Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Amillia+Feb 7 2005, 11:52 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Amillia @ Feb 7 2005, 11:52 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. So you admit you had let yourself go? Sorry if I don't believe you when you say it was because he wasn't treating you well. I suspect the opposite is true--you let yourself go because you took him for granted---and you started working out when you realized you could lose him if you didn't. At least that is the rule. Perhaps you are an exception. Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Jenda@Feb 8 2005, 06:11 AM I agree, Amillia. Well said.Cal, you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are on all your assumptions about women. I don't know what kind of household you grew up in, or what your current one is like, or if you are just reading all these wacky studies (done by men who don't have the foggiest idea what motivates and inspires women, either), but you really need to find some real women and talk to them instead of just making assumptions. Actually I'm not surprised that all you women are in such denial. I guess it is not a picture you want to face up to.Bottomline: Keep a man happy sexually, and keep yourself up physically and you will have a lot less problems with him. Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Blessed+Feb 8 2005, 07:32 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Blessed @ Feb 8 2005, 07:32 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 12:52 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. Last night I asked my husband how I looked in a new pair of work out shorts... I thought maybe they were too short. He looked at me and stumbled around the question and then replied "how do you want me to answer that?" I let him know with that answer he just did.It was truly THE most painful thing he has ever said to me. Our anniversary is Wed. Don't think it will be a happy one.For the record... I am 5"7 and weigh 125. I feel real inspired to let him touch me. NOT What do the workout shorts look like? Are they sexy, or do they make you look BUTCH? Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Feb 8 2005, 08:55 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Feb 8 2005, 08:55 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Blessed@Feb 8 2005, 08:32 AM Originally posted by -Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 12:52 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. Last night I asked my husband how I looked in a new pair of work out shorts... I thought maybe they were too short. He looked at me and stumbled around the question and then replied "how do you want me to answer that?" I let him know with that answer he just did.It was truly THE most painful thing he has ever said to me. Our anniversary is Wed. Don't think it will be a happy one.For the record... I am 5"7 and weigh 125. I feel real inspired to let him touch me. NOT Amen to all of my sisters above!Blessed, I know exactly what you are saying and I am sorry. I was that weight when I married and I was very pleased with myself. Please try to forget that he said that to you because pain like that only hurts the woman. Many times when woman are hurt they feel empty inside and they eat to fill a void. That is why we need to ignore comments such as those because they hurt so deeply. I find it better just to never ask how we look from them. All we have to do is wait to hear it from another man from a "look" that is cast our way. Men have such fragile ego¡Çs, which is why I said earlier in this post that it is such a sad thing for them to rely on a trophy wife to fulfill the man's self worth.I think that Cal might be practicing his court room antics on the woman of LDSTalk. Disruptive is young and has been burned by his mistakes so his words come from his short life experiences, although I am not sure what he has against our grandmothers.Women are quite simple in their needs and desires and if a man can discover what bring out her "beauty", he is a very lucky man indeed! That comment cracks me up! Talk about denial! Basically you admited that women don't know what they want most of the time---first you say women want their husband to find them attractive, but it that fails, then as long as somebody "looks" at them, they are fine.That brings up another female characteristic: A lot of women are attention freaks! Unless someone is falling all over them, they don't know who they are. Your comment illustrates that perfectly.Also, "brings out her beauty"---that is supposed to prove women are simple? What is "bringing out her beauty"? Women don't know what makes them happy from one moment to the next, half the time. How are men supposed to know? Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by yaanufs@Feb 8 2005, 02:32 PM Women are quite simple in their needs and desires and if a man can discover what bring out her "beauty", he is a very lucky man indeed! You must be having a laugh here.It is definitely the other way around. Men are simple creatures, and easy to please. Women change constantly, what they liked yesterday they don't like today, etc. Women communicate in riddles, etcI suggest you read some books by some established authors that touch on the subject of the differences between men and women. The "10 stupid things women (or men) do to mess up their lives" makes for interesting reading. They clearly elaborate on the complexities of women and the simplicity of men. Right on, Bro! Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 02:54 PM Women are quite simple in their needs and desires and if a man can discover what bring out her "beauty", he is a very lucky man indeed! You must be having a laugh here.It is definitely the other way around. Men are simple creatures, and easy to please. Women change constantly, what they liked yesterday they don't like today, etc. Women communicate in riddles, etcI suggest you read some books by some established authors that touch on the subject of the differences between men and women. The "10 stupid things women (or men) do to mess up their lives" makes for interesting reading. They clearly elaborate on the complexities of women and the simplicity of men. Are you married? Do you have sisters? Where women are totally connected emotionally to their men, men are not totally connected to their women. There ego is the key to men, and that ego is quite complicated. If a man comes home from work and it didn't go well and his ego is deflated, then anything a wife will say, is the wrong thing and nothing will please him.Of course knowing this, the simple creature that I am, I take time to find out what happened at work, instead of reacting to situations around me with the rage that was spawned by totally different situations. After a little simple chatting, I boost his ego and self-worth up again, and we have passed the possible discord that could rule the family for the evening.It is a fact, men rarely come home and say, "My ego is crushed, so watch out, anything you do or say might be held against you and bring my wrath upon you!" What? Like women always tell you exactly what is on their minds? Give me a break. It ususally depends on what time of the month it is. Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by yaanufs+Feb 8 2005, 04:35 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (yaanufs @ Feb 8 2005, 04:35 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 04:18 PM I guess raising a bunch of both doesn't count. It doesn't make you an expert on how the two should interact in a marriage anyway. Particularly when your opinion is in direct contradiction with many of the relationship experts of this world. Well all these experts have done little to help the divorce rate slow down. And everyone knows that experts are proven wrong daily. When I was a kid, permissive parenting was all the experts recommendation. It didn't take but one wild generation to put an end to that expert opinion. Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal+Feb 8 2005, 11:32 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Feb 8 2005, 11:32 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 7 2005, 07:38 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. So, you say that you currently have a great marriage. I guess that would mean that you treat your wife bad? Did I say I treat my wife badly? I may have over stated the issue a bit. Let me explain. If you ,as a guy, fall all over the woman, and make her think you can't live without her, you creat a situaltion where she will start to devalue you. It is just human nature. You have to keep her a little bit off balance; let her please you. The one who cares less is the one who is going to get the most attention.Actually, I treat my wife just fine--she is not the type that wants anyone fauwning all over her--which is fine with me, because, I need a certain amount of time to myself also--we are compatible that way. We have moments where we let eachother know how we feel, but we don't over do it.By the way, don't let anything I have said be construed as my condoning ANY mistreatment. Just don't overdo the good stuff. It makes the other person take you for granted.Does that help? I have seen men take advantage of women and women take advantage of men. But not in a good marriage, no matter how much they over did the good stuff. In fact the more of the good stuff my husband does for me, the more I do for him. We try to keep equally engaged in giving each other the good stuff as much as possible. Quote
StrawberryFields Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Amillia@Feb 9 2005, 12:03 AM I have seen men take advantage of women and women take advantage of men. But not in a good marriage, no matter how much they over did the good stuff. In fact the more of the good stuff my husband does for me, the more I do for him. We try to keep equally engaged in giving each other the good stuff as much as possible. See, now that's what I'm talking about! It's a simple concept. Quote
StrawberryFields Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal+Feb 8 2005, 11:47 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Feb 8 2005, 11:47 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 8 2005, 08:55 AM Originally posted by -Blessed@Feb 8 2005, 08:32 AM Originally posted by -Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 12:52 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. Last night I asked my husband how I looked in a new pair of work out shorts... I thought maybe they were too short. He looked at me and stumbled around the question and then replied "how do you want me to answer that?" I let him know with that answer he just did.It was truly THE most painful thing he has ever said to me. Our anniversary is Wed. Don't think it will be a happy one.For the record... I am 5"7 and weigh 125. I feel real inspired to let him touch me. NOT Amen to all of my sisters above!Blessed, I know exactly what you are saying and I am sorry. I