With Heavy Heart

[Dee23]

My heart is very heavy as I and my family have experienced a traumatic year. I am amother of two young sons, Israel and Emmanuel. They are so precious and are a blessing to me in my life, and my daugther Serenity is going to be due in June of this year. Last year , my husband and I divorced, causing a devestation in my life that I have never felt before. I have done some things since then that I am very ashamed of, and have gotten excommunicated. I have not always been a member, but long enough to know that the truth lies within the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I cannot, no matter how much, I have tried, deny or hide that truth. I am living with my boyfriend Jason now, who is amazing, but detests the church. I am afraid to go back--I want to build a life with him and our family yet, deep down, I long to go to church and read the scriptures. I don't know why I am so afraid. I know that I would need to talk to the bishop, and would strongly dislike having to meet secretly with my visiting teachers or anything like that. I am tired of being so stressed all the time with full time school work and raising kids. I am tired of yelling at them--and being cross with them, and I know where my real freedom lies is in the Gospel. I know that I can find comfort there. I love the song Where Can I Turn For Peace? It's so powerful and really comforts me. I am not sure exactly what I need right now, but I need not to be afriad yet, there's something holding back. Thanks for listening everyone.

Depree

[Madriglace]

Follow the counsel in the hymn ... turn to the Lord in humble ernest prayer and you will have the peace you need. Once you have the peace act on it and it will change the turmoil you are feeling at home. For now that will get you on the right track. When you are stronger and can really work out what you need and where you need to be then will be the time to make the hard decisions. Good luck.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi Dee,

I wish I had an easy answer. I occasionally meet folks who look at themselves and can't quite understand why they've done some of the things they do. After hearing their stories, I've never really been able to understand it either. I've found that a good way to evaluate people, is not necessarily by what they've done in the past, but by what they are striving and working for.

Sounds like you have your head in the right place on where to look for truth, for guidance, maybe even for strength. The only advice I can give, is that you ought to keep your heart rooted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and keep striving for the strength to bring your head and feed there as well.

God bless.

LM

[Tarnished]

I have been reading The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball and one thing that he says in it is that by doing the right things, by doing the things we know we should be doing, like going to church and turning our hearts toward the Savior we can truly be happy. When we are not doing those things then it is difficult to be truly happy. Though turning toward the Savior may bring stress at first due to the feelings your boyfriend has toward the church, in the end if you persevere it will bring you happiness. Coming back to the church can be difficult, I know I am going through a similar experience myself, but it is so worth it. If you work at coming back to church you will look back years later and be very thankful that you did.

[Faded]

My heart is very heavy as I and my family have experienced a traumatic year. I am a mother of two young sons, Israel and Emmanuel. They are so precious and are a blessing to me in my life, and my daughter Serenity is going to be due in June of this year. Last year , my husband and I divorced, causing a devastation in my life that I have never felt before. I have done some things since then that I am very ashamed of, and have gotten excommunicated. I have not always been a member, but long enough to know that the truth lies within the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I cannot, no matter how much, I have tried, deny or hide that truth.

I am living with my boyfriend Jason now, who is amazing, but detests the church. I am afraid to go back--I want to build a life with him and our family yet, deep down, I long to go to church and read the scriptures. I don't know why I am so afraid. I know that I would need to talk to the bishop, and would strongly dislike having to meet secretly with my visiting teachers or anything like that. I am tired of being so stressed all the time with full time school work and raising kids. I am tired of yelling at them--and being cross with them, and I know where my real freedom lies is in the Gospel. I know that I can find comfort there. I love the song Where Can I Turn For Peace? It's so powerful and really comforts me. I am not sure exactly what I need right now, but I need not to be afraid yet, there's something holding back. Thanks for listening everyone.

Depree

Bolded the parts that are concerning to me. Okay, so Jason hates the Church. What of it? Has he forbidden you to have anything to do with the Church? If he has, he loses some serious points in my book. It ain't much of a man who tells the woman in his life what she can and cannot do, especially when he hasn't even had the decency to marry yet. If you would need to sneak around in order to participate in the Church and it's because of Jason, then Jason isn't much of a man at all.

Now what I'm hoping is that this is not the case and that you are just being nervous over nothing. If that is the case, then it would be wrong for you to do anything less than making yourself and your family as happy as possible. You know the first step. Do not be afraid. Any fear you feel now is there because Satan loves to use fear to keep you miserable. 2Nephi 2:27 " 27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself. " The devil wants you to stay miserable for the rest of your life. God wants you to be happy. You get to pick which one you want to be. All you have to do is choose to overcome your fears and start down the path to repentance. Can you think of anything more worthwhile than being reconciled with God and being truly happy again??

[Cadley]

Dee--

I agree with Faded. Whether he wants to be involved with the church himself is his decision, but he has no right to hold you back. I would advise that you have a sit-down with him, and explain your feelings about the church, and your need to return there to feel at peace. Whatever you do, pray, pray, pray, and Heavenly Father will guide you.

Contact your bishop to help you on the path to repentance. Don't be afraid. He will want to help you. He can also advise you about where to go with your relationship with Jason.

By backing down and failing to live the gospel, you are not only hurting yourself, you are doing a huge disservice to your children.

I have also been overstressed lately with work, kids, husband working nights. So busy, so tired. I know where you're at. H and I discussed that, and decided to call on family/friends to help with kids 2-3 hours every Saturday so I can get a break. It was really hard for me to agree with that, because I hate inconveniencing other people, but I know this is the right thing for us. So, that's one thing to consider, if you have that option. Kids are such a blessing, but they can really suck you dry.

Take care of yourself. No matter how you're feeling about yourself, the Lord loves you, and He knows how much potential lies within you. You are God's child, and he loves you more than you can fathom. No matter what you've done, He wants you back.

[lilered]

Dee23 - The simple fact is ""Wickedness never was or is happiness". I am sure that deep down you know this. Even being Excommunicated, you have a wonderful opportunity to start over. To go thru the repentance process and put your mistakes behind you. God loves you and your children and wants the best for you all, but in order for you to receive it, the choice has to be up to you.

Only by choosing light, will you find true joy and happiness. Should you choose to continue living under your present circumstances, do you really believe in your heart that you will be building you and your childrens happiness on a strong foundation?

. Good luck in your decisions.