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solomon-helaman

New temptations for the new generation. How can we help?

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Young men and young women deal with different temptations than we did a generation ago. What are some of the new temptations and what advice would you give parents for teaching their children to withstand those temptations.

One temptation that comes to my mind are cell phones. What do you do as parents to help your children avoid inappropriate texting, too much texting, inappropriate pictures and videos being sent, and using the phone while at church or school?

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My kids are still quite young for this question, but I've already made up my mind on this issue.

They will NOT be allowed a cell phone that can take, send or receive any pictures.

While they are a minor, they will use the cell phone that I allow them to use. When they are 18, that's different.

This is for them, but it's also for me. If my kid gets some inappropriate pictures of their classmates, that's child pornography. My kid could be sent to jail, but SO COULD I.

As far as texting, I haven't quite pre-planned that one yet. For me, texting is a pain on a 9 digit keypad. I prefer using my Treo. So, if I keep them to the 9-key pad that is incapable of sending pictures, the phone should be ancient enough that they won't WANT to text on it.

Use for calling home and friends only.

Using the phone at church? Well, I need to set a better example first. (I've checked Facebook during a high council speaker before!)

Cell phone during school? Well, if it's taken away for inappropriate use, that's their problem. (It will need to be returned to me, not held by the teacher.)

More things to think about in advance.

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I'm not sure I'd agree the temptations are new, they just have different clothing. The temptation to be lewd for instance just has another outlet. Before cell phones kids would talk etc. The new approach to age old temptations does make them easier to do without being notice and thus facing negative societal pressure to not do such though.

Personally I think the key is to help them understand that texting your friend during the sacrament isn't any different then talking to him during the sacrament except you may disturb a few less people, the result on your spirituality is the same. Texting dirty jokes or inappropriate pictures is no different then doing it in person and so on.

Just my 2 cents (which isn't worthy much these days anyway).

As far as texting, I haven't quite pre-planned that one yet. For me, texting is a pain on a 9 digit keypad. I prefer using my Treo. So, if I keep them to the 9-key pad that is incapable of sending pictures, the phone should be ancient enough that they won't WANT to text on it.

T9 texting baby! I don't have a thumb keyboard on my phone, I can still text handily with it and don't find it such a hassle that it discourages me from texting.

Edited by Dravin
Avoiding back to back posts.

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I teach high school age kids and if you live in a half way nice neighborhood they will demand the nicer toys. I know that some parents are savy enough to use their phone plan to control when their children use texts and phone calls. They can also view the numbers called, and view the text messages sent. I agree example is important. We should use technology in moderation. My children are young too, but I don't know if I would be ready to limit them from making the choice of using newer technology.

Dravin you make an interesting comment that the temptations are not new, but rather the outlets are. So, I should change the title of this topic to what are some of the new outlets are youth are dealing with?

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My children are young too, but I don't know if I would be ready to limit them from making the choice of using newer technology.

What's right, isn't always popular.

What's popular, isn't always right.

Remember, you'll can't STOP receiving an inappropriate picture if someone sends it to you.

You can choose not to look at dirty magazines, not participate in gossip, surf responsibly on the net. But some things you need the right CONDUIT to do.

If they don't have the right CONDUIT, they can't use it.

My kids are allowed to "hate me" for it, as long as they know that I love them.

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Dravin you make an interesting comment that the temptations are not new, but rather the outlets are. So, I should change the title of this topic to what are some of the new outlets are youth are dealing with?

Naw, I've just got the soul of a nitpicker combined with a muser. It results in all kinds of comments that don't necessarily have all that much to really do with the topic, they're just things that pop into my head while reading. Think of it as a damaged brain finger filter if you'd like. :)

Edited by Dravin
Now if only I'd nitpick my spelling before posting better.

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Young men and young women deal with different temptations than we did a generation ago. What are some of the new temptations and what advice would you give parents for teaching their children to withstand those temptations.

One temptation that comes to my mind are cell phones. What do you do as parents to help your children avoid inappropriate texting, too much texting, inappropriate pictures and videos being sent, and using the phone while at church or school?

From the perspective of someone who has grown up with this technology, taking away all new technology that could possibly be used inappropriately (or severely restricting it) will not take the want away, only delay (and, in some cases, amplify) it until they can buy their own technology. The key is to teach children so that they organically develop a want to use technology appropriately. Give them a little trust, then once they earn it give them a little more. Soon enough they will want to earn your trust. In order for this to work, a parent has to be willing to have a little faith in their children. In a zero-trust, zero-reward environment this organic want to do good will never develop.

EDIT: The outlets haven't changed much, they've just gotten faster. :P

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I started a similar thread.

I am thinking that it comes down to discussing and defining what is sacred. Your body, your spirit, your testimony...

Being in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.

I might also echo something a neighbor once said to my husband and I: When dealing with teens--they are guilty until proven innocent.

Because their brains and responses are not yet mature, we err on the side of love and caution.

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From the perspective of someone who has grown up with this technology, taking away all new technology that could possibly be used inappropriately (or severely restricting it) will not take the want away, only delay (and, in some cases, amplify) it until they can buy their own technology. The key is to teach children so that they organically develop a want to use technology appropriately. Give them a little trust, then once they earn it give them a little more. Soon enough they will want to earn your trust. In order for this to work, a parent has to be willing to have a little faith in their children. In a zero-trust, zero-reward environment this organic want to do good will never develop.