was that weight when I married and I was very pleased with myself. Please try to forget that he said that to you because pain like that only hurts the woman. Many times when woman are hurt they feel empty inside and they eat to fill a void. That is why we need to ignore comments such as those because they hurt so deeply. I find it better just to never ask how we look from them. All we have to do is wait to hear it from another man from a "look" that is cast our way. Men have such fragile ego¡Çs, which is why I said earlier in this post that it is such a sad thing for them to rely on a trophy wife to fulfill the man's self worth.I think that Cal might be practicing his court room antics on the woman of LDSTalk. Disruptive is young and has been burned by his mistakes so his words come from his short life experiences, although I am not sure what he has against our grandmothers.Women are quite simple in their needs and desires and if a man can discover what bring out her "beauty", he is a very lucky man indeed! That comment cracks me up! Talk about denial! Basically you admited that women don't know what they want most of the time---first you say women want their husband to find them attractive, but it that fails, then as long as somebody "looks" at them, they are fine.That brings up another female characteristic: A lot of women are attention freaks! Unless someone is falling all over them, they don't know who they are. Your comment illustrates that perfectly.Also, "brings out her beauty"---that is supposed to prove women are simple? What is "bringing out her beauty"? Women don't know what makes them happy from one moment to the next, half the time. How are men supposed to know? Uh, no.Sometimes, if men are playing games and not "falling all over their wives", it can cause doubt within their wives. Women believe it or not, do catch other men checking them out. What is especially reaffirming is when the husband catches the other guy checking out his wife. It's just too bad that men feel that they have to hold back to "keep control" of the relationship.Oh women know who they are; they just want their husbands to know.There are not too many things more beautiful then a woman in love. They dress better, take care of themselves more, and they glow from the inside out.You mention women don't know what makes them happy and to a point that is true. Women are constantly diving into new projects and most have a desire to continue to learn and grow and that the reason for change. The core of them man/woman relationship is the simple concept. Just be real and forget the holding back of affection. Quote
Cal Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Feb 8 2005, 11:52 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Feb 8 2005, 11:52 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 8 2005, 11:47 PM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 8 2005, 08:55 AM Originally posted by -Blessed@Feb 8 2005, 08:32 AM Originally posted by -Amillia@Feb 8 2005, 12:52 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. Last night I asked my husband how I looked in a new pair of work out shorts... I thought maybe they were too short. He looked at me and stumbled around the question and then replied "how do you want me to answer that?" I let him know with that answer he just did.It was truly THE most painful thing he has ever said to me. Our anniversary is Wed. Don't think it will be a happy one.For the record... I am 5"7 and weigh 125. I feel real inspired to let him touch me. NOT Amen to all of my sisters above!Blessed, I know exactly what you are saying and I am sorry. I was that weight when I married and I was very pleased with myself. Please try to forget that he said that to you because pain like that only hurts the woman. Many times when woman are hurt they feel empty inside and they eat to fill a void. That is why we need to ignore comments such as those because they hurt so deeply. I find it better just to never ask how we look from them. All we have to do is wait to hear it from another man from a "look" that is cast our way. Men have such fragile ego¡Çs, which is why I said earlier in this post that it is such a sad thing for them to rely on a trophy wife to fulfill the man's self worth.I think that Cal might be practicing his court room antics on the woman of LDSTalk. Disruptive is young and has been burned by his mistakes so his words come from his short life experiences, although I am not sure what he has against our grandmothers.Women are quite simple in their needs and desires and if a man can discover what bring out her "beauty", he is a very lucky man indeed! That comment cracks me up! Talk about denial! Basically you admited that women don't know what they want most of the time---first you say women want their husband to find them attractive, but it that fails, then as long as somebody "looks" at them, they are fine.That brings up another female characteristic: A lot of women are attention freaks! Unless someone is falling all over them, they don't know who they are. Your comment illustrates that perfectly.Also, "brings out her beauty"---that is supposed to prove women are simple? What is "bringing out her beauty"? Women don't know what makes them happy from one moment to the next, half the time. How are men supposed to know? Uh, no.Sometimes, if men are playing games and not "falling all over their wives", it can cause doubt within their wives. Women believe it or not, do catch other men checking them out. What is especially