Keeping tabs on kids' computer use

[unixknight]

When you purchase the latest NetGear 'N' router, it has the same logging status and e-mail alerts.

But if I do that, how can I have any fun improving my skills?

But seriously, thanks.

[Maxel]

For anyone hesitant about this idea and views if as a violation of a child's right to privacy, or not enough trust, or what-have-you:

I wish my parents had had something like this on our computers, and especially my personal one in my room. It would have helped save me from a lot of degrading material I perused (including pornography).

[RachelleDrew]

Simple. First, the Ex will be aware. Since we're the parents, and they're the kids, they only have rights through us, the parents. We can monitor their computers any way we see fit.

Thanks for that information. I was under the impression she was not going to be aware, that was why I was concerned.

If that's the case, then I don't see any problem with it.

[cullenh]

Ok this is an easy one for me..... my husband and I over a year ago had a feeling that something was wrong or going on with our oldest son and so I ended up doing major monitoring, snooping as well as detective work and it all paid off because our instincts were right on and after doing all we could on our end such as counseling the whole bit we ended sending him to a school/intreatment program out of state it was toughest decision we had to make as parents for more reasons than one..... he was there over a year and back home and even though hard emotionally, physically and financially we have no regrets and in a nut shell if we had not done what we did we would have lost him by now and I could not have lived with myself if that had happened!!!!

[InnerGold]

Part of parenting is setting boundaries. I would be extremely concerned as to their history on the web. Most young men become addicted to pornography at 6 to 8 years of age. I applaud your desire to stay involved as a parent.

I know my brother has lost some of his strength in the Gospel and has allowed his kids to do things, that before, they would get a whoopin for watching.

Press forward, in being involved and maintaining the strength in their lives.

[ruthiechan]

I would be interested in this. Well, it's for my mother, my little one is only five.

[Mahone]

I want to also point out for the more technical among us: Welcome to Express 3.0! - SmoothWall.org

Smoothwall express does all the things unixknight's C program will do, plus a lot more. It's also free. Not to mention smoothwall works at the network level, at opposed to the local level, so there is no chance of more technically minded kids being able to bypass the program. Smoothwall is used in many schools and colleges around the world. It also has a free addon called dansguardian which is a free filter, which is also very common in schools and colleges - we use it in the college I work for.

As for the discussion on parents watching what their kids are doing, by all means keep an eye on them, but be careful how much you snoop on them and don't prevent them from accessing too much. I know some parents ban all forums, chatrooms etc. when this is not always a good thing.

I've been extremely interested in computers since I was 11 or 12 years old. When I was about 16, my mum thought I was using the internet far too much and attempted to ban me completely (the only potentially questionable thing I was doing was visiting an lds chatroom - I definately wasn't visiting any dodgy sites). She didn't and still does not understand the internet or computers in general, so instead of trying to learn, she just banned me from what she was unfamiliar with. A completely understandable reaction from a parent, she didn't understand it, the authorities were saying it can be dangerous and I was spending a lot of time on it, so she completely disallowed any access to a computer with an internet connection. She didn't see any need to have access to the internet as it was not something she had ever had to do as she grew up (it didn't exist obviously). Any access I absolutely needed to have, I was watched by a member of the family as I worked.

Now that ban only lasted two or three months, mainly because I didn't stop complaining, not to mention I had access at school which she knew she couldn't stop me using. While her reaction was understandable, she made a very stupid decision. Because of her lack of understanding and her refusal to learn, she could have made a very negative difference in my life had I not complained about her desicion as much as I did. I've already said on this forum that I work in IT and love the work that I do. However the majority of the knowledge that I have, has been gained from researching on the internet. Had I been banned for years as a teenager from accessing the internet, like my mum would have ideally wanted at the time, I would never have gained that knowledge and most likely would not be where I am now and that would likely have a drastic effect on my career.

I just wanted to point this out. Don't stop things for your kids because you don't understand it. Instead try and learn it rather than boycotting it.