EDIT: The outlets haven't changed much, they've just gotten faster. :P

Totally agree!!! Letting them earn trust seems to be the best approach. It is important in that process to help them understand the consequences of their decisions and then follow up with them.

I also love the edit.:D

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Young men and young women deal with different temptations than we did a generation ago. What are some of the new temptations and what advice would you give parents for teaching their children to withstand those temptations.

One temptation that comes to my mind are cell phones. What do you do as parents to help your children avoid inappropriate texting, too much texting, inappropriate pictures and videos being sent, and using the phone while at church or school?

Well simple fix for the cell phones is not give them one at all. Let them wait until they can get one on their own. If you do get them one, get a plain one with no camera or texting. And issue it to them at times when they won't be distracted by it.

New temptations: trendy clothes that are revealing-from the start, help them realize that their worth is not determined by what they wear or what they have.

Music: allow only uplifting music in your home. If they happen to hear inappropriate/vulgar music outside the home they will be bothered by it more than if they are used to similar music at home.

Movies: don't allow any R movies in your home.

Obviously you can only set an example and determine what is allowed in your home. They still have their agency and may or may not hold to the level of standards set in your home.

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I think what parents must teach to the children all the time is respect to all people, not to use foul language and to be kind. Especially see that you are behaving so that the children can learn from your behaviour. Watch what you are sayong and how you are saying it... smal easr are everywhere! Price them when they do right things and correct them, when they do stupid things. Just simply say : we dont... swear (fex).... I hope you never ... send an unkind text (fex). I noticed beginning with thise words gives you a lot more, than ... why cant you... why must you...

Teach them to do unto others, what they want others do to them!

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i do not think the medium is the problem - teach a child respect for themselves and their body, teach them excitedly about the importance of the Law of Chastity and a phone with an internet connection and camera will not be the problem. Giving them the information and confidence to say NO is more important like Joseph Smith said teach them correct principles so they can govern themselves.

My Mum taught me sex education and my brother from when we were little - I chose to remain chaste until 15 and I got baptised and my brother didn't HOWEVER both of us made our choices with our eyes opened neither of us felt pressured to anything we did not want to do.

For me teaching children about chastity starts the moment they are born by us respecting their bodies, as my children have grown they are now 5 and 2, I do baby massage where you ask them before you massage each part is it OK to do so by about 10 weeks old they are capable of telling you, mine have been taught about the importance of the body, we have a relaxed attitude towards the body in the home, but because of that mine mostly understand that you behave differently in front of different people. I did need to explain to both of them that using the toilet when the plumber was fixing the bath was not appropriate lol but 6 months on both are showing signs they know when to cover up. For 6 months I have had a personal carer who gives me a bath, my son knows this and usually see's her car and takes his clothes off before she was in the house, however this week she had a trainee with her, so he waited until we were in the bathroom to undress and refused point blank to leave the bathroom without a towel wrapped round him. The other day at my brother's house he was happilly running round refusing to put his nappy on, he heard my brother come down with his friend who my son didn't know and next thing I know he has put his nappy on by himself. At 5 and 2 both are gaining a good grasp of modesty and when its Ok to be naked and when its best to be covered up,

I personally believe if you have a teen who does not understand they are precious to their Heavenly Father, he created them and loves them, and they are likely to misuse a phone etc then your teaching has failed and no amount of keeping them away from things will prevent immodest behaviour, they will find another outlet or use a friends. A child that knows to say NO won't be looking for a way round things

I am personally very excited about the Law of Chastity its beautiful physically and emotionally growing up it gives you strength, security, it gives you better relationships with boyfriends and removes a lot of pressure.... it does upset me that adults in the church struggle with the fact that the Law of Chastity is exciting and beautiful even if you are not LDS.

I might also echo something a neighbor once said to my husband and I: When dealing with teens--they are guilty until proven innocent.

This I really disagree with - one thing reading about the way our prophets teach their children comes up again and again is their children felt they were expected to behave well. I believe to have high expectations of our children is important, to expect them to behave well.

-Charley

Edited by Elgama

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What are some of the new temptations and what advice would you give parents for teaching their children to withstand those temptations.

* Maturity and important-decision making centers of a person's brain aren't done maturing until the early-mid 20's. Therefore, taking the "I trust them totally to make up their own minds to (avoid addictive substances/not text pictures of their genitals/say no to nookie/load up a car with friends and drive responsibly/etc" attitude, is ignoring reality and risking a problem. Set appropriate boundaries, and follow up on stewardships often.

* Not understanding how that electric gizmo works that your kid is umbillically attached to for 10 hours a day, is the same thing as breaking suggestion #1. For pete's sake, know how the internet works. Know how to check a browser history, and know how to know it's been deleted. Know how to check their outgoing and incoming messages and pictures.

* Kids need a safe place - a place of stability where they can be themselves without fear or guilt. If you don't provide it, they'll go find it far away from you. This could be a good or a bad thing, relative to whether you're a good parent or not, and relative to the quality of people they choose.

* If you get queasy about moral distinctions like "good parent" or "bad parent", you ought to mature a little yourself. Your kids probably have no problem making righteous judgements, why do you?

LM

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