reaffirming is when the husband catches the other guy checking out his wife. It's just too bad that men feel that they have to hold back to "keep control" of the relationship.Oh women know who they are; they just want their husbands to know.There are not too many things more beautiful then a woman in love. They dress better, take care of themselves more, and they glow from the inside out.You mention women don't know what makes them happy and to a point that is true. Women are constantly diving into new projects and most have a desire to continue to learn and grow and that the reason for change. The core of them man/woman relationship is the simple concept. Just be real and forget the holding back of affection. Yeah, right Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal@Feb 9 2005, 09:05 AM Uh, no.Sometimes, if men are playing games and not "falling all over their wives", it can cause doubt within their wives. Women believe it or not, do catch other men checking them out. What is especially reaffirming is when the husband catches the other guy checking out his wife. It's just too bad that men feel that they have to hold back to "keep control" of the relationship.Oh women know who they are; they just want their husbands to know. There are not too many things more beautiful then a woman in love. They dress better, take care of themselves more, and they glow from the inside out.You mention women don't know what makes them happy and to a point that is true. Women are constantly diving into new projects and most have a desire to continue to learn and grow and that the reason for change. The core of them man/woman relationship is the simple concept. Just be real and forget the holding back of affection. Yeah, right Absolutely. The problem with you Cal, is that you are a manipulator and your wife doesn't want to be manipulated. Maybe your wife is a manipulator also.Too bad. Because if you both were just straight forward and loving and giving, it wouldn't be so bad for you.Dr. Phil once said something worth while. He said: One thing I do is make sure that when my wife walks into a room full of women, that she knows without a doubt she is the best treated women in the room. (Or something like that)What women and men have to do, is make sure they are doing the best to make their spouses the best treated in the room. Forget the games, the manipulation, the control. Because all these do is destroy the potential happiness and fulfillment you can receive in a relationship.I read a book once that said if you identify the game someone is playing while they are playing it, the can't play it any more because the whole purpose and success of the game is it's not being known. Once it is exposed, it just can't be played anymore.Try identifying the games you and your wife are playing and get REAL!!! Quote
Guest curvette Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal@Feb 8 2005, 10:38 PM Bottomline: Keep a man happy sexually, and keep yourself up physically and you will have a lot less problems with him. Okay. And for the man: Bottomline: Keep a woman happy emotionally, and you will get lots of sex and have a lot less problems with her. Quote
Guest curvette Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal@Feb 8 2005, 10:32 PM The one who cares less is the one who is going to get the most attention. You are definitely dealing with a "type" here. You are referring to the "catlike" woman with which you obviously have surrounded yourself. I know many women like this, but most of the women in my circle are not this way. There are also men like this. My dad is one. The worse a wife treats him, the tighter he holds on to her. This is not healthy. Quote
Jenda Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal+Feb 8 2005, 10:38 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Feb 8 2005, 10:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Feb 8 2005, 06:11 AM I agree, Amillia. Well said.Cal, you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are on all your assumptions about women. I don't know what kind of household you grew up in, or what your current one is like, or if you are just reading all these wacky studies (done by men who don't have the foggiest idea what motivates and inspires women, either), but you really need to find some real women and talk to them instead of just making assumptions. Actually I'm not surprised that all you women are in such denial. I guess it is not a picture you want to face up to.Bottomline: Keep a man happy sexually, and keep yourself up physically and you will have a lot less problems with him. I have to say that that is a bunch of horse doo-doo. I keep my man sexually happy, and his only thoughts are on himself and his daughter. I am treated like a slave in this house. Even down to the stupid stuff.If he does laundry, he will bring up his stuff and our daughter's stuff and put them away, and leave mine in the basement. (I don't care about the putting away part.)If he sets the table, or pours a drink for dinner, he will set two places or pour two drinks (as if I didn't exist.) We often have to fight for even being noticed because men are incapable of thinking beyond themselves. Quote