Edited April 4, 2009 by Mahone

[Heavenguard]

IF you do this, which I am strongly, strongly suggesting you not do (at least set it so it only flags or filters certain thing, I am so very vehemently against logging "everything"), that you discuss it with your kids PRIOR to setting it - not just with your ex-wife. Then tell them why, and tell them about the dangers of the Internet. DON'T betray your children's trust, please! I beg this of you for both their sake and yours!

Teach your children, show and share with your children. Trust in them and the relationship you have between you. Do not invade their privacy, they WILL resent you for it, and you will have broken their trust in you. After you've broken their trust, it will be so hard for you to gain it back, and then from that point, any teaching you give will fall on deaf and rebellious ears.

If the situation arises that your children do indeed visit questionable sites, or have less-than-inspiring conversations, and you bring up your "evidence" in logs and then proceed to confront them, what do you think will happen?

It is so much better (in terms of personal trust and its betrayal, but still setting boundaries) to set up filters and blockers on the front end, that prevents the searching and loading of "bad" websites. It is up-front and not secretive, known to them to be for their own protection (even if they think you're being too strict), and it stops them beforehand, rather than you finding out about it after the fact.

Trust me, a kid remembers, and it's difficult to recover from a sense betrayal, and the idea that a parent failed you personally - I am attesting to this personally from my own experience. My relationship with my mom is "civil", but if someone asked me if I loved her, I honestly don't know what might be the answer. And I'm not alienated from my mother, I live at home. And it's not as though I want to have a difficult relationship with her, I just can't get past how she still is, the things and way she thinks, even if her intentions are "good".

Your kids already come from a "broken home", please don't set up the situation where they may lose their trust in their father! This is so much more than calling your children back into the house to put on a helmet, there is no issue of trust there.

[Guest]

How old are these kids?

Okay, I'm a software developer as well and my husband is a server/network administrator. Needless to say, we have computers all over the house. We have a 5 and a 7 year old who have computer access. Their computer is set-up so that they can only go to certain websites. But, this is not the main focus of our parenting. Because, they can get on my computer, the library computer, friends' computer, or everywhere else they can get a hand on a computer.

Our parenting is directed at teaching the kids to choose properly. Lately, we have been teaching them the good and bad of certain games. Their friend showed them adventurequest.com in their house and they came home telling me about it. I went to the site and found some games that are too violent. So, I had to sit down and talk to them about avoiding those games and they told me, yes, they know about that, so they don't play those games. So far so good. We had a family home evening several times that explained the dangers of youtube.com (a lot of youtube videos are imbedded in certain reptile sites that they have access to in their computer). We had several discussions on computer bullies. We have the same discussions on what's on TV and movies. We watched Transformers in the theater and the m-word came up which made my sons question what it meant, we had to figure out a kid-friendly explanation for it. Our long time male family friend came out last weekend with his boyfriend. I had to explain that to the kids as well.

My point is, I can't stop our children from being exposed to all these things. Our purpose is to eventually make it so that they will "police themselves" when they get to be teen-agers. Because, if your kids are teen-agers and they still don't know to avoid questionable sites so that you feel the need to play "Big Brother" on them, then the battle is already lost. And I think that is sad. If after all these preparation I am doing and the kids still choose the bad stuff, then, it is their agency and all I can do is hope and pray that they come back to the fold very soon.

Just my 2 cents.

[its_Chet]

I have used a similar program in the past. It can capture screenshots at intervals and picture quality levels you determine. It's got a keylogger. It keeps track of websites visited. You can set it up to email reports to you at work or someplace else. I don't know how it functions on a local area network since I've only got a single computer hooked up to the internet at home, but nobody in my family is able to use our computer to be naughty without me finding out about it, and I have absolutely no problem with that. I see absolutely nothing wrong with using something like this if I suspect my kids or spouse is up to something.

Doing this with the exe's knowledge to me seems potentially ineffective. If she's that lax, what's to stop her from spilling the beans to the kids? I wish you best, UnixKnight.

