LolaBella

I would have had the willpower to live with someone and not sleep with them. I have wondered about this too bmy. However, I knew I would be able to live with my husband because we were in love, and I knew him well enough to know how it would be when we lived together.

AlexLyn Im in a similar position, in that my Mom drinks and hides it. She has also taken up smoking again at the grand old age of 58, and she hides that too. Its hard because although I dont live with my Mom, I cant trust her and she lies to me constantly. Even though she doesn't go to church anymore she actually thinks that I believe her when she says she still reads her scriptures etc. It must be different with a spouse, obviously, but with a Parent Ive had to learn to accept that I cant trust her. Ive told her what she is doing is damaging our relationship and if she continues her behaviour we will get further and further apart. So the fact that she continues tells me she's made her choice. With a spouse, perhaps you should have a similar converstaion. I would confront him, talk wth him. If he is repentant then you can work through it together. If he tries to deny it etc say you have proof, and if he continues to lie he is going to jeapordise your marriage. It sounds harsh but people like this need strong words and bigtime ultimatums and boundaries. Ive been there. You need to stay in control. i.e. This is what will happen if you do this, and this is what will happen if you do that. Stay strong, and stay in control. Good luck sweetie x

Hoosier I think it depends where you live. I used to think institute was for YSA up to 30. Howeve, there are several over 30s who go where I live, and I occasionally go and Im married (Im the only married that goes as far as I know). I dont see anyone in the church having a problem with people wanting to attend a scripture class

I have done this several times during heart to hearts but she doesnt listen. Gwen,yes they do stop, but they pretend they havent been doing it in the first place even coming up with embarrasingly far fetched excuses as to why the house smells of smoke etc. I feel that they're making a fool out of me, or dont trust me to react like a rational adult. Maybe she's scared I wont let my kids go round if she smokes, which shes right, I wont unless I am sure she wont smoke around them (My brothers son lives with them so that hasnt stopped her so far)

I'm not judging her I just want to know how to approach her. I respect her choices. What I dont respect is her lying to me which she does so much that I feel theres a brick wall between us. I cant really open up to her as I know she is not what she makes out, and she puts on an act in front of me so its affecting our relationship.

I really dont know what to do here, I wonder if I can get some advice. My Mom has never really been strong in the church, but has always acted like she's happy there. I know a lot of it is a front to please me. Well, I know she drinks but I heard from my brother that she has 'tried' a cigarette. I am not naive enough to think thats all she's done, I believe she has taken up smoking again. (She smoked A LOT before she joined the church). She has very bad asthma so why she would do something so irresponsible and stupid I dont know. This has all got worse since she got friendly with the neighbors and she goes over there every weekend and in the week too where they all have BBQs and they have a bar and they basically all sit and drink. The Bishop of her ward called me the other night and said she hasnt been at church for weeks, and was avoiding all calls from ward members. In my heart I know she has stopped going for good but this upsets me greatly. I texted her to ask her what was going on and she said, 'oh a few reasons, I'll call you later' which she didnt. I'm going to call her tonight to find out whats going on but Im not sure how to approach it without sounding judgemental or preachy, as I know she thinks I am judgemental and thats why she hides everything she does from me, its like she has a double life but the only one she's fooling is herself.

I would advise to date as much as possible. Date people that you dont find particularly attractive. You just never know how you will feel once you get to know them. You may become attracted to them through getting to know them. My advice to anyone is just date lots! If you really dont find them attractive or want to continue the relationship then u dont have to. Thats the beauty of being single! Ur only 27 too. It might be seen as a bad thing in the church but it isnt. You will make a better husband for it one day from the experiences you will have gained. :)

My hubby loves his consoles and the PC. I dont mind as I will join in or sit and read a book, as long as we're in the same room I dont mind. It can get too much sometimes though and if I complain he says he doesnt go on it that much (hmmm). Luckily, most of the time he is reasonable. He even asks my permission to go it sometimes!! Got him well trained lol

We always had tea and coffee in the house growing up as my Uncle and family and Nan arent members. It was just the norm. We didnt drink it, it was just for them.

I think we as members are brought up to look for almost near perfection in a man so if we dont find someone that meets these unfeasible standards we start to panic. People are human. Willows comment said it all....a non member is more respectful and its almost like a surprise...there are good people who aren't church members!!!! In fact most of the non members I know are more open minded and less judgmental than anyone in my ward. Members are just people, guys included. You will NEVER find a PERFECT man QTpie!!! Find someone you LOVE and who loves you. Thats whats most important.

I love bikinis and wear them every time we go on vacation. How else do u get an all-over tan??? One pieces are a bit fuddy for me!

If the church relies on revelation, why doesn't the appropriate leader pray for the answer? If it works then this should be a simple solution right?