Jenda Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Cal+Feb 8 2005, 10:36 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Feb 8 2005, 10:36 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Amillia@Feb 7 2005, 11:52 PM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 7 2005, 07:53 AM Originally posted by -Strawberry Fields@Feb 6 2005, 10:28 PM <!--QuoteBegin--DisRuptive1@Feb 6 2005, 09:40 PM Yeah it is quite sad. Our grandparents had it pretty well. Men respected woman and treated them like greater people than they actually were... Our grandmothers were very great women and our grandfathers treated them as they should be treated. If more men treated their wives with love and respect they would be astounded as to the care they would receive in return. Non-sense. The better men treat women, the less the men get of what they want. As soon as women feel secure, they stop taking care of themselves and pretty much ignore the guy. That is a load of C R A P! The more secure my husband makes me feel, the more I have energy to make him happy and the more I want to please him and let him know how much I appreciate his hard work for our family.I am exercising up a storm these days for just that reason. The only times I have gotten out of shape is when I have been made to feel like it wasn't worth it to keep myself up, which has everything to do with how my husband treats me. So you admit you had let yourself go? Sorry if I don't believe you when you say it was because he wasn't treating you well. I suspect the opposite is true--you let yourself go because you took him for granted---and you started working out when you realized you could lose him if you didn't. At least that is the rule. Perhaps you are an exception. You really have no idea how rude you really are, do you? When you are done insulting every one of us, maybe you will take a good look in the mirror and realize that you are a nobody who has no right to be casting such judgments around as if you are God.I personally know Blessed, and I know that she makes almost a daily ritual of proper diet and exercise. If she says she has let herself go, it means, more than likely, that she didn't exercise for the last 2 or 3 weeks, not the last 2 or 3 years.Please give it up. Quote
Guest estump Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 First...I haven't read the entire thread. I read Cal's and I had to speak. I find this idea that men will absolutely go find other women to sleep with if thier needs are not met, childish and immature. IF there was an inkling that the man I married would wimp out just to have an orgasm then he is not a man I want to be with. DH and my agreement always was...if you're gonna cheat...just divorce me first. We both will not put up with it. We saw the damage it did to each set of our parents relationships and deal w/ the aftermath of all of that still to this day. if you cheat you weave webs of hurt and deciet and distrust and loss of respect from so many people around you....especially if you have children. The way to not get divorced is to want to give your best to your partner and do what it takes to make them happy. DH and I believe this whole heartedly. Do we still drive each other crazy at times...yes. There are times when we both want to throw in the towel and call it quits. (me more than him, I am sure! LOL!) However If you make a promise...keep it. If you and Dh are not abusing each other...and have normal problems...then deal with them. Do we still get selfish and ancy for our individual needs...ALL THE TIME. It is about rewinding and refocusing. Sometimes a good argument is all we need to clear the air. Just be prepared to apologize and willing to see the other person's insight into who you are...though sometimes you have to swallow A LOT OF PRIDE!MOST of my friends are my age...around 28...been married about two years. They are heading into the same problems DH and I had. I am so glad we've been together seven years, so I can tell them...w/ work and love and charity towards each other...it is work...but worth it. It's nice to see we weren't the only one's who struggled. DH and I have been through a great loss together. We talked about our different grieving styles. We give each other space and let each other grow. Allow each other room to have friends and to explore interests.Each person will bring their own baggage...that crap will come out. Do you run? NOPE. Now I understand and feel badly about my weight gain. However my husband has been so dang understanding about it. Being in bed for nearly 13 months w/ two consecutive pregnancies does that to a girl. However, we have a deal...I lose the weight by the time I am 30 in a little over two years and he is taking me to Ireland. I am a type 1 diabetic....so I rely on him A LOT to be my coach and to support me. It's tough and wearing. I am beginning the journey to weight loss w/ the local hospital. I know if I don't like it...then he doesn't. HOwever I had some babies...and they are his children and my husband absolutely NEVER EVER bugs me about my weight gain. He may occasionally throw out a joke...but I am okay with that and if I am feeling sensitive, I tell him so. He also does not with hold any affection from me at all....and that kind of trust allows me to be openly intimate with him.Talk about your sexual needs, finances, child rearing, dreams and hopes, religion, spirituality BEFORE you get hitched. You don't want to find out some person thinks and feels differently a couple years down the road. THAT being said....people do change. My husband and I were on the same page spiritually when we were hitched. Over the years some of his ideas have changed...so we compromised. He doesn't interfere w/ the way I raise the kids and supports my church going. He supports and considers himself LDS...but he does walk his