[tomdozier]

When it comes to using the internet, children should be taught by their parents how to use it appropraitely. They should be taught what the family standards are (and these will vary with age).

Bro/Dr. Glenn I. Latham once said that the following was not allowed: Anything that

- Profanes diety

- Glorifies violence

- Trivializes sex

These were against his family values. I agree.

By the say, it is unreasonable for children, who are by nature immature, to use something like internet maturely and wisely, when unsupervised and secluded in their room. TVs and computer screens should be in full view.

Tom Dozier, behaviorist and LDS Parent Coach

[talisyn]

My daughter has discovered anime and Anime - Encyclopedia - Anime News Network has been a lifesaver. It not only describes content but also age rates them. Even so, there have been a few that have slipped through the reviews. I am constantly telling my daughter about turning off the show when she runs across stuff that's not appropriate and every 10 minutes or so I ask her what's going on and if it's a good show. I figure if I get her in the habit when she's 9 when she's older turning off such stuff will be an automatic reflex.

[Guest xforeverxmetalx]

being 18 myself, I can kinda see it from both perspectives... I wouldn't want my parents going through my email or other private messages. I don't even like them looking over my shoulder when I'm looking at various sites.

I think a program that can pull up anything and everything from a kid's computer isn't the best idea. but I also think parents should be allowed to monitor somewhat what the kid is doing. I don't think filters are going to catch everything, especially if the kid is smart enough to figure out a way around it. so personally I think it would be better to have a program that just pulls up websites that have been visited. but don't go through everything, just spot check it every once in awhile. and definitely tell them about the program.

my parents were very lenient on the computer, the one we were allowed to use was in the basement, and they didn't really care what we did with it. it wasn't a problem, but I think it should have been a bit more regulated. I wouldn't mind knowing my dad would occasionally browse some of the sites I visited and see what I was up to, I don't have any reason to be ashamed of what I looked at. personally that would be better than them reading behind my shoulder... even if I was writing in German I'd still minimize the window when my dad walked by and watched me for a second generally I didn't even like anyone being in the same room as I was doing whatever.

anyway, just some input, hope it helped

Edited September 27, 2009 by xforeverxmetalx

[miztrniceguy]

my kids are 3.75 and 6. I let them use a computer that is not connected to the internet. what i want is something that only lets them access a few specified games on the computer and nothing else....like on my computer at work. my son, the younger, is constantly opening start menu, making shortcuts, renaming desktop icons to things like sssshhyyfjsj or other random names, changes settings etc....

I am constantly having to reset things. had to do system restore the other day.

aaaauuuuggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

[Mahone]

my kids are 3.75 and 6. I let them use a computer that is not connected to the internet. what i want is something that only lets them access a few specified games on the computer and nothing else....like on my computer at work. my son, the younger, is constantly opening start menu, making shortcuts, renaming desktop icons to things like sssshhyyfjsj or other random names, changes settings etc....

I am constantly having to reset things. had to do system restore the other day.

aaaauuuuggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Depending on your OS you can severely limit the account that your kids use. In XP you can use gpedit and file permissions to lock down their accounts. Be very careful with this. You can REALLY screw up your computer if you do it wrong.

[miztrniceguy]

Mahone, my understanding is that it won't work on xp home.

[Mahone]

Mahone, my understanding is that it won't work on xp home.

Good point! I'm not used to working with XP home, I keep forgetting how much microsoft stripped out of it. There are ways to enable both features on XP home, but if you haven't already tried it (I suspect you probably have) a much more simple way you could try is just to put their account in the limited users group. I don't remember off hand exactly what restrictions this enforces, I prefer to do things manually.

Regarding the issue you mentioned of you kid changing start menu and desktop icons, you can enforce restrictions on the all users start menu and desktop folders, so they can add/delete start menu icons to their own account, not everyones - this can be done in xp home too, but you need to boot up into safe mode and log in as administrator to see the option to do it.

[miztrniceguy]

thanks for the tips. i'll look into it soon

[its_Chet]

I like your user name, "xforeverxmetalx"

Rock on