My Mom's gone crazy!!!

[LolaBella]

I really dont know what to do here, I wonder if I can get some advice.

My Mom has never really been strong in the church, but has always acted like she's happy there. I know a lot of it is a front to please me. Well, I know she drinks but I heard from my brother that she has 'tried' a cigarette. I am not naive enough to think thats all she's done, I believe she has taken up smoking again. (She smoked A LOT before she joined the church). She has very bad asthma so why she would do something so irresponsible and stupid I dont know.

This has all got worse since she got friendly with the neighbors and she goes over there every weekend and in the week too where they all have BBQs and they have a bar and they basically all sit and drink.

The Bishop of her ward called me the other night and said she hasnt been at church for weeks, and was avoiding all calls from ward members. In my heart I know she has stopped going for good but this upsets me greatly. I texted her to ask her what was going on and she said, 'oh a few reasons, I'll call you later' which she didnt.

I'm going to call her tonight to find out whats going on but Im not sure how to approach it without sounding judgemental or preachy, as I know she thinks I am judgemental and thats why she hides everything she does from me, its like she has a double life but the only one she's fooling is herself.

Edited June 18, 2009 by LolaBella

[pam]

I don't have any words of wisdom or advise..but isn't it ironic how the tables turn sometimes when it's the child trying to counsel the parent?

[lestertheemt]

First and for most your mother isn't crazy, she is just making choices that you don't agree w/.

My father is a Jack Mormon, he has his coffee and his beer and yes on occasion a shot of hard liquor. Do I agree, no absolutely not, but I still love and respect the man I call Dad. I don't remember who said it, but I have have heard it numorous times in my life that we are to "love the sinner and hate the sin."

Don't pass judgement on your mother, just love her. Wouldn't you want her to do the same for you if the table was turned.

Just my 2cents

[LolaBella]

I'm not judging her I just want to know how to approach her. I respect her choices. What I dont respect is her lying to me which she does so much that I feel theres a brick wall between us. I cant really open up to her as I know she is not what she makes out, and she puts on an act in front of me so its affecting our relationship.

[pam]

Perhaps that's how you need to approach it. "Affecting our relationship." Let her know just how important your relationship with her is to you.

[Gwen]

is she putting on an act or trying to respect your choices? i have family that drinks and such but they don't when i'm in town visiting. i went to their house for thanksgiving, there were about 50 ppl there. my small family was the minority in our religious values. yet my brother (it was at his house) stopped everyone before the meal and asked my husband if he would like to bless the food. i highly doubt they bless their food when i'm not around. i don't think they are putting on a show but respecting my family as i respect his and don't pester them about their choices.

if she is lying is it cause she doesn't want to hurt you? you need to reasure her you are old enough to handle it and would rather know the truth before she can be honest.

my 2 cents anyway.

[Guest]

With relationships, I find that there's really nothing I can do to change the other person. I can only change my reaction to it.

[LolaBella]

Perhaps that's how you need to approach it. "Affecting our relationship." Let her know just how important your relationship with her is to you.

I have done this several times during heart to hearts but she doesnt listen.

Gwen,yes they do stop, but they pretend they havent been doing it in the first place even coming up with embarrasingly far fetched excuses as to why the house smells of smoke etc. I feel that they're making a fool out of me, or dont trust me to react like a rational adult. Maybe she's scared I wont let my kids go round if she smokes, which shes right, I wont unless I am sure she wont smoke around them (My brothers son lives with them so that hasnt stopped her so far)

[Terrakota]

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Edited June 22, 2019 by Terrakota

[deals_dog]

Just be the best person and daughter you can be. Love her for who she is, your mother. No doubt in times passed she could have had her trials with you. I have been active pretty much all of my life up till about 3 years ago when I faced some personal problems, I stopped going to church and setting a good example for my family. I have been of late getting my house in order and getting back to where I should be. I thank God every day for people who have reached out their hands of fellowship to me dispite of my weaknesses. I am a father of two children (all grown up now) and have served a mission. Moms and Dads are human too. Alot of focus is directed at the plight of youth in these times. Spare a thought for struggling adults.

Love your mother unconditionally as she has loved you

[ztodd]

Better learn to accept that she will make her own choices and you will make yours- whether to love her or shun her. In general, I feel that we all do not give enough love to those who struggle- although we intend to, it is hard for us to fully accept and love people who are making choices that oppose our own values. Even those closest to us.