temple recommends. Even if we held recommends, I don't think going through the temple for others, while still very meaningful, is personal enough for us at this time.Ultimately I want us to return to the temple and do everything mentioned, but that's going to take some time. My wife won't go back to church right now because of some things that have happened, but we're working on those aspects. Hopefully her heart will soften in time. Having just hit the disastrous tail end of spousal inactivity, I can understand this part very well. It's tough when your wife won't go to Church. Are you able to go on your own? Truthfully, the best thing you could be doing for your marriage is working to address the inactivity and working to build the spiritual aspects of your marriage. You were married in the temple for time and all eternity, conditional upon your faithfulness. If going to Church is not currently an easy option, how are you doing at everything else? --Praying together--Reading Scriptures Together--Doing Spiritually uplifting things together--Reading good books together--Spending quality time togetherDoes she still believe in the restored gospel? Do you? What do you have to build on? Does she eventually want to get back to Church?She doesn't necessarily want a public declaration, a private ceremony would be fine. Just a formal ceremony where we exchange (renew) our voes again. We purchase new wedding rings last year. We talked about a ring ceremony, but that hasn't happened. She insists on some kind of formal ceremony to recommit and renew what we promised each other so many years ago. I'm fine with that, but I don't want to do something that I've heard mocks our original covenants and sealing in the temple.I haven't approached our bishop, because of I don't think he'll be receptive. And the only thing I have really thought of (short term) is a quick Vegas style wedding. You know, fun and festive at the same time and keeping things light.Thanks for your comments and suggestions!What I would have suggested would have been to request that your Bishop do something simple for and that you follow it up with going to the temple and doing some sealings -- this is as close to an exact copy of your actual marriage that you could get. Because it is not pronouncing anything other than a symbolic rededication to each other, I don't know that a Bishop would necessarily have a problem with it. It is possible that there is some instruction against that sort of thing, but not that I'm aware of. If possible, I would think making D&C 132:19 part of whatever unofficial ceremony would be the best you can do under the circumstances to remind yourselves of your actual marriage in the temple. That verse is your eternal marriage contract with the Lord. Outside of actually attending the temple and doing sealings, I can't think of anything that would better re-emphasize your actual marriage covenants. If you do go the route of a Las Vegas chapel ceremony, I promise this would NOT be their most unusual request ever. Then again, this may not fit your circumstances. Hopefully it helps. If not, simply disregard my thoughts. Edited January 20, 2009 by Faded Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 i'm not sure i follow what specificly she is looking for. sorry if i'm just missing the obvious. i don't know (nor am i asking you talk about it here) what your struggle was but all i can figure is she wants to see some kind of effort from you. she wants to see you (or be able to herself) go somewhere, do something, that is inconvieniant for you that will "prove" your recommitment is more than words..... am i way off base? my paraphrased version of something i heard recently..... the phrase "burry the hatchet" comes from native american times when two tribes would have a conflict. the two most important ppl would come to an arrangment of how to settle it. they would then go together and burry a hatchet that symbolized their conflict. once the issue was burried if either of them wanted to revisit that specific conflict they have to actually go get the hatchet they burried and take it to the other person. what if you did something like that? pick something that symbolizes the struggles the two of you faced. go somewhere special, share your recommitment to eachother, burry it and let go of that past. follow it up by going somewhere romantic and begin your "new" life together. go somewhere big, make it another honeymoon. unless she just wants other witnessess keep it personal, just the two of you. but if i've totally missed the point then i'm way off base and all this is just stupid. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted January 20, 2009 Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 After all you have shared, I say, go to Las Vegas, a great place to show marital commitment and renew your vows there. I dare say without knowing you that having a do over in a civil ceremony is probably the least of your making light of your temple vows of marriage. Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 I forgot to mention that the couple I did a ceremony with....one was a member and the other was less active.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemidakota Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 something to consider.... my husband and i try to go and do sealings every yr around our anniversary. kinda a way of remembering and recommitting. i know we are doing it for someone else but we get to listen to the words and hold hands over the alter (we were married in the temple closest to us so it's often in the same room we were married).how close do you live (and how often do you get to go) to the temple you were sealed in? is there a special temple she's always wanted to visit? plan a special trip (she mentioned vegas, surely this could be just as accetable) for just the two of you, like a second honeymoon, where you visit several temples; do sealings, just sit in the celestial room afterwards and partake of the spirit. you could go and spend all day at one of the temples (hubby and i did this on our honeymoon, it was neat), start in the baptistry together, do some confirmations, initiatories, meet up in the endowment room, finish with sealings and then just sitting in the celestial room holding hands and being together. i can't imagine a better recommitment than going through the motions of it all.Exactly...nothing brings back a greater peace of a marriage bond when kneeling across the alter from each other and looking into each other eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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