own path and I certainly respect that about him. I fully expect him to talk to the kids about his views if they ask. I am not threatened by this as I once was. I have a lot of peace about it now and I am not worried. In fact he has challenged me and I appreciate that. I will say our sexual appetites are different. Diabetes can affect that. However, I don't dismiss his feelings. We talk a lot about what we like and don't like. I find many people are just too afraid to do this. I think that is sad. We don't normally go very long w/ out being intimate with each other. It's one of the best ways for a couple to connect and it is important. Anyone who says it isn't should talk to the spouse who isn't getting any. THere have been down times where I wasn't medically allowed to have sex (while pregnant)....so you compromise and become creative. I would NEVER expect me to go w a month without sex.....I would never dream of letting my husband. Talking about sex and what hangups a person has...should happen again, before marriage. What works for DH and I may not work for other couples. It's important to be able to bring each individual back to a place of comfort and security when life gets tough. I have a tendency not to mention how much I appreciate the hard work my husband does earning the money so I can stay at home w/ the kids. We are not rich...but we do make it. We don't own a home...but we have a roof over our heads. He also is honest enough to tell me when he feels taken for granted. I try to make up for it when he feels that way and he does the same for me. It's usually when we neglect each other and forget to be consistantly kind and respectful that problems arise.Love your neighbor as you love yourself...is the ultimate way to focus on your marriage.ONE Thing I have learned is to give DH down time when he gets home from work before I start talking about what the kids have done...or what hasn't gone well in my day. I find he is totally receptive after he's had the time to relax...but if he's still wired...he doesn't want to hear it. I've learned not to be offended that he doesn't want to hear about me every second of every day. LOL! Each couple, with work can find their niche. Pray together...read scriptures....be gentle....let go of all expectations about what they 'should' be and work w/ what is. I am so glad that there is this topic today. I needed it!!! It's good to remind myself to behave more wisely and lovingly toward the man I chose to be w/ FOREVER! I have to remember to give DH a huge kiss when he gets home today! Quote
StrawberryFields Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Jenda+Feb 9 2005, 10:31 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Jenda @ Feb 9 2005, 10:31 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 8 2005, 10:38 PM <!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Feb 8 2005, 06:11 AM I agree, Amillia. Well said.Cal, you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are on all your assumptions about women. I don't know what kind of household you grew up in, or what your current one is like, or if you are just reading all these wacky studies (done by men who don't have the foggiest idea what motivates and inspires women, either), but you really need to find some real women and talk to them instead of just making assumptions. Actually I'm not surprised that all you women are in such denial. I guess it is not a picture you want to face up to.Bottomline: Keep a man happy sexually, and keep yourself up physically and you will have a lot less problems with him. I have to say that that is a bunch of horse doo-doo. I keep my man sexually happy, and his only thoughts are on himself and his daughter. I am treated like a slave in this house. Even down to the stupid stuff.If he does laundry, he will bring up his stuff and our daughter's stuff and put them away, and leave mine in the basement. (I don't care about the putting away part.)If he sets the table, or pours a drink for dinner, he will set two places or pour two drinks (as if I didn't exist.) We often have to fight for even being noticed because men are incapable of thinking beyond themselves. Oh Jenda, that is awful!Why do you put up with that crap? What a mixed message he is sending to your daughter! I think that it would be worth the fight to get him to stop. Your daughter might grow up thinking that the way he treats you is an acceptable way to be treated as a wife. Quote
Guest estump Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Jenda... That's definitely passive aggressive behavior! I should also note our marriage just went through a rough spot....it was tough, but I am glad to be on the other side of it now. I love my husband and I know that he loves me. Even with that knowledge it is STILL TOUGH. So don't get married until you know you are mature enough to handle being w/ someone 24/7 for the REST of your LIFE. I married young and for me that was good....because if I had thought about it, I'd still be a happy bachelorette! I would have never grown up. Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Quote from EStump: I find this idea that men will absolutely go find other women to sleep with if thier needs are not met, childish and immature. IF there was an inkling that the man I married would wimp out just to have an orgasm then he is not a man I want to be with. Beautiful!!! Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Strawberry Fields+Feb 9 2005, 11:02 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Strawberry Fields @ Feb 9 2005, 11:02 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Originally posted by -Jenda@Feb 9 2005, 10:31 AM Originally posted by -Cal@Feb 8 2005, 10:38 PM <!--QuoteBegin--Jenda@Feb 8 2005, 06:11 AM I agree, Amillia. Well said.Cal, you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are on all your assumptions about women. I don't know what kind of household you grew up in, or what your current one is like, or if you are just reading all these wacky studies (done by men who don't have the foggiest idea what motivates and inspires women, either), but you really need to find some real women and talk to them instead of just making assumptions. Actually I'm not surprised that all you women are in such denial. I guess it is not a picture you want to face up to.Bottomline: Keep a man happy sexually, and keep yourself up physically and you will have a lot less problems with him. I have to say that that is a bunch of horse doo-doo. I keep my man sexually happy, and his only thoughts are on himself and his daughter. I am treated like a slave in this house. Even down to the stupid stuff.If he does laundry, he will bring up his stuff and our daughter's stuff and put them away, and leave mine in the basement. (I don't care about the putting away part.)If he sets the table, or pours a drink for dinner, he will set two places or pour two drinks (as if I didn't exist.) We often have to fight for even being noticed because men are incapable of thinking beyond themselves. Oh Jenda, that is awful!Why do you put up with that crap? What a mixed message he is sending to your daughter! I think that it would be worth the fight to get him to stop. Your daughter might grow up thinking that the way he treats you is an acceptable way to be treated as a wife. I totally agree with Strawberry! Don't allow that crap! We teach people how to treat us by what we allow them to do. Quote
Amillia Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Amillia+Feb 9 2005, 09:34 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Amillia @ Feb 9 2005, 09:34 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Cal@Feb 9 2005, 09:05 AM Uh, no.Sometimes, if men are playing games and not "falling all over their wives", it can cause doubt within their wives. Women believe it or not, do catch other men checking them out. What is especially reaffirming is when the husband catches the other guy checking out his wife. It's just too bad that men feel that they have to hold back to "keep control" of the relationship.Oh women know who they are; they just want their husbands to know. There are not too many things more beautiful then a woman in love. They dress better, take care of themselves more, and they glow from the inside out.You mention women don't know what makes them happy and to a point that is true. Women are constantly diving into new projects and most have a desire to continue to learn and grow and that the reason for change. The core of them man/woman relationship is the simple concept. Just be real and forget the holding back of affection. Yeah, right Absolutely. The problem with you Cal, is that you are a manipulator and your wife doesn't want to be manipulated. Maybe your wife is a manipulator also.Too bad. Because if you both were just straight forward and loving and giving, it wouldn't be so bad for you.Dr. Phil once said something worth while. He said: One thing I do is make sure that when my wife walks into a room full of women, that she knows without a doubt she is the best treated women in the room. (Or something like that)What women and men have to do, is make sure they are doing the best to make their spouses the best treated in the room. Forget the games, the manipulation, the control. Because all these do is destroy the potential happiness and fulfillment you can receive in a relationship.I read a book once that said if you identify the game someone is playing while they are playing it, the can't play it any more because the whole purpose and success of the game is it's not being known. Once it is exposed, it just can't be played anymore.Try identifying the games you and your wife are playing and get REAL!!! One more thing, manipulation is a poor excuse for a relationship. It stems from your own insecurities. Have you tried getting counselling? Quote
yaanufs Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Is it only me that has noticed that one one side of the debate we have women telling men how wrong, how childish and self centered they are. And on the other side we have the men telling the women how wrong they are and how it is the women's fault for being so needy / sexually repressed / emotionally unstable. Top stuff. Perhaps their is truth in Cal's words, perhaps there is truth in the females words, but as long as one side continues to dismiss the views of the other then what hope is there? Quote
yaanufs Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Jenda@Feb 9 2005, 10:35 AM You really have no idea how rude you really are, do you? Of course he does. This is the internet where rudeness is a given on discussion forums because there is no comeback. Quote
Guest estump Posted February 9, 2005 Report Posted February 9, 2005 Yaanufs...don't have much time... BUT I should have said any one who cheats, be it the husband or wife to deal w/ or run away from an exisiting problem is childish and immature. I'll comment more on your post later. I am off to the dentist for a cleaning. Quote
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