Random Blowup

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

Hey yall, what's cracking? I haven't been able to visit much due to college and preparing for the mission.

But what do I do in a situation like this?

So, I have this friend that I think of as a sister. A little over a month ago our little conversations that we had randomly ended. Nothing. I wasn't to concerned as I figured she was busy, and I knew for sure that I was. But tonight I was like, 'what the hey, I'll just say hi'. So I drop her a message. Next thing I know I get a message back calling me a liar, and I'm acting like I'm in grade 2.

Me? In the dark, not a clue as to what's going on. When I ask her to clarify she says that I know, and that she's already told me what happened...that I lied about talking to her. She says sorry for some reason, I tell her there's nothing to forgive, but that I hope she'll forgive me for whatever she thinks I did. She says it's different on her side, and things aren't right anymore.

So what do I do? I don't know what happened, and no matter how many theories I can come up with I won't know unless she tells me. I still care for her obviously, but I don't know how to approach this.

As of right now, I'm just going to let it sit for a couple days, pray for guidance and for comfort for me as well as her.

[tanuvasamama]

woah...sorry, no advice here. Poor guys...chicks can be so weird.

[FunkyTown]

Hey yall, what's cracking? I haven't been able to visit much due to college and preparing for the mission.

But what do I do in a situation like this?

So, I have this friend that I think of as a sister. A little over a month ago our little conversations that we had randomly ended. Nothing. I wasn't to concerned as I figured she was busy, and I knew for sure that I was. But tonight I was like, 'what the hey, I'll just say hi'. So I drop her a message. Next thing I know I get a message back calling me a liar, and I'm acting like I'm in grade 2.

Me? In the dark, not a clue as to what's going on. When I ask her to clarify she says that I know, and that she's already told me what happened...that I lied about talking to her. She says sorry for some reason, I tell her there's nothing to forgive, but that I hope she'll forgive me for whatever she thinks I did. She says it's different on her side, and things aren't right anymore.

So what do I do? I don't know what happened, and no matter how many theories I can come up with I won't know unless she tells me. I still care for her obviously, but I don't know how to approach this.

As of right now, I'm just going to let it sit for a couple days, pray for guidance and for comfort for me as well as her.

You're going on a mission. Don't worry about it. You just had your first experience on the express train to crazy-town with the opposite sex.

Just nod and accept that this will occur. You'll be out of the running for 2 years soon.

[countrygirl66]

Hey yall, what's cracking? I haven't been able to visit much due to college and preparing for the mission.

But what do I do in a situation like this?

So, I have this friend that I think of as a sister. A little over a month ago our little conversations that we had randomly ended. Nothing. I wasn't to concerned as I figured she was busy, and I knew for sure that I was. But tonight I was like, 'what the hey, I'll just say hi'. So I drop her a message. Next thing I know I get a message back calling me a liar, and I'm acting like I'm in grade 2.

Me? In the dark, not a clue as to what's going on. When I ask her to clarify she says that I know, and that she's already told me what happened...that I lied about talking to her. She says sorry for some reason, I tell her there's nothing to forgive, but that I hope she'll forgive me for whatever she thinks I did. She says it's different on her side, and things aren't right anymore.

So what do I do? I don't know what happened, and no matter how many theories I can come up with I won't know unless she tells me. I still care for her obviously, but I don't know how to approach this.

As of right now, I'm just going to let it sit for a couple days, pray for guidance and for comfort for me as well as her.

In this type of a situation my h always says "What? What did I do?" answer, wait a day or two and you will find out. You probably won't even remember doing whatever you did. Girls are girls. Don't worry too much and keep busy with other stuff. You might even get a message from her that says something like "sorry I was having a bad day and you hurt my feelings". Take care only our creator really understands us.

[FunkyTown]

When you get back from your mission, you'll discover this isn't new. I like to call it 'Teary Girlie Mode'.

Occasionally, when things get stressful, a girl will go in to teary girlie mode. She might be in class, she may have had screaming kids in the background, her best friend's boyfriend might have cheated on her best friend and she's now wondering if you'd do the same thing.

When that happens, everything you say and do will be taken in the worst possible context. You're not dating her, so don't be too upset that teary girlie mode turned its Balor-like gaze upon you. Just relax, know that it'll pass.

[beefche]

Women...you can't shoot'em and you can't....shoot them.

Give it a couple of days. Let it cool. Then ask what the problem is. I'm sure she's being a girl and expecting you to read/know her mind. Remind her that you don't have those powers yet and apologize for whatever slight she thinks you did.

(psst...just so you know...girls do mature eventually to realize that men are not the dumb creatures we think they are when they were younger....then women realize that just as dumb the men were, so were they....)