No offense, but it is 2009. Live bands are not what teenagers nowadays, or even 20 somethings and beyond want to listen to. My familys complain when they have these stupid 'barn-dances' at the chapel. Why would I want to go to that?! I would want to go and have a proper dance to up-to-date music. Teenagers would just think these suggestions old fashioned which they are and might not want to come at all. When I went to YSA dances, they used to have the clothes police on the door. The woman was like a little Hitler and it really put me off going to dances knowing I was being judged and scrutinised for what I was wearing by a woman who didn't know me. I could have been digging wells in Africa the previous week for all she knew, but all she was worried about was sternly telling me my top was too low. I thought we weren't supposed to judge as members??? People really need to get over it.

Wow people really get worked up over stuff like this. I watched some of big love last season out of curiosity. It was ok. Desperate housewives is better tho . You could apply this logic to ANY film based on factual information. Surely those awful movies based around 9/11 are MUCH worse as they are cashing in on and glamourising terrorism and death. Or what about depraved torture films like Saw? From what Ive seen of big love-its not that accurate anyway, which may or may not be deliberate. Why don't the people who are wasting their energy worrying about this use it as a missionary oppurtunity? If anyone ever asks them about it then at least they have the chance to correct them if the show was wrong. Chill.

I suppose there is nothing 'wrong' with large families, I just personally fail to understand why people choose to do it!! There is no way on earth I would choose to have a lot of kids, I have 2 beautiful girls that are more than enough for me. Maybe we would like one more but deffo when the girls are older. I just dont think people from 9, 10 kids can honestly get the same amount of attention that kids from smaller families do. I cherish the time I spent with my Father as a kid, going on daddy-daughter dates, long chats, etc. I cant imagine this possible if I had 8 other siblings. A lot of the large families I know of have unruly kids desperate for attention. Not all, Im sure the OP copes wonderfully well. I just wonder at the motives thats all. I feel my girls will get the love and attention they deserve from me as it is just the 2 of them.

LostSheep, I've been through this, its tough but you will get through it. Make sure you talk with both your parents and tell them what they mean to you. One unexpected outcome of my Parents divorce was that I got a lot closer to my Dad. We talk more than ever and are so close. PM me if you like, it was a very complicated divorce so Ive been throiugh a lot of stuff. Hang in there though-You will come out the other side and be alright x

My step Mother told me 'if you're into whips and chains, then you're in to whips and chains' Basically whatever floats your boat

The Prophet is just a man and can make mistakes. If we are told to go away and pray abouit every single thing the prophet says, we could potentially get a different answer, making what theprophet says, not applicable to us. If we need to do this sometimes I wonder why we are even given specific counsel atall.

Im glad you've come to an agreement but I think this thread serves to remind me how painful and divisive marriages in the church can be. I can't think of any other church that separates families in this way from such an important time. I know you will all say its important etc, but what is more important than family? I would have a civil wedding then wait (even though its unfair-a punishment basically) to get the best of both worlds. If my family couldn't have come to our wedding, then thats what I would have done. It seems to work in Europe, so I dont see why not here in the U.S. Just my opinion, it seems so sad, fraught with stress and unnecessary.

I agree Ben, I always wanted to get married in a castle! However, why can't you get married in the chapel? Isn't that where ordinances are performed? They do in England as my husband went to a couple on his mission.

qtiepie, what an awful situation. My heart goes out to you. I havent been in any similar situations but Ill offer you some advice from a fresh person whos unbiased :) It seems like you have had tried everything to make this marriage work. Your husband is stalling. He can't decide what he wants so he is shying away from making decisions. If he only wants to talk about your marriage on his terms, then that puts him in control of the situation. You need to RECLAIM control. I would decide in your head a plan of action and STICK to it. If you want to give your marriage a final try, set him some ground rules. Tell him, if he wants to give the marriage a try he MUST: Go to marriage counselling with you Speak with the bishop (if thats what you want) STOP seeing this other woman although he will need a degree of contact with her because of the child. Tell him if you are going to ever trust him again then for the time being you want to be around when he speaks to her, or if he has to meet her, you go too. Tell him unless he is prepared to do these things, then the marriage is over. If however in your heart of hearts you dont feel it will work, you must tell him it is over, stop hanging around with him and initiate the divorce proceedings yourself. Tell him not to contact you as you need time to heal and move on You deserve to be happy in or out of your marriage so whatever you choose I really hope it works out for you either way. You are still young enough to start life again. This is just personally what I would do if I was in this situation. You must be mentally and emotionally exhausted and that is not good. Get your life back girl, I know you can do it! Good luck, (((((Hugs)))))) x x

Blessed you sound like an amazing woman. Although this should not have involved any tears if she is such a special woman!! Your son is capable of making decisions for himself as you obviously know and you are big enough to accept he is happy! Even if they never get sealed, you can be happy if your son is. And as you are having a wedding, you can make the day as unique and special for the couple as you like, and make it a day you will never forget! All the best x x x x

Of course angel :) Altho hemi wont apologize as I dont think he is capable of thinking anyone but himself is right

I think its outrageous and terrible for people to be telling this woman that what her son is doing is wrong. What happened to being non judgemental and allowing agency? *sigh* I hate this about some members of the church.

Its not a personal choice. just like homosexuality is not a personal choice then eh?