[Wingnut]

I agree with all of the above, and also offer the possibilities that (1) she's mad you waited so long between contacting her, or (2) she wasn't paying attention and thought she was actually talking to someone else.

But more likely than #2, it's what FunkyTown suggested.

[Guest Alana]

My question is, do you know her in real life or only on the internet? If this friend is someone you know face to face, then call her and tell her you'd like to meet her to talk to her. Then find out what is up. Even if I was mad at someone I'd be willing to meet with them to talk if they seemed sincere, even if just to be able to vent my side of the story. If you only interact online (because a lot of friendships are like that, even really good friendships) then you just need to wait for her to draw herself out. You can every week or so send her a small 'hello' message, but that's about it.

Edited March 18, 2009 by Alana

[Lbybug]

my advice.....girls are crazy.

why haven't you come got your hot chocolate from me yet? *sigh*

[john doe]

Apologize. Tell her you don't know exactly what you did to upset her, but apparently it was bad enough for her to not want to contact you for a while. Tell her you still wish to be her friend and that she means as much to you now as she did before you did whatever she thinks you did.

After that, the ball's in her court if she wants to continue being angry then there's not much you can do about it. Go on with your life and let her decide if she wants you to be part of hers.

[Islander]

That girl is clearly unstable. I think the above described situation evidenced that your relationship with her is not as good as you imagined not is it equitable. Chances are you have grown apart much more than you suspect.

Beyond that, it is a racket. Holding a grudge and not telling you why is a manipulative strategy. It is a way to say "you better be nice because you owe me. You hurt me now you have to be nice to me and do __________ for me or I won't be your friend any more..."

Just let her go her way with her grudge. Tell her you are sorry and that you hope she can forgive you for whatever you did. And stop calling her so that you do not feed her game.

Edited March 20, 2009 by Islander

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

Hey bug?! You work near the Enmax centre right?!

And thanks for the advice people. I'm just going to let this stew for a few days. I have more important things to worry about....like research papers.....which are of the devil.....

[Lbybug]

hot chocolate goes well with papers.

yep near the enmax centre. across the street from montanas. across the other street from the movie mill. *nods*

[Wingnut]

That girl is clearly unstable. I think the above described situation evidenced that your relationship with her is not as good as you imagined not is it equitable. Chances are you have grown apart much more than you suspect.

Beyond that, it is a racket. Holding a grudge and not telling you why is a manipulative strategy. It is a way to say "you better be nice because you owe me. You hurt me now you have to be nice to me and do __________ for me or I won't be your friend any more..."

Just let her go her way with her grudge. Tell her you are sorry and that you hope she can forgive you for whatever you did. And stop calling her so that you do not feed her game.

I wouldn't say that she's "clearly unstable." I don't think it's uncommon for women to be upset because a man can't remember what he did wrong. It doesn't make them unstable. It just makes them women.

[GingerGolden]

I agree, we women are sometimes strange in our own individual ways, but so are men...

Me, I'd say something like.

"I'm not sure exactly why you are upset with me.

If you let me know why then maybe I could explain what I meant..."

Also, I do agree, that if she isn't giving you the opportunity to figure out or know exactly what the problem is, well, just tell her your sorry and go on about your business.

If you meant no harm and feel no ills towards her, it is her problem, especially if she won't even give the chance to find out what is wrong with her or what is bothering her.

I am also curious...

YoungMormonRoyalist, do you share a computer with anyone else who may have used it and sent her a message?

If not, well, just give it time.

Nose into your studies and time will heal her feelings.

[StallionMcBeastly]

Tell her to quit being a brat and to tell you what the problem is or go away.

That's a little harsh, but you're not dating this girl and she's being a drama queen.

[WANDERER]

Sounds like she doesn't have the skills to solve the problem, duh LOL.

The 'I've got a grudge, but I'm not telling you what you did wrong thingy'...well maybe she needs to talk it out with other people or have some head space...respecting self-imposed time-out is really the only thing you can do. You can't really force people to talk about something unless they're co-operative and they can deal with it. Obviously she tried to talk about it ...but stuffed up. The predicted conversation was you'd know what she was talking about. Explaining it was way too much for her.

So you know...you can try to open up a conversation about it; give her time to work herself out and cool down and talk to you about it; act like nothing happened at all or just accept that it's time for both of you to move on.

Sometimes it's just time to move on.

Sometimes holding a grudge and ignoring someone is a case of someone who doesn't have the skills to move on in a diplomatic and tactful way or needs some sort of feeling of justification that they are a good person even though they can't be your friend or a severing situation to get them out of a scenario that they can't handle emotionally.